To celebrate love and happiness and loyalty and in my opinion, a little bit magic. To bring together two exceptional and beautiful human beings!
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Did Anyone Else Tear Up Even a Little?
To celebrate love and happiness and loyalty and in my opinion, a little bit magic. To bring together two exceptional and beautiful human beings!
Friday, 1 April 2011
Monday, 7 February 2011
Gossip Girls
Right after our exams, our vacations started. Alex flew off to UK to visit his grandparents and I was in Pakistan busy in a summer internship at a local hospital; Interesting story happened in that hospital which I'll blog about later.
Alex was supposed to come back sometime in the first week of July but his grandfather suffered from a brain hemorrhage and died after being in the hospital for about 72 hours. As a result of this, I didn't get to see or talk to Alex at all during the vacations. I did get mails from him occasionally of various places he's been to, sometimes accompanied with pictures. But it wasn't like I was the only one who got these mails, he used to send them to about 4 to 5 people. All friends of ours.
In August '05, our Subsidiary A Levels results were announced, I managed to scrap 2As and 1C. Screw physics! Can't reveal Alex's grades here, but I'm proud to say that he scored pretty good except for physics. Screw physics AGAIN!
A month later we welcomed the new batch of A Levels to our school. Finally we were seniors, and we had juniors. Amongst the new group of student was a girl, let's call her Rida. She was a nice girl, with the most beautiful big-doe eyes and very curly hair. Needless to say most of the guys in our class, including Alex - were hyperventilating over her. She was pursuing the subjects of Accounts, English Literature, Law and Business Studies.
The Accounts teacher at my school had a peer tuition policy. Since she was studying, teaching and working in a bank all at the same time, she couldn't stay in the school for the entire time. So in order for her students to excel, she assigned the seniors to be tutored by the juniors if the need arises. This was helpful in the sense for the seniors as it prevented them from forgetting their basics. Rida needed alot of tutoring as she had switched from all science subjects to all business ones. I don't know how lucky Alex got to be but the teacher assigned him to be her mentor. Alex did a mental cartwheel when he was given the good news.
However my story isn't you're typical gay guy loves straight guy type of thing. I didn't hate Alex for having a crush on Rida. I didn't hate Rida for being beautiful. I didn't hate Rida for choosing business as her subjects. I didn't hate the accounts teacher for pairing them up. I wasn't objecting or scorning over anything. I don't know how I got to be so freak'in mature at barely 17, but I was and I am really proud of myself. My crush on Alex was still going on but like always I chose to do nothing about it.
Like mentioned earlier, Rida needed alot of tutoring. Alex didn't mind at all. Infact this all was working alot to his advantage. Rida talked more to Alex than any guy in her own class. Infact she didn't just talk to Alex. She joked with him. She snapped pictures with him. She cheered for him louder than anybody else. And I still wasn't jealous of her. Infact I had gotten to know Rida really well. She was a very nice girl, if abit hyper but nice.
One day in the library, Alex and I were studying along with the girl who had given me the suggestion for Alex's gift. Somewhere during the conversation we started talking about Rida. "Do you really have feelings for Rida?", the girl asked.
I immediately looked up from my work. I had a feeling that Alex would reply in positive. But Alex didn't say anything. "I think he does have feelings for her. Shy boy here won't confess!" I poked. "Thinks it's going to ruin his macho image!"
This lead to a series of volleys of punches and snide remarks between Alex and the two of us. In the end Alex confessed that he really did have feelings for Rida, but told us not to leak this to anyone. "No problem!", I assured him.
However a few weeks later the news leaked somehow. I didn't tell anyone. Alex says he didn't discuss it with a soul after we bought it up in the library. There were a few suspicion questions asked once or twice from Alex by some people from our class, however Alex denied it everytime completely. The friend of ours mentioned that she may have indicated to a few of her friends that something maybe going on between Alex and Rida.
Somehow the news reached Rida, and from there to her little brother who was at that time in the 10th Grade. I don't exactly have the entire grapevine on my hand right now, nor did I have it back then. But there was a complaint lodged against Alex and his position in the Student Council was on the line. Not wanting to take the risk, Alex had his mentor duties changed with one of the girls in our batch. He was now tutoring some new kid. And just to be safe, this kid was a guy.
*Rida was not the real name of the girl Alex liked. It's a female name I like. Since she isn't going to be much a part of the blog, I figured not to make a tag out of her.*
Alex was supposed to come back sometime in the first week of July but his grandfather suffered from a brain hemorrhage and died after being in the hospital for about 72 hours. As a result of this, I didn't get to see or talk to Alex at all during the vacations. I did get mails from him occasionally of various places he's been to, sometimes accompanied with pictures. But it wasn't like I was the only one who got these mails, he used to send them to about 4 to 5 people. All friends of ours.
In August '05, our Subsidiary A Levels results were announced, I managed to scrap 2As and 1C. Screw physics! Can't reveal Alex's grades here, but I'm proud to say that he scored pretty good except for physics. Screw physics AGAIN!
A month later we welcomed the new batch of A Levels to our school. Finally we were seniors, and we had juniors. Amongst the new group of student was a girl, let's call her Rida. She was a nice girl, with the most beautiful big-doe eyes and very curly hair. Needless to say most of the guys in our class, including Alex - were hyperventilating over her. She was pursuing the subjects of Accounts, English Literature, Law and Business Studies.
The Accounts teacher at my school had a peer tuition policy. Since she was studying, teaching and working in a bank all at the same time, she couldn't stay in the school for the entire time. So in order for her students to excel, she assigned the seniors to be tutored by the juniors if the need arises. This was helpful in the sense for the seniors as it prevented them from forgetting their basics. Rida needed alot of tutoring as she had switched from all science subjects to all business ones. I don't know how lucky Alex got to be but the teacher assigned him to be her mentor. Alex did a mental cartwheel when he was given the good news.
However my story isn't you're typical gay guy loves straight guy type of thing. I didn't hate Alex for having a crush on Rida. I didn't hate Rida for being beautiful. I didn't hate Rida for choosing business as her subjects. I didn't hate the accounts teacher for pairing them up. I wasn't objecting or scorning over anything. I don't know how I got to be so freak'in mature at barely 17, but I was and I am really proud of myself. My crush on Alex was still going on but like always I chose to do nothing about it.
Like mentioned earlier, Rida needed alot of tutoring. Alex didn't mind at all. Infact this all was working alot to his advantage. Rida talked more to Alex than any guy in her own class. Infact she didn't just talk to Alex. She joked with him. She snapped pictures with him. She cheered for him louder than anybody else. And I still wasn't jealous of her. Infact I had gotten to know Rida really well. She was a very nice girl, if abit hyper but nice.
One day in the library, Alex and I were studying along with the girl who had given me the suggestion for Alex's gift. Somewhere during the conversation we started talking about Rida. "Do you really have feelings for Rida?", the girl asked.
I immediately looked up from my work. I had a feeling that Alex would reply in positive. But Alex didn't say anything. "I think he does have feelings for her. Shy boy here won't confess!" I poked. "Thinks it's going to ruin his macho image!"
This lead to a series of volleys of punches and snide remarks between Alex and the two of us. In the end Alex confessed that he really did have feelings for Rida, but told us not to leak this to anyone. "No problem!", I assured him.
However a few weeks later the news leaked somehow. I didn't tell anyone. Alex says he didn't discuss it with a soul after we bought it up in the library. There were a few suspicion questions asked once or twice from Alex by some people from our class, however Alex denied it everytime completely. The friend of ours mentioned that she may have indicated to a few of her friends that something maybe going on between Alex and Rida.
Somehow the news reached Rida, and from there to her little brother who was at that time in the 10th Grade. I don't exactly have the entire grapevine on my hand right now, nor did I have it back then. But there was a complaint lodged against Alex and his position in the Student Council was on the line. Not wanting to take the risk, Alex had his mentor duties changed with one of the girls in our batch. He was now tutoring some new kid. And just to be safe, this kid was a guy.
*Rida was not the real name of the girl Alex liked. It's a female name I like. Since she isn't going to be much a part of the blog, I figured not to make a tag out of her.*
Gossip Girls
Right after our exams, our vacations started. Alex flew off to UK to visit his grandparents and I was in Pakistan busy in a summer internship at a local hospital; Interesting story happened in that hospital which I'll blog about later.
Alex was supposed to come back sometime in the first week of July but his grandfather suffered from a brain hemorrhage and died after being in the hospital for about 72 hours. As a result of this, I didn't get to see or talk to Alex at all during the vacations. I did get mails from him occasionally of various places he's been to, sometimes accompanied with pictures. But it wasn't like I was the only one who got these mails, he used to send them to about 4 to 5 people. All friends of ours.
In August '05, our Subsidiary A Levels results were announced, I managed to scrap 2As and 1C. Screw physics! Can't reveal Alex's grades here, but I'm proud to say that he scored pretty good except for physics. Screw physics AGAIN!
A month later we welcomed the new batch of A Levels to our school. Finally we were seniors, and we had juniors. Amongst the new group of student was a girl, let's call her Rida. She was a nice girl, with the most beautiful big-doe eyes and very curly hair. Needless to say most of the guys in our class, including Alex - were hyperventilating over her. She was pursuing the subjects of Accounts, English Literature, Law and Business Studies.
The Accounts teacher at my school had a peer tuition policy. Since she was studying, teaching and working in a bank all at the same time, she couldn't stay in the school for the entire time. So in order for her students to excel, she assigned the seniors to be tutored by the juniors if the need arises. This was helpful in the sense for the seniors as it prevented them from forgetting their basics. Rida needed alot of tutoring as she had switched from all science subjects to all business ones. I don't know how lucky Alex got to be but the teacher assigned him to be her mentor. Alex did a mental cartwheel when he was given the good news.
However my story isn't you're typical gay guy loves straight guy type of thing. I didn't hate Alex for having a crush on Rida. I didn't hate Rida for being beautiful. I didn't hate Rida for choosing business as her subjects. I didn't hate the accounts teacher for pairing them up. I wasn't objecting or scorning over anything. I don't know how I got to be so freak'in mature at barely 17, but I was and I am really proud of myself. My crush on Alex was still going on but like always I chose to do nothing about it.
Like mentioned earlier, Rida needed alot of tutoring. Alex didn't mind at all. Infact this all was working alot to his advantage. Rida talked more to Alex than any guy in her own class. Infact she didn't just talk to Alex. She joked with him. She snapped pictures with him. She cheered for him louder than anybody else. And I still wasn't jealous of her. Infact I had gotten to know Rida really well. She was a very nice girl, if abit hyper but nice.
One day in the library, Alex and I were studying along with the girl who had given me the suggestion for Alex's gift. Somewhere during the conversation we started talking about Rida. "Do you really have feelings for Rida?", the girl asked.
I immediately looked up from my work. I had a feeling that Alex would reply in positive. But Alex didn't say anything. "I think he does have feelings for her. Shy boy here won't confess!" I poked. "Thinks it's going to ruin his macho image!"
This lead to a series of volleys of punches and snide remarks between Alex and the two of us. In the end Alex confessed that he really did have feelings for Rida, but told us not to leak this to anyone. "No problem!", I assured him.
However a few weeks later the news leaked somehow. I didn't tell anyone. Alex says he didn't discuss it with a soul after we bought it up in the library. There were a few suspicion questions asked once or twice from Alex by some people from our class, however Alex denied it everytime completely. The friend of ours mentioned that she may have indicated to a few of her friends that something maybe going on between Alex and Rida.
Somehow the news reached Rida, and from there to her little brother who was at that time in the 10th Grade. I don't exactly have the entire grapevine on my hand right now, nor did I have it back then. But there was a complaint lodged against Alex and his position in the Student Council was on the line. Not wanting to take the risk, Alex had his mentor duties changed with one of the girls in our batch. He was now tutoring some new kid. And just to be safe, this kid was a guy.
*Rida was not the real name of the girl Alex liked. It's a female name I like. Since she isn't going to be much a part of the blog, I figured not to make a tag out of her.*
Alex was supposed to come back sometime in the first week of July but his grandfather suffered from a brain hemorrhage and died after being in the hospital for about 72 hours. As a result of this, I didn't get to see or talk to Alex at all during the vacations. I did get mails from him occasionally of various places he's been to, sometimes accompanied with pictures. But it wasn't like I was the only one who got these mails, he used to send them to about 4 to 5 people. All friends of ours.
In August '05, our Subsidiary A Levels results were announced, I managed to scrap 2As and 1C. Screw physics! Can't reveal Alex's grades here, but I'm proud to say that he scored pretty good except for physics. Screw physics AGAIN!
A month later we welcomed the new batch of A Levels to our school. Finally we were seniors, and we had juniors. Amongst the new group of student was a girl, let's call her Rida. She was a nice girl, with the most beautiful big-doe eyes and very curly hair. Needless to say most of the guys in our class, including Alex - were hyperventilating over her. She was pursuing the subjects of Accounts, English Literature, Law and Business Studies.
The Accounts teacher at my school had a peer tuition policy. Since she was studying, teaching and working in a bank all at the same time, she couldn't stay in the school for the entire time. So in order for her students to excel, she assigned the seniors to be tutored by the juniors if the need arises. This was helpful in the sense for the seniors as it prevented them from forgetting their basics. Rida needed alot of tutoring as she had switched from all science subjects to all business ones. I don't know how lucky Alex got to be but the teacher assigned him to be her mentor. Alex did a mental cartwheel when he was given the good news.
However my story isn't you're typical gay guy loves straight guy type of thing. I didn't hate Alex for having a crush on Rida. I didn't hate Rida for being beautiful. I didn't hate Rida for choosing business as her subjects. I didn't hate the accounts teacher for pairing them up. I wasn't objecting or scorning over anything. I don't know how I got to be so freak'in mature at barely 17, but I was and I am really proud of myself. My crush on Alex was still going on but like always I chose to do nothing about it.
Like mentioned earlier, Rida needed alot of tutoring. Alex didn't mind at all. Infact this all was working alot to his advantage. Rida talked more to Alex than any guy in her own class. Infact she didn't just talk to Alex. She joked with him. She snapped pictures with him. She cheered for him louder than anybody else. And I still wasn't jealous of her. Infact I had gotten to know Rida really well. She was a very nice girl, if abit hyper but nice.
One day in the library, Alex and I were studying along with the girl who had given me the suggestion for Alex's gift. Somewhere during the conversation we started talking about Rida. "Do you really have feelings for Rida?", the girl asked.
I immediately looked up from my work. I had a feeling that Alex would reply in positive. But Alex didn't say anything. "I think he does have feelings for her. Shy boy here won't confess!" I poked. "Thinks it's going to ruin his macho image!"
This lead to a series of volleys of punches and snide remarks between Alex and the two of us. In the end Alex confessed that he really did have feelings for Rida, but told us not to leak this to anyone. "No problem!", I assured him.
However a few weeks later the news leaked somehow. I didn't tell anyone. Alex says he didn't discuss it with a soul after we bought it up in the library. There were a few suspicion questions asked once or twice from Alex by some people from our class, however Alex denied it everytime completely. The friend of ours mentioned that she may have indicated to a few of her friends that something maybe going on between Alex and Rida.
Somehow the news reached Rida, and from there to her little brother who was at that time in the 10th Grade. I don't exactly have the entire grapevine on my hand right now, nor did I have it back then. But there was a complaint lodged against Alex and his position in the Student Council was on the line. Not wanting to take the risk, Alex had his mentor duties changed with one of the girls in our batch. He was now tutoring some new kid. And just to be safe, this kid was a guy.
*Rida was not the real name of the girl Alex liked. It's a female name I like. Since she isn't going to be much a part of the blog, I figured not to make a tag out of her.*
Saturday, 8 January 2011
No Girls Allowed
I rarely remember the things that come in my dreams, but what I dreamt of last night I shall never be able to forget. Before you start thinking that it was one of the most amazing dreams I could ever have where I was making out the hottest guy anyone could imagine, let me stop you!
I was not dreaming about a guy. I was not dreaming about ANY guy. Infact I was dreaming about a girl. Yes, I had my first ever wet dream involving a girl. However I also think it will be my last. Want to know why?
My brain doesn’t like it when I dream about girls. The dislike is to such an extent that it sabotages my dreams, so that they become living nightmares. I’m not kidding you! When I woke up in the morning today, I rechecked my surroundings to see if life was still the same as it was when I went to sleep. Yeah, my brain totally kicked my first female wet dream’s ass.
It started out innocent enough. I was laying next to this blonde chick. I do not find blondes attractive. I admit I like my guys with paler shades of hair. But I prefer females in shades of rich brunettes, kind of like Hillary Duff. I loved her Dignity era make-over. Anyhow back to my dream. Strangely enough, she couldn’t speak English or Urdu. We were talking in some weird sign language. Could she be Russian?
If so, oh man! Loosing virginity to a Russian woman would be so cool. Who manages their first time with Russian lass?!
Well except Russian lads, that is! :p
So we were laying on the bed, at first just some talking going on. Eventually it moves to us getting undressed and we get on with the dirty deed. So I’m on her and basically doing everything a man does to a woman. We’re kissing! We’re love biting! We’re running our hands through each other’s hair which by the way is completely awesome! We’re humping, or I’m humping and she’s getting humped! And…my parents burst into the room!
WTF! WTF! WTF!
I can’t begin to recall how many explicit wet dreams I’ve had involving guys and not a single one of them has ever been interrupted by my parents. Not a single one!
“What the hell are you doing?”, my mom screams.
“What are you doing here?”, I reply back.
“We came to check on if you were studying or sleeping!”, my dad responds.
“Get out! Get out!”, I start shouting. Thankfully I wrapped the sheet around myself and her, even my dreams self is extremely self-conscious.
I push them out of the room and follow them out, still in sheets. “What the heck were you doing?”, my mom asks again.
“What does it look I was doing?”
“Why the hell were you having sex?” my dad asks.
“I wanted to know if I can have sex with a woman even though I’m gay!” I scream.
“Your gay?!” they respond in unison.
I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, but I recall some more fighting taking place and me screaming out of this huge castle tower, “I’m gay! I’m gay!”, I do believe my parents did something like locking me up there.
I woke up from it all with this weird spinning feeling in my head. I looked around and about to see where I was. For a moment I thought it had really happened and I buried myself in blankets. But then I remembered that I have a presentation due today and realized I have to get my butt to college by 9AM.
Whew! I’m still in the closet!
I lay back and recalled the entire dream. I don’t know why but I just did it, and then I erupted into snorting laughter. So it’s settled now, I’m meant to be gay. If I try to be straight, my brain will sabotage me and ruin whatever I am trying to do. Guess I’m stuck with guys!
Sorry girls! You have to count me out. My mind is reserving me a guys!
No Girls Allowed
I rarely remember the things that come in my dreams, but what I dreamt of last night I shall never be able to forget. Before you start thinking that it was one of the most amazing dreams I could ever have where I was making out the hottest guy anyone could imagine, let me stop you!
I was not dreaming about a guy. I was not dreaming about ANY guy. Infact I was dreaming about a girl. Yes, I had my first ever wet dream involving a girl. However I also think it will be my last. Want to know why?
My brain doesn’t like it when I dream about girls. The dislike is to such an extent that it sabotages my dreams, so that they become living nightmares. I’m not kidding you! When I woke up in the morning today, I rechecked my surroundings to see if life was still the same as it was when I went to sleep. Yeah, my brain totally kicked my first female wet dream’s ass.
It started out innocent enough. I was laying next to this blonde chick. I do not find blondes attractive. I admit I like my guys with paler shades of hair. But I prefer females in shades of rich brunettes, kind of like Hillary Duff. I loved her Dignity era make-over. Anyhow back to my dream. Strangely enough, she couldn’t speak English or Urdu. We were talking in some weird sign language. Could she be Russian?
If so, oh man! Loosing virginity to a Russian woman would be so cool. Who manages their first time with Russian lass?!
Well except Russian lads, that is! :p
So we were laying on the bed, at first just some talking going on. Eventually it moves to us getting undressed and we get on with the dirty deed. So I’m on her and basically doing everything a man does to a woman. We’re kissing! We’re love biting! We’re running our hands through each other’s hair which by the way is completely awesome! We’re humping, or I’m humping and she’s getting humped! And…my parents burst into the room!
WTF! WTF! WTF!
I can’t begin to recall how many explicit wet dreams I’ve had involving guys and not a single one of them has ever been interrupted by my parents. Not a single one!
“What the hell are you doing?”, my mom screams.
“What are you doing here?”, I reply back.
“We came to check on if you were studying or sleeping!”, my dad responds.
“Get out! Get out!”, I start shouting. Thankfully I wrapped the sheet around myself and her, even my dreams self is extremely self-conscious.
I push them out of the room and follow them out, still in sheets. “What the heck were you doing?”, my mom asks again.
“What does it look I was doing?”
“Why the hell were you having sex?” my dad asks.
“I wanted to know if I can have sex with a woman even though I’m gay!” I scream.
“Your gay?!” they respond in unison.
I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, but I recall some more fighting taking place and me screaming out of this huge castle tower, “I’m gay! I’m gay!”, I do believe my parents did something like locking me up there.
I woke up from it all with this weird spinning feeling in my head. I looked around and about to see where I was. For a moment I thought it had really happened and I buried myself in blankets. But then I remembered that I have a presentation due today and realized I have to get my butt to college by 9AM.
Whew! I’m still in the closet!
I lay back and recalled the entire dream. I don’t know why but I just did it, and then I erupted into snorting laughter. So it’s settled now, I’m meant to be gay. If I try to be straight, my brain will sabotage me and ruin whatever I am trying to do. Guess I’m stuck with guys!
Sorry girls! You have to count me out. My mind is reserving me a guys!
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Commitments and Resolutions
I do not believe in telling what I have resolved about. Firstly because I feel if you tell a resolution, it's liable to be broken easily. Secondly if a certain resolution of mine does break, nobody around me would really know about it. On the other hand if not told or recorded, they are very often forgotten. I want that when 2012 starts and this blog is still up and running strong I can do a post about how I fared with my resolutions. Already planning future posts, does that make me a visionary?
01. Stay Single - Believe it or not, this is actually my resolution. I need to stay single this year, or at least for as long as possible. It's going to be a really hard task since my heart seems to search for a boyfriend in just about every gay/bi guy I talk to. Also since I'm over Nathan, it's going to take even more of me not to rush into anything.
02. Date Guys - Now I realize that I may have confused you all abit by contradicting myself. But it's not like that. I do plan to stay single and date guys at the same time. I plan to meet them over a cup of coffee. I'd like to see what's out there and how do I fare against them. Coffee & Boys; my two favorite things of 2011!
03. Learn to Cook - I'm absolutely horrible at cooking. Absolutely horrible! I won't even invite my worst enemies over for a meal that I have cooked myself. Nobody deserves to die from indigestion. I really need to learn how to cook. My coffee making skills is a perfect recipe for battery acid. To be perfectly honest, the only thing I know how to make are those 2 minute noodles and frozen foods that just need to be fried. Yeah, I'm that bad!
04. Get Fit - I left the gym a little before my exams. It was getting too hard for me to manage my preparation and exercise schedule at the same time. I've rejoined the gym, infact I had my first session with weights today. Also I'm looking forward to learn swimming. I finally found a crystal clear pool that's uncontaminated from unpleasantness. Plus the swimming instructors are so hot. You could grate cheese off their abs!
05. Be Funnier - Am I fun enough? I believe I can be abit of a wet blanket at times. So this year it's about being more spontaneous, more risky, more adventurous - I think this would be the hardest one to do as it's something you are born with and not something you learn. Like Ryan, he's naturally fun!
06. Pray More Regularly - I was watching a religious talk show the other day. Something the host said is stuck in my head. I can't recall the exact words but he meant to say that when God calls us for prayers and we don't answer, how do we expect Him to answer to us when we call for Him?. I have started praying since past Ramadan, but I tend to skip some of the prayers at times. I need to start praying regularly. Pray 5 outta 5 times!
07. Blog Better! Blog More! - Although this is my resolution, I need help from you guys (My Readers ) on this one. I have a good deal of posts planned that I will be posting sooner or later, and certain topics I'd like to talk about. But if you have anything in particular you'd like me to post about or if you want to do a guest post, be my guest. Credit will be completely yours, I'll just be posting it for you. Everybody's welcome!
08. I'm Gay - Come out of the closet to a few important people. I have made an actual list. Right now, it contains 6 people. If I can manage to come out to all of them, it'll be a good year. If I manage to come out to all of them and not loose any, it'll be a great year.
09. Take a Trip this Summer - Go somewhere! Go anywhere! Go alone! Go with someone! Just go - as simple as that! ( I'm hoping for Canada really bad!)
10. Make some Lesbian friends - Where are all the girls? I'm seriously hanging from my last thread of hope. I need a heroine to save me!
Let's see how many I manage to keep and how many do I fall short for. Oh and 2011 if you're listening, please be nice to me! I promise I'll only have nice things to say about you to 2012! :D
01. Stay Single - Believe it or not, this is actually my resolution. I need to stay single this year, or at least for as long as possible. It's going to be a really hard task since my heart seems to search for a boyfriend in just about every gay/bi guy I talk to. Also since I'm over Nathan, it's going to take even more of me not to rush into anything.
02. Date Guys - Now I realize that I may have confused you all abit by contradicting myself. But it's not like that. I do plan to stay single and date guys at the same time. I plan to meet them over a cup of coffee. I'd like to see what's out there and how do I fare against them. Coffee & Boys; my two favorite things of 2011!
03. Learn to Cook - I'm absolutely horrible at cooking. Absolutely horrible! I won't even invite my worst enemies over for a meal that I have cooked myself. Nobody deserves to die from indigestion. I really need to learn how to cook. My coffee making skills is a perfect recipe for battery acid. To be perfectly honest, the only thing I know how to make are those 2 minute noodles and frozen foods that just need to be fried. Yeah, I'm that bad!
04. Get Fit - I left the gym a little before my exams. It was getting too hard for me to manage my preparation and exercise schedule at the same time. I've rejoined the gym, infact I had my first session with weights today. Also I'm looking forward to learn swimming. I finally found a crystal clear pool that's uncontaminated from unpleasantness. Plus the swimming instructors are so hot. You could grate cheese off their abs!
05. Be Funnier - Am I fun enough? I believe I can be abit of a wet blanket at times. So this year it's about being more spontaneous, more risky, more adventurous - I think this would be the hardest one to do as it's something you are born with and not something you learn. Like Ryan, he's naturally fun!
06. Pray More Regularly - I was watching a religious talk show the other day. Something the host said is stuck in my head. I can't recall the exact words but he meant to say that when God calls us for prayers and we don't answer, how do we expect Him to answer to us when we call for Him?. I have started praying since past Ramadan, but I tend to skip some of the prayers at times. I need to start praying regularly. Pray 5 outta 5 times!
07. Blog Better! Blog More! - Although this is my resolution, I need help from you guys (My Readers ) on this one. I have a good deal of posts planned that I will be posting sooner or later, and certain topics I'd like to talk about. But if you have anything in particular you'd like me to post about or if you want to do a guest post, be my guest. Credit will be completely yours, I'll just be posting it for you. Everybody's welcome!
08. I'm Gay - Come out of the closet to a few important people. I have made an actual list. Right now, it contains 6 people. If I can manage to come out to all of them, it'll be a good year. If I manage to come out to all of them and not loose any, it'll be a great year.
09. Take a Trip this Summer - Go somewhere! Go anywhere! Go alone! Go with someone! Just go - as simple as that! ( I'm hoping for Canada really bad!)
10. Make some Lesbian friends - Where are all the girls? I'm seriously hanging from my last thread of hope. I need a heroine to save me!
That's my list!
Let's see how many I manage to keep and how many do I fall short for. Oh and 2011 if you're listening, please be nice to me! I promise I'll only have nice things to say about you to 2012! :D
Commitments and Resolutions
I do not believe in telling what I have resolved about. Firstly because I feel if you tell a resolution, it's liable to be broken easily. Secondly if a certain resolution of mine does break, nobody around me would really know about it. On the other hand if not told or recorded, they are very often forgotten. I want that when 2012 starts and this blog is still up and running strong I can do a post about how I fared with my resolutions. Already planning future posts, does that make me a visionary?
01. Stay Single - Believe it or not, this is actually my resolution. I need to stay single this year, or at least for as long as possible. It's going to be a really hard task since my heart seems to search for a boyfriend in just about every gay/bi guy I talk to. Also since I'm over Nathan, it's going to take even more of me not to rush into anything.
02. Date Guys - Now I realize that I may have confused you all abit by contradicting myself. But it's not like that. I do plan to stay single and date guys at the same time. I plan to meet them over a cup of coffee. I'd like to see what's out there and how do I fare against them. Coffee & Boys; my two favorite things of 2011!
03. Learn to Cook - I'm absolutely horrible at cooking. Absolutely horrible! I won't even invite my worst enemies over for a meal that I have cooked myself. Nobody deserves to die from indigestion. I really need to learn how to cook. My coffee making skills is a perfect recipe for battery acid. To be perfectly honest, the only thing I know how to make are those 2 minute noodles and frozen foods that just need to be fried. Yeah, I'm that bad!
04. Get Fit - I left the gym a little before my exams. It was getting too hard for me to manage my preparation and exercise schedule at the same time. I've rejoined the gym, infact I had my first session with weights today. Also I'm looking forward to learn swimming. I finally found a crystal clear pool that's uncontaminated from unpleasantness. Plus the swimming instructors are so hot. You could grate cheese off their abs!
05. Be Funnier - Am I fun enough? I believe I can be abit of a wet blanket at times. So this year it's about being more spontaneous, more risky, more adventurous - I think this would be the hardest one to do as it's something you are born with and not something you learn. Like Ryan, he's naturally fun!
06. Pray More Regularly - I was watching a religious talk show the other day. Something the host said is stuck in my head. I can't recall the exact words but he meant to say that when God calls us for prayers and we don't answer, how do we expect Him to answer to us when we call for Him?. I have started praying since past Ramadan, but I tend to skip some of the prayers at times. I need to start praying regularly. Pray 5 outta 5 times!
07. Blog Better! Blog More! - Although this is my resolution, I need help from you guys (My Readers ) on this one. I have a good deal of posts planned that I will be posting sooner or later, and certain topics I'd like to talk about. But if you have anything in particular you'd like me to post about or if you want to do a guest post, be my guest. Credit will be completely yours, I'll just be posting it for you. Everybody's welcome!
08. I'm Gay - Come out of the closet to a few important people. I have made an actual list. Right now, it contains 6 people. If I can manage to come out to all of them, it'll be a good year. If I manage to come out to all of them and not loose any, it'll be a great year.
09. Take a Trip this Summer - Go somewhere! Go anywhere! Go alone! Go with someone! Just go - as simple as that! ( I'm hoping for Canada really bad!)
10. Make some Lesbian friends - Where are all the girls? I'm seriously hanging from my last thread of hope. I need a heroine to save me!
Let's see how many I manage to keep and how many do I fall short for. Oh and 2011 if you're listening, please be nice to me! I promise I'll only have nice things to say about you to 2012! :D
01. Stay Single - Believe it or not, this is actually my resolution. I need to stay single this year, or at least for as long as possible. It's going to be a really hard task since my heart seems to search for a boyfriend in just about every gay/bi guy I talk to. Also since I'm over Nathan, it's going to take even more of me not to rush into anything.
02. Date Guys - Now I realize that I may have confused you all abit by contradicting myself. But it's not like that. I do plan to stay single and date guys at the same time. I plan to meet them over a cup of coffee. I'd like to see what's out there and how do I fare against them. Coffee & Boys; my two favorite things of 2011!
03. Learn to Cook - I'm absolutely horrible at cooking. Absolutely horrible! I won't even invite my worst enemies over for a meal that I have cooked myself. Nobody deserves to die from indigestion. I really need to learn how to cook. My coffee making skills is a perfect recipe for battery acid. To be perfectly honest, the only thing I know how to make are those 2 minute noodles and frozen foods that just need to be fried. Yeah, I'm that bad!
04. Get Fit - I left the gym a little before my exams. It was getting too hard for me to manage my preparation and exercise schedule at the same time. I've rejoined the gym, infact I had my first session with weights today. Also I'm looking forward to learn swimming. I finally found a crystal clear pool that's uncontaminated from unpleasantness. Plus the swimming instructors are so hot. You could grate cheese off their abs!
05. Be Funnier - Am I fun enough? I believe I can be abit of a wet blanket at times. So this year it's about being more spontaneous, more risky, more adventurous - I think this would be the hardest one to do as it's something you are born with and not something you learn. Like Ryan, he's naturally fun!
06. Pray More Regularly - I was watching a religious talk show the other day. Something the host said is stuck in my head. I can't recall the exact words but he meant to say that when God calls us for prayers and we don't answer, how do we expect Him to answer to us when we call for Him?. I have started praying since past Ramadan, but I tend to skip some of the prayers at times. I need to start praying regularly. Pray 5 outta 5 times!
07. Blog Better! Blog More! - Although this is my resolution, I need help from you guys (My Readers ) on this one. I have a good deal of posts planned that I will be posting sooner or later, and certain topics I'd like to talk about. But if you have anything in particular you'd like me to post about or if you want to do a guest post, be my guest. Credit will be completely yours, I'll just be posting it for you. Everybody's welcome!
08. I'm Gay - Come out of the closet to a few important people. I have made an actual list. Right now, it contains 6 people. If I can manage to come out to all of them, it'll be a good year. If I manage to come out to all of them and not loose any, it'll be a great year.
09. Take a Trip this Summer - Go somewhere! Go anywhere! Go alone! Go with someone! Just go - as simple as that! ( I'm hoping for Canada really bad!)
10. Make some Lesbian friends - Where are all the girls? I'm seriously hanging from my last thread of hope. I need a heroine to save me!
That's my list!
Let's see how many I manage to keep and how many do I fall short for. Oh and 2011 if you're listening, please be nice to me! I promise I'll only have nice things to say about you to 2012! :D
Monday, 8 November 2010
Girl Power
Way back before Nathan had met me, there was another person in his life and this person happened to be a girl. Yes, Nathan was mostly gay. Rarely did any girl turn him on, but there was this one girl that managed the seemingly impossible task previously only female celebrities managed. They were a couple for sometime. In fact things were so fantastic between them that they had started planning a life for themselves. Their families were really good friends and everyone was expecting that this one is going to go long and go really good. Unfortunately that wasn't how it turned out. It didn't end smoothly and there was some heavy damage unto Nathan.
When Nathan met me, he was mostly over the girl. He had grown as a person and as a man, he refused to let things get to him. He told me the journey since then had been hard but it had forced him to grow up even more in many ways. He enjoyed being himself more now and mostly he had learned to depend on himself only. Our relationship was still in the early stages and one of my insecurities back then was loosing Nathan to her. Even if you take out the fact that she was a girl, it was also a fact that she was his childhood sweetheart. In every possible manner, she had the odds stack against me. If it ever come out to picking up the dukes, I would have gone down in 10 seconds flat no matter how hard I would have fought.
The society, especially my society; accepts only a man and woman in union as a couple. Anything else is unnatural and more or less of an abomination. Yes, 'abomination' is the word a teacher of mine recently used to describe any homosexual relation - physical or emotional. Nathan had repeatedly told me that he felt absolutely nothing for her now except for a natural sense of a genuine wish that her life turns out to be as she wants it to be - such a gentleman. Those words however didn't do anything to convince me. I still believed that this girl could blow out my candle with a simple snap of her fingers generated 10 miles away. Yes, I was incredibly insecure. However I didn't whine about it. Maybe it was all in my head and possibly it all would go away with time. Whining repeatedly would probably annoy Nathan as well.
My insecurity was high to such a level that once I even asked Nathan if he still had feelings for her. Denying it, Nathan told me there is a reason she is his past and will remain that way. They were really good, Nathan accepted that fact. However there were moments of doubt in his mind when it came to making the relationship work and Nathan pointed out to a few pointers in her that annoyed him. But he was open-minded enough to look over them. There is nothing here that I needed to be worried for or feel insecure about, he stated.
The same night I went over our conversation and I asked myself, why am I so insecure about loosing Nathan to her?. And then something like a light bulb suddenly lit up in my head. The other real reason why I was so insecure about this was that if there ever was an opportunity when Gracie came forward to take a permanent place in my life by my side; I would be seriously tempted everything I have just to be accepted and to be at somewhat ease.
But just like the girl in Nathan's past had closed any doors for Nathan, Gracie had done just the same with me. She had closed every possible door, leaving us to be nothing more than very good friends. We're such good friends that people have often mistaken us for a couple. We're such good friends that Gracie's mother once asked her if she's considering me for something long-term. We're such good friends that Ryan believes we can actually become one of those it couples as the chemistry is literally right there. I know it! I knew it! She doesn't! Or maybe she does, can't say!
The only way to get over this insecurity is to get over the idea that Gracie and I could be something together. The time when I opened my mouth, it was horrible. Our friendship was shattered to such an extent that I didn't expect it to ever get back to how it was. But I worked hard on it and we're back. She still confides in me. I'm still the only guy who she allows to share her plate. She is still open to considering things I suggest. So maybe that's the way things are meant to be.
We would be just really good friends. However no matter how good of a friend she will be, I can't ever tell her everything about me.
With those thoughts I put a pause on the Gracie page in my life. Yes, she's my sweetheart! But if I don't let her go, I won't ever be fully secure about Nathan and me. Girl Power!, it gets the best in all of us - straight or gay, really doesn't make any difference.
When Nathan met me, he was mostly over the girl. He had grown as a person and as a man, he refused to let things get to him. He told me the journey since then had been hard but it had forced him to grow up even more in many ways. He enjoyed being himself more now and mostly he had learned to depend on himself only. Our relationship was still in the early stages and one of my insecurities back then was loosing Nathan to her. Even if you take out the fact that she was a girl, it was also a fact that she was his childhood sweetheart. In every possible manner, she had the odds stack against me. If it ever come out to picking up the dukes, I would have gone down in 10 seconds flat no matter how hard I would have fought.
The society, especially my society; accepts only a man and woman in union as a couple. Anything else is unnatural and more or less of an abomination. Yes, 'abomination' is the word a teacher of mine recently used to describe any homosexual relation - physical or emotional. Nathan had repeatedly told me that he felt absolutely nothing for her now except for a natural sense of a genuine wish that her life turns out to be as she wants it to be - such a gentleman. Those words however didn't do anything to convince me. I still believed that this girl could blow out my candle with a simple snap of her fingers generated 10 miles away. Yes, I was incredibly insecure. However I didn't whine about it. Maybe it was all in my head and possibly it all would go away with time. Whining repeatedly would probably annoy Nathan as well.
My insecurity was high to such a level that once I even asked Nathan if he still had feelings for her. Denying it, Nathan told me there is a reason she is his past and will remain that way. They were really good, Nathan accepted that fact. However there were moments of doubt in his mind when it came to making the relationship work and Nathan pointed out to a few pointers in her that annoyed him. But he was open-minded enough to look over them. There is nothing here that I needed to be worried for or feel insecure about, he stated.
The same night I went over our conversation and I asked myself, why am I so insecure about loosing Nathan to her?. And then something like a light bulb suddenly lit up in my head. The other real reason why I was so insecure about this was that if there ever was an opportunity when Gracie came forward to take a permanent place in my life by my side; I would be seriously tempted everything I have just to be accepted and to be at somewhat ease.
But just like the girl in Nathan's past had closed any doors for Nathan, Gracie had done just the same with me. She had closed every possible door, leaving us to be nothing more than very good friends. We're such good friends that people have often mistaken us for a couple. We're such good friends that Gracie's mother once asked her if she's considering me for something long-term. We're such good friends that Ryan believes we can actually become one of those it couples as the chemistry is literally right there. I know it! I knew it! She doesn't! Or maybe she does, can't say!
The only way to get over this insecurity is to get over the idea that Gracie and I could be something together. The time when I opened my mouth, it was horrible. Our friendship was shattered to such an extent that I didn't expect it to ever get back to how it was. But I worked hard on it and we're back. She still confides in me. I'm still the only guy who she allows to share her plate. She is still open to considering things I suggest. So maybe that's the way things are meant to be.
We would be just really good friends. However no matter how good of a friend she will be, I can't ever tell her everything about me.
With those thoughts I put a pause on the Gracie page in my life. Yes, she's my sweetheart! But if I don't let her go, I won't ever be fully secure about Nathan and me. Girl Power!, it gets the best in all of us - straight or gay, really doesn't make any difference.
Girl Power
Way back before Nathan had met me, there was another person in his life and this person happened to be a girl. Yes, Nathan was mostly gay. Rarely did any girl turn him on, but there was this one girl that managed the seemingly impossible task previously only female celebrities managed. They were a couple for sometime. In fact things were so fantastic between them that they had started planning a life for themselves. Their families were really good friends and everyone was expecting that this one is going to go long and go really good. Unfortunately that wasn't how it turned out. It didn't end smoothly and there was some heavy damage unto Nathan.
When Nathan met me, he was mostly over the girl. He had grown as a person and as a man, he refused to let things get to him. He told me the journey since then had been hard but it had forced him to grow up even more in many ways. He enjoyed being himself more now and mostly he had learned to depend on himself only. Our relationship was still in the early stages and one of my insecurities back then was loosing Nathan to her. Even if you take out the fact that she was a girl, it was also a fact that she was his childhood sweetheart. In every possible manner, she had the odds stack against me. If it ever come out to picking up the dukes, I would have gone down in 10 seconds flat no matter how hard I would have fought.
The society, especially my society; accepts only a man and woman in union as a couple. Anything else is unnatural and more or less of an abomination. Yes, 'abomination' is the word a teacher of mine recently used to describe any homosexual relation - physical or emotional. Nathan had repeatedly told me that he felt absolutely nothing for her now except for a natural sense of a genuine wish that her life turns out to be as she wants it to be - such a gentleman. Those words however didn't do anything to convince me. I still believed that this girl could blow out my candle with a simple snap of her fingers generated 10 miles away. Yes, I was incredibly insecure. However I didn't whine about it. Maybe it was all in my head and possibly it all would go away with time. Whining repeatedly would probably annoy Nathan as well.
My insecurity was high to such a level that once I even asked Nathan if he still had feelings for her. Denying it, Nathan told me there is a reason she is his past and will remain that way. They were really good, Nathan accepted that fact. However there were moments of doubt in his mind when it came to making the relationship work and Nathan pointed out to a few pointers in her that annoyed him. But he was open-minded enough to look over them. There is nothing here that I needed to be worried for or feel insecure about, he stated.
The same night I went over our conversation and I asked myself, why am I so insecure about loosing Nathan to her?. And then something like a light bulb suddenly lit up in my head. The other real reason why I was so insecure about this was that if there ever was an opportunity when Gracie came forward to take a permanent place in my life by my side; I would be seriously tempted everything I have just to be accepted and to be at somewhat ease.
But just like the girl in Nathan's past had closed any doors for Nathan, Gracie had done just the same with me. She had closed every possible door, leaving us to be nothing more than very good friends. We're such good friends that people have often mistaken us for a couple. We're such good friends that Gracie's mother once asked her if she's considering me for something long-term. We're such good friends that Ryan believes we can actually become one of those it couples as the chemistry is literally right there. I know it! I knew it! She doesn't! Or maybe she does, can't say!
The only way to get over this insecurity is to get over the idea that Gracie and I could be something together. The time when I opened my mouth, it was horrible. Our friendship was shattered to such an extent that I didn't expect it to ever get back to how it was. But I worked hard on it and we're back. She still confides in me. I'm still the only guy who she allows to share her plate. She is still open to considering things I suggest. So maybe that's the way things are meant to be.
We would be just really good friends. However no matter how good of a friend she will be, I can't ever tell her everything about me.
With those thoughts I put a pause on the Gracie page in my life. Yes, she's my sweetheart! But if I don't let her go, I won't ever be fully secure about Nathan and me. Girl Power!, it gets the best in all of us - straight or gay, really doesn't make any difference.
When Nathan met me, he was mostly over the girl. He had grown as a person and as a man, he refused to let things get to him. He told me the journey since then had been hard but it had forced him to grow up even more in many ways. He enjoyed being himself more now and mostly he had learned to depend on himself only. Our relationship was still in the early stages and one of my insecurities back then was loosing Nathan to her. Even if you take out the fact that she was a girl, it was also a fact that she was his childhood sweetheart. In every possible manner, she had the odds stack against me. If it ever come out to picking up the dukes, I would have gone down in 10 seconds flat no matter how hard I would have fought.
The society, especially my society; accepts only a man and woman in union as a couple. Anything else is unnatural and more or less of an abomination. Yes, 'abomination' is the word a teacher of mine recently used to describe any homosexual relation - physical or emotional. Nathan had repeatedly told me that he felt absolutely nothing for her now except for a natural sense of a genuine wish that her life turns out to be as she wants it to be - such a gentleman. Those words however didn't do anything to convince me. I still believed that this girl could blow out my candle with a simple snap of her fingers generated 10 miles away. Yes, I was incredibly insecure. However I didn't whine about it. Maybe it was all in my head and possibly it all would go away with time. Whining repeatedly would probably annoy Nathan as well.
My insecurity was high to such a level that once I even asked Nathan if he still had feelings for her. Denying it, Nathan told me there is a reason she is his past and will remain that way. They were really good, Nathan accepted that fact. However there were moments of doubt in his mind when it came to making the relationship work and Nathan pointed out to a few pointers in her that annoyed him. But he was open-minded enough to look over them. There is nothing here that I needed to be worried for or feel insecure about, he stated.
The same night I went over our conversation and I asked myself, why am I so insecure about loosing Nathan to her?. And then something like a light bulb suddenly lit up in my head. The other real reason why I was so insecure about this was that if there ever was an opportunity when Gracie came forward to take a permanent place in my life by my side; I would be seriously tempted everything I have just to be accepted and to be at somewhat ease.
But just like the girl in Nathan's past had closed any doors for Nathan, Gracie had done just the same with me. She had closed every possible door, leaving us to be nothing more than very good friends. We're such good friends that people have often mistaken us for a couple. We're such good friends that Gracie's mother once asked her if she's considering me for something long-term. We're such good friends that Ryan believes we can actually become one of those it couples as the chemistry is literally right there. I know it! I knew it! She doesn't! Or maybe she does, can't say!
The only way to get over this insecurity is to get over the idea that Gracie and I could be something together. The time when I opened my mouth, it was horrible. Our friendship was shattered to such an extent that I didn't expect it to ever get back to how it was. But I worked hard on it and we're back. She still confides in me. I'm still the only guy who she allows to share her plate. She is still open to considering things I suggest. So maybe that's the way things are meant to be.
We would be just really good friends. However no matter how good of a friend she will be, I can't ever tell her everything about me.
With those thoughts I put a pause on the Gracie page in my life. Yes, she's my sweetheart! But if I don't let her go, I won't ever be fully secure about Nathan and me. Girl Power!, it gets the best in all of us - straight or gay, really doesn't make any difference.
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
I See Evil
In this never-ending drama we call life, everyone has a part to play. Some are cast as romantic leads. Others end up playing victim. And a few provide comic relief. But if the drama is to be really compelling, there must be a hero...and a villain.
I shift to my language gears to Urdu as this guy clearly isn't going to respond to me in English, even if he understands it. "Tum mustakhil un larkiyon ko ghooray ja rahay ho! Zaara tameez to karo! (Translation; You are constantly staring at those girls! Have some respect!)", I snap back.
"Chup kar! (Translation; Shut up!)", he spat back.
Now I'm really pissed. I'm not even wrong. He was constantly staring, I know. "Nahi hoon ga! Kya kar lo gay? (Translation; I won't shut up! What can you do?)"
"Abay chal! (Translation; Get lost!)", he barks.
Ryan has a habit of getting into the thick of things, especially when it involves me. He just has to come to my rescue. But then if he doesn't half of the time, I'm liable to make a fool of myself or wind up in a hospital. "Tum ko may nay bhee notice kiya tha! Tumari nazar zaara see bhee nahi hati thee (Translation; Even I noticed you. Your sight didn't shift for a second!), Ryan blasted at him.
"Teri behan hai kya? (Translation; Is she your sister?)", he asked extremely rudely.
"Tum ko kya matlab. Larki hai! Kuch to tameez rakho! (Translation; What's your business? She's a girl! Have some respect!)", I respond. I have turned to face him directly. His last statement had really pissed me off.
"Bahar millo mujh say. Phir batata hoon! (Translation; Meet me outside, then I'll tell you!)", he threatens.
Ryan gets really pissed now and there is some exchange of rather colorful foul words between him and the jerk. The girls have entered now and they are looking at us. I know how some of them get upset with fights so I tell Ryan to sit down. We would deal with him later.
All through the second lecture, we keep exchanging dirty looks with him. At least he's not looking at the girls now. So we accomplished that successfully. After the second lecture, we got out off the hall to go for our clinical rotation. As expected, he was really no where to be found. We met up with the girls in the hospital. Ryan and I had gone ahead of them.
"What was going on in class?", one of them asked.
"Our poodle was trying to be a bulldog!", Ryan explained. LOL! Everybody shot him a puzzled looks.
"Nothing!", I interjected. "Just some jerk trying to make my life miserable. Forget him! It's a beautiful day and I'm sure we have" Ryan later told Gracie on the sly, despite me telling him to keep it with him.
Later today, after the second lecture as we were waiting after the second lecture. The girls were busy in the girl's room. We saw the jerk. He tried to make some sort of threatening eye contact, but we really didn't pay any attention to him. We gave him a look and turned away. "He's all talk, no walk!", I told Ryan. He couldn't disagree with me. I'm awesome!
- Mary Alice
I was sitting with Ryan in class yesterday morning waiting for the lecture to start. With exams approaching fast, not many students are coming regularly which leaves many places in the hall empty. You can sit wherever you desire even if you come half an hour late. Some of our professors are extremely narrow-minded, they immediately scowl if they see a boy and girl sitting together on the same bench. Some dislike it to such an extent that they call them out and order them to leave if they can not sit separate. I agree that sometimes the sitting together arrangement can get really noisy but not everybody is that way. You dare make any unnecessary talks with Gracie during class and you are inviting a stare that could freeze the Sahara sun.
The group of students with whom I regularly hang out has in total 13 people. There are 5 guys and 8 girls. By the way, 80% of our class compromises of females. Straight male heaven! Although I'm on good terms with all of the girls, there are just 6 of them with whom I'm on really good terms. We eat together, talk together, study together and even play chasing games like little kids - although at times only. As much as we want to sit together, we don't during lectures. Plus this gives Ryan and me some time to talk about certain stuff we can't talk in front of others. Ryan and I are entirely synchronous. We time ourselves so that we get to the college at the same time and we enter the lecture halls at the same time. We're just really good friends!
Yesterday morning as usual, Ryan and I were sitting diagonally across the girls of our group. The class is going on and this guy comes and sits in the same row as us. I look to see who it is. Turns out it's one of the class weirdos. Every class has a few of them, if you just look hard enough or sometimes you don't really need to look. They come right infront of you, out of no where. They think they're big with the ladies and want every possible chance they can get to be with them or next to them. Most girls usually give them a wide berth to walk by and never really want to engage in conversation. Exchanging phone numbers is a complete no-no as if mistakenly they feel welcome, they start sending annoying text messages and poetry which is not even original. Ugh!
I give him one look and immediately turn away. I don't want to engage myself into any sort of conversation with him - I know how much of a moocher they can be about class notes. Besides, I am in class so my entire attention should be focused in front at the professor. So as I am taking down notes and striking out various points in my book, I realize that my weird friend is not looking at the board. For a second I felt as if he's looking at me. I try to ignore the feeling of those piercing eyes and concentrate in front. He has got to stop looking at some point and move on. No luck! He's still looking. This is really pissing me off. I turn to face him and I find out that he's not looking at me. He's looking right across me to the other end of the room. He's looking at the girls of my group. Typical desperate straight male!
Normally I would ignore such sort of behavior, because he isn't the first and he won't be the last. I focus my attention back to the slides that are being displayed. I keep taking side way glances to see what he's up to. I know he's not looking at me but he's making me feel uncomfortable and slightly angry. Doesn't he know it's extremely rude to keep on staring?. Did his parents forget to explain him some important points of human etiquette?.
"You see that guy sitting across us!", I whisper to Ryan.
Ryan leans forward to take a look. "You mean Feroze?"
"Don't know his name. But yeah, I'm talking about him!", I reply.
"Yeah, what about him?", he asks.
"He keeps looking at the girls. Constantly! It's like he's not even blinking or looking anywhere else!", I complain.
"Does he have an erection?", Ryan questions.
"How would I know?!" I whisper in disbelief. "I didn't looking at his pants!"
Ryan leans forward to check him out. I immediately slam him back to his chair. "Don't!", I warn. "He'll notice you!"
"So what?", Ryan snaps. "I'm not scared of him! I've started going to the gym again. I bet I can take him down!"
I laugh at how brave, fearless and abit stupid Ryan can be. There really isn't a moment when he is not funny. Sometimes I think he doesn't even try. Being a comedian just comes naturally to him. "No, but yes. I don't like how he's looking at the girls!"
"Yeah!", Ryan answers taking another look. "I look at you like that sometimes!" he tells me.
I turn to him and give him the 'seriously?' look. I really didn't know if he was being funny or serious then.
"I'm kidding! Stop taking me so seriously, man!" Ryan lets out with an eye roll. "Just leave it be. He'll get tired eventually and move on to another clueless female." Unsatisfied I try to obey Ryan's advice but I can't get that look out of my head. How can straight guys objectify women so easily and have no thoughts of repentance? I'm abit of a brotherly figure towards the girls of my group, just like Ryan - although Ryan flirts with them to cover any possible indications of being gay. If someone is trying to mess with our girls, they are indirectly messing with us. We have been friends for like three and a half years, so we have sort of taken the responsibility of making things easier for them while in college. It's a shitty place for a girl to be and I seriously would not like any girl I know personally to go there. There have been reports of guys teasing girls and being nasty to them, so even the girls welcome the help we provide. And obviously they make us tasty treats. I'm abit more possessive towards Gracie for some personal reasons. Ryan knows and probably everyone else knows as well, but I don't care. It's Gracie! My sweetheart!
This guy is really getting on my nerves. I had turned my head casually a few times and still found him staring. Later the class got over and we had a 30 minute break. The girls got up to go to the ladies room. Also I don't understand why girls go together to these places together?. So the girls get up and I see him LICKING HIS FRIGG'IN LIPS!
The last move completely blew my top. I turn to him and tap my pen a few times on the desk to attract his attention. "What's wrong with you?", I ask.
He looks at me as if I just snapped him out of a trance. "Kyu hua? (Translation; What?)", he asked.
"You've been looking at those girls through the whole class. What's wrong with you?" I ask him.
"Tum ko koi khatak? (Translation; What's your problem?)", he responds.
"So what?", Ryan snaps. "I'm not scared of him! I've started going to the gym again. I bet I can take him down!"
I laugh at how brave, fearless and abit stupid Ryan can be. There really isn't a moment when he is not funny. Sometimes I think he doesn't even try. Being a comedian just comes naturally to him. "No, but yes. I don't like how he's looking at the girls!"
"Yeah!", Ryan answers taking another look. "I look at you like that sometimes!" he tells me.
I turn to him and give him the 'seriously?' look. I really didn't know if he was being funny or serious then.
"I'm kidding! Stop taking me so seriously, man!" Ryan lets out with an eye roll. "Just leave it be. He'll get tired eventually and move on to another clueless female." Unsatisfied I try to obey Ryan's advice but I can't get that look out of my head. How can straight guys objectify women so easily and have no thoughts of repentance? I'm abit of a brotherly figure towards the girls of my group, just like Ryan - although Ryan flirts with them to cover any possible indications of being gay. If someone is trying to mess with our girls, they are indirectly messing with us. We have been friends for like three and a half years, so we have sort of taken the responsibility of making things easier for them while in college. It's a shitty place for a girl to be and I seriously would not like any girl I know personally to go there. There have been reports of guys teasing girls and being nasty to them, so even the girls welcome the help we provide. And obviously they make us tasty treats. I'm abit more possessive towards Gracie for some personal reasons. Ryan knows and probably everyone else knows as well, but I don't care. It's Gracie! My sweetheart!
This guy is really getting on my nerves. I had turned my head casually a few times and still found him staring. Later the class got over and we had a 30 minute break. The girls got up to go to the ladies room. Also I don't understand why girls go together to these places together?. So the girls get up and I see him LICKING HIS FRIGG'IN LIPS!
The last move completely blew my top. I turn to him and tap my pen a few times on the desk to attract his attention. "What's wrong with you?", I ask.
He looks at me as if I just snapped him out of a trance. "Kyu hua? (Translation; What?)", he asked.
"You've been looking at those girls through the whole class. What's wrong with you?" I ask him.
"Tum ko koi khatak? (Translation; What's your problem?)", he responds.
I shift to my language gears to Urdu as this guy clearly isn't going to respond to me in English, even if he understands it. "Tum mustakhil un larkiyon ko ghooray ja rahay ho! Zaara tameez to karo! (Translation; You are constantly staring at those girls! Have some respect!)", I snap back.
"Chup kar! (Translation; Shut up!)", he spat back.
Now I'm really pissed. I'm not even wrong. He was constantly staring, I know. "Nahi hoon ga! Kya kar lo gay? (Translation; I won't shut up! What can you do?)"
"Abay chal! (Translation; Get lost!)", he barks.
Ryan has a habit of getting into the thick of things, especially when it involves me. He just has to come to my rescue. But then if he doesn't half of the time, I'm liable to make a fool of myself or wind up in a hospital. "Tum ko may nay bhee notice kiya tha! Tumari nazar zaara see bhee nahi hati thee (Translation; Even I noticed you. Your sight didn't shift for a second!), Ryan blasted at him.
"Teri behan hai kya? (Translation; Is she your sister?)", he asked extremely rudely.
"Tum ko kya matlab. Larki hai! Kuch to tameez rakho! (Translation; What's your business? She's a girl! Have some respect!)", I respond. I have turned to face him directly. His last statement had really pissed me off.
"Bahar millo mujh say. Phir batata hoon! (Translation; Meet me outside, then I'll tell you!)", he threatens.
Ryan gets really pissed now and there is some exchange of rather colorful foul words between him and the jerk. The girls have entered now and they are looking at us. I know how some of them get upset with fights so I tell Ryan to sit down. We would deal with him later.
All through the second lecture, we keep exchanging dirty looks with him. At least he's not looking at the girls now. So we accomplished that successfully. After the second lecture, we got out off the hall to go for our clinical rotation. As expected, he was really no where to be found. We met up with the girls in the hospital. Ryan and I had gone ahead of them.
"What was going on in class?", one of them asked.
"Our poodle was trying to be a bulldog!", Ryan explained. LOL! Everybody shot him a puzzled looks.
"Nothing!", I interjected. "Just some jerk trying to make my life miserable. Forget him! It's a beautiful day and I'm sure we have" Ryan later told Gracie on the sly, despite me telling him to keep it with him.
Later today, after the second lecture as we were waiting after the second lecture. The girls were busy in the girl's room. We saw the jerk. He tried to make some sort of threatening eye contact, but we really didn't pay any attention to him. We gave him a look and turned away. "He's all talk, no walk!", I told Ryan. He couldn't disagree with me. I'm awesome!
I See Evil
In this never-ending drama we call life, everyone has a part to play. Some are cast as romantic leads. Others end up playing victim. And a few provide comic relief. But if the drama is to be really compelling, there must be a hero...and a villain.
I shift to my language gears to Urdu as this guy clearly isn't going to respond to me in English, even if he understands it. "Tum mustakhil un larkiyon ko ghooray ja rahay ho! Zaara tameez to karo! (Translation; You are constantly staring at those girls! Have some respect!)", I snap back.
"Chup kar! (Translation; Shut up!)", he spat back.
Now I'm really pissed. I'm not even wrong. He was constantly staring, I know. "Nahi hoon ga! Kya kar lo gay? (Translation; I won't shut up! What can you do?)"
"Abay chal! (Translation; Get lost!)", he barks.
Ryan has a habit of getting into the thick of things, especially when it involves me. He just has to come to my rescue. But then if he doesn't half of the time, I'm liable to make a fool of myself or wind up in a hospital. "Tum ko may nay bhee notice kiya tha! Tumari nazar zaara see bhee nahi hati thee (Translation; Even I noticed you. Your sight didn't shift for a second!), Ryan blasted at him.
"Teri behan hai kya? (Translation; Is she your sister?)", he asked extremely rudely.
"Tum ko kya matlab. Larki hai! Kuch to tameez rakho! (Translation; What's your business? She's a girl! Have some respect!)", I respond. I have turned to face him directly. His last statement had really pissed me off.
"Bahar millo mujh say. Phir batata hoon! (Translation; Meet me outside, then I'll tell you!)", he threatens.
Ryan gets really pissed now and there is some exchange of rather colorful foul words between him and the jerk. The girls have entered now and they are looking at us. I know how some of them get upset with fights so I tell Ryan to sit down. We would deal with him later.
All through the second lecture, we keep exchanging dirty looks with him. At least he's not looking at the girls now. So we accomplished that successfully. After the second lecture, we got out off the hall to go for our clinical rotation. As expected, he was really no where to be found. We met up with the girls in the hospital. Ryan and I had gone ahead of them.
"What was going on in class?", one of them asked.
"Our poodle was trying to be a bulldog!", Ryan explained. LOL! Everybody shot him a puzzled looks.
"Nothing!", I interjected. "Just some jerk trying to make my life miserable. Forget him! It's a beautiful day and I'm sure we have" Ryan later told Gracie on the sly, despite me telling him to keep it with him.
Later today, after the second lecture as we were waiting after the second lecture. The girls were busy in the girl's room. We saw the jerk. He tried to make some sort of threatening eye contact, but we really didn't pay any attention to him. We gave him a look and turned away. "He's all talk, no walk!", I told Ryan. He couldn't disagree with me. I'm awesome!
- Mary Alice
I was sitting with Ryan in class yesterday morning waiting for the lecture to start. With exams approaching fast, not many students are coming regularly which leaves many places in the hall empty. You can sit wherever you desire even if you come half an hour late. Some of our professors are extremely narrow-minded, they immediately scowl if they see a boy and girl sitting together on the same bench. Some dislike it to such an extent that they call them out and order them to leave if they can not sit separate. I agree that sometimes the sitting together arrangement can get really noisy but not everybody is that way. You dare make any unnecessary talks with Gracie during class and you are inviting a stare that could freeze the Sahara sun.
The group of students with whom I regularly hang out has in total 13 people. There are 5 guys and 8 girls. By the way, 80% of our class compromises of females. Straight male heaven! Although I'm on good terms with all of the girls, there are just 6 of them with whom I'm on really good terms. We eat together, talk together, study together and even play chasing games like little kids - although at times only. As much as we want to sit together, we don't during lectures. Plus this gives Ryan and me some time to talk about certain stuff we can't talk in front of others. Ryan and I are entirely synchronous. We time ourselves so that we get to the college at the same time and we enter the lecture halls at the same time. We're just really good friends!
Yesterday morning as usual, Ryan and I were sitting diagonally across the girls of our group. The class is going on and this guy comes and sits in the same row as us. I look to see who it is. Turns out it's one of the class weirdos. Every class has a few of them, if you just look hard enough or sometimes you don't really need to look. They come right infront of you, out of no where. They think they're big with the ladies and want every possible chance they can get to be with them or next to them. Most girls usually give them a wide berth to walk by and never really want to engage in conversation. Exchanging phone numbers is a complete no-no as if mistakenly they feel welcome, they start sending annoying text messages and poetry which is not even original. Ugh!
I give him one look and immediately turn away. I don't want to engage myself into any sort of conversation with him - I know how much of a moocher they can be about class notes. Besides, I am in class so my entire attention should be focused in front at the professor. So as I am taking down notes and striking out various points in my book, I realize that my weird friend is not looking at the board. For a second I felt as if he's looking at me. I try to ignore the feeling of those piercing eyes and concentrate in front. He has got to stop looking at some point and move on. No luck! He's still looking. This is really pissing me off. I turn to face him and I find out that he's not looking at me. He's looking right across me to the other end of the room. He's looking at the girls of my group. Typical desperate straight male!
Normally I would ignore such sort of behavior, because he isn't the first and he won't be the last. I focus my attention back to the slides that are being displayed. I keep taking side way glances to see what he's up to. I know he's not looking at me but he's making me feel uncomfortable and slightly angry. Doesn't he know it's extremely rude to keep on staring?. Did his parents forget to explain him some important points of human etiquette?.
"You see that guy sitting across us!", I whisper to Ryan.
Ryan leans forward to take a look. "You mean Feroze?"
"Don't know his name. But yeah, I'm talking about him!", I reply.
"Yeah, what about him?", he asks.
"He keeps looking at the girls. Constantly! It's like he's not even blinking or looking anywhere else!", I complain.
"Does he have an erection?", Ryan questions.
"How would I know?!" I whisper in disbelief. "I didn't looking at his pants!"
Ryan leans forward to check him out. I immediately slam him back to his chair. "Don't!", I warn. "He'll notice you!"
"So what?", Ryan snaps. "I'm not scared of him! I've started going to the gym again. I bet I can take him down!"
I laugh at how brave, fearless and abit stupid Ryan can be. There really isn't a moment when he is not funny. Sometimes I think he doesn't even try. Being a comedian just comes naturally to him. "No, but yes. I don't like how he's looking at the girls!"
"Yeah!", Ryan answers taking another look. "I look at you like that sometimes!" he tells me.
I turn to him and give him the 'seriously?' look. I really didn't know if he was being funny or serious then.
"I'm kidding! Stop taking me so seriously, man!" Ryan lets out with an eye roll. "Just leave it be. He'll get tired eventually and move on to another clueless female." Unsatisfied I try to obey Ryan's advice but I can't get that look out of my head. How can straight guys objectify women so easily and have no thoughts of repentance? I'm abit of a brotherly figure towards the girls of my group, just like Ryan - although Ryan flirts with them to cover any possible indications of being gay. If someone is trying to mess with our girls, they are indirectly messing with us. We have been friends for like three and a half years, so we have sort of taken the responsibility of making things easier for them while in college. It's a shitty place for a girl to be and I seriously would not like any girl I know personally to go there. There have been reports of guys teasing girls and being nasty to them, so even the girls welcome the help we provide. And obviously they make us tasty treats. I'm abit more possessive towards Gracie for some personal reasons. Ryan knows and probably everyone else knows as well, but I don't care. It's Gracie! My sweetheart!
This guy is really getting on my nerves. I had turned my head casually a few times and still found him staring. Later the class got over and we had a 30 minute break. The girls got up to go to the ladies room. Also I don't understand why girls go together to these places together?. So the girls get up and I see him LICKING HIS FRIGG'IN LIPS!
The last move completely blew my top. I turn to him and tap my pen a few times on the desk to attract his attention. "What's wrong with you?", I ask.
He looks at me as if I just snapped him out of a trance. "Kyu hua? (Translation; What?)", he asked.
"You've been looking at those girls through the whole class. What's wrong with you?" I ask him.
"Tum ko koi khatak? (Translation; What's your problem?)", he responds.
"So what?", Ryan snaps. "I'm not scared of him! I've started going to the gym again. I bet I can take him down!"
I laugh at how brave, fearless and abit stupid Ryan can be. There really isn't a moment when he is not funny. Sometimes I think he doesn't even try. Being a comedian just comes naturally to him. "No, but yes. I don't like how he's looking at the girls!"
"Yeah!", Ryan answers taking another look. "I look at you like that sometimes!" he tells me.
I turn to him and give him the 'seriously?' look. I really didn't know if he was being funny or serious then.
"I'm kidding! Stop taking me so seriously, man!" Ryan lets out with an eye roll. "Just leave it be. He'll get tired eventually and move on to another clueless female." Unsatisfied I try to obey Ryan's advice but I can't get that look out of my head. How can straight guys objectify women so easily and have no thoughts of repentance? I'm abit of a brotherly figure towards the girls of my group, just like Ryan - although Ryan flirts with them to cover any possible indications of being gay. If someone is trying to mess with our girls, they are indirectly messing with us. We have been friends for like three and a half years, so we have sort of taken the responsibility of making things easier for them while in college. It's a shitty place for a girl to be and I seriously would not like any girl I know personally to go there. There have been reports of guys teasing girls and being nasty to them, so even the girls welcome the help we provide. And obviously they make us tasty treats. I'm abit more possessive towards Gracie for some personal reasons. Ryan knows and probably everyone else knows as well, but I don't care. It's Gracie! My sweetheart!
This guy is really getting on my nerves. I had turned my head casually a few times and still found him staring. Later the class got over and we had a 30 minute break. The girls got up to go to the ladies room. Also I don't understand why girls go together to these places together?. So the girls get up and I see him LICKING HIS FRIGG'IN LIPS!
The last move completely blew my top. I turn to him and tap my pen a few times on the desk to attract his attention. "What's wrong with you?", I ask.
He looks at me as if I just snapped him out of a trance. "Kyu hua? (Translation; What?)", he asked.
"You've been looking at those girls through the whole class. What's wrong with you?" I ask him.
"Tum ko koi khatak? (Translation; What's your problem?)", he responds.
I shift to my language gears to Urdu as this guy clearly isn't going to respond to me in English, even if he understands it. "Tum mustakhil un larkiyon ko ghooray ja rahay ho! Zaara tameez to karo! (Translation; You are constantly staring at those girls! Have some respect!)", I snap back.
"Chup kar! (Translation; Shut up!)", he spat back.
Now I'm really pissed. I'm not even wrong. He was constantly staring, I know. "Nahi hoon ga! Kya kar lo gay? (Translation; I won't shut up! What can you do?)"
"Abay chal! (Translation; Get lost!)", he barks.
Ryan has a habit of getting into the thick of things, especially when it involves me. He just has to come to my rescue. But then if he doesn't half of the time, I'm liable to make a fool of myself or wind up in a hospital. "Tum ko may nay bhee notice kiya tha! Tumari nazar zaara see bhee nahi hati thee (Translation; Even I noticed you. Your sight didn't shift for a second!), Ryan blasted at him.
"Teri behan hai kya? (Translation; Is she your sister?)", he asked extremely rudely.
"Tum ko kya matlab. Larki hai! Kuch to tameez rakho! (Translation; What's your business? She's a girl! Have some respect!)", I respond. I have turned to face him directly. His last statement had really pissed me off.
"Bahar millo mujh say. Phir batata hoon! (Translation; Meet me outside, then I'll tell you!)", he threatens.
Ryan gets really pissed now and there is some exchange of rather colorful foul words between him and the jerk. The girls have entered now and they are looking at us. I know how some of them get upset with fights so I tell Ryan to sit down. We would deal with him later.
All through the second lecture, we keep exchanging dirty looks with him. At least he's not looking at the girls now. So we accomplished that successfully. After the second lecture, we got out off the hall to go for our clinical rotation. As expected, he was really no where to be found. We met up with the girls in the hospital. Ryan and I had gone ahead of them.
"What was going on in class?", one of them asked.
"Our poodle was trying to be a bulldog!", Ryan explained. LOL! Everybody shot him a puzzled looks.
"Nothing!", I interjected. "Just some jerk trying to make my life miserable. Forget him! It's a beautiful day and I'm sure we have" Ryan later told Gracie on the sly, despite me telling him to keep it with him.
Later today, after the second lecture as we were waiting after the second lecture. The girls were busy in the girl's room. We saw the jerk. He tried to make some sort of threatening eye contact, but we really didn't pay any attention to him. We gave him a look and turned away. "He's all talk, no walk!", I told Ryan. He couldn't disagree with me. I'm awesome!
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Then Queer, Now Free
Roll your eyes as much as you but I'm a huge Reality TV Whore. I thoroughly enjoy watching shows like American Idol, X Factor, Top Chef, Project Runway and even America's Next Top Model. Yes! I watch America's Next Top Model!
I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.
In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.
In cycle 15, the very first photo shoot the girls were put through was based around the theme of Teen Bullying. It revolved around a particular word the girl was taunted with during her time in middle school or high school. Kayla has been open about her sexuality since 10th Grade. It's pretty obvious to conclude that she has been teased about it. Her bully-word happened to be 'Queer'. Pfft! The bullies could not even get creative.
Tyra showed up at the shoot because she wanted to help the girls and not let their bully-word over power them. She told every girl to choose a word in context to the bully-word but it should be in a positive sense. Something that reinforces positivity and induces confidence into them. She sat down with every girl and helped them through. They showed some of the girls one-on-one time with Tyra and Kayla's time was included. You can catch it here.
When Tyra asked Kayla about her bully-word, the response was like a quiver. Like she was scared for her life. She recalled how she had to change schools because it had gotten so bad at her previous one and she was scared at how the people were treating her. They used to talk about her sexuality, ultimately she started facing rejection. Rejection is bad enough to get at any point in life, but to be rejected during high school is the absolute worst. High school is undeniably one of the toughest parts of a person's life because there is so much happening at the same time. It's hard not to let it all take over yourself.
Her power-word was 'Free'. Her entire body was covered with the words 'Queer' and 'Free' written in paint. She describes the process of the word 'Queer' being written as harsh, and it has to be. When you are taunted by some word, the first thing you want to do in response is not to be associated with it. Having it written over your own body is like wearing it. Fortunately Kayla was also excited about the word 'Free' being written on herself. She recalls how therapeutic the word 'Free' felt when it was painted over her neck.
I could not put these sage words any better than she already has. Ever since you have been a kid you have been exposed to the idea about unions can only be formed between a man and a woman, and that only the attraction between a man and woman is natural. So to grow up and realize that your mind says something else and your heart is singing a completely different song is really hard to comprehend, accept and live your life through like that. Every person who is growing up facing the issue of sexuality feels the same. The feeling that nobody can really understand what is going on with them. Every guy is discussing about boobs and butts, it's hard to say that you don't. Most teens don't because it's going to turn into a lengthy and possibly an embarrassing or even worse, a violent conversation. This attitude is carried on into adulthood and in some unfortunate cases through life.
LGBT teens do not want to be ridiculed and humiliated. No teen wants to feel like they don't deserve to live. But all this bullying does make LGBT children feel that way, that's why there have been 4 suicides in the past few weeks. These are just the ones that have come into news. What about those that haven't? What about the ones unheard and unseen?
Teen Bullying doesn't just exist in America. Teen Bullying is everywhere in the world. I have been bullied and I'm pretty sure each and everyone of you have been bullied as well. While my bully-word was nothing harsh like 'Queer'. I was termed 'Mama's Boy'. I won't deny that it didn't hurt because it did. But now I realize that was me being 'Obedient'. At the end of the day, I owe my mother alot more than I whatever I owed to people inviting me to parties or whatever they were planning.
To any teen reading my blog, if you are being bullied you can seek help from this website. It's also been mentioned in the video that I have linked earlier in this post. It's time to take a stand! It's time to put these bullies into their rightful place.
On a side, Kayla has been doing extremely well in the competition up till now. She is not only amongst the judges favorite but also a favorite amongst the viewers. I'm totally rooting for her to take the crown. Check out her picture from last week where she was an undersea Goddess.
I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.
In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.
In cycle 15, the very first photo shoot the girls were put through was based around the theme of Teen Bullying. It revolved around a particular word the girl was taunted with during her time in middle school or high school. Kayla has been open about her sexuality since 10th Grade. It's pretty obvious to conclude that she has been teased about it. Her bully-word happened to be 'Queer'. Pfft! The bullies could not even get creative.
Tyra showed up at the shoot because she wanted to help the girls and not let their bully-word over power them. She told every girl to choose a word in context to the bully-word but it should be in a positive sense. Something that reinforces positivity and induces confidence into them. She sat down with every girl and helped them through. They showed some of the girls one-on-one time with Tyra and Kayla's time was included. You can catch it here.
When Tyra asked Kayla about her bully-word, the response was like a quiver. Like she was scared for her life. She recalled how she had to change schools because it had gotten so bad at her previous one and she was scared at how the people were treating her. They used to talk about her sexuality, ultimately she started facing rejection. Rejection is bad enough to get at any point in life, but to be rejected during high school is the absolute worst. High school is undeniably one of the toughest parts of a person's life because there is so much happening at the same time. It's hard not to let it all take over yourself.
Her power-word was 'Free'. Her entire body was covered with the words 'Queer' and 'Free' written in paint. She describes the process of the word 'Queer' being written as harsh, and it has to be. When you are taunted by some word, the first thing you want to do in response is not to be associated with it. Having it written over your own body is like wearing it. Fortunately Kayla was also excited about the word 'Free' being written on herself. She recalls how therapeutic the word 'Free' felt when it was painted over her neck.
"You can't like fully understand unless you are what I am in my community" - Kayla Ferell
I could not put these sage words any better than she already has. Ever since you have been a kid you have been exposed to the idea about unions can only be formed between a man and a woman, and that only the attraction between a man and woman is natural. So to grow up and realize that your mind says something else and your heart is singing a completely different song is really hard to comprehend, accept and live your life through like that. Every person who is growing up facing the issue of sexuality feels the same. The feeling that nobody can really understand what is going on with them. Every guy is discussing about boobs and butts, it's hard to say that you don't. Most teens don't because it's going to turn into a lengthy and possibly an embarrassing or even worse, a violent conversation. This attitude is carried on into adulthood and in some unfortunate cases through life.
LGBT teens do not want to be ridiculed and humiliated. No teen wants to feel like they don't deserve to live. But all this bullying does make LGBT children feel that way, that's why there have been 4 suicides in the past few weeks. These are just the ones that have come into news. What about those that haven't? What about the ones unheard and unseen?
Teen Bullying doesn't just exist in America. Teen Bullying is everywhere in the world. I have been bullied and I'm pretty sure each and everyone of you have been bullied as well. While my bully-word was nothing harsh like 'Queer'. I was termed 'Mama's Boy'. I won't deny that it didn't hurt because it did. But now I realize that was me being 'Obedient'. At the end of the day, I owe my mother alot more than I whatever I owed to people inviting me to parties or whatever they were planning.
To any teen reading my blog, if you are being bullied you can seek help from this website. It's also been mentioned in the video that I have linked earlier in this post. It's time to take a stand! It's time to put these bullies into their rightful place.
On a side, Kayla has been doing extremely well in the competition up till now. She is not only amongst the judges favorite but also a favorite amongst the viewers. I'm totally rooting for her to take the crown. Check out her picture from last week where she was an undersea Goddess.
Ain't she a beauty?
Then Queer, Now Free
Roll your eyes as much as you but I'm a huge Reality TV Whore. I thoroughly enjoy watching shows like American Idol, X Factor, Top Chef, Project Runway and even America's Next Top Model. Yes! I watch America's Next Top Model!
I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.
In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.
In cycle 15, the very first photo shoot the girls were put through was based around the theme of Teen Bullying. It revolved around a particular word the girl was taunted with during her time in middle school or high school. Kayla has been open about her sexuality since 10th Grade. It's pretty obvious to conclude that she has been teased about it. Her bully-word happened to be 'Queer'. Pfft! The bullies could not even get creative.
Tyra showed up at the shoot because she wanted to help the girls and not let their bully-word over power them. She told every girl to choose a word in context to the bully-word but it should be in a positive sense. Something that reinforces positivity and induces confidence into them. She sat down with every girl and helped them through. They showed some of the girls one-on-one time with Tyra and Kayla's time was included. You can catch it here.
When Tyra asked Kayla about her bully-word, the response was like a quiver. Like she was scared for her life. She recalled how she had to change schools because it had gotten so bad at her previous one and she was scared at how the people were treating her. They used to talk about her sexuality, ultimately she started facing rejection. Rejection is bad enough to get at any point in life, but to be rejected during high school is the absolute worst. High school is undeniably one of the toughest parts of a person's life because there is so much happening at the same time. It's hard not to let it all take over yourself.
Her power-word was 'Free'. Her entire body was covered with the words 'Queer' and 'Free' written in paint. She describes the process of the word 'Queer' being written as harsh, and it has to be. When you are taunted by some word, the first thing you want to do in response is not to be associated with it. Having it written over your own body is like wearing it. Fortunately Kayla was also excited about the word 'Free' being written on herself. She recalls how therapeutic the word 'Free' felt when it was painted over her neck.
I could not put these sage words any better than she already has. Ever since you have been a kid you have been exposed to the idea about unions can only be formed between a man and a woman, and that only the attraction between a man and woman is natural. So to grow up and realize that your mind says something else and your heart is singing a completely different song is really hard to comprehend, accept and live your life through like that. Every person who is growing up facing the issue of sexuality feels the same. The feeling that nobody can really understand what is going on with them. Every guy is discussing about boobs and butts, it's hard to say that you don't. Most teens don't because it's going to turn into a lengthy and possibly an embarrassing or even worse, a violent conversation. This attitude is carried on into adulthood and in some unfortunate cases through life.
LGBT teens do not want to be ridiculed and humiliated. No teen wants to feel like they don't deserve to live. But all this bullying does make LGBT children feel that way, that's why there have been 4 suicides in the past few weeks. These are just the ones that have come into news. What about those that haven't? What about the ones unheard and unseen?
Teen Bullying doesn't just exist in America. Teen Bullying is everywhere in the world. I have been bullied and I'm pretty sure each and everyone of you have been bullied as well. While my bully-word was nothing harsh like 'Queer'. I was termed 'Mama's Boy'. I won't deny that it didn't hurt because it did. But now I realize that was me being 'Obedient'. At the end of the day, I owe my mother alot more than I whatever I owed to people inviting me to parties or whatever they were planning.
To any teen reading my blog, if you are being bullied you can seek help from this website. It's also been mentioned in the video that I have linked earlier in this post. It's time to take a stand! It's time to put these bullies into their rightful place.
On a side, Kayla has been doing extremely well in the competition up till now. She is not only amongst the judges favorite but also a favorite amongst the viewers. I'm totally rooting for her to take the crown. Check out her picture from last week where she was an undersea Goddess.
I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.
In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.
In cycle 15, the very first photo shoot the girls were put through was based around the theme of Teen Bullying. It revolved around a particular word the girl was taunted with during her time in middle school or high school. Kayla has been open about her sexuality since 10th Grade. It's pretty obvious to conclude that she has been teased about it. Her bully-word happened to be 'Queer'. Pfft! The bullies could not even get creative.
Tyra showed up at the shoot because she wanted to help the girls and not let their bully-word over power them. She told every girl to choose a word in context to the bully-word but it should be in a positive sense. Something that reinforces positivity and induces confidence into them. She sat down with every girl and helped them through. They showed some of the girls one-on-one time with Tyra and Kayla's time was included. You can catch it here.
When Tyra asked Kayla about her bully-word, the response was like a quiver. Like she was scared for her life. She recalled how she had to change schools because it had gotten so bad at her previous one and she was scared at how the people were treating her. They used to talk about her sexuality, ultimately she started facing rejection. Rejection is bad enough to get at any point in life, but to be rejected during high school is the absolute worst. High school is undeniably one of the toughest parts of a person's life because there is so much happening at the same time. It's hard not to let it all take over yourself.
Her power-word was 'Free'. Her entire body was covered with the words 'Queer' and 'Free' written in paint. She describes the process of the word 'Queer' being written as harsh, and it has to be. When you are taunted by some word, the first thing you want to do in response is not to be associated with it. Having it written over your own body is like wearing it. Fortunately Kayla was also excited about the word 'Free' being written on herself. She recalls how therapeutic the word 'Free' felt when it was painted over her neck.
"You can't like fully understand unless you are what I am in my community" - Kayla Ferell
I could not put these sage words any better than she already has. Ever since you have been a kid you have been exposed to the idea about unions can only be formed between a man and a woman, and that only the attraction between a man and woman is natural. So to grow up and realize that your mind says something else and your heart is singing a completely different song is really hard to comprehend, accept and live your life through like that. Every person who is growing up facing the issue of sexuality feels the same. The feeling that nobody can really understand what is going on with them. Every guy is discussing about boobs and butts, it's hard to say that you don't. Most teens don't because it's going to turn into a lengthy and possibly an embarrassing or even worse, a violent conversation. This attitude is carried on into adulthood and in some unfortunate cases through life.
LGBT teens do not want to be ridiculed and humiliated. No teen wants to feel like they don't deserve to live. But all this bullying does make LGBT children feel that way, that's why there have been 4 suicides in the past few weeks. These are just the ones that have come into news. What about those that haven't? What about the ones unheard and unseen?
Teen Bullying doesn't just exist in America. Teen Bullying is everywhere in the world. I have been bullied and I'm pretty sure each and everyone of you have been bullied as well. While my bully-word was nothing harsh like 'Queer'. I was termed 'Mama's Boy'. I won't deny that it didn't hurt because it did. But now I realize that was me being 'Obedient'. At the end of the day, I owe my mother alot more than I whatever I owed to people inviting me to parties or whatever they were planning.
To any teen reading my blog, if you are being bullied you can seek help from this website. It's also been mentioned in the video that I have linked earlier in this post. It's time to take a stand! It's time to put these bullies into their rightful place.
On a side, Kayla has been doing extremely well in the competition up till now. She is not only amongst the judges favorite but also a favorite amongst the viewers. I'm totally rooting for her to take the crown. Check out her picture from last week where she was an undersea Goddess.
Ain't she a beauty?
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