Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 2

I had big ass butterflies in my stomach that entire day. The previous night when I was lying on the bed, I promised myself that I would tell Amanda about myself the coming morning. However every time I would run into Amanda or was about to run into Amanda, my feet would do a double take and I would duck in to some corridor, lecture hall or ward. I knew if I didn't tell Amanda before the day got over, I'm going to be sick from self-disgust the same night.

Fortunately after my daily rotation I was standing outside the cafeteria where Amanda came up to order. "Hey! How are you?", she asked me.

"I'm good. You?", I asked. We started talking as usual, and I realized that while I did want to come out to her I didn't know how to steer the conversation to such a point when I could actually bring this up. I didn't have the guts to start talking about girls but my stomach kept tying itself into knots with every passing second. My replies and contributions to the conversation were sharp and short. It was like my mind was functioning somewhere else, and only my body was present in the college grounds.

"Do you trust me?", she asked.

"Ofcourse I do!", I told her. I did trust her. If I didn't, I would not be considering telling her about myself.

"I was talking to one of your friends earlier today. He told me that you do not trust anybody in this college, and that's why you haven't told anybody who you like!", she told me. She seemed hurt. "I told him that you really do not like anyone, even though I do not entirely believe it myself."

"Okay! Firstly thanks alot for sticking up for me!", I replied. "Secondly..", I began typing hastily into my cell phone. "Read this super quietly and please please please do not scream!", I told her sternly. My hands had gone cold and were shaking. I gave her my cell phone. She was totally confused, and I could read it on her face.

She took the cell phone. She has brown eyes but sometime likes to wear green contact lenses which make her eyes look bigger than they actually are, and even more so when she outlines them with mascara. Her already very wide eyes grew even more wide. It seemed that she was paused. She handed me the cell phone back, but didn't say anything. I thought I was going to loose her now.

"Since when?", she asked. "Since when have you known that your gay?", she repeated explaining her question.

"I realized it when I was sixteen, but I can date my earliest attraction towards guys when I was eight years old!", I told her quietly.

"So you have always liked guys?", she asked again.

"Yeah!", I replied.

"And there hasn't been a single girl who has roused interest in you?", she asked.

"I do like girls, but not like a straight guy does!", I told her. "If you are uncomfortable with me being gay, you can end our friendship." I told her. I would never force anyone into being in my company if they find my sexuality unsettling.

"Oh shut up. You are so much better than the straight guys I know!", she told me. I smiled a little at that compliment. "There was something different about you. But I never expected you to be gay.", she started babbling.

I laughed at her previous remark. "What was your opinion?", I asked her.

"Okay don't freak out, but I always thought you were secretly engaged since birth!", she confessed.

I started laughing uncontrollably. "Seriously?", I asked to confirm. "You seriously thought I was engaged?!"

"Yeah yeah whatever!", she grumbled. "Okay so now that I know your gay, who do you really like?", she asked me.

"Will you ever let go of this question?!", I responded. My body had started functioning normally again, it felt so good drinking soda. It was like a giant weight had been lifted off my body.

"Had you not told me, I would have eventually moved on. But now I'm so interested in knowing everything about you.", she said with the biggest ever smile on her face.

Good God! What have I done?

In the coming weeks I told Amanda everything that you all know about me, and some I haven't posted about here yet. She told me that I'm a 'Rachael Berry', which I will post about sometime else. 

Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 2

I had big ass butterflies in my stomach that entire day. The previous night when I was lying on the bed, I promised myself that I would tell Amanda about myself the coming morning. However every time I would run into Amanda or was about to run into Amanda, my feet would do a double take and I would duck in to some corridor, lecture hall or ward. I knew if I didn't tell Amanda before the day got over, I'm going to be sick from self-disgust the same night.

Fortunately after my daily rotation I was standing outside the cafeteria where Amanda came up to order. "Hey! How are you?", she asked me.

"I'm good. You?", I asked. We started talking as usual, and I realized that while I did want to come out to her I didn't know how to steer the conversation to such a point when I could actually bring this up. I didn't have the guts to start talking about girls but my stomach kept tying itself into knots with every passing second. My replies and contributions to the conversation were sharp and short. It was like my mind was functioning somewhere else, and only my body was present in the college grounds.

"Do you trust me?", she asked.

"Ofcourse I do!", I told her. I did trust her. If I didn't, I would not be considering telling her about myself.

"I was talking to one of your friends earlier today. He told me that you do not trust anybody in this college, and that's why you haven't told anybody who you like!", she told me. She seemed hurt. "I told him that you really do not like anyone, even though I do not entirely believe it myself."

"Okay! Firstly thanks alot for sticking up for me!", I replied. "Secondly..", I began typing hastily into my cell phone. "Read this super quietly and please please please do not scream!", I told her sternly. My hands had gone cold and were shaking. I gave her my cell phone. She was totally confused, and I could read it on her face.

She took the cell phone. She has brown eyes but sometime likes to wear green contact lenses which make her eyes look bigger than they actually are, and even more so when she outlines them with mascara. Her already very wide eyes grew even more wide. It seemed that she was paused. She handed me the cell phone back, but didn't say anything. I thought I was going to loose her now.

"Since when?", she asked. "Since when have you known that your gay?", she repeated explaining her question.

"I realized it when I was sixteen, but I can date my earliest attraction towards guys when I was eight years old!", I told her quietly.

"So you have always liked guys?", she asked again.

"Yeah!", I replied.

"And there hasn't been a single girl who has roused interest in you?", she asked.

"I do like girls, but not like a straight guy does!", I told her. "If you are uncomfortable with me being gay, you can end our friendship." I told her. I would never force anyone into being in my company if they find my sexuality unsettling.

"Oh shut up. You are so much better than the straight guys I know!", she told me. I smiled a little at that compliment. "There was something different about you. But I never expected you to be gay.", she started babbling.

I laughed at her previous remark. "What was your opinion?", I asked her.

"Okay don't freak out, but I always thought you were secretly engaged since birth!", she confessed.

I started laughing uncontrollably. "Seriously?", I asked to confirm. "You seriously thought I was engaged?!"

"Yeah yeah whatever!", she grumbled. "Okay so now that I know your gay, who do you really like?", she asked me.

"Will you ever let go of this question?!", I responded. My body had started functioning normally again, it felt so good drinking soda. It was like a giant weight had been lifted off my body.

"Had you not told me, I would have eventually moved on. But now I'm so interested in knowing everything about you.", she said with the biggest ever smile on her face.

Good God! What have I done?

In the coming weeks I told Amanda everything that you all know about me, and some I haven't posted about here yet. She told me that I'm a 'Rachael Berry', which I will post about sometime else. 

Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 1

While we had become really good friends, I believe our next level of friendship was formed when Amanda started sharing her boy troubles with me. One fine day she asked me all of a sudden if differences in religious sects are taken into consideration during a marriage. I told her very blankly that most people prefer marrying people of their sect. If a marriage takes place in which the sects of the people involved are different, it's quite often looked down upon.

"Why did you ask me such a question?", I implored.

"A friend of mine shared her opinion on my idea of marrying a certain boy I like.", she replied.

"Somebody from your class?", I asked. "I'm talking about the boy, not the friend."

"No", she replied and began telling me about her boyfriend. I would admit that I was curious but I had no idea I would be extracting the information out of her with such ease. "And I'm trusting you with this so please do not tell it to anyone.", she added in the end.

"I won't. Promise!", I replied. "But why are you thinking of marriage right now? You are still in medical school for God's sake." I lectured her.

"I am not thinking. Just thinking!", she replied. This statement didn't make sense to me then, and I still don't get it.

"How religious are your parents? If they are very peculiar then there is a very good chance that they will not want you to marry him.", I told her. She didn't reply to that, but two weeks later she stopped talking to that boy.

She didn't tell me when she decided to split up. I felt that something was wrong one day and asked her if everything is alright. "Not feeling well!", she replied. I still wasn't convinced. I thought about asking if anything had happened between her and that guy she was seeing. But I didn't. It didn't seem right to me.

Later on when we were talking, she told me about the split. I didn't know what to do. I have never consoled a girl before, and I think consoling a boy is much easier than a girl.

Amanda went back to her usual chirpy self in a few days. Then a few weeks later she was crushing on a guy in my class. She badly wanted me to introduce her to him, but even I have never talked to him before. We shared a couple of friends, but that was all there was to it. There has never been a moment where we exchanged even a greeting. It's not that I hate him, it's just that he thinks he's better than everybody else. Okay, so maybe I do hate him!

I could not introduce the two so Amanda got to him through somebody else. "I'm telling you now, so that you don't have to hear it from anybody else. That's guy is the douche bag of all douche bags!", I warned her. I was more concerned with the fact that he was taking interest in Amanda. I didn't want him to use her. Amanda may seem pretty street smart, but I feel that she can be fooled easily.

I kept a close eye on the two, asking Amanda about the progress. "Why are you so interested if you think he's a douchebag?", she asked me.

"Because I care for you.", I told her. Realizing that it could be interpreted in a whole different sense I quickly added, "Like a sister!", and I meant it. Eventually the guy got bored with Amanda and stopped responding to her. Amanda took that as a clear signal and split from him. "Douchebag!", she mumbled when she told me about it.

Then last December she started talking to a new guy who's from a sister college. He sat next to her during exams, and they got to be friends. I got to know about it much later sometime in March. Knowing the reputation of the students from that college I asked her about his drinking habits. Her reply was positive, worse she was embarrassed.

"Have you been drinking with him?" I asked trying to sound as less accusatory as possible.

"No!", she snapped back. After some more talking I got to know alot about this guy. It's not just me, but anybody with common sense would have guessed that these two can not make a good couple what so ever. As they say, she's way out of his league.

She's a good student. He's flunked every subject two semesters in a row. She's very career orientated, already having planned what she wants to become. He's just doing this because his parents wanted him to be a doctor. She likes having fun but isn't a party animal. He's a complete party animal. This was the worst possible matches ever!

"I'm telling you right now, this won't go anywhere.", I was pissed at Amanda for being so boy crazy. She doesn't need to find a guy. When time comes, she will get married and the guy will actually be someone worthy of her.

"I should never tell you about the guys I like. You always find some flaw in them, and I can't help but over look it. I eventually have to break up.", she argued back. "Why don't you tell me about some of the girls you like and I'll see how well they suit you!", she challenged.

"You have already asked me twice before, and I told you that there is no girl that I like.", I replied. "It isn't neccessary to like someone. We come here to learn, not fall in love!". This was turning into a full war now. "I only want the best for you, and I'm telling you these guys suck big time. You deserve someone much better, and I'm not saying that just because I'm your friend."

"Shut up!", she replied and walked away. I was really mad at her, and I didn't bother going after her or talking to her. She was being an idiot and if she was going to make a mistake, I should let her.

Later that night she messaged me an apology. I felt that I should apologize as well. We started talking, and I began making fun of her taste in men. "So you really don't like any girl at all?", she asked me.

"It's late. Talk to you tomorrow!", I replied and put down my cell. Amanda has been on my list of people I want to come out to. I wanted to tell her really bad. It was at that moment that I decided to tell her tomorrow. It's time!

Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 1

While we had become really good friends, I believe our next level of friendship was formed when Amanda started sharing her boy troubles with me. One fine day she asked me all of a sudden if differences in religious sects are taken into consideration during a marriage. I told her very blankly that most people prefer marrying people of their sect. If a marriage takes place in which the sects of the people involved are different, it's quite often looked down upon.

"Why did you ask me such a question?", I implored.

"A friend of mine shared her opinion on my idea of marrying a certain boy I like.", she replied.

"Somebody from your class?", I asked. "I'm talking about the boy, not the friend."

"No", she replied and began telling me about her boyfriend. I would admit that I was curious but I had no idea I would be extracting the information out of her with such ease. "And I'm trusting you with this so please do not tell it to anyone.", she added in the end.

"I won't. Promise!", I replied. "But why are you thinking of marriage right now? You are still in medical school for God's sake." I lectured her.

"I am not thinking. Just thinking!", she replied. This statement didn't make sense to me then, and I still don't get it.

"How religious are your parents? If they are very peculiar then there is a very good chance that they will not want you to marry him.", I told her. She didn't reply to that, but two weeks later she stopped talking to that boy.

She didn't tell me when she decided to split up. I felt that something was wrong one day and asked her if everything is alright. "Not feeling well!", she replied. I still wasn't convinced. I thought about asking if anything had happened between her and that guy she was seeing. But I didn't. It didn't seem right to me.

Later on when we were talking, she told me about the split. I didn't know what to do. I have never consoled a girl before, and I think consoling a boy is much easier than a girl.

Amanda went back to her usual chirpy self in a few days. Then a few weeks later she was crushing on a guy in my class. She badly wanted me to introduce her to him, but even I have never talked to him before. We shared a couple of friends, but that was all there was to it. There has never been a moment where we exchanged even a greeting. It's not that I hate him, it's just that he thinks he's better than everybody else. Okay, so maybe I do hate him!

I could not introduce the two so Amanda got to him through somebody else. "I'm telling you now, so that you don't have to hear it from anybody else. That's guy is the douche bag of all douche bags!", I warned her. I was more concerned with the fact that he was taking interest in Amanda. I didn't want him to use her. Amanda may seem pretty street smart, but I feel that she can be fooled easily.

I kept a close eye on the two, asking Amanda about the progress. "Why are you so interested if you think he's a douchebag?", she asked me.

"Because I care for you.", I told her. Realizing that it could be interpreted in a whole different sense I quickly added, "Like a sister!", and I meant it. Eventually the guy got bored with Amanda and stopped responding to her. Amanda took that as a clear signal and split from him. "Douchebag!", she mumbled when she told me about it.

Then last December she started talking to a new guy who's from a sister college. He sat next to her during exams, and they got to be friends. I got to know about it much later sometime in March. Knowing the reputation of the students from that college I asked her about his drinking habits. Her reply was positive, worse she was embarrassed.

"Have you been drinking with him?" I asked trying to sound as less accusatory as possible.

"No!", she snapped back. After some more talking I got to know alot about this guy. It's not just me, but anybody with common sense would have guessed that these two can not make a good couple what so ever. As they say, she's way out of his league.

She's a good student. He's flunked every subject two semesters in a row. She's very career orientated, already having planned what she wants to become. He's just doing this because his parents wanted him to be a doctor. She likes having fun but isn't a party animal. He's a complete party animal. This was the worst possible matches ever!

"I'm telling you right now, this won't go anywhere.", I was pissed at Amanda for being so boy crazy. She doesn't need to find a guy. When time comes, she will get married and the guy will actually be someone worthy of her.

"I should never tell you about the guys I like. You always find some flaw in them, and I can't help but over look it. I eventually have to break up.", she argued back. "Why don't you tell me about some of the girls you like and I'll see how well they suit you!", she challenged.

"You have already asked me twice before, and I told you that there is no girl that I like.", I replied. "It isn't neccessary to like someone. We come here to learn, not fall in love!". This was turning into a full war now. "I only want the best for you, and I'm telling you these guys suck big time. You deserve someone much better, and I'm not saying that just because I'm your friend."

"Shut up!", she replied and walked away. I was really mad at her, and I didn't bother going after her or talking to her. She was being an idiot and if she was going to make a mistake, I should let her.

Later that night she messaged me an apology. I felt that I should apologize as well. We started talking, and I began making fun of her taste in men. "So you really don't like any girl at all?", she asked me.

"It's late. Talk to you tomorrow!", I replied and put down my cell. Amanda has been on my list of people I want to come out to. I wanted to tell her really bad. It was at that moment that I decided to tell her tomorrow. It's time!

Amanda

Amanda is a class younger than me but from how close we are and how much we talk during any particular day nobody would ever be able to guess that we belong to completely different classes of my university. I never really noticed Amanda before I got to know her. I had seen her walking around college but she never grasped my attention, although she is somewhat of a head turner.

We're pretty close friends now, however our friendship happened by chance. When I was going to States in 2009, she happened to be on the same flight as me. But she would be with me till my stop in UK. She had to change airports for her next flight. I didn't even spot her at the airport. It was actually the first time ever I would be going air anywhere so I was excited and nervous all at the same time. Also I was traveling alone, which made me even more cautious about the things going around me and not so much about what others are doing. She spotted me quite early on but approached me when I was sitting in the waiting lounge. I'm kind of shy around new people but fortunately for us, she's quite a talkative person. By the time we were boarding, we were chattering like we had known each other since quite some time. "Can I sit next to you? I don't want to get stuck with someone I can't talk to!" she asked me excitedly.

"I don't mind but I don't think that's possible! Our seat numbers are entirely different!", I told her disappointingly. Even I would have loved it if we were together.

"I'll just ask who ever is sitting next to you, or you can ask who ever is sitting next to me! People are generally nice and don't mind exchanging seats! Nobody really cares, unless they have a window seat!" she chirped away. I really didn't know how to respond to it, but she asked this big tall dude if he would be willing to swap seats with her - with a smile. He didn't mind!

"I'm sitting by the window but you can have it!", I told her politely.

"Oh no! You're traveling by air the very first time so you deserve a window seat. Now sit!"

I'll admit I did want a window seat but had to be gentleman, so I asked her. "Did you know that I used to have red hair?", she asked me sometime during the flight.

"I just started to get to know you about an hour ago, how would I know?!", I told her as a matter of fact.

"Oh yeah! Anyhow my family forced me to dye them black so that I won't stand out in a crowd!", she told me playing with her hair.

"You still stand out in a crowd!" I told her making a reference to her height. She's freakishly tall for a girl. She's 5'10. Girls rarely go above 5'7 or at least the girls I generally hang around with. Next to them, she's like an amazon.

"Well yeah, but they really could not do anything about my height. Thank Heavens! I would hate to be short!", she complained.

"Thanks for the morale boost!", I spat back.

"Aww no! You're cute!" she complimented. I think I must have turned all shades of pink on spot. The only girls who had openly complimented me on anything were from my family, so this was a completely new territory for me. Our flight to Bahrain was of 2 hours, but we stayed up talking about just about everything. I don't remember how exactly but our chemistry rapidly grew when we started talking about Ugly Betty. We shared a mutual love for Amanda and Marc, but then most Ugly Betty watchers feel exactly the same.

In Bahrain, though we were staying at the same hotel during our 18 hour stop but we were in separate rooms. We had lunch and dinner together, and watched TV for a while in her room when she called me up. I was extremely nervous in her room, I felt like I was doing something so extremely wrong. But after a few minutes I calmed myself down because there is really nothing weird going on. We're just friends!

Our flight to UK was much longer than the one to Bahrain, so we slept through. But when I saw she was up, I went up to her. This flight was so frigg'in empty that there was no need to ask anybody to exchange seats. It was cool. When we split in UK, we exchanged email addresses and kept in touch. I came back to Pakistan much later than her, but when we met in college it was like we had never really split from the Heathrow Airport. Our friendship has definitely blossomed since then as I have guided her through a few tough times by listening and offering my advice when I felt I had any.

Now I feel that we have more of a brother-sister bond than simple friendship. It was the feeling of this bond that pushed me to do something I have been planning to since 2011 started. If you haven't guessed it yet, then I came out to her just today and it went extremely well.

Shocker, no?

Details about Amanda and the coming out episode in the next few posts! 

Amanda

Amanda is a class younger than me but from how close we are and how much we talk during any particular day nobody would ever be able to guess that we belong to completely different classes of my university. I never really noticed Amanda before I got to know her. I had seen her walking around college but she never grasped my attention, although she is somewhat of a head turner.

We're pretty close friends now, however our friendship happened by chance. When I was going to States in 2009, she happened to be on the same flight as me. But she would be with me till my stop in UK. She had to change airports for her next flight. I didn't even spot her at the airport. It was actually the first time ever I would be going air anywhere so I was excited and nervous all at the same time. Also I was traveling alone, which made me even more cautious about the things going around me and not so much about what others are doing. She spotted me quite early on but approached me when I was sitting in the waiting lounge. I'm kind of shy around new people but fortunately for us, she's quite a talkative person. By the time we were boarding, we were chattering like we had known each other since quite some time. "Can I sit next to you? I don't want to get stuck with someone I can't talk to!" she asked me excitedly.

"I don't mind but I don't think that's possible! Our seat numbers are entirely different!", I told her disappointingly. Even I would have loved it if we were together.

"I'll just ask who ever is sitting next to you, or you can ask who ever is sitting next to me! People are generally nice and don't mind exchanging seats! Nobody really cares, unless they have a window seat!" she chirped away. I really didn't know how to respond to it, but she asked this big tall dude if he would be willing to swap seats with her - with a smile. He didn't mind!

"I'm sitting by the window but you can have it!", I told her politely.

"Oh no! You're traveling by air the very first time so you deserve a window seat. Now sit!"

I'll admit I did want a window seat but had to be gentleman, so I asked her. "Did you know that I used to have red hair?", she asked me sometime during the flight.

"I just started to get to know you about an hour ago, how would I know?!", I told her as a matter of fact.

"Oh yeah! Anyhow my family forced me to dye them black so that I won't stand out in a crowd!", she told me playing with her hair.

"You still stand out in a crowd!" I told her making a reference to her height. She's freakishly tall for a girl. She's 5'10. Girls rarely go above 5'7 or at least the girls I generally hang around with. Next to them, she's like an amazon.

"Well yeah, but they really could not do anything about my height. Thank Heavens! I would hate to be short!", she complained.

"Thanks for the morale boost!", I spat back.

"Aww no! You're cute!" she complimented. I think I must have turned all shades of pink on spot. The only girls who had openly complimented me on anything were from my family, so this was a completely new territory for me. Our flight to Bahrain was of 2 hours, but we stayed up talking about just about everything. I don't remember how exactly but our chemistry rapidly grew when we started talking about Ugly Betty. We shared a mutual love for Amanda and Marc, but then most Ugly Betty watchers feel exactly the same.

In Bahrain, though we were staying at the same hotel during our 18 hour stop but we were in separate rooms. We had lunch and dinner together, and watched TV for a while in her room when she called me up. I was extremely nervous in her room, I felt like I was doing something so extremely wrong. But after a few minutes I calmed myself down because there is really nothing weird going on. We're just friends!

Our flight to UK was much longer than the one to Bahrain, so we slept through. But when I saw she was up, I went up to her. This flight was so frigg'in empty that there was no need to ask anybody to exchange seats. It was cool. When we split in UK, we exchanged email addresses and kept in touch. I came back to Pakistan much later than her, but when we met in college it was like we had never really split from the Heathrow Airport. Our friendship has definitely blossomed since then as I have guided her through a few tough times by listening and offering my advice when I felt I had any.

Now I feel that we have more of a brother-sister bond than simple friendship. It was the feeling of this bond that pushed me to do something I have been planning to since 2011 started. If you haven't guessed it yet, then I came out to her just today and it went extremely well.

Shocker, no?

Details about Amanda and the coming out episode in the next few posts! 

Forget These Not

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

And everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their hands

There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they're not alone

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody for me out there

- "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback

Being gay, I prefer the cover from Shayne Ward much more!

Doesn't matter where a person's sexual orientation may lie, everybody wants someone to love. If you're straight, the task of finding 'The One' is a gazillion times easier as you always have your family and friends to help you out in your search and inevitably many, just like you - are in search of the same.

However if you happen to be gay, then the rules of this game drastically change. Infact there are really no fixed rules. Every player has his own set of rules and they keep changing their rules to their wish. It's very much a trial and error sort of thing. Some people just pretend to play the game and unfortunately some poor soul ends up getting played really bad. It's not by any means easy in finding 'The One' if you're gay. Rarely do you have the support of your loved ones, generally it's just you watching out for yourself. Our goals are similar - finding somebody to love. And that's what we have to keep in mind.

Ryan plans to lead a straight life. He has sex every now and then with some random guy he finds off the Internet but what many of you may not know is the fact that Ryan has been through a two year relationship which ended in 2008. The guy was moving away and both of them didn't want a LDR, so they split and have remained friends ever since. However those two years were enough for Ryan to get a taste of a gay relationship and firmly decide that they aren't his cup of tea. Fortunately it also gave him enough sense to say something truly sensible every once in a while.

After my break up with Nathan, Ryan told me two things that I needed to keep in mind if I ever decided to get back into the game. Although I didn't really pay attention to his advice as I was very much soaked in depression and despair, but now I realize that his suggestion really could help out just about every gay guy looking for a relationship.

"The guy should want to be in a relationship!", Ryan told me as we sat in his car. "He needs to be looking for a guy, just as you are looking for one and not consider it because you suggested so!" Rarely does mutual attraction happen. You or the other guy will make the first move and then the other person will consider it. But you both are looking for someone to be with and it automatically leads to better chances of success. You can not complicate things with a friend by suggesting that you two should try for something more. You definitely can not suggest somebody who rings you up for a booty call for a relationship. Quite often you end up loosing him for good. Availability is the first thing one needs to keep in mind!

The other thing that Ryan emphasized on was that both guys should be on the same level of their coming out journeys. When they are similar or pretty close to what the other person has, there aren't expectations to be fulfilled. They both understand what they are capable of doing and don't make any such demands which maybe perceived as unreasonable.

Personally I would add a third point to this list and that would be to be acceptable of imperfections. We're all humans! We're all flawed! As another friend of mine once said, "We waste our time searching for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love!"

Enough said!  

Forget These Not

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

And everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their hands

There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they're not alone

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody for me out there

- "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback

Being gay, I prefer the cover from Shayne Ward much more!

Doesn't matter where a person's sexual orientation may lie, everybody wants someone to love. If you're straight, the task of finding 'The One' is a gazillion times easier as you always have your family and friends to help you out in your search and inevitably many, just like you - are in search of the same.

However if you happen to be gay, then the rules of this game drastically change. Infact there are really no fixed rules. Every player has his own set of rules and they keep changing their rules to their wish. It's very much a trial and error sort of thing. Some people just pretend to play the game and unfortunately some poor soul ends up getting played really bad. It's not by any means easy in finding 'The One' if you're gay. Rarely do you have the support of your loved ones, generally it's just you watching out for yourself. Our goals are similar - finding somebody to love. And that's what we have to keep in mind.

Ryan plans to lead a straight life. He has sex every now and then with some random guy he finds off the Internet but what many of you may not know is the fact that Ryan has been through a two year relationship which ended in 2008. The guy was moving away and both of them didn't want a LDR, so they split and have remained friends ever since. However those two years were enough for Ryan to get a taste of a gay relationship and firmly decide that they aren't his cup of tea. Fortunately it also gave him enough sense to say something truly sensible every once in a while.

After my break up with Nathan, Ryan told me two things that I needed to keep in mind if I ever decided to get back into the game. Although I didn't really pay attention to his advice as I was very much soaked in depression and despair, but now I realize that his suggestion really could help out just about every gay guy looking for a relationship.

"The guy should want to be in a relationship!", Ryan told me as we sat in his car. "He needs to be looking for a guy, just as you are looking for one and not consider it because you suggested so!" Rarely does mutual attraction happen. You or the other guy will make the first move and then the other person will consider it. But you both are looking for someone to be with and it automatically leads to better chances of success. You can not complicate things with a friend by suggesting that you two should try for something more. You definitely can not suggest somebody who rings you up for a booty call for a relationship. Quite often you end up loosing him for good. Availability is the first thing one needs to keep in mind!

The other thing that Ryan emphasized on was that both guys should be on the same level of their coming out journeys. When they are similar or pretty close to what the other person has, there aren't expectations to be fulfilled. They both understand what they are capable of doing and don't make any such demands which maybe perceived as unreasonable.

Personally I would add a third point to this list and that would be to be acceptable of imperfections. We're all humans! We're all flawed! As another friend of mine once said, "We waste our time searching for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love!"

Enough said!  

Coming Out To Alex - Pt. 3

I don't exactly remember clearly what day of the week I came out to Alex, but I do remember that the next time I went to school it was a Monday morning. Our party was a week away as scheduled on the coming Sunday, I had gotten to know through a mutual friend that the skit was perfection and I need to check it out. I wanted to - I co-wrote it after all! Alex had not bothered to contact me during the entire time but neither had I made an effort. I was completely convinced that our friendship is over.

Came Monday morning I arrived in school. As I walked into the cafeteria, my entire group was sitting in a circle. "Phunk, where have you been? Med school hasn't even started yet and you're already studying like a doctor. Take a break, man!" I was greeted. Alex was avoiding my look, at least both the times I looked at him. The only time he looked at me was when I had walked in.

A little while after, they started to perform in front of me. I really had no criticism against it. It flowed smoothly and they both were doing a great job. Male - female pairing did seem like a better idea than a male - male pairing for the program. Alex and the girl had brilliant chemistry. Alex's dunce act was brilliant. I couldn't help but laugh.

I was miserable on most parts over the past few days, but seeing Alex in school and his pretending that he doesn't notice me had completely pissed me off. At that moment I was indifferent. Whatever, I told myself. I can't take back my words. He doesn't realize how hard it was for me to come out and even more to come to terms with myself. If he doesn't want to acknowledge my sexuality, at least he could respect our friendship and be normal with me. Screw him, I told myself.

After the skit, I took to the library to get some papers from my exam preparation. Alex came a while later, he seemed to be looking for someone and surprisingly it turned out to be me. "So tell me really, how was the skit?" he asked.

"Quite good. The chemistry is really good and I think if we had done it together, it would have been this good! I got no complaints!" I signed for the papers and exited the library with Alex on my side.

"So we're not friends anymore?" he asks.

I literally stopped dead in my tracks. "Why do you want to be friends?" I asked suspiciously.

"Are you really asking me that?"

"I'm just curious! You certainly didn't want to be friends over the last week!" I told him.

"Give me a break, man! Nobody has ever told me such a thing! My reaction was impulsive!" I didn't respond to that remark. "I don't think being gay is right because homosexuality is prohibited in Islam, and I'm just scared for you. I won't apologize for my reaction, but I do still want to be friends! However if you don't feel the same, I won't bother you."

"I never expected you to understand." I told Alex. "However I do expect a little understanding. I'm not vying for you're sympathy. I'd love to be friends, but only if you don't start associating me with every type of perversity out there!"

I guess he couldn't respond with a 'Yes' but he did want to be friends with me. I missed him over the weekend although I would never admit it. We walked over to my car, "I will be leaving in a while myself. If you're not in a hurry to get back to your books, I could drop you!" he offered.

Wow!, he really does want to be friends!

Things slowly got better. I never really told Alex about the part that I had a crush on him. He did ask me once if I ever liked anybody from school. I told him I was just minutely attracted to a few guys and to one guy alot in particular. He didn't say anything at that moment, however once when we were at his place he asked me about that one guy. Just to tease him, I lied that it was this one guy who Alex disliked with a passion.

After noticing the look of shock on Alex's face, I confessed that I was lying and I don't like anyone in particular. I am not telling Alex under any condition that to date he's one of my craziest crushes. Something are better left untold!

And that's the entire story of how Alex became the second person who I told about my darkest secret.  

Coming Out To Alex - Pt. 3

I don't exactly remember clearly what day of the week I came out to Alex, but I do remember that the next time I went to school it was a Monday morning. Our party was a week away as scheduled on the coming Sunday, I had gotten to know through a mutual friend that the skit was perfection and I need to check it out. I wanted to - I co-wrote it after all! Alex had not bothered to contact me during the entire time but neither had I made an effort. I was completely convinced that our friendship is over.

Came Monday morning I arrived in school. As I walked into the cafeteria, my entire group was sitting in a circle. "Phunk, where have you been? Med school hasn't even started yet and you're already studying like a doctor. Take a break, man!" I was greeted. Alex was avoiding my look, at least both the times I looked at him. The only time he looked at me was when I had walked in.

A little while after, they started to perform in front of me. I really had no criticism against it. It flowed smoothly and they both were doing a great job. Male - female pairing did seem like a better idea than a male - male pairing for the program. Alex and the girl had brilliant chemistry. Alex's dunce act was brilliant. I couldn't help but laugh.

I was miserable on most parts over the past few days, but seeing Alex in school and his pretending that he doesn't notice me had completely pissed me off. At that moment I was indifferent. Whatever, I told myself. I can't take back my words. He doesn't realize how hard it was for me to come out and even more to come to terms with myself. If he doesn't want to acknowledge my sexuality, at least he could respect our friendship and be normal with me. Screw him, I told myself.

After the skit, I took to the library to get some papers from my exam preparation. Alex came a while later, he seemed to be looking for someone and surprisingly it turned out to be me. "So tell me really, how was the skit?" he asked.

"Quite good. The chemistry is really good and I think if we had done it together, it would have been this good! I got no complaints!" I signed for the papers and exited the library with Alex on my side.

"So we're not friends anymore?" he asks.

I literally stopped dead in my tracks. "Why do you want to be friends?" I asked suspiciously.

"Are you really asking me that?"

"I'm just curious! You certainly didn't want to be friends over the last week!" I told him.

"Give me a break, man! Nobody has ever told me such a thing! My reaction was impulsive!" I didn't respond to that remark. "I don't think being gay is right because homosexuality is prohibited in Islam, and I'm just scared for you. I won't apologize for my reaction, but I do still want to be friends! However if you don't feel the same, I won't bother you."

"I never expected you to understand." I told Alex. "However I do expect a little understanding. I'm not vying for you're sympathy. I'd love to be friends, but only if you don't start associating me with every type of perversity out there!"

I guess he couldn't respond with a 'Yes' but he did want to be friends with me. I missed him over the weekend although I would never admit it. We walked over to my car, "I will be leaving in a while myself. If you're not in a hurry to get back to your books, I could drop you!" he offered.

Wow!, he really does want to be friends!

Things slowly got better. I never really told Alex about the part that I had a crush on him. He did ask me once if I ever liked anybody from school. I told him I was just minutely attracted to a few guys and to one guy alot in particular. He didn't say anything at that moment, however once when we were at his place he asked me about that one guy. Just to tease him, I lied that it was this one guy who Alex disliked with a passion.

After noticing the look of shock on Alex's face, I confessed that I was lying and I don't like anyone in particular. I am not telling Alex under any condition that to date he's one of my craziest crushes. Something are better left untold!

And that's the entire story of how Alex became the second person who I told about my darkest secret.  

Coming Out To Alex - Pt. 2

Just as soon as those words left my mouth I started dreading them. I really did want Alex to know but not like this. Never did I plan on coming out to him in the middle of our school ground. Alex seemed to go completely blank for a second. I started apologizing immediately.

"Stop!" Alex mumbled. "How can you be gay?"

"I really don't know. Even I wonder at times about it, but I really have no idea as to why am I gay!", I told him in an extremely apologetic tone.

"Are you sure?", he asked.

"Quite definitely!"

There was complete silence for a while. It's like somebody had sucked the air out of the atmosphere and all that was left was this feeling of emptiness. Alex just stood there, he was casting a huge shadow. He was about 6 ft. tall, that was one of the thing I liked about him. His height!

I kept looking at the ground. I could not look at Alex. After a very long time, I was feeling ashamed for my sexuality. It wasn't that I had gotten used to it. It was that I had started learning to live with it. However right now, all the effort that I put into being patient and understanding towards myself was replaced with anguish and shame. I was pretty sure that this would change things forever between us. Maybe coming out to Alex was a wrong move on my part after all, I thought.

"You can't be gay! Gays are so feminine! You have seen those guys dressed up as girls on the streets, right? Chakas! Hijra! They're gay! You're not gay!" Alex rambled on.

"God! You're embarrassing me! A guy can be very much gay but still be a man! Not every gay wants to dress up like a woman, you know!", I tried explaining.

"Then how can you explain your attraction?"

"I can't!"

"Then you're not gay! You're.....confused!" Alex explained.

"Dude, I'm not confused! Seriously you need to stop insulting me. Somethings I just know!" I explained. "This is one of them! I just know! I can't explain how, but I just know!"

"Have you ever done it with a guy?", he asked.

"Not yet!", I told him.

"What!? You actually plan on doing it with a guy?", he yelled in shock.

"I didn't say that. I said I haven't done anything yet!", I repeated my words slowly and carefully. "There is a difference between the two!"

"Fuck! Get a girl, Phunk!" Alex pleaded. I don't exactly remember how long we fought, but I do remember that it kept getting worse with every passing second. Somewhere along the lines Alex warned how I am paving my own road to Hell.

"We are not discussing this!", I shot back. He clearly did not understand any of my difficulties. "I'm going home! If she clears the script, do it with a girl! I'm pretty that God won't scorn over it!" Originally Alex and I were planning on hosting the ceremony through the 'Why We Fail?' segment. Alex did not follow me to the cafeteria where we had kept our bags. I exited our school short after and headed straight for home.

As soon as I got home, I went to my room. Mom felt that something had gone terribly wrong, but I lied to her about something upsetting regarding the event we were organizing and that I was too tired to eat. I lay on my bed and don't quite remember when I went to sleep. I got up around 9PM feeling a little better. I knew in the back of my head what had happened earlier in the day but somewhere a part of me felt that it was some distant nightmare. I must have slept for about six to seven hours. I took a bath and had dinner. I decided to finally get some studying done as I was scheduled to appear in my A Levels in two months. Eeek!

After about two hours of solid studying; Yeah, even I was surprised I managed to get that much done given the earlier happenings of the day. Looking back I realized Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway pulled me through. I had just gotten started on my Kelly Clarkson trip after getting addicted to American Idol the previous year when Carrie Underwood won.



There was a text message from Alex on my cell phone. "Kaisay ho? (How are you?) "

"I'm fine! You?", I responded.

"I'm good! The script's cleared! Are you sure you do not want to do it?", he asked.

I wondered for a moment. I really wanted to do it. There were so many brilliant teachers I had which I wanted to personally pay a tribute, but teaming with Alex would be very awkward. "No! Thanks for asking though!"

There was a long wait before the next text message came. "I'll make sure to mention that it was your idea. See you tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow? Why?" I asked him quite surprised.

After another long wait. "Nothing. I just thought you would be coming!"

"I'm not! I need to study!"

There was no exchange of messages after that. I got back to my books. A part of me was saying that Alex still would like to be friends, however I did not want to get my hopes up. My own sexuality was something I had not fully come to peace with, how can I expect someone else to understand?.

The last part would be up on Saturday for sure. Once again, i felt it all was too much for you guys to handle.

Also I don't quite know why but I'm on a really huge Kelly Clarkson trip since the past two days. The two songs below are currently sitting on top my iTunes plays.





I love me some Kelly!

Coming Out To Alex - Pt. 2

Just as soon as those words left my mouth I started dreading them. I really did want Alex to know but not like this. Never did I plan on coming out to him in the middle of our school ground. Alex seemed to go completely blank for a second. I started apologizing immediately.

"Stop!" Alex mumbled. "How can you be gay?"

"I really don't know. Even I wonder at times about it, but I really have no idea as to why am I gay!", I told him in an extremely apologetic tone.

"Are you sure?", he asked.

"Quite definitely!"

There was complete silence for a while. It's like somebody had sucked the air out of the atmosphere and all that was left was this feeling of emptiness. Alex just stood there, he was casting a huge shadow. He was about 6 ft. tall, that was one of the thing I liked about him. His height!

I kept looking at the ground. I could not look at Alex. After a very long time, I was feeling ashamed for my sexuality. It wasn't that I had gotten used to it. It was that I had started learning to live with it. However right now, all the effort that I put into being patient and understanding towards myself was replaced with anguish and shame. I was pretty sure that this would change things forever between us. Maybe coming out to Alex was a wrong move on my part after all, I thought.

"You can't be gay! Gays are so feminine! You have seen those guys dressed up as girls on the streets, right? Chakas! Hijra! They're gay! You're not gay!" Alex rambled on.

"God! You're embarrassing me! A guy can be very much gay but still be a man! Not every gay wants to dress up like a woman, you know!", I tried explaining.

"Then how can you explain your attraction?"

"I can't!"

"Then you're not gay! You're.....confused!" Alex explained.

"Dude, I'm not confused! Seriously you need to stop insulting me. Somethings I just know!" I explained. "This is one of them! I just know! I can't explain how, but I just know!"

"Have you ever done it with a guy?", he asked.

"Not yet!", I told him.

"What!? You actually plan on doing it with a guy?", he yelled in shock.

"I didn't say that. I said I haven't done anything yet!", I repeated my words slowly and carefully. "There is a difference between the two!"

"Fuck! Get a girl, Phunk!" Alex pleaded. I don't exactly remember how long we fought, but I do remember that it kept getting worse with every passing second. Somewhere along the lines Alex warned how I am paving my own road to Hell.

"We are not discussing this!", I shot back. He clearly did not understand any of my difficulties. "I'm going home! If she clears the script, do it with a girl! I'm pretty that God won't scorn over it!" Originally Alex and I were planning on hosting the ceremony through the 'Why We Fail?' segment. Alex did not follow me to the cafeteria where we had kept our bags. I exited our school short after and headed straight for home.

As soon as I got home, I went to my room. Mom felt that something had gone terribly wrong, but I lied to her about something upsetting regarding the event we were organizing and that I was too tired to eat. I lay on my bed and don't quite remember when I went to sleep. I got up around 9PM feeling a little better. I knew in the back of my head what had happened earlier in the day but somewhere a part of me felt that it was some distant nightmare. I must have slept for about six to seven hours. I took a bath and had dinner. I decided to finally get some studying done as I was scheduled to appear in my A Levels in two months. Eeek!

After about two hours of solid studying; Yeah, even I was surprised I managed to get that much done given the earlier happenings of the day. Looking back I realized Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway pulled me through. I had just gotten started on my Kelly Clarkson trip after getting addicted to American Idol the previous year when Carrie Underwood won.



There was a text message from Alex on my cell phone. "Kaisay ho? (How are you?) "

"I'm fine! You?", I responded.

"I'm good! The script's cleared! Are you sure you do not want to do it?", he asked.

I wondered for a moment. I really wanted to do it. There were so many brilliant teachers I had which I wanted to personally pay a tribute, but teaming with Alex would be very awkward. "No! Thanks for asking though!"

There was a long wait before the next text message came. "I'll make sure to mention that it was your idea. See you tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow? Why?" I asked him quite surprised.

After another long wait. "Nothing. I just thought you would be coming!"

"I'm not! I need to study!"

There was no exchange of messages after that. I got back to my books. A part of me was saying that Alex still would like to be friends, however I did not want to get my hopes up. My own sexuality was something I had not fully come to peace with, how can I expect someone else to understand?.

The last part would be up on Saturday for sure. Once again, i felt it all was too much for you guys to handle.

Also I don't quite know why but I'm on a really huge Kelly Clarkson trip since the past two days. The two songs below are currently sitting on top my iTunes plays.





I love me some Kelly!

Coming Out To Alex - Pt. 1

As our school year came to an end, our batch grew busy in organizing a special event that we wanted to do as a tribute to our teachers. Although it didn't come to be because majority of the teachers were busy in scheduling exam papers and related stuff, we had a good time in planning and rehearsing for the event. In the end, we organized a boring dinner at PC Sheraton that happened after the exams.

We needed some entertainment for the event. Primarily there were just two forms on entertainment that students came up with. Either the student body did an imitation skit of their various professors or we hired some musical guest to make an appearance. The fault with the former was that it was done to death and I also felt that it is slightly disrespectful. How would you feel if you were invited to a party in your honor and you were mocked there openly in front of your colleagues?.

I'm pretty sure the feeling won't be even remotely nice. The second option although very appropriate was highly impractical. While we tended to be gravitated towards the likes of Black Eyed Peas, Shakira, Linkin Park. Our teachers preferred the likes of Sufi music and the music of 70s and 80s. Something we knew nothing about.

Yours truly came up with a truly original idea of a skit titled 'Why We Fail?'. It basically was a compilation of the various juicy facts and fiction along with video and pictures so as to provide proof as to why brilliant students like us fail their not-so-brilliant exams. The entire batch was invited to lend their support and tell us whatever they knew. The response we got was hilarious with some very weird and hopefully fabricated answers. Alex and I rounded a couple of people to filter through them and then got down to making the skit out of it.

It took two days but we managed to pull it off, and when we gave the test run to a few of our peers they loved it. Before being finally approved for the event, it had to be approved. But we didn't want any of our professors to do so, then the entire idea would be out. So far we had them believing that we are doing an imitation skit. Nasty bunch of liars we were, I tell you!

We got another source to proof-read and approve the script for us. She told us to leave the script and get back to us after an hour or two. We did as we were told. "I really do believe that this is going to be great!", Alex said fixing his hair in the boys room.

"If they reject it, we can always go back and do the imitation as revenge!", I replied.

To be very honest, I didn't plan on coming out to Alex that day. I did plan on doing it sometime before we completely lost touch coming September as I started my medical college and he started his business one. We left the boys room and were walking around in the school ground. Lone expanses with no other living soul other than me and Alex. It was a Saturday morning. "I want to tell you something!", I confessed. I don't know why I always say the previous words when I want to confess something. I guess it is a sign for the other person to get ready however they are rarely ready for the what I have to say.

"I really didn't have any feelings for the girl in my biology lab!", I tell him.

"What?!" Alex shouted in surprise.

"Yeah!" I told him. "I really do not have any feelings for her!"

"Then why did you lie to me? And why have you been lying to me for so long? Nodding you're head whenever I asked you if the feelings you had for her were the same I had for Rida so that I can conclude if my feelings were real or not!" he exploded all over me. "Dude, I'm so mad at you right now!"

"What was I to do? Douchebag was forcing everyone to tell their secret crush/love/make-out buddy! There was no way he would have let me go. You do know how he is!" I snapped.

"Okay, I get that! But you could have told me later that it was just some stupid lie!", Alex complained.

"I agree. I could have told you. But to be honest, I was more concerned about her. You know how girls are. The moment they find out that some guy is attracted to them, they start distancing themselves. While I have no feelings for her, I enjoyed her company in the biology lab and how well she knew her stuff!", I told him.

Alex did not say anything in response to my latest reply. "Anyways, I told her a few days ago about this lie and we had a laugh over it!", I told him to lighten the mood. He was very surprised that I had managed that bit and was still standing very much in flesh and blood in front of him.

Alex was thinking about something. Whenever Alex was deep in thought, he would cover his mouth with his hand and his eyes would stop in one place. I had seen this face a million times in the past few months. I could read this one like a book. "Okay, so you're not attracted to her. Then who?", he asked.

"Who? Is it really that necessary to be attracted to somebody?" I asked him.

"Well not really! But you're 18, there has to be someone who you must have liked or wanted?!" he poked me again.

"Dude! Very honestly, there's nobody!"

"Nobody in school?"

"Nobody!"

"Outside school?"

Nopes!"

"Family?"

"Ew! No!"

"So you've never been attracted to any girl?"

"Nopes! I have never been attracted to any girl!" I told him looking into his eyes point blank.

"I don't believe you! You don't trust me and that's why you are not telling me!" Alex argued.

"I trust you! I honestly do, but I have never been attracted to girls!" I tried explaining him. Although I seemed very composed at that time inside I felt like someone had turned me into a liquid mess.

"Then what? Do you like guys?" Alex blasted.

"Is that so bad?"

"What? To like guys?", Alex asked. "Obviously, it's weird! Really really weird!"

I completely flipped at his reaction and in a blind flash of anger I exploded "Newsflash my friend, your best friend for the past 2 years happens to like guys!"

I can't possibly complete the entire event without boring you, also I'm quite literally shaking all over my body right now. I will be posting the next part in a two or three days. Thanks for reading!!

Coming Out To Alex - Pt. 1

As our school year came to an end, our batch grew busy in organizing a special event that we wanted to do as a tribute to our teachers. Although it didn't come to be because majority of the teachers were busy in scheduling exam papers and related stuff, we had a good time in planning and rehearsing for the event. In the end, we organized a boring dinner at PC Sheraton that happened after the exams.

We needed some entertainment for the event. Primarily there were just two forms on entertainment that students came up with. Either the student body did an imitation skit of their various professors or we hired some musical guest to make an appearance. The fault with the former was that it was done to death and I also felt that it is slightly disrespectful. How would you feel if you were invited to a party in your honor and you were mocked there openly in front of your colleagues?.

I'm pretty sure the feeling won't be even remotely nice. The second option although very appropriate was highly impractical. While we tended to be gravitated towards the likes of Black Eyed Peas, Shakira, Linkin Park. Our teachers preferred the likes of Sufi music and the music of 70s and 80s. Something we knew nothing about.

Yours truly came up with a truly original idea of a skit titled 'Why We Fail?'. It basically was a compilation of the various juicy facts and fiction along with video and pictures so as to provide proof as to why brilliant students like us fail their not-so-brilliant exams. The entire batch was invited to lend their support and tell us whatever they knew. The response we got was hilarious with some very weird and hopefully fabricated answers. Alex and I rounded a couple of people to filter through them and then got down to making the skit out of it.

It took two days but we managed to pull it off, and when we gave the test run to a few of our peers they loved it. Before being finally approved for the event, it had to be approved. But we didn't want any of our professors to do so, then the entire idea would be out. So far we had them believing that we are doing an imitation skit. Nasty bunch of liars we were, I tell you!

We got another source to proof-read and approve the script for us. She told us to leave the script and get back to us after an hour or two. We did as we were told. "I really do believe that this is going to be great!", Alex said fixing his hair in the boys room.

"If they reject it, we can always go back and do the imitation as revenge!", I replied.

To be very honest, I didn't plan on coming out to Alex that day. I did plan on doing it sometime before we completely lost touch coming September as I started my medical college and he started his business one. We left the boys room and were walking around in the school ground. Lone expanses with no other living soul other than me and Alex. It was a Saturday morning. "I want to tell you something!", I confessed. I don't know why I always say the previous words when I want to confess something. I guess it is a sign for the other person to get ready however they are rarely ready for the what I have to say.

"I really didn't have any feelings for the girl in my biology lab!", I tell him.

"What?!" Alex shouted in surprise.

"Yeah!" I told him. "I really do not have any feelings for her!"

"Then why did you lie to me? And why have you been lying to me for so long? Nodding you're head whenever I asked you if the feelings you had for her were the same I had for Rida so that I can conclude if my feelings were real or not!" he exploded all over me. "Dude, I'm so mad at you right now!"

"What was I to do? Douchebag was forcing everyone to tell their secret crush/love/make-out buddy! There was no way he would have let me go. You do know how he is!" I snapped.

"Okay, I get that! But you could have told me later that it was just some stupid lie!", Alex complained.

"I agree. I could have told you. But to be honest, I was more concerned about her. You know how girls are. The moment they find out that some guy is attracted to them, they start distancing themselves. While I have no feelings for her, I enjoyed her company in the biology lab and how well she knew her stuff!", I told him.

Alex did not say anything in response to my latest reply. "Anyways, I told her a few days ago about this lie and we had a laugh over it!", I told him to lighten the mood. He was very surprised that I had managed that bit and was still standing very much in flesh and blood in front of him.

Alex was thinking about something. Whenever Alex was deep in thought, he would cover his mouth with his hand and his eyes would stop in one place. I had seen this face a million times in the past few months. I could read this one like a book. "Okay, so you're not attracted to her. Then who?", he asked.

"Who? Is it really that necessary to be attracted to somebody?" I asked him.

"Well not really! But you're 18, there has to be someone who you must have liked or wanted?!" he poked me again.

"Dude! Very honestly, there's nobody!"

"Nobody in school?"

"Nobody!"

"Outside school?"

Nopes!"

"Family?"

"Ew! No!"

"So you've never been attracted to any girl?"

"Nopes! I have never been attracted to any girl!" I told him looking into his eyes point blank.

"I don't believe you! You don't trust me and that's why you are not telling me!" Alex argued.

"I trust you! I honestly do, but I have never been attracted to girls!" I tried explaining him. Although I seemed very composed at that time inside I felt like someone had turned me into a liquid mess.

"Then what? Do you like guys?" Alex blasted.

"Is that so bad?"

"What? To like guys?", Alex asked. "Obviously, it's weird! Really really weird!"

I completely flipped at his reaction and in a blind flash of anger I exploded "Newsflash my friend, your best friend for the past 2 years happens to like guys!"

I can't possibly complete the entire event without boring you, also I'm quite literally shaking all over my body right now. I will be posting the next part in a two or three days. Thanks for reading!!

No Girls Allowed

I rarely remember the things that come in my dreams, but what I dreamt of last night I shall never be able to forget. Before you start thinking that it was one of the most amazing dreams I could ever have where I was making out the hottest guy anyone could imagine, let me stop you!

I was not dreaming about a guy. I was not dreaming about ANY guy. Infact I was dreaming about a girl. Yes, I had my first ever wet dream involving a girl. However I also think it will be my last. Want to know why?

My brain doesn’t like it when I dream about girls. The dislike is to such an extent that it sabotages my dreams, so that they become living nightmares. I’m not kidding you! When I woke up in the morning today, I rechecked my surroundings to see if life was still the same as it was when I went to sleep. Yeah, my brain totally kicked my first female wet dream’s ass.

It started out innocent enough. I was laying next to this blonde chick. I do not find blondes attractive. I admit I like my guys with paler shades of hair. But I prefer females in shades of rich brunettes, kind of like Hillary Duff. I loved her Dignity era make-over. Anyhow back to my dream. Strangely enough, she couldn’t speak English or Urdu. We were talking in some weird sign language. Could she be Russian?

If so, oh man! Loosing virginity to a Russian woman would be so cool. Who manages their first time with Russian lass?!

Well except Russian lads, that is! :p

So we were laying on the bed, at first just some talking going on. Eventually it moves to us getting undressed and we get on with the dirty deed. So I’m on her and basically doing everything a man does to a woman. We’re kissing! We’re love biting! We’re running our hands through each other’s hair which by the way is completely awesome! We’re humping, or I’m humping and she’s getting humped! And…my parents burst into the room!

WTF! WTF! WTF!

I can’t begin to recall how many explicit wet dreams I’ve had involving guys and not a single one of them has ever been interrupted by my parents. Not a single one!

“What the hell are you doing?”, my mom screams.

“What are you doing here?”, I reply back.

“We came to check on if you were studying or sleeping!”, my dad responds.

“Get out! Get out!”, I start shouting. Thankfully I wrapped the sheet around myself and her, even my dreams self is extremely self-conscious.

I push them out of the room and follow them out, still in sheets. “What the heck were you doing?”, my mom asks again.

“What does it look I was doing?”

“Why the hell were you having sex?” my dad asks.

“I wanted to know if I can have sex with a woman even though I’m gay!” I scream.

“Your gay?!” they respond in unison.

I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, but I recall some more fighting taking place and me screaming out of this huge castle tower, “I’m gay! I’m gay!”, I do believe my parents did something like locking me up there.

I woke up from it all with this weird spinning feeling in my head. I looked around and about to see where I was. For a moment I thought it had really happened and I buried myself in blankets. But then I remembered that I have a presentation due today and realized I have to get my butt to college by 9AM.  

Whew! I’m still in the closet!

I lay back and recalled the entire dream. I don’t know why but I just did it, and then I erupted into snorting laughter. So it’s settled now, I’m meant to be gay. If I try to be straight, my brain will sabotage me and ruin whatever I am trying to do. Guess I’m stuck with guys!

Sorry girls! You have to count me out. My mind is reserving me a guys!

No Girls Allowed

I rarely remember the things that come in my dreams, but what I dreamt of last night I shall never be able to forget. Before you start thinking that it was one of the most amazing dreams I could ever have where I was making out the hottest guy anyone could imagine, let me stop you!

I was not dreaming about a guy. I was not dreaming about ANY guy. Infact I was dreaming about a girl. Yes, I had my first ever wet dream involving a girl. However I also think it will be my last. Want to know why?

My brain doesn’t like it when I dream about girls. The dislike is to such an extent that it sabotages my dreams, so that they become living nightmares. I’m not kidding you! When I woke up in the morning today, I rechecked my surroundings to see if life was still the same as it was when I went to sleep. Yeah, my brain totally kicked my first female wet dream’s ass.

It started out innocent enough. I was laying next to this blonde chick. I do not find blondes attractive. I admit I like my guys with paler shades of hair. But I prefer females in shades of rich brunettes, kind of like Hillary Duff. I loved her Dignity era make-over. Anyhow back to my dream. Strangely enough, she couldn’t speak English or Urdu. We were talking in some weird sign language. Could she be Russian?

If so, oh man! Loosing virginity to a Russian woman would be so cool. Who manages their first time with Russian lass?!

Well except Russian lads, that is! :p

So we were laying on the bed, at first just some talking going on. Eventually it moves to us getting undressed and we get on with the dirty deed. So I’m on her and basically doing everything a man does to a woman. We’re kissing! We’re love biting! We’re running our hands through each other’s hair which by the way is completely awesome! We’re humping, or I’m humping and she’s getting humped! And…my parents burst into the room!

WTF! WTF! WTF!

I can’t begin to recall how many explicit wet dreams I’ve had involving guys and not a single one of them has ever been interrupted by my parents. Not a single one!

“What the hell are you doing?”, my mom screams.

“What are you doing here?”, I reply back.

“We came to check on if you were studying or sleeping!”, my dad responds.

“Get out! Get out!”, I start shouting. Thankfully I wrapped the sheet around myself and her, even my dreams self is extremely self-conscious.

I push them out of the room and follow them out, still in sheets. “What the heck were you doing?”, my mom asks again.

“What does it look I was doing?”

“Why the hell were you having sex?” my dad asks.

“I wanted to know if I can have sex with a woman even though I’m gay!” I scream.

“Your gay?!” they respond in unison.

I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, but I recall some more fighting taking place and me screaming out of this huge castle tower, “I’m gay! I’m gay!”, I do believe my parents did something like locking me up there.

I woke up from it all with this weird spinning feeling in my head. I looked around and about to see where I was. For a moment I thought it had really happened and I buried myself in blankets. But then I remembered that I have a presentation due today and realized I have to get my butt to college by 9AM.  

Whew! I’m still in the closet!

I lay back and recalled the entire dream. I don’t know why but I just did it, and then I erupted into snorting laughter. So it’s settled now, I’m meant to be gay. If I try to be straight, my brain will sabotage me and ruin whatever I am trying to do. Guess I’m stuck with guys!

Sorry girls! You have to count me out. My mind is reserving me a guys!