Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 2

I had big ass butterflies in my stomach that entire day. The previous night when I was lying on the bed, I promised myself that I would tell Amanda about myself the coming morning. However every time I would run into Amanda or was about to run into Amanda, my feet would do a double take and I would duck in to some corridor, lecture hall or ward. I knew if I didn't tell Amanda before the day got over, I'm going to be sick from self-disgust the same night.

Fortunately after my daily rotation I was standing outside the cafeteria where Amanda came up to order. "Hey! How are you?", she asked me.

"I'm good. You?", I asked. We started talking as usual, and I realized that while I did want to come out to her I didn't know how to steer the conversation to such a point when I could actually bring this up. I didn't have the guts to start talking about girls but my stomach kept tying itself into knots with every passing second. My replies and contributions to the conversation were sharp and short. It was like my mind was functioning somewhere else, and only my body was present in the college grounds.

"Do you trust me?", she asked.

"Ofcourse I do!", I told her. I did trust her. If I didn't, I would not be considering telling her about myself.

"I was talking to one of your friends earlier today. He told me that you do not trust anybody in this college, and that's why you haven't told anybody who you like!", she told me. She seemed hurt. "I told him that you really do not like anyone, even though I do not entirely believe it myself."

"Okay! Firstly thanks alot for sticking up for me!", I replied. "Secondly..", I began typing hastily into my cell phone. "Read this super quietly and please please please do not scream!", I told her sternly. My hands had gone cold and were shaking. I gave her my cell phone. She was totally confused, and I could read it on her face.

She took the cell phone. She has brown eyes but sometime likes to wear green contact lenses which make her eyes look bigger than they actually are, and even more so when she outlines them with mascara. Her already very wide eyes grew even more wide. It seemed that she was paused. She handed me the cell phone back, but didn't say anything. I thought I was going to loose her now.

"Since when?", she asked. "Since when have you known that your gay?", she repeated explaining her question.

"I realized it when I was sixteen, but I can date my earliest attraction towards guys when I was eight years old!", I told her quietly.

"So you have always liked guys?", she asked again.

"Yeah!", I replied.

"And there hasn't been a single girl who has roused interest in you?", she asked.

"I do like girls, but not like a straight guy does!", I told her. "If you are uncomfortable with me being gay, you can end our friendship." I told her. I would never force anyone into being in my company if they find my sexuality unsettling.

"Oh shut up. You are so much better than the straight guys I know!", she told me. I smiled a little at that compliment. "There was something different about you. But I never expected you to be gay.", she started babbling.

I laughed at her previous remark. "What was your opinion?", I asked her.

"Okay don't freak out, but I always thought you were secretly engaged since birth!", she confessed.

I started laughing uncontrollably. "Seriously?", I asked to confirm. "You seriously thought I was engaged?!"

"Yeah yeah whatever!", she grumbled. "Okay so now that I know your gay, who do you really like?", she asked me.

"Will you ever let go of this question?!", I responded. My body had started functioning normally again, it felt so good drinking soda. It was like a giant weight had been lifted off my body.

"Had you not told me, I would have eventually moved on. But now I'm so interested in knowing everything about you.", she said with the biggest ever smile on her face.

Good God! What have I done?

In the coming weeks I told Amanda everything that you all know about me, and some I haven't posted about here yet. She told me that I'm a 'Rachael Berry', which I will post about sometime else. 

Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 2

I had big ass butterflies in my stomach that entire day. The previous night when I was lying on the bed, I promised myself that I would tell Amanda about myself the coming morning. However every time I would run into Amanda or was about to run into Amanda, my feet would do a double take and I would duck in to some corridor, lecture hall or ward. I knew if I didn't tell Amanda before the day got over, I'm going to be sick from self-disgust the same night.

Fortunately after my daily rotation I was standing outside the cafeteria where Amanda came up to order. "Hey! How are you?", she asked me.

"I'm good. You?", I asked. We started talking as usual, and I realized that while I did want to come out to her I didn't know how to steer the conversation to such a point when I could actually bring this up. I didn't have the guts to start talking about girls but my stomach kept tying itself into knots with every passing second. My replies and contributions to the conversation were sharp and short. It was like my mind was functioning somewhere else, and only my body was present in the college grounds.

"Do you trust me?", she asked.

"Ofcourse I do!", I told her. I did trust her. If I didn't, I would not be considering telling her about myself.

"I was talking to one of your friends earlier today. He told me that you do not trust anybody in this college, and that's why you haven't told anybody who you like!", she told me. She seemed hurt. "I told him that you really do not like anyone, even though I do not entirely believe it myself."

"Okay! Firstly thanks alot for sticking up for me!", I replied. "Secondly..", I began typing hastily into my cell phone. "Read this super quietly and please please please do not scream!", I told her sternly. My hands had gone cold and were shaking. I gave her my cell phone. She was totally confused, and I could read it on her face.

She took the cell phone. She has brown eyes but sometime likes to wear green contact lenses which make her eyes look bigger than they actually are, and even more so when she outlines them with mascara. Her already very wide eyes grew even more wide. It seemed that she was paused. She handed me the cell phone back, but didn't say anything. I thought I was going to loose her now.

"Since when?", she asked. "Since when have you known that your gay?", she repeated explaining her question.

"I realized it when I was sixteen, but I can date my earliest attraction towards guys when I was eight years old!", I told her quietly.

"So you have always liked guys?", she asked again.

"Yeah!", I replied.

"And there hasn't been a single girl who has roused interest in you?", she asked.

"I do like girls, but not like a straight guy does!", I told her. "If you are uncomfortable with me being gay, you can end our friendship." I told her. I would never force anyone into being in my company if they find my sexuality unsettling.

"Oh shut up. You are so much better than the straight guys I know!", she told me. I smiled a little at that compliment. "There was something different about you. But I never expected you to be gay.", she started babbling.

I laughed at her previous remark. "What was your opinion?", I asked her.

"Okay don't freak out, but I always thought you were secretly engaged since birth!", she confessed.

I started laughing uncontrollably. "Seriously?", I asked to confirm. "You seriously thought I was engaged?!"

"Yeah yeah whatever!", she grumbled. "Okay so now that I know your gay, who do you really like?", she asked me.

"Will you ever let go of this question?!", I responded. My body had started functioning normally again, it felt so good drinking soda. It was like a giant weight had been lifted off my body.

"Had you not told me, I would have eventually moved on. But now I'm so interested in knowing everything about you.", she said with the biggest ever smile on her face.

Good God! What have I done?

In the coming weeks I told Amanda everything that you all know about me, and some I haven't posted about here yet. She told me that I'm a 'Rachael Berry', which I will post about sometime else. 

Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 1

While we had become really good friends, I believe our next level of friendship was formed when Amanda started sharing her boy troubles with me. One fine day she asked me all of a sudden if differences in religious sects are taken into consideration during a marriage. I told her very blankly that most people prefer marrying people of their sect. If a marriage takes place in which the sects of the people involved are different, it's quite often looked down upon.

"Why did you ask me such a question?", I implored.

"A friend of mine shared her opinion on my idea of marrying a certain boy I like.", she replied.

"Somebody from your class?", I asked. "I'm talking about the boy, not the friend."

"No", she replied and began telling me about her boyfriend. I would admit that I was curious but I had no idea I would be extracting the information out of her with such ease. "And I'm trusting you with this so please do not tell it to anyone.", she added in the end.

"I won't. Promise!", I replied. "But why are you thinking of marriage right now? You are still in medical school for God's sake." I lectured her.

"I am not thinking. Just thinking!", she replied. This statement didn't make sense to me then, and I still don't get it.

"How religious are your parents? If they are very peculiar then there is a very good chance that they will not want you to marry him.", I told her. She didn't reply to that, but two weeks later she stopped talking to that boy.

She didn't tell me when she decided to split up. I felt that something was wrong one day and asked her if everything is alright. "Not feeling well!", she replied. I still wasn't convinced. I thought about asking if anything had happened between her and that guy she was seeing. But I didn't. It didn't seem right to me.

Later on when we were talking, she told me about the split. I didn't know what to do. I have never consoled a girl before, and I think consoling a boy is much easier than a girl.

Amanda went back to her usual chirpy self in a few days. Then a few weeks later she was crushing on a guy in my class. She badly wanted me to introduce her to him, but even I have never talked to him before. We shared a couple of friends, but that was all there was to it. There has never been a moment where we exchanged even a greeting. It's not that I hate him, it's just that he thinks he's better than everybody else. Okay, so maybe I do hate him!

I could not introduce the two so Amanda got to him through somebody else. "I'm telling you now, so that you don't have to hear it from anybody else. That's guy is the douche bag of all douche bags!", I warned her. I was more concerned with the fact that he was taking interest in Amanda. I didn't want him to use her. Amanda may seem pretty street smart, but I feel that she can be fooled easily.

I kept a close eye on the two, asking Amanda about the progress. "Why are you so interested if you think he's a douchebag?", she asked me.

"Because I care for you.", I told her. Realizing that it could be interpreted in a whole different sense I quickly added, "Like a sister!", and I meant it. Eventually the guy got bored with Amanda and stopped responding to her. Amanda took that as a clear signal and split from him. "Douchebag!", she mumbled when she told me about it.

Then last December she started talking to a new guy who's from a sister college. He sat next to her during exams, and they got to be friends. I got to know about it much later sometime in March. Knowing the reputation of the students from that college I asked her about his drinking habits. Her reply was positive, worse she was embarrassed.

"Have you been drinking with him?" I asked trying to sound as less accusatory as possible.

"No!", she snapped back. After some more talking I got to know alot about this guy. It's not just me, but anybody with common sense would have guessed that these two can not make a good couple what so ever. As they say, she's way out of his league.

She's a good student. He's flunked every subject two semesters in a row. She's very career orientated, already having planned what she wants to become. He's just doing this because his parents wanted him to be a doctor. She likes having fun but isn't a party animal. He's a complete party animal. This was the worst possible matches ever!

"I'm telling you right now, this won't go anywhere.", I was pissed at Amanda for being so boy crazy. She doesn't need to find a guy. When time comes, she will get married and the guy will actually be someone worthy of her.

"I should never tell you about the guys I like. You always find some flaw in them, and I can't help but over look it. I eventually have to break up.", she argued back. "Why don't you tell me about some of the girls you like and I'll see how well they suit you!", she challenged.

"You have already asked me twice before, and I told you that there is no girl that I like.", I replied. "It isn't neccessary to like someone. We come here to learn, not fall in love!". This was turning into a full war now. "I only want the best for you, and I'm telling you these guys suck big time. You deserve someone much better, and I'm not saying that just because I'm your friend."

"Shut up!", she replied and walked away. I was really mad at her, and I didn't bother going after her or talking to her. She was being an idiot and if she was going to make a mistake, I should let her.

Later that night she messaged me an apology. I felt that I should apologize as well. We started talking, and I began making fun of her taste in men. "So you really don't like any girl at all?", she asked me.

"It's late. Talk to you tomorrow!", I replied and put down my cell. Amanda has been on my list of people I want to come out to. I wanted to tell her really bad. It was at that moment that I decided to tell her tomorrow. It's time!

Coming Out To Amanda - Pt. 1

While we had become really good friends, I believe our next level of friendship was formed when Amanda started sharing her boy troubles with me. One fine day she asked me all of a sudden if differences in religious sects are taken into consideration during a marriage. I told her very blankly that most people prefer marrying people of their sect. If a marriage takes place in which the sects of the people involved are different, it's quite often looked down upon.

"Why did you ask me such a question?", I implored.

"A friend of mine shared her opinion on my idea of marrying a certain boy I like.", she replied.

"Somebody from your class?", I asked. "I'm talking about the boy, not the friend."

"No", she replied and began telling me about her boyfriend. I would admit that I was curious but I had no idea I would be extracting the information out of her with such ease. "And I'm trusting you with this so please do not tell it to anyone.", she added in the end.

"I won't. Promise!", I replied. "But why are you thinking of marriage right now? You are still in medical school for God's sake." I lectured her.

"I am not thinking. Just thinking!", she replied. This statement didn't make sense to me then, and I still don't get it.

"How religious are your parents? If they are very peculiar then there is a very good chance that they will not want you to marry him.", I told her. She didn't reply to that, but two weeks later she stopped talking to that boy.

She didn't tell me when she decided to split up. I felt that something was wrong one day and asked her if everything is alright. "Not feeling well!", she replied. I still wasn't convinced. I thought about asking if anything had happened between her and that guy she was seeing. But I didn't. It didn't seem right to me.

Later on when we were talking, she told me about the split. I didn't know what to do. I have never consoled a girl before, and I think consoling a boy is much easier than a girl.

Amanda went back to her usual chirpy self in a few days. Then a few weeks later she was crushing on a guy in my class. She badly wanted me to introduce her to him, but even I have never talked to him before. We shared a couple of friends, but that was all there was to it. There has never been a moment where we exchanged even a greeting. It's not that I hate him, it's just that he thinks he's better than everybody else. Okay, so maybe I do hate him!

I could not introduce the two so Amanda got to him through somebody else. "I'm telling you now, so that you don't have to hear it from anybody else. That's guy is the douche bag of all douche bags!", I warned her. I was more concerned with the fact that he was taking interest in Amanda. I didn't want him to use her. Amanda may seem pretty street smart, but I feel that she can be fooled easily.

I kept a close eye on the two, asking Amanda about the progress. "Why are you so interested if you think he's a douchebag?", she asked me.

"Because I care for you.", I told her. Realizing that it could be interpreted in a whole different sense I quickly added, "Like a sister!", and I meant it. Eventually the guy got bored with Amanda and stopped responding to her. Amanda took that as a clear signal and split from him. "Douchebag!", she mumbled when she told me about it.

Then last December she started talking to a new guy who's from a sister college. He sat next to her during exams, and they got to be friends. I got to know about it much later sometime in March. Knowing the reputation of the students from that college I asked her about his drinking habits. Her reply was positive, worse she was embarrassed.

"Have you been drinking with him?" I asked trying to sound as less accusatory as possible.

"No!", she snapped back. After some more talking I got to know alot about this guy. It's not just me, but anybody with common sense would have guessed that these two can not make a good couple what so ever. As they say, she's way out of his league.

She's a good student. He's flunked every subject two semesters in a row. She's very career orientated, already having planned what she wants to become. He's just doing this because his parents wanted him to be a doctor. She likes having fun but isn't a party animal. He's a complete party animal. This was the worst possible matches ever!

"I'm telling you right now, this won't go anywhere.", I was pissed at Amanda for being so boy crazy. She doesn't need to find a guy. When time comes, she will get married and the guy will actually be someone worthy of her.

"I should never tell you about the guys I like. You always find some flaw in them, and I can't help but over look it. I eventually have to break up.", she argued back. "Why don't you tell me about some of the girls you like and I'll see how well they suit you!", she challenged.

"You have already asked me twice before, and I told you that there is no girl that I like.", I replied. "It isn't neccessary to like someone. We come here to learn, not fall in love!". This was turning into a full war now. "I only want the best for you, and I'm telling you these guys suck big time. You deserve someone much better, and I'm not saying that just because I'm your friend."

"Shut up!", she replied and walked away. I was really mad at her, and I didn't bother going after her or talking to her. She was being an idiot and if she was going to make a mistake, I should let her.

Later that night she messaged me an apology. I felt that I should apologize as well. We started talking, and I began making fun of her taste in men. "So you really don't like any girl at all?", she asked me.

"It's late. Talk to you tomorrow!", I replied and put down my cell. Amanda has been on my list of people I want to come out to. I wanted to tell her really bad. It was at that moment that I decided to tell her tomorrow. It's time!

Amanda

Amanda is a class younger than me but from how close we are and how much we talk during any particular day nobody would ever be able to guess that we belong to completely different classes of my university. I never really noticed Amanda before I got to know her. I had seen her walking around college but she never grasped my attention, although she is somewhat of a head turner.

We're pretty close friends now, however our friendship happened by chance. When I was going to States in 2009, she happened to be on the same flight as me. But she would be with me till my stop in UK. She had to change airports for her next flight. I didn't even spot her at the airport. It was actually the first time ever I would be going air anywhere so I was excited and nervous all at the same time. Also I was traveling alone, which made me even more cautious about the things going around me and not so much about what others are doing. She spotted me quite early on but approached me when I was sitting in the waiting lounge. I'm kind of shy around new people but fortunately for us, she's quite a talkative person. By the time we were boarding, we were chattering like we had known each other since quite some time. "Can I sit next to you? I don't want to get stuck with someone I can't talk to!" she asked me excitedly.

"I don't mind but I don't think that's possible! Our seat numbers are entirely different!", I told her disappointingly. Even I would have loved it if we were together.

"I'll just ask who ever is sitting next to you, or you can ask who ever is sitting next to me! People are generally nice and don't mind exchanging seats! Nobody really cares, unless they have a window seat!" she chirped away. I really didn't know how to respond to it, but she asked this big tall dude if he would be willing to swap seats with her - with a smile. He didn't mind!

"I'm sitting by the window but you can have it!", I told her politely.

"Oh no! You're traveling by air the very first time so you deserve a window seat. Now sit!"

I'll admit I did want a window seat but had to be gentleman, so I asked her. "Did you know that I used to have red hair?", she asked me sometime during the flight.

"I just started to get to know you about an hour ago, how would I know?!", I told her as a matter of fact.

"Oh yeah! Anyhow my family forced me to dye them black so that I won't stand out in a crowd!", she told me playing with her hair.

"You still stand out in a crowd!" I told her making a reference to her height. She's freakishly tall for a girl. She's 5'10. Girls rarely go above 5'7 or at least the girls I generally hang around with. Next to them, she's like an amazon.

"Well yeah, but they really could not do anything about my height. Thank Heavens! I would hate to be short!", she complained.

"Thanks for the morale boost!", I spat back.

"Aww no! You're cute!" she complimented. I think I must have turned all shades of pink on spot. The only girls who had openly complimented me on anything were from my family, so this was a completely new territory for me. Our flight to Bahrain was of 2 hours, but we stayed up talking about just about everything. I don't remember how exactly but our chemistry rapidly grew when we started talking about Ugly Betty. We shared a mutual love for Amanda and Marc, but then most Ugly Betty watchers feel exactly the same.

In Bahrain, though we were staying at the same hotel during our 18 hour stop but we were in separate rooms. We had lunch and dinner together, and watched TV for a while in her room when she called me up. I was extremely nervous in her room, I felt like I was doing something so extremely wrong. But after a few minutes I calmed myself down because there is really nothing weird going on. We're just friends!

Our flight to UK was much longer than the one to Bahrain, so we slept through. But when I saw she was up, I went up to her. This flight was so frigg'in empty that there was no need to ask anybody to exchange seats. It was cool. When we split in UK, we exchanged email addresses and kept in touch. I came back to Pakistan much later than her, but when we met in college it was like we had never really split from the Heathrow Airport. Our friendship has definitely blossomed since then as I have guided her through a few tough times by listening and offering my advice when I felt I had any.

Now I feel that we have more of a brother-sister bond than simple friendship. It was the feeling of this bond that pushed me to do something I have been planning to since 2011 started. If you haven't guessed it yet, then I came out to her just today and it went extremely well.

Shocker, no?

Details about Amanda and the coming out episode in the next few posts! 

Amanda

Amanda is a class younger than me but from how close we are and how much we talk during any particular day nobody would ever be able to guess that we belong to completely different classes of my university. I never really noticed Amanda before I got to know her. I had seen her walking around college but she never grasped my attention, although she is somewhat of a head turner.

We're pretty close friends now, however our friendship happened by chance. When I was going to States in 2009, she happened to be on the same flight as me. But she would be with me till my stop in UK. She had to change airports for her next flight. I didn't even spot her at the airport. It was actually the first time ever I would be going air anywhere so I was excited and nervous all at the same time. Also I was traveling alone, which made me even more cautious about the things going around me and not so much about what others are doing. She spotted me quite early on but approached me when I was sitting in the waiting lounge. I'm kind of shy around new people but fortunately for us, she's quite a talkative person. By the time we were boarding, we were chattering like we had known each other since quite some time. "Can I sit next to you? I don't want to get stuck with someone I can't talk to!" she asked me excitedly.

"I don't mind but I don't think that's possible! Our seat numbers are entirely different!", I told her disappointingly. Even I would have loved it if we were together.

"I'll just ask who ever is sitting next to you, or you can ask who ever is sitting next to me! People are generally nice and don't mind exchanging seats! Nobody really cares, unless they have a window seat!" she chirped away. I really didn't know how to respond to it, but she asked this big tall dude if he would be willing to swap seats with her - with a smile. He didn't mind!

"I'm sitting by the window but you can have it!", I told her politely.

"Oh no! You're traveling by air the very first time so you deserve a window seat. Now sit!"

I'll admit I did want a window seat but had to be gentleman, so I asked her. "Did you know that I used to have red hair?", she asked me sometime during the flight.

"I just started to get to know you about an hour ago, how would I know?!", I told her as a matter of fact.

"Oh yeah! Anyhow my family forced me to dye them black so that I won't stand out in a crowd!", she told me playing with her hair.

"You still stand out in a crowd!" I told her making a reference to her height. She's freakishly tall for a girl. She's 5'10. Girls rarely go above 5'7 or at least the girls I generally hang around with. Next to them, she's like an amazon.

"Well yeah, but they really could not do anything about my height. Thank Heavens! I would hate to be short!", she complained.

"Thanks for the morale boost!", I spat back.

"Aww no! You're cute!" she complimented. I think I must have turned all shades of pink on spot. The only girls who had openly complimented me on anything were from my family, so this was a completely new territory for me. Our flight to Bahrain was of 2 hours, but we stayed up talking about just about everything. I don't remember how exactly but our chemistry rapidly grew when we started talking about Ugly Betty. We shared a mutual love for Amanda and Marc, but then most Ugly Betty watchers feel exactly the same.

In Bahrain, though we were staying at the same hotel during our 18 hour stop but we were in separate rooms. We had lunch and dinner together, and watched TV for a while in her room when she called me up. I was extremely nervous in her room, I felt like I was doing something so extremely wrong. But after a few minutes I calmed myself down because there is really nothing weird going on. We're just friends!

Our flight to UK was much longer than the one to Bahrain, so we slept through. But when I saw she was up, I went up to her. This flight was so frigg'in empty that there was no need to ask anybody to exchange seats. It was cool. When we split in UK, we exchanged email addresses and kept in touch. I came back to Pakistan much later than her, but when we met in college it was like we had never really split from the Heathrow Airport. Our friendship has definitely blossomed since then as I have guided her through a few tough times by listening and offering my advice when I felt I had any.

Now I feel that we have more of a brother-sister bond than simple friendship. It was the feeling of this bond that pushed me to do something I have been planning to since 2011 started. If you haven't guessed it yet, then I came out to her just today and it went extremely well.

Shocker, no?

Details about Amanda and the coming out episode in the next few posts!