I don't exactly remember clearly what day of the week I came out to Alex, but I do remember that the next time I went to school it was a Monday morning. Our party was a week away as scheduled on the coming Sunday, I had gotten to know through a mutual friend that the skit was perfection and I need to check it out. I wanted to - I co-wrote it after all! Alex had not bothered to contact me during the entire time but neither had I made an effort. I was completely convinced that our friendship is over.
Came Monday morning I arrived in school. As I walked into the cafeteria, my entire group was sitting in a circle. "Phunk, where have you been? Med school hasn't even started yet and you're already studying like a doctor. Take a break, man!" I was greeted. Alex was avoiding my look, at least both the times I looked at him. The only time he looked at me was when I had walked in.
A little while after, they started to perform in front of me. I really had no criticism against it. It flowed smoothly and they both were doing a great job. Male - female pairing did seem like a better idea than a male - male pairing for the program. Alex and the girl had brilliant chemistry. Alex's dunce act was brilliant. I couldn't help but laugh.
I was miserable on most parts over the past few days, but seeing Alex in school and his pretending that he doesn't notice me had completely pissed me off. At that moment I was indifferent. Whatever, I told myself. I can't take back my words. He doesn't realize how hard it was for me to come out and even more to come to terms with myself. If he doesn't want to acknowledge my sexuality, at least he could respect our friendship and be normal with me. Screw him, I told myself.
After the skit, I took to the library to get some papers from my exam preparation. Alex came a while later, he seemed to be looking for someone and surprisingly it turned out to be me. "So tell me really, how was the skit?" he asked.
"Quite good. The chemistry is really good and I think if we had done it together, it would have been this good! I got no complaints!" I signed for the papers and exited the library with Alex on my side.
"So we're not friends anymore?" he asks.
I literally stopped dead in my tracks. "Why do you want to be friends?" I asked suspiciously.
"Are you really asking me that?"
"I'm just curious! You certainly didn't want to be friends over the last week!" I told him.
"Give me a break, man! Nobody has ever told me such a thing! My reaction was impulsive!" I didn't respond to that remark. "I don't think being gay is right because homosexuality is prohibited in Islam, and I'm just scared for you. I won't apologize for my reaction, but I do still want to be friends! However if you don't feel the same, I won't bother you."
"I never expected you to understand." I told Alex. "However I do expect a little understanding. I'm not vying for you're sympathy. I'd love to be friends, but only if you don't start associating me with every type of perversity out there!"
I guess he couldn't respond with a 'Yes' but he did want to be friends with me. I missed him over the weekend although I would never admit it. We walked over to my car, "I will be leaving in a while myself. If you're not in a hurry to get back to your books, I could drop you!" he offered.
Wow!, he really does want to be friends!
Things slowly got better. I never really told Alex about the part that I had a crush on him. He did ask me once if I ever liked anybody from school. I told him I was just minutely attracted to a few guys and to one guy alot in particular. He didn't say anything at that moment, however once when we were at his place he asked me about that one guy. Just to tease him, I lied that it was this one guy who Alex disliked with a passion.
After noticing the look of shock on Alex's face, I confessed that I was lying and I don't like anyone in particular. I am not telling Alex under any condition that to date he's one of my craziest crushes. Something are better left untold!
And that's the entire story of how Alex became the second person who I told about my darkest secret.
Came Monday morning I arrived in school. As I walked into the cafeteria, my entire group was sitting in a circle. "Phunk, where have you been? Med school hasn't even started yet and you're already studying like a doctor. Take a break, man!" I was greeted. Alex was avoiding my look, at least both the times I looked at him. The only time he looked at me was when I had walked in.
A little while after, they started to perform in front of me. I really had no criticism against it. It flowed smoothly and they both were doing a great job. Male - female pairing did seem like a better idea than a male - male pairing for the program. Alex and the girl had brilliant chemistry. Alex's dunce act was brilliant. I couldn't help but laugh.
I was miserable on most parts over the past few days, but seeing Alex in school and his pretending that he doesn't notice me had completely pissed me off. At that moment I was indifferent. Whatever, I told myself. I can't take back my words. He doesn't realize how hard it was for me to come out and even more to come to terms with myself. If he doesn't want to acknowledge my sexuality, at least he could respect our friendship and be normal with me. Screw him, I told myself.
After the skit, I took to the library to get some papers from my exam preparation. Alex came a while later, he seemed to be looking for someone and surprisingly it turned out to be me. "So tell me really, how was the skit?" he asked.
"Quite good. The chemistry is really good and I think if we had done it together, it would have been this good! I got no complaints!" I signed for the papers and exited the library with Alex on my side.
"So we're not friends anymore?" he asks.
I literally stopped dead in my tracks. "Why do you want to be friends?" I asked suspiciously.
"Are you really asking me that?"
"I'm just curious! You certainly didn't want to be friends over the last week!" I told him.
"Give me a break, man! Nobody has ever told me such a thing! My reaction was impulsive!" I didn't respond to that remark. "I don't think being gay is right because homosexuality is prohibited in Islam, and I'm just scared for you. I won't apologize for my reaction, but I do still want to be friends! However if you don't feel the same, I won't bother you."
"I never expected you to understand." I told Alex. "However I do expect a little understanding. I'm not vying for you're sympathy. I'd love to be friends, but only if you don't start associating me with every type of perversity out there!"
I guess he couldn't respond with a 'Yes' but he did want to be friends with me. I missed him over the weekend although I would never admit it. We walked over to my car, "I will be leaving in a while myself. If you're not in a hurry to get back to your books, I could drop you!" he offered.
Wow!, he really does want to be friends!
Things slowly got better. I never really told Alex about the part that I had a crush on him. He did ask me once if I ever liked anybody from school. I told him I was just minutely attracted to a few guys and to one guy alot in particular. He didn't say anything at that moment, however once when we were at his place he asked me about that one guy. Just to tease him, I lied that it was this one guy who Alex disliked with a passion.
After noticing the look of shock on Alex's face, I confessed that I was lying and I don't like anyone in particular. I am not telling Alex under any condition that to date he's one of my craziest crushes. Something are better left untold!
And that's the entire story of how Alex became the second person who I told about my darkest secret.
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