English Please

As I browse through various profiles on the social networking site, I can't believe on the number of spelling mistakes that are commonly seen on profiles, and let me not even start on the grammatical mistakes. I don't know what is it with me but nothing - and absolutely nothing; turns me off more than a spelling or grammatical mistake except for maybe smoking and drinking. The guy could be sporting a six-pack that you would only see on Men's Health cover models. But if I see something like spelled wrong and written incorrectly I immediately click on 'Next Profile'.

I think I maybe somewhat of a pretentious stuck up brat in this sense, but I really can't help it. I really can't! If you have a solution, please hit me with it in a comment. Please don't tell me to 'explain' it to them. I have tried giving English lessons Online, but my 'students' tend to show me the middle finger and disappear. People even do not want to learn!

I think that's why I have gotten to actually like Josh. I've been on his profile back and forth, more times than I could count. I even know parts of it by heart. LOL!

But yes, from what I have read on his profile and from his message the dude is flawless. I could not pick any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors. I think that's why I hyperventilate everytime I read his messages. I discussed this with Ryan, and he told me that he knows this gay language teacher who's single and very much looking.

"Since when are you into fixing me up?", I asked Ryan sarcastically.

Below are a few words that are often grossly disfigured. If these words had a voice, their screams would be heard the moment you log onto a social networking site.

Honest ( Correct Spelling) - Hanest, Honost, Henest, Onest ( Wrong Spelling)

Sexy ( Correct Spelling) - Saxy ( Wrong Spelling and such an incredible turn off. Self praise is a bummer but improperly spelled self praise is a nausea inducer)

Teenager ( Correct Spelling) - Teenagar ( Wrong Spelling - What is this?! Some jelly version of a teenager)

Discreet ( Correct Spelling) - Discreat, Deescreet, Deascreat ( Wrong Spelling) and Discrete is a completely different word which means Separate.

Loyal ( Correct Spelling) - Loyol (Wrong Spelling - makes me think of Olive Oyl from Popeye)

Special ( Correct Spelling) - Speciale, Spacial (Wrong Spelling)

Horny ( Correct Spelling) - Horney, Harney, Harny ( Wrong Spelling - this one makes me want to throw my computer out of the window)

There are several more but I really could not bare to go through more profiles to make the list. I really couldn't!

I know many of you would think I'm so Boarding School brat after reading this post, however let me tell you that I'm not. My parents aren't filthy rich but we aren't financially struggling either by the His grace. I went to a Convent all the while before my medical school started, and any improvements that have developed in my ability with English are due to my own personal effort. It really isn't a hard language to learn so making an effort to learn it won't kill you.

There's another misconception about guys who post that only those fluent in English may contact. I do see some sense in this matter, however being educated and being literate are two completely different things. A guy I went out with a few weeks ago while isn't really all that great when it comes to English is a real gem of a person.

I have another incident to narrate which completely breaks me up into a hysterical fit everytime I think about it which I will post in a few weeks after exams. I was completely bored so decided to put up a quick post. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

English Please

As I browse through various profiles on the social networking site, I can't believe on the number of spelling mistakes that are commonly seen on profiles, and let me not even start on the grammatical mistakes. I don't know what is it with me but nothing - and absolutely nothing; turns me off more than a spelling or grammatical mistake except for maybe smoking and drinking. The guy could be sporting a six-pack that you would only see on Men's Health cover models. But if I see something like spelled wrong and written incorrectly I immediately click on 'Next Profile'.

I think I maybe somewhat of a pretentious stuck up brat in this sense, but I really can't help it. I really can't! If you have a solution, please hit me with it in a comment. Please don't tell me to 'explain' it to them. I have tried giving English lessons Online, but my 'students' tend to show me the middle finger and disappear. People even do not want to learn!

I think that's why I have gotten to actually like Josh. I've been on his profile back and forth, more times than I could count. I even know parts of it by heart. LOL!

But yes, from what I have read on his profile and from his message the dude is flawless. I could not pick any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors. I think that's why I hyperventilate everytime I read his messages. I discussed this with Ryan, and he told me that he knows this gay language teacher who's single and very much looking.

"Since when are you into fixing me up?", I asked Ryan sarcastically.

Below are a few words that are often grossly disfigured. If these words had a voice, their screams would be heard the moment you log onto a social networking site.

Honest ( Correct Spelling) - Hanest, Honost, Henest, Onest ( Wrong Spelling)

Sexy ( Correct Spelling) - Saxy ( Wrong Spelling and such an incredible turn off. Self praise is a bummer but improperly spelled self praise is a nausea inducer)

Teenager ( Correct Spelling) - Teenagar ( Wrong Spelling - What is this?! Some jelly version of a teenager)

Discreet ( Correct Spelling) - Discreat, Deescreet, Deascreat ( Wrong Spelling) and Discrete is a completely different word which means Separate.

Loyal ( Correct Spelling) - Loyol (Wrong Spelling - makes me think of Olive Oyl from Popeye)

Special ( Correct Spelling) - Speciale, Spacial (Wrong Spelling)

Horny ( Correct Spelling) - Horney, Harney, Harny ( Wrong Spelling - this one makes me want to throw my computer out of the window)

There are several more but I really could not bare to go through more profiles to make the list. I really couldn't!

I know many of you would think I'm so Boarding School brat after reading this post, however let me tell you that I'm not. My parents aren't filthy rich but we aren't financially struggling either by the His grace. I went to a Convent all the while before my medical school started, and any improvements that have developed in my ability with English are due to my own personal effort. It really isn't a hard language to learn so making an effort to learn it won't kill you.

There's another misconception about guys who post that only those fluent in English may contact. I do see some sense in this matter, however being educated and being literate are two completely different things. A guy I went out with a few weeks ago while isn't really all that great when it comes to English is a real gem of a person.

I have another incident to narrate which completely breaks me up into a hysterical fit everytime I think about it which I will post in a few weeks after exams. I was completely bored so decided to put up a quick post. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

For an Hour or Forever

We may be gay, but we're still men. Men are physical creatures. Therefore we want sex, we need sex, we enjoy sex and we love sex. While we may not enjoy the awesome feature of multiple orgasms like our female counterparts( Darn it!) but that doesn't hold us back from having fun and getting dirty.

There is a very popular saying that women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. To a large extent, I agree with it. Why else in most hook up messages I have gotten since the beginning of time has the other guy mentioning that he has a place or asking if I have one. One person has even gone so far to ask me if he could have my place for a few hours to have sex. There is no denying that men love having sex. Another proof of this fact is that males tends to think about sex after every six or seven seconds.

We're hormonal. Get over it!

Alot of the guys I know; even straight ones, have engaged in some form of sexual activity. While not completely acceptable, it is perfectly normal. However to those who haven't, that's quite normal as well and I actually commend you guys for holding on to yourselves. Bravo!

But what about gay guys? Does a gay guy have a more healthy sexual aura around him? Does a gay guy get laid more often? Does a gay guy have a larger appetite for sex?

My answers to the above would be maybe, yes and no. Maybe we do have a healthier sexual aura surrounding ourselves. Yes I do believe a gay guy gets more sex than a straight guy, but no - our appetite for sex is no more than your average straight guy. But then why do we get laid more often?

Could it be because there is no chance of anybody getting bloated? Perhaps! And quite obviously, we don't have the time of the month situation which our fairer counterparts do( Thank Heavens!). But above all that, I think it's the thought process. With many people not looking for committed but an easy lay, one could take a shot at a particular guy he likes and there is a very good chance that he would be available for some rub-a-dub.

Before Internet hit the world like crazy people hit the stores on Black Friday, some bar or dark shady place was the only place to pick up guys. Absolutely no relationship potential material could be found according to me, if somebody has some story that could change my belief please hit me with an E-mail. If you happen to know people who knew people, you could get invited to some exclusive party. But with everyone locked up tightly in their closets, nothing much happened besides scratching that itch. With the advent of Internet followed services like instant messaging, social networking, cam 2 cam and the latest geosocial conscious facilities have made it ever so easier for the average Joe to send a few messages and get laid faster than you could say 'Karamba!'.

Cell phones have allowed more privacy as two guys could talk as much as they want and make arrangement without anybody finding out what's going on. Everything has become so easy and available that it's a wonder how people can remain celibate. I'm quite probably the biggest closeted slut ever!

I can not put into words how much I feel like jumping the bones of some random dude's profile just to get off. It's the same with a few of my friends. It's nothing short of a miracle that my record has not been tainted yet. Although I would confess that I almost hooked up one day but freaked out at the last second and backed off. However that didn't end up in a good way either, and that's a different post altogether.

I got nothing against guys who like to have sex. Absolutely nothing! It's your life and you are completely entitled to do what you want. I won't even tell you something like 'You all will go to Hell' because that is not for me to decide and I'm no saint either. I myself feel this itch myself and the need to scratch it drives me insane. I do a great Cooter impression when I'm horny! :P

At the end of the decision is completely yours, but just ask yourself do I want someone for just a hour or forever?, and be absolutely sure of the answer.

Ted just got committed and his new boyfriend has quite an impressive record of lays. Ted does have feelings for him but the trust isn't quite there yet. I talked to Ted today and yesterday, because of the issue of there being no trust Ted is thinking of breaking up with him. I tried to talk sense into Ted telling him that he should stick around but be on guard. Time will solve the trust issue hopefully but Ted is still very skeptical about it. To be perfectly honest, I am scared that he may get hurt. But if I was in his shoes, I would take a chance if I really liked this guy.

Lastly if you are into random sex, at least learn to be careful. Even if you are in a committed relationship, always have safe sex!

For an Hour or Forever

We may be gay, but we're still men. Men are physical creatures. Therefore we want sex, we need sex, we enjoy sex and we love sex. While we may not enjoy the awesome feature of multiple orgasms like our female counterparts( Darn it!) but that doesn't hold us back from having fun and getting dirty.

There is a very popular saying that women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. To a large extent, I agree with it. Why else in most hook up messages I have gotten since the beginning of time has the other guy mentioning that he has a place or asking if I have one. One person has even gone so far to ask me if he could have my place for a few hours to have sex. There is no denying that men love having sex. Another proof of this fact is that males tends to think about sex after every six or seven seconds.

We're hormonal. Get over it!

Alot of the guys I know; even straight ones, have engaged in some form of sexual activity. While not completely acceptable, it is perfectly normal. However to those who haven't, that's quite normal as well and I actually commend you guys for holding on to yourselves. Bravo!

But what about gay guys? Does a gay guy have a more healthy sexual aura around him? Does a gay guy get laid more often? Does a gay guy have a larger appetite for sex?

My answers to the above would be maybe, yes and no. Maybe we do have a healthier sexual aura surrounding ourselves. Yes I do believe a gay guy gets more sex than a straight guy, but no - our appetite for sex is no more than your average straight guy. But then why do we get laid more often?

Could it be because there is no chance of anybody getting bloated? Perhaps! And quite obviously, we don't have the time of the month situation which our fairer counterparts do( Thank Heavens!). But above all that, I think it's the thought process. With many people not looking for committed but an easy lay, one could take a shot at a particular guy he likes and there is a very good chance that he would be available for some rub-a-dub.

Before Internet hit the world like crazy people hit the stores on Black Friday, some bar or dark shady place was the only place to pick up guys. Absolutely no relationship potential material could be found according to me, if somebody has some story that could change my belief please hit me with an E-mail. If you happen to know people who knew people, you could get invited to some exclusive party. But with everyone locked up tightly in their closets, nothing much happened besides scratching that itch. With the advent of Internet followed services like instant messaging, social networking, cam 2 cam and the latest geosocial conscious facilities have made it ever so easier for the average Joe to send a few messages and get laid faster than you could say 'Karamba!'.

Cell phones have allowed more privacy as two guys could talk as much as they want and make arrangement without anybody finding out what's going on. Everything has become so easy and available that it's a wonder how people can remain celibate. I'm quite probably the biggest closeted slut ever!

I can not put into words how much I feel like jumping the bones of some random dude's profile just to get off. It's the same with a few of my friends. It's nothing short of a miracle that my record has not been tainted yet. Although I would confess that I almost hooked up one day but freaked out at the last second and backed off. However that didn't end up in a good way either, and that's a different post altogether.

I got nothing against guys who like to have sex. Absolutely nothing! It's your life and you are completely entitled to do what you want. I won't even tell you something like 'You all will go to Hell' because that is not for me to decide and I'm no saint either. I myself feel this itch myself and the need to scratch it drives me insane. I do a great Cooter impression when I'm horny! :P

At the end of the decision is completely yours, but just ask yourself do I want someone for just a hour or forever?, and be absolutely sure of the answer.

Ted just got committed and his new boyfriend has quite an impressive record of lays. Ted does have feelings for him but the trust isn't quite there yet. I talked to Ted today and yesterday, because of the issue of there being no trust Ted is thinking of breaking up with him. I tried to talk sense into Ted telling him that he should stick around but be on guard. Time will solve the trust issue hopefully but Ted is still very skeptical about it. To be perfectly honest, I am scared that he may get hurt. But if I was in his shoes, I would take a chance if I really liked this guy.

Lastly if you are into random sex, at least learn to be careful. Even if you are in a committed relationship, always have safe sex!

I Just May Start to Like Him

If you want to change the face of the gay community, f*cking come out of the closet and maybe the media would have a broader sense of what being gay is!

- Chris Crocker 

I would admit that he actually has a point. The reason feminine gays are so easily spotted is that they stand out and are automatically pointed as gay. And therefore as a result, that's the over all perception most people have of us. 

There are masculine gay guys out there. We all knows that. They have dated us. They have had gotten intimate with us. They have loved us. We all say stop hating the gays, but when will the gays stop hating other gays?

I'm officially a follower of Chris Crocker. I too have said something earlier on the same issue here - I just wish mine was as awesome as his!

I Just May Start to Like Him

If you want to change the face of the gay community, f*cking come out of the closet and maybe the media would have a broader sense of what being gay is!

- Chris Crocker 

I would admit that he actually has a point. The reason feminine gays are so easily spotted is that they stand out and are automatically pointed as gay. And therefore as a result, that's the over all perception most people have of us. 

There are masculine gay guys out there. We all knows that. They have dated us. They have had gotten intimate with us. They have loved us. We all say stop hating the gays, but when will the gays stop hating other gays?

I'm officially a follower of Chris Crocker. I too have said something earlier on the same issue here - I just wish mine was as awesome as his!

Did I Tell You About The Time I Almost Got Someone Fired?

Sometime during 2003, my parents decided it was time to get a second car. With my dad away for work most of the time, the second car was supposed to stay at home for any errands that my grandparents would need to run. Since my mom used to work during the day, we hired a driver. He came through the reference of our maid at that time. In Pakistan, menial work comes cheap and just about everybody can find somebody to do it.

He was in his early thirties and married. At first, his duty was fixed from 9 AM to 5 PM. A few months later, we got our house renovated and my mother suggested that we should build a room for him. My father didn't like the idea of having a driver 24/7 but mom explained that in case of any emergency if my father is not here, somebody has to be here. I was sixteen at that time, well below the age to get the driving license. My father agreed and our driver got a nice salary bump with a place to stay.

I was in my final year of O Level at that time and had evening tuitions of some subject or another almost daily. I needed the car so it was left at my disposal every evening except for Sunday. Obviously I used to go and come back with the driver. It was during this time I got to know him really well. As time passed, my ease with him grew. He was the one person who told me whatever I asked.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?", he asked me one day.

Now obviously I didn't expect him to understand that I was gay nor did I want him to know. "I don't want one!", I told him.

"So what? If you don't want one now, you would want one later!" he told me. "Start working on it from now so that in due time you'll be able get from her what you seek!"

"Seek? What would I seek from her?", I asked in amazement. Don't be surprised! I was quite probably the first-quality mix of stupidity, curiosity and innocence that you would find in a 16 year old.

"Sex, man! What else?!", he told me point blank.

Oh My God! He said it! He said the 'S' word!, my mind started screaming. I guess he picked my thoughts from the look on my face.

"Don't you know about sex?", he asked me.

I turned the deepest shade of red from embarrassment. At that time all I knew about sex was it involved something called a vagina and a penis. I had no idea what was an orgasm or the related complicated things about sex. I would admit that I was curious. I had friends who talked about it but I didn't dare to ask anything in fear of being ridiculed. Asking my father was completely out of question.

"What the f*ck do they teach you in school?! I f*cked a woman for the first time when I was sixteen. She was an older woman in our village. My older brother took me to her and she taught me everything I needed to know. She had fun teaching too, you know. She taught alot of my friends and cousins as well!" he told me with great pride.

I covered my groin with my bag hoping that he would not guess about my erection. I was embarrassed and excited all at the same time. "Don't worry. I shall teach you all about sex. I'll make a player out of you!", he said with a smile.

From that day on, every evening en route to my tuition center my Sexology 101 class took place in my car. I credit him to all the knowledge I have on every thing from masturbation, lubrication, straight sex, deflowering and just about every other topic you could think of. I never dared to ask him anything along the themes of homosexuality. But I guess with time he felt comfortable telling me just about anything and with time, he told me just about everything he possibly knew.

"How come you don't have a girlfriend?" he asked me one day again.

"I told you already, Uncle. I don't need one!"

"You are stupid. Have you ever noticed how many girls notice you?!", he asked me. I was too embarrassed to answer that question. "If you stop hanging out with your friends, you would notice how many girls take notice of you and would be with you if you make a play for them!"

At this point, I was far too embarrassed to even look at him. I was looking out of the window. There was silence in the car for a while. "I don't want to talk about this!", I told him sternly. This was the first time ever I talked to him strictly. After that, the same topic was never brought up for discussion.

A while later, his wife became pregnant and she forbid him to touch her. He told me very openly that he's feeling very horny these days. I didn't bother to ask for details. He mentioned the same thing a few more times and I didn't respond to it at that point either. I could offer no suggestion, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Phunk, can I ask you something?", he asked me one day when we were going to tuition.

"Hmm!", I said in response.

"Don't mind but I want to have sex with you!", he told me placing a hand on my thigh.

I was shocked beyond words to even reply to it. I seriously had no idea he would spring this on me. I was already familiar with the concept that older men liked to prey on teenage boys to fulfill their sexual needs. And above all, I thought he was straight. "Are you interested in guys?", I asked him in surprise.

"No but I need release. I have told you all I could about sex, now it's time to show you!", he told me with a smile. The same smile that seemed warm at so many incidents before this suddenly seemed evil. "This way we both can have what we want!", he added.

"What made you think I want sex?", I asked him.

"Darling, every teenage boys wants sex even if he doesn't know it yet!", he told me with the same smile. I think it was at that point I developed a cringing attitude towards the word 'Darling'.

I couldn't stand to be in the same space alone with him. Fortunately for me, we reached our destination and I had to go. His words kept bouncing around in my head the entire night. I will not lie and say that I didn't consider it. But the thought of him already being married, with 2 children and another one the way and most importantly it would be just sex. Something I didn't want! It would be over in a moment and would never be how I wanted it to be.

I denied upon his offer the next day, telling him that his wife would deliver in a few months and then she will be available once again to him. Somehow he got the idea and backed off. A few months later his wife gave birth to a wonderful baby girl. She was christened with the name I had suggested to our driver. I was very proud and I had very much forgotten about his offer a few months ago.

A few months later, he asked me the same question. "Why? Is your wife pregnant again?", I asked him in shock.

"No, she's not. But I want to try something different!" he told me. He placed his hand on my thigh once again and took it all the way up to my crotch.

I screamed louder than I could ever imagine. I pushed his hand off myself and told him to keep it to himself. I was supposed to go to my tuitions but I was in no mood. I told him to take me back home. All the way back, he was pleading me not to say anything to my mom. The maid who worked at our place happened to be the mother-in-law of one of his sisters. If news would spread his family would be disgraced and he would never be able to find employment ever again, and that he has little kids to take care of. His wife is not liked by his sisters, and if he goes to jail then there would be no one to take care of his family.

I didn't say anything to his pleading. As soon as I got home I went to talk to my mom so that I could tell her everything about it. But she was busy talking to some guests. I retreated to my room and stayed there till I could talk to her. When she came up, she was in a very bad mood. I was in no mood to tell her about my day, "What's wrong?", I asked her.

"Our driver just quit!", she told me. "He's leaving tomorrow for his village. Where do I get another driver on such a short notice?"

"Calm down. We will get one in due time. We can last a few days without a driver. I will take the bus and the groceries!", I told her. I didn't tell her about what happened earlier with me and to date she still doesn't know. He left the next day before I could get back from school and I didn't care.

I developed such a hate for such people from that very day that I can't describe. The next driver that we hired, I planned to keep a strict eye on him. However he has proved himself to be an excellent human being. Very reserved, respectful, obedient and gentle - he really doesn't bother on talking about anything other than politics and cars.

This post was something I planned on doing since sometime but I think it's the right time now. I have done a post earlier on Child Pornography, now it's time to talk about the Child Abuse that doesn't make it to our monitor screens. And this starts now!

It's my little bit to start something I have wanted to do since quite some time and this is the perfect place to start!

Did I Tell You About The Time I Almost Got Someone Fired?

Sometime during 2003, my parents decided it was time to get a second car. With my dad away for work most of the time, the second car was supposed to stay at home for any errands that my grandparents would need to run. Since my mom used to work during the day, we hired a driver. He came through the reference of our maid at that time. In Pakistan, menial work comes cheap and just about everybody can find somebody to do it.

He was in his early thirties and married. At first, his duty was fixed from 9 AM to 5 PM. A few months later, we got our house renovated and my mother suggested that we should build a room for him. My father didn't like the idea of having a driver 24/7 but mom explained that in case of any emergency if my father is not here, somebody has to be here. I was sixteen at that time, well below the age to get the driving license. My father agreed and our driver got a nice salary bump with a place to stay.

I was in my final year of O Level at that time and had evening tuitions of some subject or another almost daily. I needed the car so it was left at my disposal every evening except for Sunday. Obviously I used to go and come back with the driver. It was during this time I got to know him really well. As time passed, my ease with him grew. He was the one person who told me whatever I asked.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?", he asked me one day.

Now obviously I didn't expect him to understand that I was gay nor did I want him to know. "I don't want one!", I told him.

"So what? If you don't want one now, you would want one later!" he told me. "Start working on it from now so that in due time you'll be able get from her what you seek!"

"Seek? What would I seek from her?", I asked in amazement. Don't be surprised! I was quite probably the first-quality mix of stupidity, curiosity and innocence that you would find in a 16 year old.

"Sex, man! What else?!", he told me point blank.

Oh My God! He said it! He said the 'S' word!, my mind started screaming. I guess he picked my thoughts from the look on my face.

"Don't you know about sex?", he asked me.

I turned the deepest shade of red from embarrassment. At that time all I knew about sex was it involved something called a vagina and a penis. I had no idea what was an orgasm or the related complicated things about sex. I would admit that I was curious. I had friends who talked about it but I didn't dare to ask anything in fear of being ridiculed. Asking my father was completely out of question.

"What the f*ck do they teach you in school?! I f*cked a woman for the first time when I was sixteen. She was an older woman in our village. My older brother took me to her and she taught me everything I needed to know. She had fun teaching too, you know. She taught alot of my friends and cousins as well!" he told me with great pride.

I covered my groin with my bag hoping that he would not guess about my erection. I was embarrassed and excited all at the same time. "Don't worry. I shall teach you all about sex. I'll make a player out of you!", he said with a smile.

From that day on, every evening en route to my tuition center my Sexology 101 class took place in my car. I credit him to all the knowledge I have on every thing from masturbation, lubrication, straight sex, deflowering and just about every other topic you could think of. I never dared to ask him anything along the themes of homosexuality. But I guess with time he felt comfortable telling me just about anything and with time, he told me just about everything he possibly knew.

"How come you don't have a girlfriend?" he asked me one day again.

"I told you already, Uncle. I don't need one!"

"You are stupid. Have you ever noticed how many girls notice you?!", he asked me. I was too embarrassed to answer that question. "If you stop hanging out with your friends, you would notice how many girls take notice of you and would be with you if you make a play for them!"

At this point, I was far too embarrassed to even look at him. I was looking out of the window. There was silence in the car for a while. "I don't want to talk about this!", I told him sternly. This was the first time ever I talked to him strictly. After that, the same topic was never brought up for discussion.

A while later, his wife became pregnant and she forbid him to touch her. He told me very openly that he's feeling very horny these days. I didn't bother to ask for details. He mentioned the same thing a few more times and I didn't respond to it at that point either. I could offer no suggestion, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Phunk, can I ask you something?", he asked me one day when we were going to tuition.

"Hmm!", I said in response.

"Don't mind but I want to have sex with you!", he told me placing a hand on my thigh.

I was shocked beyond words to even reply to it. I seriously had no idea he would spring this on me. I was already familiar with the concept that older men liked to prey on teenage boys to fulfill their sexual needs. And above all, I thought he was straight. "Are you interested in guys?", I asked him in surprise.

"No but I need release. I have told you all I could about sex, now it's time to show you!", he told me with a smile. The same smile that seemed warm at so many incidents before this suddenly seemed evil. "This way we both can have what we want!", he added.

"What made you think I want sex?", I asked him.

"Darling, every teenage boys wants sex even if he doesn't know it yet!", he told me with the same smile. I think it was at that point I developed a cringing attitude towards the word 'Darling'.

I couldn't stand to be in the same space alone with him. Fortunately for me, we reached our destination and I had to go. His words kept bouncing around in my head the entire night. I will not lie and say that I didn't consider it. But the thought of him already being married, with 2 children and another one the way and most importantly it would be just sex. Something I didn't want! It would be over in a moment and would never be how I wanted it to be.

I denied upon his offer the next day, telling him that his wife would deliver in a few months and then she will be available once again to him. Somehow he got the idea and backed off. A few months later his wife gave birth to a wonderful baby girl. She was christened with the name I had suggested to our driver. I was very proud and I had very much forgotten about his offer a few months ago.

A few months later, he asked me the same question. "Why? Is your wife pregnant again?", I asked him in shock.

"No, she's not. But I want to try something different!" he told me. He placed his hand on my thigh once again and took it all the way up to my crotch.

I screamed louder than I could ever imagine. I pushed his hand off myself and told him to keep it to himself. I was supposed to go to my tuitions but I was in no mood. I told him to take me back home. All the way back, he was pleading me not to say anything to my mom. The maid who worked at our place happened to be the mother-in-law of one of his sisters. If news would spread his family would be disgraced and he would never be able to find employment ever again, and that he has little kids to take care of. His wife is not liked by his sisters, and if he goes to jail then there would be no one to take care of his family.

I didn't say anything to his pleading. As soon as I got home I went to talk to my mom so that I could tell her everything about it. But she was busy talking to some guests. I retreated to my room and stayed there till I could talk to her. When she came up, she was in a very bad mood. I was in no mood to tell her about my day, "What's wrong?", I asked her.

"Our driver just quit!", she told me. "He's leaving tomorrow for his village. Where do I get another driver on such a short notice?"

"Calm down. We will get one in due time. We can last a few days without a driver. I will take the bus and the groceries!", I told her. I didn't tell her about what happened earlier with me and to date she still doesn't know. He left the next day before I could get back from school and I didn't care.

I developed such a hate for such people from that very day that I can't describe. The next driver that we hired, I planned to keep a strict eye on him. However he has proved himself to be an excellent human being. Very reserved, respectful, obedient and gentle - he really doesn't bother on talking about anything other than politics and cars.

This post was something I planned on doing since sometime but I think it's the right time now. I have done a post earlier on Child Pornography, now it's time to talk about the Child Abuse that doesn't make it to our monitor screens. And this starts now!

It's my little bit to start something I have wanted to do since quite some time and this is the perfect place to start!

Light A Candle

How does this make advertisement you feel? 

Angry? 

Frustrated?

Sad? 

Disgusted? 

All of the above? 

.

.

.

.

.

.

What does this make you do next? 

Light a Candle?

I'm hoping it does!

Light A Candle

How does this make advertisement you feel? 

Angry? 

Frustrated?

Sad? 

Disgusted? 

All of the above? 

.

.

.

.

.

.

What does this make you do next? 

Light a Candle?

I'm hoping it does!

Celebrating the Difference

The official video for P!NK's new single 'Raise Your Glass' premiered last night and I can't put into words how happy the video makes me feel. It's all about celebrating the difference and being yourself. An anthem to all the out-casts, under-dogs, dark horses and just about everyone who feels like they didn't ever have a place for themselves in this world. It's exhilarating!

When I first heard the song, I sort of knew that she would do in relation to LGBT Awareness element. But she has carried it so much further. Rejection based on physical appearance, animal cruelty, religious oppression and just about everything else that's wrong in this beautiful world. I loved this song since the time I first heard and it is currently sitting on the top on my iTunes with a total of 634 plays. The video takes me love for this song to a completely new level. Just about everything in this video speaks out to me and gets me to feel good. Check out the video below.



I loved the prom dance and the dancing baby. It's all so incredible and fun! I can so dance to this with my homies. I texted Ryan about it last night when I saw it and literally made him get out of his stupid bed to watch this video. He loved it!

Lately alot of artists have been putting out songs about celebrating the difference. Katy Perry jumped on the board with her song 'Fireworks' from her second album Teenage Dream.

Once again this song stood out to me from the rest because of the message it carried. Songs with messages always speak out to most to me for some reason, maybe I'll put some of them up later. Just like with 'Raise Your Glass', the video of 'Firework' made me love the song even more.



You guys probably think that the gay kiss spoke out the most to me from the vid. Well, yes! It kind of did but the thing that really spoke out to me the most is the kid who pushes his father away trying to stop the fight. I have a friend who can't remember a single day his parents did not get into an argument. Growing up in a house filled with screams and shout, he has become a completely hard person. He rarely opens up to anyone! He never really told us about it. His little sister accidentally let it slip once about him not being able to concentrate on his school-work because of their parents. "How come you don't smile?", "Do you find anything funny?" were the common comments he got from his peers. He would just give a weak smile in response, but in retrospect I have a feeling it was just to shut us up.

Teenagers nowadays are under alot of pressure in trying to fit in. It's something integral in us. We don't want to be singled out and have people staring us. If it's not something at school, it's something outside the school or even worse inside the homes.Blending in and fitting in is all what everyone is trying to do these days. Life is all about living and if you can't live it being yourself, then exactly who's life are you living?

Celebrate the difference!

On a separate note, I have been meaning to post about an award I got since a few weeks but it kept slipping my mind. I saw it last week and wanted to do a post about it but then I waited a few posts out because this post happens to be my 90th post. Only 10 more to go before I hit my first 100!

A perfect 10!

To those of you following me, if you want me to write about anything then leave it in a comment or drop a line in the chat box. Otherwise you can also email me on phunkactor@gmail.com and phunkfactor@hotmail.com. Whatever you would like to know about me or would like to know how I feel about, you just need to drop a line. And yes, you will remain anonymous if you wish to do so. I am very good at keeping secrets!

The blog award I was talking about is a super-cool entirely original, 'Keeps Me From Killing' Award which was created by my blog sister Falen found over at Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. She was also the one who popped my award cherry a few months ago. LOL!

I gotta give out these two awards to a few fellows as well but stupid blogger keeps messing up all the blog URLs. Argh!

And now I'm signing off, I gotta raise my glass of milk! ;)

Celebrating the Difference

The official video for P!NK's new single 'Raise Your Glass' premiered last night and I can't put into words how happy the video makes me feel. It's all about celebrating the difference and being yourself. An anthem to all the out-casts, under-dogs, dark horses and just about everyone who feels like they didn't ever have a place for themselves in this world. It's exhilarating!

When I first heard the song, I sort of knew that she would do in relation to LGBT Awareness element. But she has carried it so much further. Rejection based on physical appearance, animal cruelty, religious oppression and just about everything else that's wrong in this beautiful world. I loved this song since the time I first heard and it is currently sitting on the top on my iTunes with a total of 634 plays. The video takes me love for this song to a completely new level. Just about everything in this video speaks out to me and gets me to feel good. Check out the video below.



I loved the prom dance and the dancing baby. It's all so incredible and fun! I can so dance to this with my homies. I texted Ryan about it last night when I saw it and literally made him get out of his stupid bed to watch this video. He loved it!

Lately alot of artists have been putting out songs about celebrating the difference. Katy Perry jumped on the board with her song 'Fireworks' from her second album Teenage Dream.

Once again this song stood out to me from the rest because of the message it carried. Songs with messages always speak out to most to me for some reason, maybe I'll put some of them up later. Just like with 'Raise Your Glass', the video of 'Firework' made me love the song even more.



You guys probably think that the gay kiss spoke out the most to me from the vid. Well, yes! It kind of did but the thing that really spoke out to me the most is the kid who pushes his father away trying to stop the fight. I have a friend who can't remember a single day his parents did not get into an argument. Growing up in a house filled with screams and shout, he has become a completely hard person. He rarely opens up to anyone! He never really told us about it. His little sister accidentally let it slip once about him not being able to concentrate on his school-work because of their parents. "How come you don't smile?", "Do you find anything funny?" were the common comments he got from his peers. He would just give a weak smile in response, but in retrospect I have a feeling it was just to shut us up.

Teenagers nowadays are under alot of pressure in trying to fit in. It's something integral in us. We don't want to be singled out and have people staring us. If it's not something at school, it's something outside the school or even worse inside the homes.Blending in and fitting in is all what everyone is trying to do these days. Life is all about living and if you can't live it being yourself, then exactly who's life are you living?

Celebrate the difference!

On a separate note, I have been meaning to post about an award I got since a few weeks but it kept slipping my mind. I saw it last week and wanted to do a post about it but then I waited a few posts out because this post happens to be my 90th post. Only 10 more to go before I hit my first 100!

A perfect 10!

To those of you following me, if you want me to write about anything then leave it in a comment or drop a line in the chat box. Otherwise you can also email me on phunkactor@gmail.com and phunkfactor@hotmail.com. Whatever you would like to know about me or would like to know how I feel about, you just need to drop a line. And yes, you will remain anonymous if you wish to do so. I am very good at keeping secrets!

The blog award I was talking about is a super-cool entirely original, 'Keeps Me From Killing' Award which was created by my blog sister Falen found over at Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. She was also the one who popped my award cherry a few months ago. LOL!

I gotta give out these two awards to a few fellows as well but stupid blogger keeps messing up all the blog URLs. Argh!

And now I'm signing off, I gotta raise my glass of milk! ;)

A Little Understanding Please

I was chatting yesterday to this black dude from Los Angeles on my Facebook. He had read a few of my comments from various notes around the place and actually liked them quite alot. He read my blog and liked a couple of entries, especially the ones on 'Awareness'.

We were exchanging messages as he didn't have a gay profile and was still very much closeted. He was talking to me from his straight profile. He intended to stay that way because his father is an extremely homophobic person and he was pretty darn sure that if he ever came out, he is going to be disowned. He was a little older than me, 25 years old. I kind of felt sorry for him but it wasn't my place to say anything.

It was around the ninth message exchange, when he asked me where I am from. I told him that I am from Pakistan, as stated on the blog and my Facebook profile. He asked me if I was pulling his leg or something. I laughed at his disbelief. When I told him the same thing again, he was really surprised. He had presumed that I was from somewhere in the States, having grown up in a Pakistani Muslim household. Not true! I'm completely Desi, or as close to being Desi is possible for me. I have stayed in Pakistan and been bought up here entirely. Yes, my command over English language is good - but it is by no means 'great', there are much better writers out there. I can only thank my parents, teachers and various authors to develop my interest in the English Language.

After learning that little fact about me, there was silence from him for quite some time. It came as a little surprising to me but I tried to shake it off thinking that he probably went offline or something. A few minutes later I got another message from him asking if I had a bomb on myself.

Lord, I can't begin tell you how much that comment pissed me off. Why do people just simply assume as terrorists? The entire time I had spent exchanging messages with him and this is what he thinks of me. Some crazy terrorist! I really wanted to tell him off but then you don't answer ignorance with anger. I tried explaining to him that not all Pakistani or even not all Muslims are like that. Islam is a very peaceful religion and it definitely doesn't promote terrorism. People who call themselves terrorist do not belong to any religion because NO religion propagates killing of the innocent. Being a terrorist is not a profession. There have been so many brilliant people amongst us. Doctors, engineers, craftsmen, musicians, artists, lawyers and what not. Name any profession and we had at least one shining star. There could be more; Alot more, if given the proper resources. Pakistan has ALOT of talent which just needs polishing, but that is a completely different topic altogether. So I explained my point of view to him. He told me that he is really scared of bomb and would hate to die in one - God Forbid.

I told him not to worry and just pray to God for the safety of his loved ones and himself - because that is all he could do. Nobody knows when they are going to die, so the best thing to do is to just pray for a long happy life. He sent me a message with a single smiley in response. A few hours later, he had deleted his profile. I wish I had taken his email address or something. But I don't think it would be off any use. Some people just refuse to see what's right in front of them.

The incident from yesterday brought back an unpleasant but slightly funny memory from the summer of 2009, when I was in America. I used to go out for walks in the evening. Lots of nice empty roads in the suburbs to walk on without worrying about dogs coming after you. Plus the weather was so amazing that I really didn't want to be cooped up in the house. As I would go around walking, there would be this one kid. He was probably in his late teens. He used to work as a gardener in that neighborhood. Sometimes when I would pass, he would smile at me and I would return it. Never ignore a smile unless it's coming from a creepy stranger who is giving you a weird look. We never really stopped to talk. One day he was sitting on the sidewalk taking a break and I happened to be just passing by. "Hey!", he shouted seeing me.

"Hey back at you!", I replied. Is that how you reply?, I thought. "Man", I added at the last moment.

"You walk around here alot! Didn't you see around before the summer! Did you move here recently?", he asked me.

"Oh, no! I'm just visiting my aunt!" I told him.

"That's cool! I can't quite place you're accent! Where are you from?" he asked.

"That's probably because I'm from Pakistan!", I told him with a smile. It's nice to give a smile every once now and then in a casual non-serious conversation. Mentioning the P-word was all that needed to make him shit in his bermudas. He literally went wide-eyed.

"Nice!", he replied. "Talk to you later. Gotta work!"

I guessed what set him off. It wasn't like I was standing there with a jacket made of dynamite, but from the expression on his face one could guess I had an entire houseful of them. He could have taken me down easily. He was definitely more muscled than me and a few inches taller. The rest of the summer when I would walk by, no response from him. Sometimes if I smiled, I would get one in return. I silently hoped that I could go back again this summer and scare him again. But I spend a much better summer with Nathan right here. Also the slight crush I had developed on him ended immediately. Phoof!

I seriously don't understand why are Muslims presumed as such a taboo. Give yourself the chance to get to know us better, we actually quite an educated and civilized bunch. It's wrong to presume things. Give us a chance and you guys will seriously be making really awesome friends. Besides the obvious point that your assumptions are wrong, they are also quite hurtful to us. We love our religion, just like you guys love yours. So what is in us that makes you people so scared of us?

A Little Understanding Please

I was chatting yesterday to this black dude from Los Angeles on my Facebook. He had read a few of my comments from various notes around the place and actually liked them quite alot. He read my blog and liked a couple of entries, especially the ones on 'Awareness'.

We were exchanging messages as he didn't have a gay profile and was still very much closeted. He was talking to me from his straight profile. He intended to stay that way because his father is an extremely homophobic person and he was pretty darn sure that if he ever came out, he is going to be disowned. He was a little older than me, 25 years old. I kind of felt sorry for him but it wasn't my place to say anything.

It was around the ninth message exchange, when he asked me where I am from. I told him that I am from Pakistan, as stated on the blog and my Facebook profile. He asked me if I was pulling his leg or something. I laughed at his disbelief. When I told him the same thing again, he was really surprised. He had presumed that I was from somewhere in the States, having grown up in a Pakistani Muslim household. Not true! I'm completely Desi, or as close to being Desi is possible for me. I have stayed in Pakistan and been bought up here entirely. Yes, my command over English language is good - but it is by no means 'great', there are much better writers out there. I can only thank my parents, teachers and various authors to develop my interest in the English Language.

After learning that little fact about me, there was silence from him for quite some time. It came as a little surprising to me but I tried to shake it off thinking that he probably went offline or something. A few minutes later I got another message from him asking if I had a bomb on myself.

Lord, I can't begin tell you how much that comment pissed me off. Why do people just simply assume as terrorists? The entire time I had spent exchanging messages with him and this is what he thinks of me. Some crazy terrorist! I really wanted to tell him off but then you don't answer ignorance with anger. I tried explaining to him that not all Pakistani or even not all Muslims are like that. Islam is a very peaceful religion and it definitely doesn't promote terrorism. People who call themselves terrorist do not belong to any religion because NO religion propagates killing of the innocent. Being a terrorist is not a profession. There have been so many brilliant people amongst us. Doctors, engineers, craftsmen, musicians, artists, lawyers and what not. Name any profession and we had at least one shining star. There could be more; Alot more, if given the proper resources. Pakistan has ALOT of talent which just needs polishing, but that is a completely different topic altogether. So I explained my point of view to him. He told me that he is really scared of bomb and would hate to die in one - God Forbid.

I told him not to worry and just pray to God for the safety of his loved ones and himself - because that is all he could do. Nobody knows when they are going to die, so the best thing to do is to just pray for a long happy life. He sent me a message with a single smiley in response. A few hours later, he had deleted his profile. I wish I had taken his email address or something. But I don't think it would be off any use. Some people just refuse to see what's right in front of them.

The incident from yesterday brought back an unpleasant but slightly funny memory from the summer of 2009, when I was in America. I used to go out for walks in the evening. Lots of nice empty roads in the suburbs to walk on without worrying about dogs coming after you. Plus the weather was so amazing that I really didn't want to be cooped up in the house. As I would go around walking, there would be this one kid. He was probably in his late teens. He used to work as a gardener in that neighborhood. Sometimes when I would pass, he would smile at me and I would return it. Never ignore a smile unless it's coming from a creepy stranger who is giving you a weird look. We never really stopped to talk. One day he was sitting on the sidewalk taking a break and I happened to be just passing by. "Hey!", he shouted seeing me.

"Hey back at you!", I replied. Is that how you reply?, I thought. "Man", I added at the last moment.

"You walk around here alot! Didn't you see around before the summer! Did you move here recently?", he asked me.

"Oh, no! I'm just visiting my aunt!" I told him.

"That's cool! I can't quite place you're accent! Where are you from?" he asked.

"That's probably because I'm from Pakistan!", I told him with a smile. It's nice to give a smile every once now and then in a casual non-serious conversation. Mentioning the P-word was all that needed to make him shit in his bermudas. He literally went wide-eyed.

"Nice!", he replied. "Talk to you later. Gotta work!"

I guessed what set him off. It wasn't like I was standing there with a jacket made of dynamite, but from the expression on his face one could guess I had an entire houseful of them. He could have taken me down easily. He was definitely more muscled than me and a few inches taller. The rest of the summer when I would walk by, no response from him. Sometimes if I smiled, I would get one in return. I silently hoped that I could go back again this summer and scare him again. But I spend a much better summer with Nathan right here. Also the slight crush I had developed on him ended immediately. Phoof!

I seriously don't understand why are Muslims presumed as such a taboo. Give yourself the chance to get to know us better, we actually quite an educated and civilized bunch. It's wrong to presume things. Give us a chance and you guys will seriously be making really awesome friends. Besides the obvious point that your assumptions are wrong, they are also quite hurtful to us. We love our religion, just like you guys love yours. So what is in us that makes you people so scared of us?

Then Queer, Now Free

Roll your eyes as much as you but I'm a huge Reality TV Whore. I thoroughly enjoy watching shows like American Idol, X Factor, Top Chef, Project Runway and even America's Next Top Model. Yes! I watch America's Next Top Model!

I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.

In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.

In cycle 15, the very first photo shoot the girls were put through was based around the theme of Teen Bullying. It revolved around a particular word the girl was taunted with during her time in middle school or high school. Kayla has been open about her sexuality since 10th Grade. It's pretty obvious to conclude that she has been teased about it. Her bully-word happened to be 'Queer'. Pfft! The bullies could not even get creative.

Tyra showed up at the shoot because she wanted to help the girls and not let their bully-word over power them. She told every girl to choose a word in context to the bully-word but it should be in a positive sense. Something that reinforces positivity and induces confidence into them. She sat down with every girl and helped them through. They showed some of the girls one-on-one time with Tyra and Kayla's time was included. You can catch it here.

When Tyra asked Kayla about her bully-word, the response was like a quiver. Like she was scared for her life. She recalled how she had to change schools because it had gotten so bad at her previous one and she was scared at how the people were treating her. They used to talk about her sexuality, ultimately she started facing rejection. Rejection is bad enough to get at any point in life, but to be rejected during high school is the absolute worst. High school is undeniably one of the toughest parts of a person's life because there is so much happening at the same time. It's hard not to let it all take over yourself.

Her power-word was 'Free'. Her entire body was covered with the words 'Queer' and 'Free' written in paint. She describes the process of the word 'Queer' being written as harsh, and it has to be. When you are taunted by some word, the first thing you want to do in response is not to be associated with it. Having it written over your own body is like wearing it. Fortunately Kayla was also excited about the word 'Free' being written on herself. She recalls how therapeutic the word 'Free' felt when it was painted over her neck.

"You can't like fully understand unless you are what I am in my community" - Kayla Ferell

I could not put these sage words any better than she already has. Ever since you have been a kid you have been exposed to the idea about unions can only be formed between a man and a woman, and that only the attraction between a man and woman is natural. So to grow up and realize that your mind says something else and your heart is singing a completely different song is really hard to comprehend, accept and live your life through like that. Every person who is growing up facing the issue of sexuality feels the same. The feeling that nobody can really understand what is going on with them. Every guy is discussing about boobs and butts, it's hard to say that you don't. Most teens don't because it's going to turn into a lengthy and possibly an embarrassing or even worse, a violent conversation. This attitude is carried on into adulthood and in some unfortunate cases through life.

LGBT teens do not want to be ridiculed and humiliated. No teen wants to feel like they don't deserve to live. But all this bullying does make LGBT children feel that way, that's why there have been 4 suicides in the past few weeks. These are just the ones that have come into news. What about those that haven't? What about the ones unheard and unseen?

Teen Bullying doesn't just exist in America. Teen Bullying is everywhere in the world. I have been bullied and I'm pretty sure each and everyone of you have been bullied as well. While my bully-word was nothing harsh like 'Queer'. I was termed 'Mama's Boy'. I won't deny that it didn't hurt because it did. But now I realize that was me being 'Obedient'. At the end of the day, I owe my mother alot more than I whatever I owed to people inviting me to parties or whatever they were planning.

To any teen reading my blog, if you are being bullied you can seek help from this website. It's also been mentioned in the video that I have linked earlier in this post. It's time to take a stand! It's time to put these bullies into their rightful place.

On a side, Kayla has been doing extremely well in the competition up till now. She is not only amongst the judges favorite but also a favorite amongst the viewers. I'm totally rooting for her to take the crown. Check out her picture from last week where she was an undersea Goddess.

Ain't she a beauty? 

Then Queer, Now Free

Roll your eyes as much as you but I'm a huge Reality TV Whore. I thoroughly enjoy watching shows like American Idol, X Factor, Top Chef, Project Runway and even America's Next Top Model. Yes! I watch America's Next Top Model!

I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.

In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.

In cycle 15, the very first photo shoot the girls were put through was based around the theme of Teen Bullying. It revolved around a particular word the girl was taunted with during her time in middle school or high school. Kayla has been open about her sexuality since 10th Grade. It's pretty obvious to conclude that she has been teased about it. Her bully-word happened to be 'Queer'. Pfft! The bullies could not even get creative.

Tyra showed up at the shoot because she wanted to help the girls and not let their bully-word over power them. She told every girl to choose a word in context to the bully-word but it should be in a positive sense. Something that reinforces positivity and induces confidence into them. She sat down with every girl and helped them through. They showed some of the girls one-on-one time with Tyra and Kayla's time was included. You can catch it here.

When Tyra asked Kayla about her bully-word, the response was like a quiver. Like she was scared for her life. She recalled how she had to change schools because it had gotten so bad at her previous one and she was scared at how the people were treating her. They used to talk about her sexuality, ultimately she started facing rejection. Rejection is bad enough to get at any point in life, but to be rejected during high school is the absolute worst. High school is undeniably one of the toughest parts of a person's life because there is so much happening at the same time. It's hard not to let it all take over yourself.

Her power-word was 'Free'. Her entire body was covered with the words 'Queer' and 'Free' written in paint. She describes the process of the word 'Queer' being written as harsh, and it has to be. When you are taunted by some word, the first thing you want to do in response is not to be associated with it. Having it written over your own body is like wearing it. Fortunately Kayla was also excited about the word 'Free' being written on herself. She recalls how therapeutic the word 'Free' felt when it was painted over her neck.

"You can't like fully understand unless you are what I am in my community" - Kayla Ferell

I could not put these sage words any better than she already has. Ever since you have been a kid you have been exposed to the idea about unions can only be formed between a man and a woman, and that only the attraction between a man and woman is natural. So to grow up and realize that your mind says something else and your heart is singing a completely different song is really hard to comprehend, accept and live your life through like that. Every person who is growing up facing the issue of sexuality feels the same. The feeling that nobody can really understand what is going on with them. Every guy is discussing about boobs and butts, it's hard to say that you don't. Most teens don't because it's going to turn into a lengthy and possibly an embarrassing or even worse, a violent conversation. This attitude is carried on into adulthood and in some unfortunate cases through life.

LGBT teens do not want to be ridiculed and humiliated. No teen wants to feel like they don't deserve to live. But all this bullying does make LGBT children feel that way, that's why there have been 4 suicides in the past few weeks. These are just the ones that have come into news. What about those that haven't? What about the ones unheard and unseen?

Teen Bullying doesn't just exist in America. Teen Bullying is everywhere in the world. I have been bullied and I'm pretty sure each and everyone of you have been bullied as well. While my bully-word was nothing harsh like 'Queer'. I was termed 'Mama's Boy'. I won't deny that it didn't hurt because it did. But now I realize that was me being 'Obedient'. At the end of the day, I owe my mother alot more than I whatever I owed to people inviting me to parties or whatever they were planning.

To any teen reading my blog, if you are being bullied you can seek help from this website. It's also been mentioned in the video that I have linked earlier in this post. It's time to take a stand! It's time to put these bullies into their rightful place.

On a side, Kayla has been doing extremely well in the competition up till now. She is not only amongst the judges favorite but also a favorite amongst the viewers. I'm totally rooting for her to take the crown. Check out her picture from last week where she was an undersea Goddess.

Ain't she a beauty? 

Bring The Change

When I was in my second year of A-Levels, there came a boy in the freshman batch who was instantly detected by my then nearly non-existent Gaydar. But the truth was, you really didn't need to have a Gaydar to realize that he was gay. You could have a single conversation with him or just observe him for sometime, and come to the very obvious conclusion. Everything about him screamed gay!

During those days, I myself was going through the inevitable process of soul-searching. Everything I had imagined for myself had been tossed into an unrecognizable mess by Alex. Even though I wasn't dreaming about Alex as much as I used to, I was still unclear as who I was. The only part that was clear to me was that I was attracted to men and even the thought of that scared the shit out of me. I would be lying if I denied that I hated myself for being what I am. I had labeled myself 'Freak'.

Nobody knew about it but I still felt vulnerable. I felt exposed. I was specially careful and reserved when I was around Alex. I felt that the tiniest display of emotion from me would translate into affection that would show in bold red letter across my face. I didn't want to be labeled as something out-of-ordinary or abnormal.

I had stayed in a school where I was called 'Geek' and 'Nerd' for about six years. A new school meant a new chance on life, it meant that I could totally recreate myself. Nobody needs to know about the geeky sixteen year old who couldn't sink a single basket if his life depended on it. Nobody needed to know about the nerdy sixteen year old who qualified for the Inter-school Creative Writing competition every year but never managed to win. I had a brand new start and I was a part of the 'Cool' crowd. I was doing pretty good in school as well. I definitely didn't want it to end. Just 7 more months and then I graduate and head into my University life.

Day in and day out, I saw this kid being bullied by his classmates and by his senior; my classmates. Often when a group of students assembled, they would make fun of the way he walked or how he talked or his limp wrist or how he rolled his eyes. When we had our formal dinner, he wore a pink tie and I remember somebody making a comment about how everyone expected him to wear pink. He took it with a smile. He was a nice kid, very well-mannered from what I remember.

One time he got into a fight was when another student threw an insult about his parents. I was a proctor so I had to jump in between to stop the fight. The shrimp couldn't defend himself but he was putting up a terrific fight. I pulled him away and took him into a corner. "You really should not have started that fight, you know!", I told him sarcastically. "He could have easily beaten you into pulp!"

"As if I care!", he spat out wiping the sweat forming on his brow. "I'm everybody's punching bag around here! Everybody's favorite past-time is to pick on me! And you proctors are absolutely useless at controlling them!"

I bit my lip. I was truly ashamed. He was like me, except he had not been as lucky as I had been in disguising himself into molding to ensure easy survival. I didn't know what to say next. He took my silence as his cue to exit, which he did after washing his tear tracks. He didn't come back to the cafeteria where the fight first took place. I figured he had probably wandered off to the library or the art-room or somewhere to be alone. When the bell rang for my class, all thoughts about him vanished from my mind. It remained that way for most of the day. I didn't see him till school got off. He was standing by the tuck shop sipping a soda. I made my way over so as to apologize. "I'm sorry about today. I should have stopped him before it got to fists!", I said in all honesty.

He looked up with the straw still in his mouth. "Don't sweat it! It's an everyday scene with me! I've more or less gotten used to it by now! It's just two years anyways, then I won't be running into these idiots again!"

"Don't mind me saying this!" I said hesitantly, "But the fault is partly yours. If you stood up for yourself from the start, things would have never really gotten this worse!"

"I tried everything, Phunk!", he told me dejectedly "I tried everything! I tried everyday! But it's just me and it's a whole bunch of them! I can't fight them everyday! I can't fight them all! I can't fight anymore!". Anybody listening could have easily sensed the despair and hopelessness that clung to his speech. He was fighting for those words to come out. "I just pray it's all over soon and I move on from here unharmed! There is no hope for me here. Nobody really understands whatever I have going on with me. You're being nice and that's great. But even you don't!".

Boy, was he wrong! 

I wanted to hug him but I didn't. I couldn't. I just rubbed his back and treated him to a burger that we split in half. I never came out of the closet to him and then I graduated. We had become friends or as much friends that we could become given the social stigma that surrounded him. I graduated and moved on to my University. While he was in his senior year, I visited my school three times on separate occasions just for fun. He was a proctor now and from what I heard, he was a favorite amongst his juniors. I was very happy for him. A few months later he graduated. Though I visited my school later on many times as well but I only saw him on the alumni get-together that the students organized. I always made sure that an invitation got to him.

The last time I met him which was December 2009, he was enrolled in a hotel management course. He had dropped out of the engineering degree his father wanted him to do and was pursuing something he felt strongly about. I couldn't help but wish him the best in everything. I'm hoping that I get to witness great things from him in the future. He was bullied and ridiculed about his sexuality, even though he was closeted and nobody had any concrete proof about him being gay. But he survived it. He is in a better place now. But would all this have been possible if the bullying had pushed him over the edge?

The recent teen suicide incidents have left me completely shaken. Being unsure about your own self is worse enough, but having somebody pick on you because of that is the absolute pits. Pushing somebody so much that they resort to the only means of ending it. They end themselves!

Justin Aaberg, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas, Seth Walsh and Tyler Clementi all are no more because of some people who just felt that they didn't deserve to live. How many more are to be laid to rest before a change comes?