Where Dem Bloggers At?!

Recently a favorite blog of mine closed down, the author felt that the purpose of his blog was complete. His opinion, but in my opinion his blog could have gone on alot longer and I really liked reading his posts.

Earlier today I was bored and I was Online, so I started browsing through my blog roll when I came upon a blog which had not been updated since quite sometime. I decided to drop a word to the owner to start blogging again, but was surprised to discover that his blog had been deleted. After abit of searching I got to know that while his blog had been indeed deleted, the author felt that his blog had filled it's purpose as well.

This all got me to thinking that is there a purpose to my blogging?!

Personally I came up with a negative answer. But after putting so much time, energy and effort into it, I would like to believe otherwise.

My stint of creative writing on web started with a few stories that I posted in Orkut forums. Initially these were pretty sex charged but then I moved on to something more heart tugging. I completed one entire story, it was called 'A Whole Lotta Love'. It was pretty well received, I believe.

A few months later I started part two of the saga 'Whatever It Takes'. I even published a few chapters but then I ditched it completely. At first I was genuinely busy with exams and college, but then later on I lost interest in it. It still lies uncompleted. I do have the entire story line planned in my head but I don't see myself penning it down anytime soon. Even if I want to I believe that I can't. I am not interested in it!

I briefly; twice to be exact, wrote for the very awesome and my personal blog Idol Crazy Sam's blog - Crazy Sam's Bloginess. However soon I branched out to my own and here I am running three blogs somewhat in the middle of success and failure. After writing fiction for so long, it feels nice to write something that's more real. Something that I pull from the inside of my heart and not from my brain.

However the question about the purpose still exists like a big bad wolf in my mind.

I like sharing details about my life here. It gives me a space to breath and be myself. Besides that, I occasionally "lecture" on various issues like relationship and dating - but that's rare. Sometimes I go on a rant, and then there are those patriotic moments. But there isn't any consistency, and that worries me in a weird sort of way.

At some point regardless of whether I find a guy for myself or not, I will stop posting about guys. I will stop posting about relationships. I will stop posting about dating. I have never really posted about sex, but even those would become a rarity. Maybe this may mean that I will stop posting altogether.

I don't know about all that right now. I don't even know if this blog will last that long. Google tends to delete blogs with explicit content. While I keep my blog porn free, I occasionally do put up some really steamy images. No point denying it. We all have salivated over those images!

But hot pics and funny tales of stupid guys can not go on forever. I certainly do not want to be posting about dating when I'm fifty something. Certain things are better left for the wild young hearts.

At fifty I either expect to be settled with a partner and have already spent at least fifteen years together or be a single dad of two awesome children. But those all are dreams, and before I could blog about them they need to happen. For real!

Right now blogging seems to be going in no direction. I feel it's time to pull out the big guns and get down to some serious soul searching writing. Looking at my published posts there are so many things that I need to tell you guys. I think I'll start with my coming out to Amanda, with posts of Josh and some random rants in the middle. What do you say?

Also if you remember I posted about writing fan fictions of my favorite programs. I can't believe I'll be posting links for these on my blog. I'm so going to be loosing whatever credibility I have built but since it's all about exposing the soul here, I also have to put up the things I am ashamed about - even the dirty laundry needs to be hung out so that it dries. LOL!

Okay so here's the link for my work on Vampire Diaries and here is the link for my work on True Blood. As I have mentioned in the disclaimer - This is a story about characters from the television show. It is a work of fiction (My Dirty Dirty Dirty imagination and lots of free time), and I do not claim any knowledge about the private lives of actors appearing in the show. This story implies nothing about their sexuality. I do not own these characters. The only person who has ever known about this link before today is Nathan.

Oh, and in case anybody is wondering - I do not have any plans on posting any further installments on them either. Sorry to disappoint if you happened to like it. With my studies, I can only do one thing and I believe blogging is a much better outlet for my creativity.

Now tell me honestly, do you still think I'm all that nicety nice?

Where Dem Bloggers At?!

Recently a favorite blog of mine closed down, the author felt that the purpose of his blog was complete. His opinion, but in my opinion his blog could have gone on alot longer and I really liked reading his posts.

Earlier today I was bored and I was Online, so I started browsing through my blog roll when I came upon a blog which had not been updated since quite sometime. I decided to drop a word to the owner to start blogging again, but was surprised to discover that his blog had been deleted. After abit of searching I got to know that while his blog had been indeed deleted, the author felt that his blog had filled it's purpose as well.

This all got me to thinking that is there a purpose to my blogging?!

Personally I came up with a negative answer. But after putting so much time, energy and effort into it, I would like to believe otherwise.

My stint of creative writing on web started with a few stories that I posted in Orkut forums. Initially these were pretty sex charged but then I moved on to something more heart tugging. I completed one entire story, it was called 'A Whole Lotta Love'. It was pretty well received, I believe.

A few months later I started part two of the saga 'Whatever It Takes'. I even published a few chapters but then I ditched it completely. At first I was genuinely busy with exams and college, but then later on I lost interest in it. It still lies uncompleted. I do have the entire story line planned in my head but I don't see myself penning it down anytime soon. Even if I want to I believe that I can't. I am not interested in it!

I briefly; twice to be exact, wrote for the very awesome and my personal blog Idol Crazy Sam's blog - Crazy Sam's Bloginess. However soon I branched out to my own and here I am running three blogs somewhat in the middle of success and failure. After writing fiction for so long, it feels nice to write something that's more real. Something that I pull from the inside of my heart and not from my brain.

However the question about the purpose still exists like a big bad wolf in my mind.

I like sharing details about my life here. It gives me a space to breath and be myself. Besides that, I occasionally "lecture" on various issues like relationship and dating - but that's rare. Sometimes I go on a rant, and then there are those patriotic moments. But there isn't any consistency, and that worries me in a weird sort of way.

At some point regardless of whether I find a guy for myself or not, I will stop posting about guys. I will stop posting about relationships. I will stop posting about dating. I have never really posted about sex, but even those would become a rarity. Maybe this may mean that I will stop posting altogether.

I don't know about all that right now. I don't even know if this blog will last that long. Google tends to delete blogs with explicit content. While I keep my blog porn free, I occasionally do put up some really steamy images. No point denying it. We all have salivated over those images!

But hot pics and funny tales of stupid guys can not go on forever. I certainly do not want to be posting about dating when I'm fifty something. Certain things are better left for the wild young hearts.

At fifty I either expect to be settled with a partner and have already spent at least fifteen years together or be a single dad of two awesome children. But those all are dreams, and before I could blog about them they need to happen. For real!

Right now blogging seems to be going in no direction. I feel it's time to pull out the big guns and get down to some serious soul searching writing. Looking at my published posts there are so many things that I need to tell you guys. I think I'll start with my coming out to Amanda, with posts of Josh and some random rants in the middle. What do you say?

Also if you remember I posted about writing fan fictions of my favorite programs. I can't believe I'll be posting links for these on my blog. I'm so going to be loosing whatever credibility I have built but since it's all about exposing the soul here, I also have to put up the things I am ashamed about - even the dirty laundry needs to be hung out so that it dries. LOL!

Okay so here's the link for my work on Vampire Diaries and here is the link for my work on True Blood. As I have mentioned in the disclaimer - This is a story about characters from the television show. It is a work of fiction (My Dirty Dirty Dirty imagination and lots of free time), and I do not claim any knowledge about the private lives of actors appearing in the show. This story implies nothing about their sexuality. I do not own these characters. The only person who has ever known about this link before today is Nathan.

Oh, and in case anybody is wondering - I do not have any plans on posting any further installments on them either. Sorry to disappoint if you happened to like it. With my studies, I can only do one thing and I believe blogging is a much better outlet for my creativity.

Now tell me honestly, do you still think I'm all that nicety nice?

Exams, Bloggers and Poll

I'm not sure how many of you know but I have my exams coming up next month, and that's why there has been a decline in postings lately. I really can't believe I'm going to be sitting for exams again, feels just like yesterday when I did my last post about taking a break from blogging.

C&B and PFL are going to remain this way till about the last week of July, but I am not entirely sure. However it is a for gone surety that I will resume posting regularly in August. As for GPY!!! the same fate is going to be presenting itself however I shall be surfacing to post the Formspring questions given to me in June. The post is all ready in the drafts. If anybody has any questions to ask me, there is still time.

It sucks to be studying right now, especially since almost everyone I know is on vacations and is having a complete ball. A few things however still make me pick my chin off the ground, such as gym and Josh. I used to go regularly to my earlier gym, but I had no trainer. This time around I got one and he's fantastic. I dropped 5 kgs in a month and 2 inches off my waist. I'm putting the hunk back in Phunk!

Oh and in case you are thinking that somehow I am doing this for Josh, you can't be more wrong. I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this to be healthy, and while I can not see the results myself I have been getting comments from people around me that I have lost weight. Yeah, I'm weird in the sense that I do not think I have lost weight even when the scale says that I have. Ever Mr. Ridiculous!

With summer over us in full bloom, I'm extremely sorry that I will not be able to entertain you. However I'm leaving you in the capable hands of some Pakistani gay bloggers that I have come across. Some are old, some are new. Some are still active, some have come to a halt for now. But perhaps increased traffic would get them to start posting again.

I have posted about this blog before, but I think he definitely deserves a mention. I'm a huge fan of his writing, and I really do hope that he starts posting again soon. He took a break for his exams, and from what he told me the break paid off. His exams went well. I'm hoping that a few of you could light his fire and get him to post some new material. My very good friend Aaron Khan's blog, Life.....A Constant Battle.

This blog is relatively new, and unfortunately he's been slow on postings recently. I really like the whole theme of his blog and I'm pretty sure alot of gay guys out there would be able to identify with his life events. He's done four posts till now, and they're all pretty good. I would advice you to take caution as his posts tend to leave one a little light headed from the blood rushes to other parts of the body. And I really do not understand his fascination with the letter 'T'. The What-Not-To-Do Blog for the Average Queer Slut by Average Queer Slut.

Taste Some Gay Salt by Branden was one of my every day clicks last summer. The author of the blog has disappeared off the grid, however he still logs on to the blog time to time. Perhaps a quick E-mail can inspire him to start writing once again. Some of his posts have truly made me envious of his writing style, take this for example.

Not that I am partial towards Karachi, but whenever I come across a gay blogger from Karachi I can't help but scream in ecstasy. And I am quite sure I shattered a few glasses when I came across Feel-o-Rama by Ayaan Khan. I'm not a fan of reading Roman Urdu. But I read his poetry even through all that, cuz they're that good. You simply can't miss out on him.

Fallen Angel is new to the world of blogosphere, and he definitely deserves a spot on the list. I have read his work and I would say that he's got a few tricks up his sleeve. As writers, we put our souls into our works and his blog clearly show that. You can check him out at The World Around Me.

Fallen Angel may put his soul into his work, just like me and many others. But only a few can actually carve a blog out of their soul. Closeted has completely mastered that art, and his writings have possibly moved me the most. I was actually very surprised when I came across his blog on Manjam, but I'm so definitely glad that I did. Especially since he deleted his Manjam ID a day later. His postings are a few and far, but they're so damn good. Also he doesn't resort to cheap under table mechanics like sexy pictures. If you want to get to know a gay man who truly values commitment, The Closeted Blog is the place to go.

The last blog quite possibly needs no introduction. His writings have appeared in various LGBT magazines of the Indian SubContinent, and his LGBT Awareness zeal matches nobody else that I have ever come to know personally. Just like everybody he's had his share of heartbreak, but he wears every one of those scars beautifully. The blog may be titled Confessions of an Imperfect Man, but he really does capture the essence of perfection in the sense that he accepts every form of diversity. The creation of the evil (Kidd'in) Mastermind Hadi Hussain, Confession of an Imperfect Man.

These are all I have for now!

I'm hoping that the next time my exams come around there are more blogs to show case, so if you are planning to start one or want to - DO IT ASAP!

Also if you remember I did a post on how age preference. I missed out on the option "Don't care", so I created a new poll. If you haven't responded to the poll yet, I'd like it very much if you do it now. I hated deleting the previous post but I do believe that there exist guys who do not care about age at all, and I just had to know how many people felt this way. 

Exams, Bloggers and Poll

I'm not sure how many of you know but I have my exams coming up next month, and that's why there has been a decline in postings lately. I really can't believe I'm going to be sitting for exams again, feels just like yesterday when I did my last post about taking a break from blogging.

C&B and PFL are going to remain this way till about the last week of July, but I am not entirely sure. However it is a for gone surety that I will resume posting regularly in August. As for GPY!!! the same fate is going to be presenting itself however I shall be surfacing to post the Formspring questions given to me in June. The post is all ready in the drafts. If anybody has any questions to ask me, there is still time.

It sucks to be studying right now, especially since almost everyone I know is on vacations and is having a complete ball. A few things however still make me pick my chin off the ground, such as gym and Josh. I used to go regularly to my earlier gym, but I had no trainer. This time around I got one and he's fantastic. I dropped 5 kgs in a month and 2 inches off my waist. I'm putting the hunk back in Phunk!

Oh and in case you are thinking that somehow I am doing this for Josh, you can't be more wrong. I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this to be healthy, and while I can not see the results myself I have been getting comments from people around me that I have lost weight. Yeah, I'm weird in the sense that I do not think I have lost weight even when the scale says that I have. Ever Mr. Ridiculous!

With summer over us in full bloom, I'm extremely sorry that I will not be able to entertain you. However I'm leaving you in the capable hands of some Pakistani gay bloggers that I have come across. Some are old, some are new. Some are still active, some have come to a halt for now. But perhaps increased traffic would get them to start posting again.

I have posted about this blog before, but I think he definitely deserves a mention. I'm a huge fan of his writing, and I really do hope that he starts posting again soon. He took a break for his exams, and from what he told me the break paid off. His exams went well. I'm hoping that a few of you could light his fire and get him to post some new material. My very good friend Aaron Khan's blog, Life.....A Constant Battle.

This blog is relatively new, and unfortunately he's been slow on postings recently. I really like the whole theme of his blog and I'm pretty sure alot of gay guys out there would be able to identify with his life events. He's done four posts till now, and they're all pretty good. I would advice you to take caution as his posts tend to leave one a little light headed from the blood rushes to other parts of the body. And I really do not understand his fascination with the letter 'T'. The What-Not-To-Do Blog for the Average Queer Slut by Average Queer Slut.

Taste Some Gay Salt by Branden was one of my every day clicks last summer. The author of the blog has disappeared off the grid, however he still logs on to the blog time to time. Perhaps a quick E-mail can inspire him to start writing once again. Some of his posts have truly made me envious of his writing style, take this for example.

Not that I am partial towards Karachi, but whenever I come across a gay blogger from Karachi I can't help but scream in ecstasy. And I am quite sure I shattered a few glasses when I came across Feel-o-Rama by Ayaan Khan. I'm not a fan of reading Roman Urdu. But I read his poetry even through all that, cuz they're that good. You simply can't miss out on him.

Fallen Angel is new to the world of blogosphere, and he definitely deserves a spot on the list. I have read his work and I would say that he's got a few tricks up his sleeve. As writers, we put our souls into our works and his blog clearly show that. You can check him out at The World Around Me.

Fallen Angel may put his soul into his work, just like me and many others. But only a few can actually carve a blog out of their soul. Closeted has completely mastered that art, and his writings have possibly moved me the most. I was actually very surprised when I came across his blog on Manjam, but I'm so definitely glad that I did. Especially since he deleted his Manjam ID a day later. His postings are a few and far, but they're so damn good. Also he doesn't resort to cheap under table mechanics like sexy pictures. If you want to get to know a gay man who truly values commitment, The Closeted Blog is the place to go.

The last blog quite possibly needs no introduction. His writings have appeared in various LGBT magazines of the Indian SubContinent, and his LGBT Awareness zeal matches nobody else that I have ever come to know personally. Just like everybody he's had his share of heartbreak, but he wears every one of those scars beautifully. The blog may be titled Confessions of an Imperfect Man, but he really does capture the essence of perfection in the sense that he accepts every form of diversity. The creation of the evil (Kidd'in) Mastermind Hadi Hussain, Confession of an Imperfect Man.

These are all I have for now!

I'm hoping that the next time my exams come around there are more blogs to show case, so if you are planning to start one or want to - DO IT ASAP!

Also if you remember I did a post on how age preference. I missed out on the option "Don't care", so I created a new poll. If you haven't responded to the poll yet, I'd like it very much if you do it now. I hated deleting the previous post but I do believe that there exist guys who do not care about age at all, and I just had to know how many people felt this way. 

I Got Style

Yours truly has just been honored the Stylish Blogger Award by the fabulously engaging M@rvin who can be found at Mostly Unfabulous. Free non-alcoholic drinks for all!

So the rules of this award are as follows;

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this high honor; Like duh!
2. Share 7 things about yourself; Are you seriously ready for these juicy bits?
3. Award 5 other bloggers; This one is a toughie!
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award; Sure, why not?! I got nothing better to do!

So here are 7 things that I'm telling in a few sentences. I may or may not do them in a detailed post later, but nothing is for certain now. So here I go and don't you try to stop me;

I Kissed a Girl: But I don't know exactly how I feel about it. It happened in 2009 at a pool party. Her name is Rachael - that is her real name! She was at a party of my cousin's friend and we got along really well. But a kiss was all that really happened. Over all, she's the 3rd of the total 4 people I have kissed!

Bite Me: Before I started this blog, I had a minute stint as an author of True Blood and Vampire Diaries gay erotic fan fiction. I had a whole story line planned for every season and lots of hot steamy sex, however erotic writing isn't my thing and I tend to get bored of it after sometime. Writing about my life and how I feel is much more exciting, in my opinion!

Game Over: I have considered suicide once a very long time ago. I think it was sometime in the beginning of March of 2005. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. I actually considered jumping and just being done with everything however I couldn't go ahead with it. I was chicken but I am so happy I was a chicken!

Country Bumpkin: I have only traveled in a plane once in my entire life and that too I had to do alone and out of Pakistan. Mum was so worried and just about everybody in my family was thinking that I'd get lost or something horrible would happen. However I reached my destination quite safely by the Grace of God.

Just Okay: Yes, I'm 100% gay. However with that being said, I have never found Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, Daniel Radcliffe or any of the Jonas Brothers even minutely attractive. But my heart does occasionally flutter when Taylor Lautner flashes across my screen!

Breakfast in Bed: As my resolution, I have learned how to make french toast, pancakes, coffee, cheese omelette and cheese toasts for breakfast. And now I'm secretly wishing that once in my life I get to serve these to somebody I love!

Jaddu ki Jhappi: I wish I could hug you just so that you don't feel lonely anymore ever again!

There you have it! 

Seven original never read before dirty tid bits on me. I do think some people like Christian are aware of some of them, but most are unknown to alot of people. Till today that is!

Now on to the next part where I get to forward this award to 5 bloggers that I feel deserve it. And here are those fabulous people;

My soul sista Falen who has the most in-your-face rants and tough love. She owns, and I really mean owns the blog Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. Falen, I know you already got one of these a few days back but you truly deserve one and I am honored to be the one who is giving it to you again!

Crazy Sam's Blogginess is the whole reason I started my own blog. This guy hails from India and I have wished so many times that he was actually from Pakistan. An over-all great person, but he seems to have lost his blogging mojo. Here's hoping that my award would bring him back and we would be seeing lots of exciting posts from him. You go, Sammy Boy!

A reason I started walking down the road of feeling and looking better is because of this blog; Better by 30. Westopher is the owner of blog and he simply kills it. He's my daily feel good blog to read, plus he posts some sweet eye candy.

Never known him personally but looking at his blog, I can say that he knows his stuff and definitely is a nice guy. I would like to present to you Bi Dude USA which is run by BDNY. He's been silent for a little while but I'm guessing he'd be back with the good stuff really soon. Do check him out!

Last but not the least is a very dear friend of mine Ultimate Intricateness. He presents his unique thinking of how to be a good Muslim and not letting your sexuality effect your faith on Soul Searching Haven. He's an amateur compared to the rest but in the world where your sexuality can throw a curve-ball you need to have the faith to knock it out of the park. And when he posts, you can smell a hit coming a mile away. Simple but elegant, and that is something I like alot from him.

Congratulations to all the blogs receiving this award. Sorry if I missed anyone out, there were some really tough choices to make but I felt these people deserved it the most. New bloggers with new awards coming sometime soon - hopefully!

I Got Style

Yours truly has just been honored the Stylish Blogger Award by the fabulously engaging M@rvin who can be found at Mostly Unfabulous. Free non-alcoholic drinks for all!

So the rules of this award are as follows;

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this high honor; Like duh!
2. Share 7 things about yourself; Are you seriously ready for these juicy bits?
3. Award 5 other bloggers; This one is a toughie!
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award; Sure, why not?! I got nothing better to do!

So here are 7 things that I'm telling in a few sentences. I may or may not do them in a detailed post later, but nothing is for certain now. So here I go and don't you try to stop me;

I Kissed a Girl: But I don't know exactly how I feel about it. It happened in 2009 at a pool party. Her name is Rachael - that is her real name! She was at a party of my cousin's friend and we got along really well. But a kiss was all that really happened. Over all, she's the 3rd of the total 4 people I have kissed!

Bite Me: Before I started this blog, I had a minute stint as an author of True Blood and Vampire Diaries gay erotic fan fiction. I had a whole story line planned for every season and lots of hot steamy sex, however erotic writing isn't my thing and I tend to get bored of it after sometime. Writing about my life and how I feel is much more exciting, in my opinion!

Game Over: I have considered suicide once a very long time ago. I think it was sometime in the beginning of March of 2005. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. I actually considered jumping and just being done with everything however I couldn't go ahead with it. I was chicken but I am so happy I was a chicken!

Country Bumpkin: I have only traveled in a plane once in my entire life and that too I had to do alone and out of Pakistan. Mum was so worried and just about everybody in my family was thinking that I'd get lost or something horrible would happen. However I reached my destination quite safely by the Grace of God.

Just Okay: Yes, I'm 100% gay. However with that being said, I have never found Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, Daniel Radcliffe or any of the Jonas Brothers even minutely attractive. But my heart does occasionally flutter when Taylor Lautner flashes across my screen!

Breakfast in Bed: As my resolution, I have learned how to make french toast, pancakes, coffee, cheese omelette and cheese toasts for breakfast. And now I'm secretly wishing that once in my life I get to serve these to somebody I love!

Jaddu ki Jhappi: I wish I could hug you just so that you don't feel lonely anymore ever again!

There you have it! 

Seven original never read before dirty tid bits on me. I do think some people like Christian are aware of some of them, but most are unknown to alot of people. Till today that is!

Now on to the next part where I get to forward this award to 5 bloggers that I feel deserve it. And here are those fabulous people;

My soul sista Falen who has the most in-your-face rants and tough love. She owns, and I really mean owns the blog Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. Falen, I know you already got one of these a few days back but you truly deserve one and I am honored to be the one who is giving it to you again!

Crazy Sam's Blogginess is the whole reason I started my own blog. This guy hails from India and I have wished so many times that he was actually from Pakistan. An over-all great person, but he seems to have lost his blogging mojo. Here's hoping that my award would bring him back and we would be seeing lots of exciting posts from him. You go, Sammy Boy!

A reason I started walking down the road of feeling and looking better is because of this blog; Better by 30. Westopher is the owner of blog and he simply kills it. He's my daily feel good blog to read, plus he posts some sweet eye candy.

Never known him personally but looking at his blog, I can say that he knows his stuff and definitely is a nice guy. I would like to present to you Bi Dude USA which is run by BDNY. He's been silent for a little while but I'm guessing he'd be back with the good stuff really soon. Do check him out!

Last but not the least is a very dear friend of mine Ultimate Intricateness. He presents his unique thinking of how to be a good Muslim and not letting your sexuality effect your faith on Soul Searching Haven. He's an amateur compared to the rest but in the world where your sexuality can throw a curve-ball you need to have the faith to knock it out of the park. And when he posts, you can smell a hit coming a mile away. Simple but elegant, and that is something I like alot from him.

Congratulations to all the blogs receiving this award. Sorry if I missed anyone out, there were some really tough choices to make but I felt these people deserved it the most. New bloggers with new awards coming sometime soon - hopefully!

And The Winners Are...

As promised, I'll be handing out the long over-due Blog Awards I received. It felt nice to know that someone (Read: Falen) thought my blog deserved these trinkets of appreciation and I hope to all those that I am passing on will feel the same way. So without wasting anymore time, let's start off with the celebrations.

The first award is Cherry On Top Award, and I forward it to;

A Secret Gay Life

Confused?...yet Honest

Differently Derric

Ramble and Rant and Rave and Restrain

The second award I received and I will be forwarding is the Keeps Me From Killing Award. These blogs have provided me countless amusement on daily basis. I seriously can't remember a single day that has gone by and I haven't checked in on these blogs. They truly keep me from killing!

The Blogs getting this awesomeness bestowed on them are;

Single In The City

Random Thoughts In My Life

Mostly Unfabulous 

Last Blog Aware that I will be giving out is the I Don't Give A F*ck Award and this happens to be my personal favorite. Blogs landing this award are so freak'in cool in my opinion and it's really hard to miss them out. The blogs getting the IDGAF are;

I Shaved My Ass For This

Warfare; The Delightful and Dreary Sides of Gay Life

Toy Couture

You can paste the Awards on your blogs and you can pass them to blogs you find interesting, that way I can find more interesting blogs that I do not know about yet.

Congratulations to all the recipients and I hope you all keep blogging for a very very long time. I hate when I blog that I follow closes down and I seriously hope I don't have to see that day come from any of you.

Happy Holidays everyone!

And The Winners Are...

As promised, I'll be handing out the long over-due Blog Awards I received. It felt nice to know that someone (Read: Falen) thought my blog deserved these trinkets of appreciation and I hope to all those that I am passing on will feel the same way. So without wasting anymore time, let's start off with the celebrations.

The first award is Cherry On Top Award, and I forward it to;

A Secret Gay Life

Confused?...yet Honest

Differently Derric

Ramble and Rant and Rave and Restrain

The second award I received and I will be forwarding is the Keeps Me From Killing Award. These blogs have provided me countless amusement on daily basis. I seriously can't remember a single day that has gone by and I haven't checked in on these blogs. They truly keep me from killing!

The Blogs getting this awesomeness bestowed on them are;

Single In The City

Random Thoughts In My Life

Mostly Unfabulous 

Last Blog Aware that I will be giving out is the I Don't Give A F*ck Award and this happens to be my personal favorite. Blogs landing this award are so freak'in cool in my opinion and it's really hard to miss them out. The blogs getting the IDGAF are;

I Shaved My Ass For This

Warfare; The Delightful and Dreary Sides of Gay Life

Toy Couture

You can paste the Awards on your blogs and you can pass them to blogs you find interesting, that way I can find more interesting blogs that I do not know about yet.

Congratulations to all the recipients and I hope you all keep blogging for a very very long time. I hate when I blog that I follow closes down and I seriously hope I don't have to see that day come from any of you.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Celebrating the Difference

The official video for P!NK's new single 'Raise Your Glass' premiered last night and I can't put into words how happy the video makes me feel. It's all about celebrating the difference and being yourself. An anthem to all the out-casts, under-dogs, dark horses and just about everyone who feels like they didn't ever have a place for themselves in this world. It's exhilarating!

When I first heard the song, I sort of knew that she would do in relation to LGBT Awareness element. But she has carried it so much further. Rejection based on physical appearance, animal cruelty, religious oppression and just about everything else that's wrong in this beautiful world. I loved this song since the time I first heard and it is currently sitting on the top on my iTunes with a total of 634 plays. The video takes me love for this song to a completely new level. Just about everything in this video speaks out to me and gets me to feel good. Check out the video below.



I loved the prom dance and the dancing baby. It's all so incredible and fun! I can so dance to this with my homies. I texted Ryan about it last night when I saw it and literally made him get out of his stupid bed to watch this video. He loved it!

Lately alot of artists have been putting out songs about celebrating the difference. Katy Perry jumped on the board with her song 'Fireworks' from her second album Teenage Dream.

Once again this song stood out to me from the rest because of the message it carried. Songs with messages always speak out to most to me for some reason, maybe I'll put some of them up later. Just like with 'Raise Your Glass', the video of 'Firework' made me love the song even more.



You guys probably think that the gay kiss spoke out the most to me from the vid. Well, yes! It kind of did but the thing that really spoke out to me the most is the kid who pushes his father away trying to stop the fight. I have a friend who can't remember a single day his parents did not get into an argument. Growing up in a house filled with screams and shout, he has become a completely hard person. He rarely opens up to anyone! He never really told us about it. His little sister accidentally let it slip once about him not being able to concentrate on his school-work because of their parents. "How come you don't smile?", "Do you find anything funny?" were the common comments he got from his peers. He would just give a weak smile in response, but in retrospect I have a feeling it was just to shut us up.

Teenagers nowadays are under alot of pressure in trying to fit in. It's something integral in us. We don't want to be singled out and have people staring us. If it's not something at school, it's something outside the school or even worse inside the homes.Blending in and fitting in is all what everyone is trying to do these days. Life is all about living and if you can't live it being yourself, then exactly who's life are you living?

Celebrate the difference!

On a separate note, I have been meaning to post about an award I got since a few weeks but it kept slipping my mind. I saw it last week and wanted to do a post about it but then I waited a few posts out because this post happens to be my 90th post. Only 10 more to go before I hit my first 100!

A perfect 10!

To those of you following me, if you want me to write about anything then leave it in a comment or drop a line in the chat box. Otherwise you can also email me on phunkactor@gmail.com and phunkfactor@hotmail.com. Whatever you would like to know about me or would like to know how I feel about, you just need to drop a line. And yes, you will remain anonymous if you wish to do so. I am very good at keeping secrets!

The blog award I was talking about is a super-cool entirely original, 'Keeps Me From Killing' Award which was created by my blog sister Falen found over at Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. She was also the one who popped my award cherry a few months ago. LOL!

I gotta give out these two awards to a few fellows as well but stupid blogger keeps messing up all the blog URLs. Argh!

And now I'm signing off, I gotta raise my glass of milk! ;)

Celebrating the Difference

The official video for P!NK's new single 'Raise Your Glass' premiered last night and I can't put into words how happy the video makes me feel. It's all about celebrating the difference and being yourself. An anthem to all the out-casts, under-dogs, dark horses and just about everyone who feels like they didn't ever have a place for themselves in this world. It's exhilarating!

When I first heard the song, I sort of knew that she would do in relation to LGBT Awareness element. But she has carried it so much further. Rejection based on physical appearance, animal cruelty, religious oppression and just about everything else that's wrong in this beautiful world. I loved this song since the time I first heard and it is currently sitting on the top on my iTunes with a total of 634 plays. The video takes me love for this song to a completely new level. Just about everything in this video speaks out to me and gets me to feel good. Check out the video below.



I loved the prom dance and the dancing baby. It's all so incredible and fun! I can so dance to this with my homies. I texted Ryan about it last night when I saw it and literally made him get out of his stupid bed to watch this video. He loved it!

Lately alot of artists have been putting out songs about celebrating the difference. Katy Perry jumped on the board with her song 'Fireworks' from her second album Teenage Dream.

Once again this song stood out to me from the rest because of the message it carried. Songs with messages always speak out to most to me for some reason, maybe I'll put some of them up later. Just like with 'Raise Your Glass', the video of 'Firework' made me love the song even more.



You guys probably think that the gay kiss spoke out the most to me from the vid. Well, yes! It kind of did but the thing that really spoke out to me the most is the kid who pushes his father away trying to stop the fight. I have a friend who can't remember a single day his parents did not get into an argument. Growing up in a house filled with screams and shout, he has become a completely hard person. He rarely opens up to anyone! He never really told us about it. His little sister accidentally let it slip once about him not being able to concentrate on his school-work because of their parents. "How come you don't smile?", "Do you find anything funny?" were the common comments he got from his peers. He would just give a weak smile in response, but in retrospect I have a feeling it was just to shut us up.

Teenagers nowadays are under alot of pressure in trying to fit in. It's something integral in us. We don't want to be singled out and have people staring us. If it's not something at school, it's something outside the school or even worse inside the homes.Blending in and fitting in is all what everyone is trying to do these days. Life is all about living and if you can't live it being yourself, then exactly who's life are you living?

Celebrate the difference!

On a separate note, I have been meaning to post about an award I got since a few weeks but it kept slipping my mind. I saw it last week and wanted to do a post about it but then I waited a few posts out because this post happens to be my 90th post. Only 10 more to go before I hit my first 100!

A perfect 10!

To those of you following me, if you want me to write about anything then leave it in a comment or drop a line in the chat box. Otherwise you can also email me on phunkactor@gmail.com and phunkfactor@hotmail.com. Whatever you would like to know about me or would like to know how I feel about, you just need to drop a line. And yes, you will remain anonymous if you wish to do so. I am very good at keeping secrets!

The blog award I was talking about is a super-cool entirely original, 'Keeps Me From Killing' Award which was created by my blog sister Falen found over at Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. She was also the one who popped my award cherry a few months ago. LOL!

I gotta give out these two awards to a few fellows as well but stupid blogger keeps messing up all the blog URLs. Argh!

And now I'm signing off, I gotta raise my glass of milk! ;)

I Miss Him

I miss him! I am missing him bad. Really bad! We have been having some issues and we are trying to sort them out. We decided on Friday that we won't be talking for two days, Saturday and Sunday.

Today is Sunday.  Today is the last day of the silence and tomorrow we would talk again. I can't wait. I want to talk to him right now. Right at this moment, but that would be against what we have planned. I have been kind of drooping all day and missing him. I tried not to bolt myself in the room because that would raise mum's antennas and she would be all inquisitive. I've been listening to crazy songs all day. Well not all day, I started listening to the songs right after opening my fast at Iftaar (Iftaar is when we have food after avoiding it since a little before sunrise). The funny thing is that the following songs have gone up about 10 to 20 numbers in my iTunes 'Most Played' list. I guess it really doesn't take a genius to know how I am feeling right now!

Lions, Tigers and Bears: Jazmine Sullivan

Lie: David Cook

Fearless: Colbie Caillat

Where Is Your Heart: Kelly Clarkson

Everytime: Britney Spears

My kid sister who usually hear thumping music coming from my bedroom at all hours commented, "I don't like you when you are depressed!". She shares with me everything and I couldn't share anything with her. I just told her I'm missing someone alot. She asked me if it was Gracie. LOL! 

That was my first genuine laugh of the day. I denied and shoo-ed her away. I can't wait for Monday evening, that's when I start expecting him to show up. I had not made an appearance on Blogosphere, so I came here for a while and read a couple of blogs here and there. It kinda took my mind of things. So here's a huge THANK YOU! to Falen, Fickle Cattle, Aaron, Ian, Delilah and Mike. Also another thank you goes to Christian for simply checking up on me.

You guys have no idea how much you lifted my spirits up today. Hope I can do the same for all of you some day!

I Miss Him

I miss him! I am missing him bad. Really bad! We have been having some issues and we are trying to sort them out. We decided on Friday that we won't be talking for two days, Saturday and Sunday.

Today is Sunday.  Today is the last day of the silence and tomorrow we would talk again. I can't wait. I want to talk to him right now. Right at this moment, but that would be against what we have planned. I have been kind of drooping all day and missing him. I tried not to bolt myself in the room because that would raise mum's antennas and she would be all inquisitive. I've been listening to crazy songs all day. Well not all day, I started listening to the songs right after opening my fast at Iftaar (Iftaar is when we have food after avoiding it since a little before sunrise). The funny thing is that the following songs have gone up about 10 to 20 numbers in my iTunes 'Most Played' list. I guess it really doesn't take a genius to know how I am feeling right now!

Lions, Tigers and Bears: Jazmine Sullivan

Lie: David Cook

Fearless: Colbie Caillat

Where Is Your Heart: Kelly Clarkson

Everytime: Britney Spears

My kid sister who usually hear thumping music coming from my bedroom at all hours commented, "I don't like you when you are depressed!". She shares with me everything and I couldn't share anything with her. I just told her I'm missing someone alot. She asked me if it was Gracie. LOL! 

That was my first genuine laugh of the day. I denied and shoo-ed her away. I can't wait for Monday evening, that's when I start expecting him to show up. I had not made an appearance on Blogosphere, so I came here for a while and read a couple of blogs here and there. It kinda took my mind of things. So here's a huge THANK YOU! to Falen, Fickle Cattle, Aaron, Ian, Delilah and Mike. Also another thank you goes to Christian for simply checking up on me.

You guys have no idea how much you lifted my spirits up today. Hope I can do the same for all of you some day!

Cherry On Top

I got my very first blog award from Falen, author of Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista and so I had to make a post about it. I will be shamelessly whoring this one out, you know because I really don't see myself getting another one. LOL!

So the rules of the award go as follows;

1. Thank the person who gave this award to you

2. Copy the award and put it in your blog

3. List three things you love about yourself

4. Post a picture you love

So as specified, thanks alot Falen!! You've been following my blog since the past month and a half or something like that. Your first appearance with the most amazing comment on the post All The Lovers (And Haters) and have been coloring my blog with you're feisty sassy persona. You know something; For a chick, you are pretty awesome! Kidd'in! ;)

Three things I love about myself! Well I love that I'm creative and I don't sit down quietly in doing things as people would normally expect me. I like to do things and do them on my own terms in my own style. A 100% original one-of-a-kind Phunkiness!!

Another thing I can lord out and about is that I'm very optimistic. It takes something really big to pull me down, people who know me often remark how can I smile and laugh all the time. Ryan finds that a little freaky because he believes anybody who is as happy as me needs to be checked out by a shrink!

Lastly, I keep on meeting amazing and wonderful people where ever I go. I know I've butted with quite a few heads but I'm very thankful for all the heads who butted other heads with me or for me. You make the world go round for me!

Lastly I have to share with y'all a picture I love, so here goes nothing;

I also will be spreading the love and forward this award to a few of my fellow bloggers, I shall be posting that list soon. I tried doing it right now, but the links kept messing up! :(

Also I've added a chat box in the side-bar on the right side of the screen, so feel free to drop a line anytime for anything you feel like!

Cherry On Top

I got my very first blog award from Falen, author of Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista and so I had to make a post about it. I will be shamelessly whoring this one out, you know because I really don't see myself getting another one. LOL!

So the rules of the award go as follows;

1. Thank the person who gave this award to you

2. Copy the award and put it in your blog

3. List three things you love about yourself

4. Post a picture you love

So as specified, thanks alot Falen!! You've been following my blog since the past month and a half or something like that. Your first appearance with the most amazing comment on the post All The Lovers (And Haters) and have been coloring my blog with you're feisty sassy persona. You know something; For a chick, you are pretty awesome! Kidd'in! ;)

Three things I love about myself! Well I love that I'm creative and I don't sit down quietly in doing things as people would normally expect me. I like to do things and do them on my own terms in my own style. A 100% original one-of-a-kind Phunkiness!!

Another thing I can lord out and about is that I'm very optimistic. It takes something really big to pull me down, people who know me often remark how can I smile and laugh all the time. Ryan finds that a little freaky because he believes anybody who is as happy as me needs to be checked out by a shrink!

Lastly, I keep on meeting amazing and wonderful people where ever I go. I know I've butted with quite a few heads but I'm very thankful for all the heads who butted other heads with me or for me. You make the world go round for me!

Lastly I have to share with y'all a picture I love, so here goes nothing;

I also will be spreading the love and forward this award to a few of my fellow bloggers, I shall be posting that list soon. I tried doing it right now, but the links kept messing up! :(

Also I've added a chat box in the side-bar on the right side of the screen, so feel free to drop a line anytime for anything you feel like!

Seriously?

I really don't consider myself to be a looker. So when somebody tells me that they have got a crush on me, all I can say in response is 'Seriously?'

I, honestly, don't think that I am even minutely crush-worthy. Maybe it's because of how I feel about crushes in general. I really don't think I'm good looking. If I had to pick a word to describe myself, I would choose cute. Mostly because that's a comment I have been getting since I was a little kid. Almost everybody in my family thinks I'm cute. Cute is a word you use to describe babies, infants, children and possibly twinks. Not 22 year old university going students!

Also for me, cute doesn't cut it for a crush in the Looks Department. You need to be good-looking, dashing or handsome. If any of the previously three mentioned adjectives apply to a person, I believe that the said person could possibly become a crush. But that's strictly based entirely on visual appeal. If you go into other categories, everything changes!

I'm short, 5'5 to be exact. Again that's something I would not call attractive, and leads to the 'Seriously?' remark when someone announces it. But then they haven't met me in-person so their comment could change upon meeting. But so far I've only met seven guys, two of which I didn't date but know them from around my college. One being Ryan and the other a junior who I discovered through Orkut. Those I met had the same comment, 'You're cute!' This adds to the fact that I'm often mistaken for being younger than I actually am. On the first day of my clinical rounds, the doctor thought I was an attendant trying to sneak in. Ryan and the others came to my rescue, she wasn't letting me say anything in my defense. I had to show my Student ID card, the lady didn't even apologize for her rude behavior.

The other thing which makes me unattractive, in my opinion, is that I'm chubby. Yeah, I'm not skinny. I have never been skinny. Not that I support being skinny or think that it's hot. But I do like guys with some definition. The sad thing that happened with me was that my weight gain happened around the same time as the natural growth spurt. I seriously wish at times I was a tad bit taller. My younger brother who's in the growth spurt age right now, I'm monitoring his diet very strictly. I don't want him to have this complex that I have.

Also I think that's why I find tall guys attractive. My mother is on my case to loose weight, she's scared because of the history of high blood pressure in our family. I've had my blood pressure measured twice, last time was about four months back. It wasn't high, but mum is still pretty scared about it. I think mum worries too much and I think I got that from her. But yeah, she's a mom and all moms are that way.

My hair which I love the most are most of the time a complete mess. Unless there is something to hold them together, they are a pile of loose straw. There is a reason that when in 9th Grade, our school planned a production of one of the scenes from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was selected for that part of Harry without any audition. I was excited beyond belief, I was getting to play one of my favorite characters of all time. Another boy who was hoping for the same part made a remark about how I got the part solely based because of my appearance. But I really didn't care!

Nathan is a regular gym goer, he says the same thing. He wants me to healthy up myself abit, he says the same thing as my mom. I keep meaning to go the gym but I feel conscious because every guy there has all cuts and curves in the right places. Ryan, who also works out, pushes me to go the gym. "Fat people go to the gym as well, you know!", he tells me. "You join and go persistently, you'd be trimmed in a few months. I could even hook you up with a trainer!". My cousin used to be a trainer, now he works in a bank but still regularly goes to a gym. He personally offered to be my trainer. So I guess at this point if I'm still chubby, it's because I'm a lazy person. I plan on going to start soon, especially since Nathan and I have a competition going on about who can develop a six-pack first. I have a feeling, he may win because I have a longer distance to go on this road but that's no reason to give up. The thing I have to do is start working out, I'm already pretty conscious about my nutrition, so I have one less thing to do on the weight-loss journey. Speaking of loosing weight, I'm leaving the link of an excellent weight-loss blog. You can check it out here and follow if you feel like.

I seriously wish at times that I had the chance to learn some form of dance. Dances are so flexible, agile and loaded with immense amounts of goods in their looks. They are always some cute dancers in every season of So You Think You Can Dance. I'm totally conked out over Kent from the latest season. I know he's all goofy, also this particular crush makes me feel like such a cougar. LOL!

I've had some people crush on me, but sadly I wasn't able to reciprocate it. Thinking about it, the crushes I've had or at least the ones I divulged, they weren't reciprocated either. And that's another reason why I'm not very fond of crushes!

Hope you all are having an amazing summer. I know I am! I'm completely loving the weather nowadays. Completely loving it!

Seriously?

I really don't consider myself to be a looker. So when somebody tells me that they have got a crush on me, all I can say in response is 'Seriously?'

I, honestly, don't think that I am even minutely crush-worthy. Maybe it's because of how I feel about crushes in general. I really don't think I'm good looking. If I had to pick a word to describe myself, I would choose cute. Mostly because that's a comment I have been getting since I was a little kid. Almost everybody in my family thinks I'm cute. Cute is a word you use to describe babies, infants, children and possibly twinks. Not 22 year old university going students!

Also for me, cute doesn't cut it for a crush in the Looks Department. You need to be good-looking, dashing or handsome. If any of the previously three mentioned adjectives apply to a person, I believe that the said person could possibly become a crush. But that's strictly based entirely on visual appeal. If you go into other categories, everything changes!

I'm short, 5'5 to be exact. Again that's something I would not call attractive, and leads to the 'Seriously?' remark when someone announces it. But then they haven't met me in-person so their comment could change upon meeting. But so far I've only met seven guys, two of which I didn't date but know them from around my college. One being Ryan and the other a junior who I discovered through Orkut. Those I met had the same comment, 'You're cute!' This adds to the fact that I'm often mistaken for being younger than I actually am. On the first day of my clinical rounds, the doctor thought I was an attendant trying to sneak in. Ryan and the others came to my rescue, she wasn't letting me say anything in my defense. I had to show my Student ID card, the lady didn't even apologize for her rude behavior.

The other thing which makes me unattractive, in my opinion, is that I'm chubby. Yeah, I'm not skinny. I have never been skinny. Not that I support being skinny or think that it's hot. But I do like guys with some definition. The sad thing that happened with me was that my weight gain happened around the same time as the natural growth spurt. I seriously wish at times I was a tad bit taller. My younger brother who's in the growth spurt age right now, I'm monitoring his diet very strictly. I don't want him to have this complex that I have.

Also I think that's why I find tall guys attractive. My mother is on my case to loose weight, she's scared because of the history of high blood pressure in our family. I've had my blood pressure measured twice, last time was about four months back. It wasn't high, but mum is still pretty scared about it. I think mum worries too much and I think I got that from her. But yeah, she's a mom and all moms are that way.

My hair which I love the most are most of the time a complete mess. Unless there is something to hold them together, they are a pile of loose straw. There is a reason that when in 9th Grade, our school planned a production of one of the scenes from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was selected for that part of Harry without any audition. I was excited beyond belief, I was getting to play one of my favorite characters of all time. Another boy who was hoping for the same part made a remark about how I got the part solely based because of my appearance. But I really didn't care!

Nathan is a regular gym goer, he says the same thing. He wants me to healthy up myself abit, he says the same thing as my mom. I keep meaning to go the gym but I feel conscious because every guy there has all cuts and curves in the right places. Ryan, who also works out, pushes me to go the gym. "Fat people go to the gym as well, you know!", he tells me. "You join and go persistently, you'd be trimmed in a few months. I could even hook you up with a trainer!". My cousin used to be a trainer, now he works in a bank but still regularly goes to a gym. He personally offered to be my trainer. So I guess at this point if I'm still chubby, it's because I'm a lazy person. I plan on going to start soon, especially since Nathan and I have a competition going on about who can develop a six-pack first. I have a feeling, he may win because I have a longer distance to go on this road but that's no reason to give up. The thing I have to do is start working out, I'm already pretty conscious about my nutrition, so I have one less thing to do on the weight-loss journey. Speaking of loosing weight, I'm leaving the link of an excellent weight-loss blog. You can check it out here and follow if you feel like.

I seriously wish at times that I had the chance to learn some form of dance. Dances are so flexible, agile and loaded with immense amounts of goods in their looks. They are always some cute dancers in every season of So You Think You Can Dance. I'm totally conked out over Kent from the latest season. I know he's all goofy, also this particular crush makes me feel like such a cougar. LOL!

I've had some people crush on me, but sadly I wasn't able to reciprocate it. Thinking about it, the crushes I've had or at least the ones I divulged, they weren't reciprocated either. And that's another reason why I'm not very fond of crushes!

Hope you all are having an amazing summer. I know I am! I'm completely loving the weather nowadays. Completely loving it!