Not Guilty

A little while after I posted I Should Have Kissed You, I got the following three submissions in my Formspring.

1. Heartless Much?
2. How can you make a kiss so complicated?
3. You should have kissed him. Why didn't you?

I agree it was just a kiss. But it was just a kiss for me. For Josh it was clearly something alot more than just a kiss. I did want to kiss him. But if I had and felt nothing out of it and then broken up, Josh may have felt used. Or there was the a worse possibility of that he may have felt lead on to believe something that doesn't exist.

Also given that we were going to his house and I was quite obviously turned on by him, it would not have been just a kiss. There would have been some definite stripping and quite possibly some groping as well. Two young hot blooded guys who are attracted to each other present under the same roof all by themselves, things are not only bound but destined to happen. Like they say, sparks fly!

When it comes to dating business in the unfortunate case that it doesn't work out, it's quite understood that one side would eventually get hurt. It's a cruel reality but one has to accept it. Sometimes you are rejected. Sometimes you reject. Either case I didn't reject him. I just wasn't ready to kiss him yet. If he would have waited maybe something would have happened. But he's the one who stopped talking and cut me off. Not that I'm saying he's the at fault here. I know I did some very stupid things here, but I stopped myself in time from causing some serious damage.

On a brighter note, I did text message him 'Eid Mubarak' late night last Thursday and for once got a reply from him - with a smiley face. I replied to his text message with an apology to which he didn't reply. Not mad at him, even I would have not known what to reply if I was in his shoes. I can most honestly say that right now I do not feel anything for him except maybe a sense of concern. I wish him the best and that's all.

It's like the six merry murderesses of the Crookem Country Jail said - it was a murder but not a crime.

Not Guilty

A little while after I posted I Should Have Kissed You, I got the following three submissions in my Formspring.

1. Heartless Much?
2. How can you make a kiss so complicated?
3. You should have kissed him. Why didn't you?

I agree it was just a kiss. But it was just a kiss for me. For Josh it was clearly something alot more than just a kiss. I did want to kiss him. But if I had and felt nothing out of it and then broken up, Josh may have felt used. Or there was the a worse possibility of that he may have felt lead on to believe something that doesn't exist.

Also given that we were going to his house and I was quite obviously turned on by him, it would not have been just a kiss. There would have been some definite stripping and quite possibly some groping as well. Two young hot blooded guys who are attracted to each other present under the same roof all by themselves, things are not only bound but destined to happen. Like they say, sparks fly!

When it comes to dating business in the unfortunate case that it doesn't work out, it's quite understood that one side would eventually get hurt. It's a cruel reality but one has to accept it. Sometimes you are rejected. Sometimes you reject. Either case I didn't reject him. I just wasn't ready to kiss him yet. If he would have waited maybe something would have happened. But he's the one who stopped talking and cut me off. Not that I'm saying he's the at fault here. I know I did some very stupid things here, but I stopped myself in time from causing some serious damage.

On a brighter note, I did text message him 'Eid Mubarak' late night last Thursday and for once got a reply from him - with a smiley face. I replied to his text message with an apology to which he didn't reply. Not mad at him, even I would have not known what to reply if I was in his shoes. I can most honestly say that right now I do not feel anything for him except maybe a sense of concern. I wish him the best and that's all.

It's like the six merry murderesses of the Crookem Country Jail said - it was a murder but not a crime.

I Should Have Kissed You

It was 1st of August. Ramadan would be starting the very next day. Josh's exams would be starting in two weeks. We will not be able to meet for at least a month, so we had decided to meet one last time to hold us off and get us through. This meeting was not planned ahead. It happened very spontaneously. Josh asked me out in response to my 'Good Morning' text. "I'd love to but can you make time?", I asked him.

"We won't go far." he replied so I agreed.

"Oh and I'll be picking you up. Cool?", he asked.

"Super cool!", I replied. Normally I would have been hesitant but with us living very close together, I knew he would not be going out of his way to pick me up. I wasn't a fan of the fact that he didn't trust my skills behind the wheel but in such cases, it's best not to make such people feel that they are being neurotic.

I told him that he should study as his afternoon would be taken up by me, it was a real task convincing him. He kept promising that he would start as soon as he got back home from the date. But I was strict and stubborn. I told him that I would call the whole thing off if he doesn't study right now. I would confess that I had no plans of doing such a thing, however desperate times call for desperate measures.

I was still getting ready when Josh text messaged me that he's waiting at the corner of the street where I told him to wait. It took me about ten minutes to get to him, and I apologized for the delay. "It's okay. I know girls take time getting ready!", he teased.

"Obviously. We want to look good for our man!", I contributed to his joke. We went to a near by mall. The date was uneventful to be honest so I would not be blogging about it later at Coffee & Boys. We walked around alot and ate tons of Gelato. We kept going back for more trying new flavors and relishing the ones that were our sure fire favorites. We even had ice-cream with our garlic mayo french fries. Yes, it was one full fat love affair but with Ramadan starting, we knew we would shed it off somehow. At least Josh was sure - the dude has gone terribly skinny since he hit adolescence.

We were on our tenth or twelfth cup when Josh got a call from his mother. She was going out for grocery shopping, and the house would be empty. Josh told her that he has the keys so it's not a problem and that he would be home soon. He disconnected and we walked around abit more. "Hey. Would you mind if we go back to my place and..?", he stopped mid sentence.

Being the naturally smart( Read; Horny) person that I am, I guessed what he wanted to know. "Get intimate?", I completed. He nodded sheepishly. I nodded happily back. We left the mall instantly and got into his car.

No sooner had I agreed to it that the great 'Kissing Josh' debate exploded in my head like a nuclear bomb. It was all I could think about. The same thoughts that had been plaguing my mind recently started their war dance full force. Both the sides were equally adamant of claiming victory. Pushing forward and towards each other, just as one side would inch forward pushing the other back the other would retaliate and gain ground once again. It was the nastiest mental tug of war ever.

I would tell you right now that this had been going on in my head since the past few weeks. I had even confided about it to a couple of friends. And now it's your turn to get the scoop. I wanted to kiss Josh. I wanted to kiss Josh really bad. My lips had gone dry, parched and quite possibly a little swollen from all the time I was biting them looking at Josh's lip move as he talked. The last time I had made out with someone was July 12th 2010. It had been a year of nobody but my hand. I wanted to hold someone close and tug at their lips, drink into their warmness and let the senses run wild. And here was the perfect guy for the task. An absolutely adorable guy who I could literally eat up in a second.

However all my impulses to throw myself at Josh were entirely carnal. I did not feel it in my heart for him, and I knew it. I knew perfectly well that feeling you have when you want someone with you. I have experienced that high before, and this was nothing like that high. It seemed more out of necessity and desperation that I had pursued Josh. Because I did not want to be alone. What made it all even worse was that I was pretty sure about what Josh felt for me. I knew he had taken the bait and had been reeled in.

I thought that maybe if I kiss him, I would feel something. Anything! But what if I felt absolutely nothing except that inner hunger of getting physical finally being fed a prime steak. I am not the world's best kisser by any means. Till the date of this event, I had kissed just two guys. It's like my friends say - I'm a frigg'in lesbian!

"Josh, I can't kiss you just yet.", I told him all of a sudden. It vomited out of my mouth. I had no idea how close we were to his place when I told him this dirty little secret.

"Why?", he asked. He was clearly hurt.

"I'm not ready yet.", I told him. I could not even look at him right now. I was most definitely the most pathetic person ever in his eyes because of this tirade. "Don't ask me anything more please. I swear it's not you. It's me!", I added. Oh God!, I thought to myself. Did I just seriously use that severely abused break up lines?! I should just shut up.

"Just drop me at the next stop, I'll go home myself.", I requested Josh.

Josh did just that and I don't blame him. I can't blame him. I was the one being the jerk here. "I shall text you later. Take care. Drive safe!", I told him and stepped out. Josh didn't say anything in response to my last words.

I got home and took a nice long bath. I felt like banging my head against the wall but I was far too exhausted to do anything other than just stand there under the running water. I contacted Josh later that night but got no response from him. I fired an apology text message and went to sleep, hoping things would somehow magically get better tomorrow. However this was the point that Josh and I started to drift apart.

However I do believe that I did the right thing. Now either this makes me the most fair man in the world or the most arrogant bugger you would ever have the opportunity to come across. You decide!

I Should Have Kissed You

It was 1st of August. Ramadan would be starting the very next day. Josh's exams would be starting in two weeks. We will not be able to meet for at least a month, so we had decided to meet one last time to hold us off and get us through. This meeting was not planned ahead. It happened very spontaneously. Josh asked me out in response to my 'Good Morning' text. "I'd love to but can you make time?", I asked him.

"We won't go far." he replied so I agreed.

"Oh and I'll be picking you up. Cool?", he asked.

"Super cool!", I replied. Normally I would have been hesitant but with us living very close together, I knew he would not be going out of his way to pick me up. I wasn't a fan of the fact that he didn't trust my skills behind the wheel but in such cases, it's best not to make such people feel that they are being neurotic.

I told him that he should study as his afternoon would be taken up by me, it was a real task convincing him. He kept promising that he would start as soon as he got back home from the date. But I was strict and stubborn. I told him that I would call the whole thing off if he doesn't study right now. I would confess that I had no plans of doing such a thing, however desperate times call for desperate measures.

I was still getting ready when Josh text messaged me that he's waiting at the corner of the street where I told him to wait. It took me about ten minutes to get to him, and I apologized for the delay. "It's okay. I know girls take time getting ready!", he teased.

"Obviously. We want to look good for our man!", I contributed to his joke. We went to a near by mall. The date was uneventful to be honest so I would not be blogging about it later at Coffee & Boys. We walked around alot and ate tons of Gelato. We kept going back for more trying new flavors and relishing the ones that were our sure fire favorites. We even had ice-cream with our garlic mayo french fries. Yes, it was one full fat love affair but with Ramadan starting, we knew we would shed it off somehow. At least Josh was sure - the dude has gone terribly skinny since he hit adolescence.

We were on our tenth or twelfth cup when Josh got a call from his mother. She was going out for grocery shopping, and the house would be empty. Josh told her that he has the keys so it's not a problem and that he would be home soon. He disconnected and we walked around abit more. "Hey. Would you mind if we go back to my place and..?", he stopped mid sentence.

Being the naturally smart( Read; Horny) person that I am, I guessed what he wanted to know. "Get intimate?", I completed. He nodded sheepishly. I nodded happily back. We left the mall instantly and got into his car.

No sooner had I agreed to it that the great 'Kissing Josh' debate exploded in my head like a nuclear bomb. It was all I could think about. The same thoughts that had been plaguing my mind recently started their war dance full force. Both the sides were equally adamant of claiming victory. Pushing forward and towards each other, just as one side would inch forward pushing the other back the other would retaliate and gain ground once again. It was the nastiest mental tug of war ever.

I would tell you right now that this had been going on in my head since the past few weeks. I had even confided about it to a couple of friends. And now it's your turn to get the scoop. I wanted to kiss Josh. I wanted to kiss Josh really bad. My lips had gone dry, parched and quite possibly a little swollen from all the time I was biting them looking at Josh's lip move as he talked. The last time I had made out with someone was July 12th 2010. It had been a year of nobody but my hand. I wanted to hold someone close and tug at their lips, drink into their warmness and let the senses run wild. And here was the perfect guy for the task. An absolutely adorable guy who I could literally eat up in a second.

However all my impulses to throw myself at Josh were entirely carnal. I did not feel it in my heart for him, and I knew it. I knew perfectly well that feeling you have when you want someone with you. I have experienced that high before, and this was nothing like that high. It seemed more out of necessity and desperation that I had pursued Josh. Because I did not want to be alone. What made it all even worse was that I was pretty sure about what Josh felt for me. I knew he had taken the bait and had been reeled in.

I thought that maybe if I kiss him, I would feel something. Anything! But what if I felt absolutely nothing except that inner hunger of getting physical finally being fed a prime steak. I am not the world's best kisser by any means. Till the date of this event, I had kissed just two guys. It's like my friends say - I'm a frigg'in lesbian!

"Josh, I can't kiss you just yet.", I told him all of a sudden. It vomited out of my mouth. I had no idea how close we were to his place when I told him this dirty little secret.

"Why?", he asked. He was clearly hurt.

"I'm not ready yet.", I told him. I could not even look at him right now. I was most definitely the most pathetic person ever in his eyes because of this tirade. "Don't ask me anything more please. I swear it's not you. It's me!", I added. Oh God!, I thought to myself. Did I just seriously use that severely abused break up lines?! I should just shut up.

"Just drop me at the next stop, I'll go home myself.", I requested Josh.

Josh did just that and I don't blame him. I can't blame him. I was the one being the jerk here. "I shall text you later. Take care. Drive safe!", I told him and stepped out. Josh didn't say anything in response to my last words.

I got home and took a nice long bath. I felt like banging my head against the wall but I was far too exhausted to do anything other than just stand there under the running water. I contacted Josh later that night but got no response from him. I fired an apology text message and went to sleep, hoping things would somehow magically get better tomorrow. However this was the point that Josh and I started to drift apart.

However I do believe that I did the right thing. Now either this makes me the most fair man in the world or the most arrogant bugger you would ever have the opportunity to come across. You decide!

Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

Well not really!

But I did do the most unimaginable and unthinkable thing one might do while considering someone for a relation. I met my ex - Nathan, and actually had fun. Also I told Josh before the meet up about it since I didn't want it to mistakenly slip later in some conversation and then be hanged by the thumbs.

Nathan arrived in Pakistan sometime in the beginning of July to spend a two weeks of his vacations before going back. Before I proceed to tell what happened on the meet up, let me tell you all that Nathan and I have remained in touch since December or January I believe. I had my differences with him previously but since we have started talking, I have begun to see Nathan in a new light. This revelation leads me to solidify my beliefs even more that Nathan and I could not have gone for much longer. But that's okay. I have made peace with the fact and I have actually gained a really good friend with whom I can share anything and vice versa.

In the early stages of Josh and I getting to know each other, I told him about Nathan and how everything went down with him. Josh did not like him. Moreover he did not understand the point of being in a long distance relationship, which he made perfectly clear once again when we talked about my first kiss with Nathan.

Before Nathan arrived he asked me if he can be in touch with me in Pakistan and go out sometime if I am comfortable with it. Why would I not be?! He also asked if Josh would be okay with it. I told him that he should be okay with it. Committed or not committed, I am allowed to have friends and he( Josh) should trust me enough to let me go meet some dude and not wind up getting banged in some dark alley. The same night when I was talking with Josh, I told him without any tact at all that I would be meeting Nathan when he comes to Pakistan. I would admit that was boorish on my part. It may have made him think that I do not care for his feelings. But I did. Earlier somebody had approached Josh for a meet up but Josh had declined. I told him at that point that I trust him and will not stop him from meeting anyone if he wants to. We are allowed to have friends!

Call me an effed up guy, but I seriously can not stand anybody bad mouthing Nathan. Ryan and I have fought considerable number of times over his rants about Nathan. I even had to shut Amanda up once. I do not like people bad mouthing Nathan period. It is not that I harbor feelings for him. It is that he is a really nice guy and the fact that we broke up had absolutely nothing to do with him. I was the one going all hormonal on his ass! Josh is probably the one person who's rants I took quietly but that too up to a certain point.

When I told Josh about the meet up, he asked me that how could I be friends with someone who I loved a few months ago?

It all depends on what grounds the break up happened and if the people involved have truly gotten over it. When in a true and real relationship, the people open themselves up completely and find someone who knows them better than most. Nathan became that person but  we could not make it work as a couple. However we are definitely rocking it out as friends. Josh has been committed once before and from what he told me, his ex was a real douche. Infact he was the douche of all douches!

"I don't care if I get it on with Josh or not, but I am glad that at least he is not involved with him!", I thought when Josh confessed of a few hurtful memories.

Despite Josh's apprehension I went ahead and met Nathan on one of the larger breaks that I got between my exams. Nathan had requested that we go to a particular place I took to him last year on our third date. But I had exams and he didn't have much time so we could not go ahead with that plan. We went to another near by restaurant that we went to at least two or three times last year. The meeting was fun. We ordered food and talked. I didn't think it would be uncomfortable but there was a little doubt in my mind. However as I sat there and talked, I realized that I had nothing to worry or fear about. This meet was turning out to be fantastic!

We talked about pretty much everything and even indulged in a little window shopping for guys. We were both sort of single, so we both were sort of browsing. We discussed gym routines and even boobies. LOL! I guess that's what happens when you are completely comfortable talking about anything with somebody. The most ridiculous topics get slammed on the table and even then you somehow manage to have fun with it. Before we met, Nathan and I would usually text each other a few times of a day. Josh was not aware of this entirely. It's not that I was hiding it from him, it skipped my mind. It really did!

Nathan and I could not meet again. He was busy in family stuff and I had exams. I did tell Josh about it the same day that it happened. He was very stoic through out the conversation replying only in single words like 'Okay', 'Yeah' and 'Cool'. But I know Josh, and I knew things were anything but cool.

Josh never raises his voice. It isn't like him to yell at the top of his lungs to let somebody know that he's mad. He does the opposite and starts shutting them out. But then isn't that what most guys do?!

I could have simply gone out and Josh would have never known about it. However that would have also been wrong and dishonest. If I expect Josh to come to me with anything, I need to be ready and willing to go to him with anything. Honesty is not the best policy. It's the only policy! :D

Looking back I do know that this is one of the things that lead to us breaking up. But I am glad that I played my cards right. If it didn't work out despite this, there is and was nothing I could have done about it. Love is a loosing game after all - however you won't find my weeping or sulking on a sidewalk.

Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

Well not really!

But I did do the most unimaginable and unthinkable thing one might do while considering someone for a relation. I met my ex - Nathan, and actually had fun. Also I told Josh before the meet up about it since I didn't want it to mistakenly slip later in some conversation and then be hanged by the thumbs.

Nathan arrived in Pakistan sometime in the beginning of July to spend a two weeks of his vacations before going back. Before I proceed to tell what happened on the meet up, let me tell you all that Nathan and I have remained in touch since December or January I believe. I had my differences with him previously but since we have started talking, I have begun to see Nathan in a new light. This revelation leads me to solidify my beliefs even more that Nathan and I could not have gone for much longer. But that's okay. I have made peace with the fact and I have actually gained a really good friend with whom I can share anything and vice versa.

In the early stages of Josh and I getting to know each other, I told him about Nathan and how everything went down with him. Josh did not like him. Moreover he did not understand the point of being in a long distance relationship, which he made perfectly clear once again when we talked about my first kiss with Nathan.

Before Nathan arrived he asked me if he can be in touch with me in Pakistan and go out sometime if I am comfortable with it. Why would I not be?! He also asked if Josh would be okay with it. I told him that he should be okay with it. Committed or not committed, I am allowed to have friends and he( Josh) should trust me enough to let me go meet some dude and not wind up getting banged in some dark alley. The same night when I was talking with Josh, I told him without any tact at all that I would be meeting Nathan when he comes to Pakistan. I would admit that was boorish on my part. It may have made him think that I do not care for his feelings. But I did. Earlier somebody had approached Josh for a meet up but Josh had declined. I told him at that point that I trust him and will not stop him from meeting anyone if he wants to. We are allowed to have friends!

Call me an effed up guy, but I seriously can not stand anybody bad mouthing Nathan. Ryan and I have fought considerable number of times over his rants about Nathan. I even had to shut Amanda up once. I do not like people bad mouthing Nathan period. It is not that I harbor feelings for him. It is that he is a really nice guy and the fact that we broke up had absolutely nothing to do with him. I was the one going all hormonal on his ass! Josh is probably the one person who's rants I took quietly but that too up to a certain point.

When I told Josh about the meet up, he asked me that how could I be friends with someone who I loved a few months ago?

It all depends on what grounds the break up happened and if the people involved have truly gotten over it. When in a true and real relationship, the people open themselves up completely and find someone who knows them better than most. Nathan became that person but  we could not make it work as a couple. However we are definitely rocking it out as friends. Josh has been committed once before and from what he told me, his ex was a real douche. Infact he was the douche of all douches!

"I don't care if I get it on with Josh or not, but I am glad that at least he is not involved with him!", I thought when Josh confessed of a few hurtful memories.

Despite Josh's apprehension I went ahead and met Nathan on one of the larger breaks that I got between my exams. Nathan had requested that we go to a particular place I took to him last year on our third date. But I had exams and he didn't have much time so we could not go ahead with that plan. We went to another near by restaurant that we went to at least two or three times last year. The meeting was fun. We ordered food and talked. I didn't think it would be uncomfortable but there was a little doubt in my mind. However as I sat there and talked, I realized that I had nothing to worry or fear about. This meet was turning out to be fantastic!

We talked about pretty much everything and even indulged in a little window shopping for guys. We were both sort of single, so we both were sort of browsing. We discussed gym routines and even boobies. LOL! I guess that's what happens when you are completely comfortable talking about anything with somebody. The most ridiculous topics get slammed on the table and even then you somehow manage to have fun with it. Before we met, Nathan and I would usually text each other a few times of a day. Josh was not aware of this entirely. It's not that I was hiding it from him, it skipped my mind. It really did!

Nathan and I could not meet again. He was busy in family stuff and I had exams. I did tell Josh about it the same day that it happened. He was very stoic through out the conversation replying only in single words like 'Okay', 'Yeah' and 'Cool'. But I know Josh, and I knew things were anything but cool.

Josh never raises his voice. It isn't like him to yell at the top of his lungs to let somebody know that he's mad. He does the opposite and starts shutting them out. But then isn't that what most guys do?!

I could have simply gone out and Josh would have never known about it. However that would have also been wrong and dishonest. If I expect Josh to come to me with anything, I need to be ready and willing to go to him with anything. Honesty is not the best policy. It's the only policy! :D

Looking back I do know that this is one of the things that lead to us breaking up. But I am glad that I played my cards right. If it didn't work out despite this, there is and was nothing I could have done about it. Love is a loosing game after all - however you won't find my weeping or sulking on a sidewalk.

Hungover

It's over between Josh and me. I am not exactly sure how it happened, why it happened or even if it has actually happened. It is like I have a hangover from a party that I didn't even go to. It is also so frigg'in confusing and mixed up. Also the fact that I have just one side of the story - my side, so I can't put the entire puzzle together. I'll try to the best of my abilities to channel it here in the next few posts. It's all too big to put down in one post.

Also let me add that I am not depressed or anything synonymous to it. I would say that I am a little pissed but I am definitely not depressed over what has happened. It is absolutely nothing like it went down with Nathan (Read here and here), which makes me think that maybe it happened for the best. Maybe I didn't love him, but simply liked him and moved too fast. He deserves someone who loves him and doesn't second guess that feeling at all for even a second. I was not that person. I could have been that person had he given some time but I am not thinking about it. I am not mad at Josh. Well perhaps just a little! =P

Remember how I mentioned in the first paragraph that I am not sure if it has happened, so let me explain that to you now. Josh has not been responding to my text messages or Facebook messages. He does not pick up my calls but let's it ring. This has been going on since August 8th. He had his first exam yesterday so that would be a logical explanation, exam do raise the stress level and one tends to be annoyed by petty distractions. However when you have enough time to change your Facebook display picture you can definitely hit me back with a text message saying that you're okay. He didn't even congratulate me on clearing my exams( YAY me!! ). My gay pals congratulated me as soon as they heard the news. It made me think my importance in his world. How frigg'in inconsiderate can you be?!

Josh has behaved in a similar manner sometime back in April or May. At that time I was more concerned than pissed. Maybe he will text me after his exams but it doesn't matter to me any more. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!

I can't be with someone who can shut me out so easily. So this time I'm going my own way, and for once I'm happy beyond words. I really am! I was relieved and a little sad when things with Bruce ended but this time I am positively gleeful. See me smile!

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk to him really bad but after four solid days of silence that you could touch I have backed off. If he returns after his exams, I will not get back on this train. It's not that I hate him. I really don't. I would admit that I would like an explanation for his behavior. But I am no longer angry at him. See my smile above! ;)

A friend of mine theorizes that I got dumped. The more I thought about it, I would say that he is indeed right. Josh did dump me!

However I am still not sad. He didn't consider me the right choice, I wasn't ready to be his choice either. Like I said earlier, perhaps it worked out in the best fashion for both of us. I am back to being single, and no matter how much do I want or try to get committed Karma does not wish the same for me. Therefore I shall wait, but I can have a little fun while I am waiting. Hahaha - that too would be covered in coming posts.

Hope everybody is having a wonderful time!

Hungover

It's over between Josh and me. I am not exactly sure how it happened, why it happened or even if it has actually happened. It is like I have a hangover from a party that I didn't even go to. It is also so frigg'in confusing and mixed up. Also the fact that I have just one side of the story - my side, so I can't put the entire puzzle together. I'll try to the best of my abilities to channel it here in the next few posts. It's all too big to put down in one post.

Also let me add that I am not depressed or anything synonymous to it. I would say that I am a little pissed but I am definitely not depressed over what has happened. It is absolutely nothing like it went down with Nathan (Read here and here), which makes me think that maybe it happened for the best. Maybe I didn't love him, but simply liked him and moved too fast. He deserves someone who loves him and doesn't second guess that feeling at all for even a second. I was not that person. I could have been that person had he given some time but I am not thinking about it. I am not mad at Josh. Well perhaps just a little! =P

Remember how I mentioned in the first paragraph that I am not sure if it has happened, so let me explain that to you now. Josh has not been responding to my text messages or Facebook messages. He does not pick up my calls but let's it ring. This has been going on since August 8th. He had his first exam yesterday so that would be a logical explanation, exam do raise the stress level and one tends to be annoyed by petty distractions. However when you have enough time to change your Facebook display picture you can definitely hit me back with a text message saying that you're okay. He didn't even congratulate me on clearing my exams( YAY me!! ). My gay pals congratulated me as soon as they heard the news. It made me think my importance in his world. How frigg'in inconsiderate can you be?!

Josh has behaved in a similar manner sometime back in April or May. At that time I was more concerned than pissed. Maybe he will text me after his exams but it doesn't matter to me any more. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!

I can't be with someone who can shut me out so easily. So this time I'm going my own way, and for once I'm happy beyond words. I really am! I was relieved and a little sad when things with Bruce ended but this time I am positively gleeful. See me smile!

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk to him really bad but after four solid days of silence that you could touch I have backed off. If he returns after his exams, I will not get back on this train. It's not that I hate him. I really don't. I would admit that I would like an explanation for his behavior. But I am no longer angry at him. See my smile above! ;)

A friend of mine theorizes that I got dumped. The more I thought about it, I would say that he is indeed right. Josh did dump me!

However I am still not sad. He didn't consider me the right choice, I wasn't ready to be his choice either. Like I said earlier, perhaps it worked out in the best fashion for both of us. I am back to being single, and no matter how much do I want or try to get committed Karma does not wish the same for me. Therefore I shall wait, but I can have a little fun while I am waiting. Hahaha - that too would be covered in coming posts.

Hope everybody is having a wonderful time!

Of Crushes and Crashes

I have been waiting so impatiently to come back to the blogging scene that I really can not describe my excitement in words. My summer was largely uneventful due to my exams which ended today, and while I am absolutely relieved I have already started fretting about the result.

I really can not explain this feeling of dread that washes over my entire body from the exterior to the deepest cervices when I start thinking of the result. I would admit that my exams could have gone better but looking back at how much I studied I feel that they went adequate. However that feeling of internal satisfaction that glowed inside me after certain exams last year is missing. All I can do now is pray for everything to turn out for the best.

As summer draws to a close in the Northern Hemisphere of the planet we call Earth, my Summer romance with you is just starting and I intend to Phunk you to the maximum. Starting things off with the most imporant topic - Josh!

Josh and I have been doing well. I met him once during my exams when I had a particularly large gap between my papers. It was a quick meeting at a local Pizza parlor, and we seemed to be enjoying. While nobody has bought up the issue of commitment yet, I feel that the issue is somewhat already at the table. However I do not feel a spark, and that thought scares me alot. I do not want to proceed until I am absolutely sure about how I feel, but I can not vouch for Josh's feelings.

Our meeting at Pizza Parlor was entirely casual. It was so casual that I wore shorts and T-shirt to it, which is something I have never done with any of the past dates. Mistakenly during the date I brushed his toes, we both were wearing flip flops. The single brush led to alot under the table brushing. I hope nobody saw our toe dance. LOL!

Intimacy is another thing that has been creeping into our conversations. I do want to kiss him, I'm curious to feel his stubble rub against my chin. I feel at times that perhaps a kiss would trigger the spark I am searching for. However a kiss can also lead to complications in the sense that he takes it much more deeper than intended. He's a nice guy, and I really don't want to hurt him. With him being younger, I perceive it to be synonymous with fragility. I really don't know how this will play out so I'm taking it one step at a time as carefully as I can.

On naughtier aspect I spied with my little eye a real hottie. I really couldn't take my eyes off him. I remember seeing a guy similar to him in my previous exams, he's from a sister institute. But it's been about six months since I last sat for exams so I am not entirely sure.

Everytime I would look at him, my heart would start racing. Generally guys are described as 'Handsome', but he's 'Pretty'. He's really really pretty. He rates pretty wild on both Ryan and my Gaydar. While I am not entirely sure about the crap piece of machinery in my mind, but Ryan's Gaydar is spot-on.

So I sit down in my exam hall, and turns out that he is sitting right in front of me. I catch a whiff of some really expensive D&G crap coming from him, and that's all my body needed to start floating in air. I actually leaned forward once I was done with my papers to catch a few extra sniffs. Needless to say I was looking forward to my next paper just so I could smell and see him again. The second paper didn't go well for him so once it was done he turned around to discuss and we became friends. On the third and last paper, we exchanged numbers.

When the schedule for further exams came out, his schedule coincided with mine on the minutest details. I know it is so ridiculous of me to talk about Josh and then this guy in the same sense, but little things like this make me think that I'm not up for a commitment. We practiced clinical examinations on each other one the day of the paper, and at the end of the paper he asked me if I would like to go out sometime with his friends.

"I guess I could make an effort. Let me know if anything comes up!", I told him. The whole idea of going out with him even if it's with his group of friends is pretty exciting to me. Once again I am on Square One, do I really deserve to be with Josh?

Of Crushes and Crashes

I have been waiting so impatiently to come back to the blogging scene that I really can not describe my excitement in words. My summer was largely uneventful due to my exams which ended today, and while I am absolutely relieved I have already started fretting about the result.

I really can not explain this feeling of dread that washes over my entire body from the exterior to the deepest cervices when I start thinking of the result. I would admit that my exams could have gone better but looking back at how much I studied I feel that they went adequate. However that feeling of internal satisfaction that glowed inside me after certain exams last year is missing. All I can do now is pray for everything to turn out for the best.

As summer draws to a close in the Northern Hemisphere of the planet we call Earth, my Summer romance with you is just starting and I intend to Phunk you to the maximum. Starting things off with the most imporant topic - Josh!

Josh and I have been doing well. I met him once during my exams when I had a particularly large gap between my papers. It was a quick meeting at a local Pizza parlor, and we seemed to be enjoying. While nobody has bought up the issue of commitment yet, I feel that the issue is somewhat already at the table. However I do not feel a spark, and that thought scares me alot. I do not want to proceed until I am absolutely sure about how I feel, but I can not vouch for Josh's feelings.

Our meeting at Pizza Parlor was entirely casual. It was so casual that I wore shorts and T-shirt to it, which is something I have never done with any of the past dates. Mistakenly during the date I brushed his toes, we both were wearing flip flops. The single brush led to alot under the table brushing. I hope nobody saw our toe dance. LOL!

Intimacy is another thing that has been creeping into our conversations. I do want to kiss him, I'm curious to feel his stubble rub against my chin. I feel at times that perhaps a kiss would trigger the spark I am searching for. However a kiss can also lead to complications in the sense that he takes it much more deeper than intended. He's a nice guy, and I really don't want to hurt him. With him being younger, I perceive it to be synonymous with fragility. I really don't know how this will play out so I'm taking it one step at a time as carefully as I can.

On naughtier aspect I spied with my little eye a real hottie. I really couldn't take my eyes off him. I remember seeing a guy similar to him in my previous exams, he's from a sister institute. But it's been about six months since I last sat for exams so I am not entirely sure.

Everytime I would look at him, my heart would start racing. Generally guys are described as 'Handsome', but he's 'Pretty'. He's really really pretty. He rates pretty wild on both Ryan and my Gaydar. While I am not entirely sure about the crap piece of machinery in my mind, but Ryan's Gaydar is spot-on.

So I sit down in my exam hall, and turns out that he is sitting right in front of me. I catch a whiff of some really expensive D&G crap coming from him, and that's all my body needed to start floating in air. I actually leaned forward once I was done with my papers to catch a few extra sniffs. Needless to say I was looking forward to my next paper just so I could smell and see him again. The second paper didn't go well for him so once it was done he turned around to discuss and we became friends. On the third and last paper, we exchanged numbers.

When the schedule for further exams came out, his schedule coincided with mine on the minutest details. I know it is so ridiculous of me to talk about Josh and then this guy in the same sense, but little things like this make me think that I'm not up for a commitment. We practiced clinical examinations on each other one the day of the paper, and at the end of the paper he asked me if I would like to go out sometime with his friends.

"I guess I could make an effort. Let me know if anything comes up!", I told him. The whole idea of going out with him even if it's with his group of friends is pretty exciting to me. Once again I am on Square One, do I really deserve to be with Josh?

English Please

As I browse through various profiles on the social networking site, I can't believe on the number of spelling mistakes that are commonly seen on profiles, and let me not even start on the grammatical mistakes. I don't know what is it with me but nothing - and absolutely nothing; turns me off more than a spelling or grammatical mistake except for maybe smoking and drinking. The guy could be sporting a six-pack that you would only see on Men's Health cover models. But if I see something like spelled wrong and written incorrectly I immediately click on 'Next Profile'.

I think I maybe somewhat of a pretentious stuck up brat in this sense, but I really can't help it. I really can't! If you have a solution, please hit me with it in a comment. Please don't tell me to 'explain' it to them. I have tried giving English lessons Online, but my 'students' tend to show me the middle finger and disappear. People even do not want to learn!

I think that's why I have gotten to actually like Josh. I've been on his profile back and forth, more times than I could count. I even know parts of it by heart. LOL!

But yes, from what I have read on his profile and from his message the dude is flawless. I could not pick any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors. I think that's why I hyperventilate everytime I read his messages. I discussed this with Ryan, and he told me that he knows this gay language teacher who's single and very much looking.

"Since when are you into fixing me up?", I asked Ryan sarcastically.

Below are a few words that are often grossly disfigured. If these words had a voice, their screams would be heard the moment you log onto a social networking site.

Honest ( Correct Spelling) - Hanest, Honost, Henest, Onest ( Wrong Spelling)

Sexy ( Correct Spelling) - Saxy ( Wrong Spelling and such an incredible turn off. Self praise is a bummer but improperly spelled self praise is a nausea inducer)

Teenager ( Correct Spelling) - Teenagar ( Wrong Spelling - What is this?! Some jelly version of a teenager)

Discreet ( Correct Spelling) - Discreat, Deescreet, Deascreat ( Wrong Spelling) and Discrete is a completely different word which means Separate.

Loyal ( Correct Spelling) - Loyol (Wrong Spelling - makes me think of Olive Oyl from Popeye)

Special ( Correct Spelling) - Speciale, Spacial (Wrong Spelling)

Horny ( Correct Spelling) - Horney, Harney, Harny ( Wrong Spelling - this one makes me want to throw my computer out of the window)

There are several more but I really could not bare to go through more profiles to make the list. I really couldn't!

I know many of you would think I'm so Boarding School brat after reading this post, however let me tell you that I'm not. My parents aren't filthy rich but we aren't financially struggling either by the His grace. I went to a Convent all the while before my medical school started, and any improvements that have developed in my ability with English are due to my own personal effort. It really isn't a hard language to learn so making an effort to learn it won't kill you.

There's another misconception about guys who post that only those fluent in English may contact. I do see some sense in this matter, however being educated and being literate are two completely different things. A guy I went out with a few weeks ago while isn't really all that great when it comes to English is a real gem of a person.

I have another incident to narrate which completely breaks me up into a hysterical fit everytime I think about it which I will post in a few weeks after exams. I was completely bored so decided to put up a quick post. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

English Please

As I browse through various profiles on the social networking site, I can't believe on the number of spelling mistakes that are commonly seen on profiles, and let me not even start on the grammatical mistakes. I don't know what is it with me but nothing - and absolutely nothing; turns me off more than a spelling or grammatical mistake except for maybe smoking and drinking. The guy could be sporting a six-pack that you would only see on Men's Health cover models. But if I see something like spelled wrong and written incorrectly I immediately click on 'Next Profile'.

I think I maybe somewhat of a pretentious stuck up brat in this sense, but I really can't help it. I really can't! If you have a solution, please hit me with it in a comment. Please don't tell me to 'explain' it to them. I have tried giving English lessons Online, but my 'students' tend to show me the middle finger and disappear. People even do not want to learn!

I think that's why I have gotten to actually like Josh. I've been on his profile back and forth, more times than I could count. I even know parts of it by heart. LOL!

But yes, from what I have read on his profile and from his message the dude is flawless. I could not pick any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors. I think that's why I hyperventilate everytime I read his messages. I discussed this with Ryan, and he told me that he knows this gay language teacher who's single and very much looking.

"Since when are you into fixing me up?", I asked Ryan sarcastically.

Below are a few words that are often grossly disfigured. If these words had a voice, their screams would be heard the moment you log onto a social networking site.

Honest ( Correct Spelling) - Hanest, Honost, Henest, Onest ( Wrong Spelling)

Sexy ( Correct Spelling) - Saxy ( Wrong Spelling and such an incredible turn off. Self praise is a bummer but improperly spelled self praise is a nausea inducer)

Teenager ( Correct Spelling) - Teenagar ( Wrong Spelling - What is this?! Some jelly version of a teenager)

Discreet ( Correct Spelling) - Discreat, Deescreet, Deascreat ( Wrong Spelling) and Discrete is a completely different word which means Separate.

Loyal ( Correct Spelling) - Loyol (Wrong Spelling - makes me think of Olive Oyl from Popeye)

Special ( Correct Spelling) - Speciale, Spacial (Wrong Spelling)

Horny ( Correct Spelling) - Horney, Harney, Harny ( Wrong Spelling - this one makes me want to throw my computer out of the window)

There are several more but I really could not bare to go through more profiles to make the list. I really couldn't!

I know many of you would think I'm so Boarding School brat after reading this post, however let me tell you that I'm not. My parents aren't filthy rich but we aren't financially struggling either by the His grace. I went to a Convent all the while before my medical school started, and any improvements that have developed in my ability with English are due to my own personal effort. It really isn't a hard language to learn so making an effort to learn it won't kill you.

There's another misconception about guys who post that only those fluent in English may contact. I do see some sense in this matter, however being educated and being literate are two completely different things. A guy I went out with a few weeks ago while isn't really all that great when it comes to English is a real gem of a person.

I have another incident to narrate which completely breaks me up into a hysterical fit everytime I think about it which I will post in a few weeks after exams. I was completely bored so decided to put up a quick post. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

Na Na Na Come On - Update

Okay I know it took me long but the post about my date with Josh is finally up and you can view it here.

I'm turning comments for this particular post so whatever is it that you would like to say drop it there. Once again, I'm super sorry that I took so long. Exams are coming up and I am really terribly busy!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer. 

Na Na Na Come On - Update

Okay I know it took me long but the post about my date with Josh is finally up and you can view it here.

I'm turning comments for this particular post so whatever is it that you would like to say drop it there. Once again, I'm super sorry that I took so long. Exams are coming up and I am really terribly busy!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer. 

Na Na Na Come On

On 25th May, on a phone call I asked Josh out for the third and last time. Fortunately for both of us, he accepted me invitation to take him out. I have known since quite sometime that I am interested in Josh. Not  yet to the extent that I was interested in Nathan but still I am interested in him. I think he picked up on it and delayed the meet, perhaps he was genuine in his excuses - I don't know.

This date was the perfect opportunity to see if he is really interested and for that, I told him to set up half of the date. I would be responsible for the entertainment. Nourishment would be his department. Josh didn't mind the set-up, in fact he suggested that we keep our plans a secret. I liked that suggestion. Things are already looking up, I thought to myself.

"So do I need to bring a spare underwear?", Josh teased.

"You better!", I said playing along his lines. "There might be an accident when you see me!".

"Oh really?", he confirmed. We had a laugh over it and moved on to other random discussion.

"So where are we meeting?", Josh asked on the evening on May 31st.

"Wasn't that supposed to be kept a surprise?", I asked.

"I would need to know to get there!", Josh explained.

I thought for a while and asked him, "How do you feel about a carpool?"

"Carpool?!", he confirmed.

"Bad idea?", I asked.

"Not really. But I'd like to take my car. Don't mind but I don't trust other people's driving easily." Josh told me hesitantly. I didn't mind. Poor guy had been involved in a bad accident two years ago. I do understand his reluctance to trust other people's driving skills.

"Okay, but I get to pay for the gas!", I argued.

"What if I get it filled up before picking you up?", he poked.

"Then you are far more devious than I calculated you to be!", I replied.

"By the way, get ready to listen to alot of Rihanna. Cuz that's all I am playing in the car nowadays!", he warned.

"Don't worry. I'm perfectly good at being bad!", I poked at him.

All this teasing was getting me excited. I can't begin to tell you how pepped up I was for 2nd June. Even in gym that day, I was more energized for some reason. Usually my RPM (Revolution per minute ) is 91, but that day it was soaring at 102. Yowzah!

I'll be putting up the proceeding of the date in a few hours. I already have some typed and you would be able to view it on C&B. Yeah, even though this date would be significantly different from the rest but Josh is still a candidate - leading by a wide margin but still a candidate. Gotta play fair!

Also it was so heart warming to read your best wishes in my Facebook messages and Formspring. Seriously you guys created magic. Thanks a mill for that!

In a quick review Josh said that it was one of the best dates he has ever been on - his words, not mine so I have a good feeling about the date.

What happened on it?!

You'll find it out soon enough!

I'm incredibly sorry for the delay but with exams coming up soon I'm surprised I managed to find time out to go out and much more on the fact that I was able to convince my parents. :P 

Na Na Na Come On

On 25th May, on a phone call I asked Josh out for the third and last time. Fortunately for both of us, he accepted me invitation to take him out. I have known since quite sometime that I am interested in Josh. Not  yet to the extent that I was interested in Nathan but still I am interested in him. I think he picked up on it and delayed the meet, perhaps he was genuine in his excuses - I don't know.

This date was the perfect opportunity to see if he is really interested and for that, I told him to set up half of the date. I would be responsible for the entertainment. Nourishment would be his department. Josh didn't mind the set-up, in fact he suggested that we keep our plans a secret. I liked that suggestion. Things are already looking up, I thought to myself.

"So do I need to bring a spare underwear?", Josh teased.

"You better!", I said playing along his lines. "There might be an accident when you see me!".

"Oh really?", he confirmed. We had a laugh over it and moved on to other random discussion.

"So where are we meeting?", Josh asked on the evening on May 31st.

"Wasn't that supposed to be kept a surprise?", I asked.

"I would need to know to get there!", Josh explained.

I thought for a while and asked him, "How do you feel about a carpool?"

"Carpool?!", he confirmed.

"Bad idea?", I asked.

"Not really. But I'd like to take my car. Don't mind but I don't trust other people's driving easily." Josh told me hesitantly. I didn't mind. Poor guy had been involved in a bad accident two years ago. I do understand his reluctance to trust other people's driving skills.

"Okay, but I get to pay for the gas!", I argued.

"What if I get it filled up before picking you up?", he poked.

"Then you are far more devious than I calculated you to be!", I replied.

"By the way, get ready to listen to alot of Rihanna. Cuz that's all I am playing in the car nowadays!", he warned.

"Don't worry. I'm perfectly good at being bad!", I poked at him.

All this teasing was getting me excited. I can't begin to tell you how pepped up I was for 2nd June. Even in gym that day, I was more energized for some reason. Usually my RPM (Revolution per minute ) is 91, but that day it was soaring at 102. Yowzah!

I'll be putting up the proceeding of the date in a few hours. I already have some typed and you would be able to view it on C&B. Yeah, even though this date would be significantly different from the rest but Josh is still a candidate - leading by a wide margin but still a candidate. Gotta play fair!

Also it was so heart warming to read your best wishes in my Facebook messages and Formspring. Seriously you guys created magic. Thanks a mill for that!

In a quick review Josh said that it was one of the best dates he has ever been on - his words, not mine so I have a good feeling about the date.

What happened on it?!

You'll find it out soon enough!

I'm incredibly sorry for the delay but with exams coming up soon I'm surprised I managed to find time out to go out and much more on the fact that I was able to convince my parents. :P 

Hallelujah

I should have been a lawyer. I seriously should have a lawyer, or maybe something that involves selling something to people. I really should be!

I just got off the phone with Josh and I am very happy to tell you all that I am going to be meeting Josh on 2nd June. This is bloody terrific! I am happy beyond belief, and the cherry on the top of entire cake happened at the end of the conversation. But let me not hurry and tell you everything!

The conversation started out very ordinary. He called me up as sometimes he does out of the blue for small talk when he is too tired to chat. He changed his gym timings from night to evening because he has classes in the morning now and gets off in time for lunch around 2. He asked how is my exam preparation going and I told him it's going okay aside from the fact that I don't feel like studying much most of the time. So I am reading and looking at the diagrams, trying to make notes on the sides of my books and listen to the audio lectures.

"I'll be super busy the next month but I'd like if we can meet up sometime!", I told him. It sort of blurted out, but I was half meaning to ask him out once more for a date sometime in June.

"You want to meet?", he asked.

"Yeah!", I told him. "I have exams in July but I can spare a day for a meet if you are interested. Plus you have exams sometime in August and September, so you would be busy in months after June as well. Sometime in the first two weeks of June sounds good to me!"

"Are you free on 2nd June?", he asks.

"Sure. You?", I asked him.

"I suggested 2nd June, but I'm fine with any date you decide."

"I'm fine with 2nd!", I confirm.

"Fantastic!", Josh has a habit of saying that very often, I have noticed. "2nd it is, and don't get excited now. But I thought you would never ask me again after I blew you off the previous two times!"

"This was my last shot anyways kiddo!", I told him.

"And you will not call me 'kiddo' on the date!" he says sternly.

The date is set, we're still working on the other details. I want something casual, but I don't know what he feels. First dates need to be easy and breezy. If things go well, we can have lots of intimate ones later. What do you say?

I'm SO happy!

Hallelujah

I should have been a lawyer. I seriously should have a lawyer, or maybe something that involves selling something to people. I really should be!

I just got off the phone with Josh and I am very happy to tell you all that I am going to be meeting Josh on 2nd June. This is bloody terrific! I am happy beyond belief, and the cherry on the top of entire cake happened at the end of the conversation. But let me not hurry and tell you everything!

The conversation started out very ordinary. He called me up as sometimes he does out of the blue for small talk when he is too tired to chat. He changed his gym timings from night to evening because he has classes in the morning now and gets off in time for lunch around 2. He asked how is my exam preparation going and I told him it's going okay aside from the fact that I don't feel like studying much most of the time. So I am reading and looking at the diagrams, trying to make notes on the sides of my books and listen to the audio lectures.

"I'll be super busy the next month but I'd like if we can meet up sometime!", I told him. It sort of blurted out, but I was half meaning to ask him out once more for a date sometime in June.

"You want to meet?", he asked.

"Yeah!", I told him. "I have exams in July but I can spare a day for a meet if you are interested. Plus you have exams sometime in August and September, so you would be busy in months after June as well. Sometime in the first two weeks of June sounds good to me!"

"Are you free on 2nd June?", he asks.

"Sure. You?", I asked him.

"I suggested 2nd June, but I'm fine with any date you decide."

"I'm fine with 2nd!", I confirm.

"Fantastic!", Josh has a habit of saying that very often, I have noticed. "2nd it is, and don't get excited now. But I thought you would never ask me again after I blew you off the previous two times!"

"This was my last shot anyways kiddo!", I told him.

"And you will not call me 'kiddo' on the date!" he says sternly.

The date is set, we're still working on the other details. I want something casual, but I don't know what he feels. First dates need to be easy and breezy. If things go well, we can have lots of intimate ones later. What do you say?

I'm SO happy!

Freak Wavelength

A few days ago, Josh asked me if I had a Facebook account. I told him I do have one but am not keen on adding him yet. My mother happens to be on my Facebook and she asks about every contact I have. A new notification of adding friend would lead her to ask about Josh and I can't hide things from her. I'm still wondering how Nathan survived under her radar when she nitpicked every single person I added who had not gone to the same school or college as me. Another thing would be that question about my Indian friends and a few other contacts, which is another thing I can not tell him yet. Facebook leads to complications in my relation always. However we have been exchanging messages through Facebook quite often nowadays.

This has led me to know about facts that have increased my interest in him no doubt. For instance, I know that he plans to move abroad for sure about his graduation which is three years in the future. I have two more years before I fly myself. Similar future plans ensure that none of us have to make much change in the goals we have set for our careers. Furthermore we both have our sights set on the same destination.

We're both enormous music buffs. Katy Perry, Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Sugarland, Natasha Bedingfield and many more similar artist. But I am introducing him to alot more artists like Christina Perri, Jennifer Hudson, Katy B, Erik Hassle, Example, Jessie J and Hey Monday. Interesting fact - he was in London last year and he went to an Adele showing. He has a streak that makes him want to be different from the crowd and musically speaking, he doesn't like Lady GaGa or Glee at all. But that's okay! He doesn't mind that I do! He does however claim to occasionally suffer from Bieber Fever. I could tolerate Bieber for him!

Another thing is that he's into blogging. I'm cruel in the sense that I have not told him about mine yet instead I just told him that I used to have a blog about entertainment which is true. I have seen his blog and speaking very honestly, I was floored. Maybe it's the gay man in me talking but if I stumbled across it without knowing anything about the author, I would never be able to guess that the author plays for the same team that I do. Plus all the black looks so sexy!

Generally I catch my fair share of attention and exchange messages with guys quite often, however eight out of ten times guys don't talk to me at all or talk but not flirt after seeing my pics. It used to bother me alot at first but now it bothers me just a little. With Josh that's not the case! He was still very interested after exchanging pictures with flirting, the 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' messages.

Another cool thing about him, he loves kids! He's the youngest amongst his siblings and that too with quite a gap. Both of his elder sisters and one of his elder brother is married and have kids, he loves spoiling the little critters. I know this doesn't exactly mean he wants kids but it is a small indication that in future there is a chance that it might be a possibility. Plus something I learned from being with Nathan is that you don't push the topic of kids in the first 3 years at least - if you make it that far!

He is not out of the closet yet but wants to come out. He's waiting for the right time to tell his family. Obviously I'm not going to push him to come out because that's something everybody does on his own terms at their own ease. But at least he has the mindset to do so. He's very clear that he doesn't want to lead a life where he bumps in the night and gets bumped in the day. Once he's done with his education and is stabilized he will come out. I asked him about it to find out why does he plan to do that and I must say I was extremely pleased with the answer I got.

Another thing is that I'm not very keen on anal or oral sex. I don't like the taste of dick in my mouth and if I don't plan on doing it, I don't expect my partner to do it either. Same thing applies to anal intercourse - I have a firm opinion that love doesn't need penetration. And guess what?!

Josh is another freak like me! I literally did a crazy dance when I got to know about this most amazing piece of information. It was like this bubble of happiness rose from my heart and escaped from my mouth in laughter.

The kink in my flower vine?

I have been feeling that Josh is far too much still involved in his ex to even consider me. But as I mentally listed all these facts in my head, I began wondering if it would be wise to stash Josh into the friends zone. Theoretically speaking, we can make a good couple. There are no huge compromises to be made. But all this is only good if Josh realizes the same things and asks me out or accepts my invite for a date. Let's see what unfolds! 

Freak Wavelength

A few days ago, Josh asked me if I had a Facebook account. I told him I do have one but am not keen on adding him yet. My mother happens to be on my Facebook and she asks about every contact I have. A new notification of adding friend would lead her to ask about Josh and I can't hide things from her. I'm still wondering how Nathan survived under her radar when she nitpicked every single person I added who had not gone to the same school or college as me. Another thing would be that question about my Indian friends and a few other contacts, which is another thing I can not tell him yet. Facebook leads to complications in my relation always. However we have been exchanging messages through Facebook quite often nowadays.

This has led me to know about facts that have increased my interest in him no doubt. For instance, I know that he plans to move abroad for sure about his graduation which is three years in the future. I have two more years before I fly myself. Similar future plans ensure that none of us have to make much change in the goals we have set for our careers. Furthermore we both have our sights set on the same destination.

We're both enormous music buffs. Katy Perry, Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Sugarland, Natasha Bedingfield and many more similar artist. But I am introducing him to alot more artists like Christina Perri, Jennifer Hudson, Katy B, Erik Hassle, Example, Jessie J and Hey Monday. Interesting fact - he was in London last year and he went to an Adele showing. He has a streak that makes him want to be different from the crowd and musically speaking, he doesn't like Lady GaGa or Glee at all. But that's okay! He doesn't mind that I do! He does however claim to occasionally suffer from Bieber Fever. I could tolerate Bieber for him!

Another thing is that he's into blogging. I'm cruel in the sense that I have not told him about mine yet instead I just told him that I used to have a blog about entertainment which is true. I have seen his blog and speaking very honestly, I was floored. Maybe it's the gay man in me talking but if I stumbled across it without knowing anything about the author, I would never be able to guess that the author plays for the same team that I do. Plus all the black looks so sexy!

Generally I catch my fair share of attention and exchange messages with guys quite often, however eight out of ten times guys don't talk to me at all or talk but not flirt after seeing my pics. It used to bother me alot at first but now it bothers me just a little. With Josh that's not the case! He was still very interested after exchanging pictures with flirting, the 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' messages.

Another cool thing about him, he loves kids! He's the youngest amongst his siblings and that too with quite a gap. Both of his elder sisters and one of his elder brother is married and have kids, he loves spoiling the little critters. I know this doesn't exactly mean he wants kids but it is a small indication that in future there is a chance that it might be a possibility. Plus something I learned from being with Nathan is that you don't push the topic of kids in the first 3 years at least - if you make it that far!

He is not out of the closet yet but wants to come out. He's waiting for the right time to tell his family. Obviously I'm not going to push him to come out because that's something everybody does on his own terms at their own ease. But at least he has the mindset to do so. He's very clear that he doesn't want to lead a life where he bumps in the night and gets bumped in the day. Once he's done with his education and is stabilized he will come out. I asked him about it to find out why does he plan to do that and I must say I was extremely pleased with the answer I got.

Another thing is that I'm not very keen on anal or oral sex. I don't like the taste of dick in my mouth and if I don't plan on doing it, I don't expect my partner to do it either. Same thing applies to anal intercourse - I have a firm opinion that love doesn't need penetration. And guess what?!

Josh is another freak like me! I literally did a crazy dance when I got to know about this most amazing piece of information. It was like this bubble of happiness rose from my heart and escaped from my mouth in laughter.

The kink in my flower vine?

I have been feeling that Josh is far too much still involved in his ex to even consider me. But as I mentally listed all these facts in my head, I began wondering if it would be wise to stash Josh into the friends zone. Theoretically speaking, we can make a good couple. There are no huge compromises to be made. But all this is only good if Josh realizes the same things and asks me out or accepts my invite for a date. Let's see what unfolds!