Nothing But Cute and Happy

When browsing Online I can talk with the best of them and probably do it better than most. But my balloon pops when it comes to showing my picture. I'm not the sexiest or the hottest guy you'll ever meet. As I have said in the blog before, the word 'cute' is generally used to describe me. And I don't mind it much.

What can I do?

I was born this way, baby!

One of my earliest memories is from 1st Grade when my Urdu language teacher pinched my cheek and told me how cute I am. Later it was my 3rd and 4th Grade teacher. I think my 5th Grade teacher said something as well, but I don't quite remember it. I was her prize pupil, which I remember clearly. Then I changed schools and my new school gave me the same treatment. For some reason, people loved pulling my cheek. Josh commented on it once as well that I have very 'pullable' cheeks and he's not the only one to say so. There have been others as well. So I had this fact down long before I even stepped into the Online world of cruising.

But now that I came here, the rules of the game drastically changed my perception. I contacted guys and some of them responded back. Sometimes I would get a message out of the blue from some guy who seemed genuinely interested. Everything went smooth and fine up till the time came to show my pictures. Except for the few that I have went out with, the rest either always stopped talking to me or changed in how the would respond to my messages. They didn't need to say it, I knew it already.

It used to bother me so much that I can't put it to words. I could have objected to their dark skin tone, acne, unkempt hair, slight belly or the double chin under development. But I didn't. As much as sometimes I feel repulsed by how someone looks, I do give them a chance to prove themselves as something more. Personality is far more important. What's the use of having a model material boyfriend if he doesn't give you respect?!

I have never asked for model looks but somehow have been blessed with such given my previous boyfriends, Bruce and Nathan. I realized that my problem really has no solution since nearly every guy out there has a six-pack check box on their check list. I resigned to being friends with what I could get and that worked for me. But just for a while!

"Why don't you put up your face picture?", Ryan suggested one day when I told him about my dilemma. "Sometimes guys you never thought would be interested in you, actually do stop for a second look at your profile and things can go somewhere."

"I know, but I can't take that risk. At least not while I am in Pakistan!", I told Ryan. I didn't tell Ryan that my rejection could possibly be due to the junk in my trunk - not that kind!

Then one day while randomly browsing, I was hit with a brilliant but a tad bit desperate idea. I wanted to check that if there was actually something wrong with me so I made a completely new profile. Every single detail on the profile was the same as my original profile. I didn't even change a single word in my 'About Me' section. The only difference between these two profiles was that the new profile held several of my face pictures - the same that I used on my other profiles except that they were hidden and could be only viewed if I allowed  the other person to see them. The other difference was the location. This profile didn't state my true location Pakistan. I put down United Kingdom.

Later when I logged on at night, I was actually surprised to see quite a few responses. They were the usual but still a response is a response. These people were fine with how I looked, and some even took the time to read my profile and respond keenly. I added them on messengers and chatted with some of them. These guys liked me. They really did like me!

I changed my profile location to 'Egypt' and got similar result. I didn't exactly get Harem quality but I am not looking for that either. These guys were decent, educated, looking for commitment and good looking enough to turn me on. Why should I care if none of them have the potential to grace Men's Health covers?!

All this was good, but why do I keep striking out in my homeland?!

Could it be because I look Indian and that's something of a rarity in United Kingdom and Egypt?

Certainly not!

So as a last try, I changed my location to 'Bangladesh' and from the meager population that resided there, I got a few responses. One guy really stood above the rest and I really could not believe that he was interested in me. He kept asking for my phone number which I obviously couldn't give him, but I later got an opportunity to talk to him on phone which I will post about later sometime.

But all this proved to me that I look okay if not good. I don't need to worry about how I look, the problem doesn't lie in me. God blessed me with a fully functioning body and I should be happy about it. I should not let my opinion on myself be changed by some guys. It lies in the minds of these guys, and if this is their criteria of judgment then it's a good thing that they kicked me to the curb.

I am not hesitant in sharing my picture anymore. If anybody likes me they have excellent taste and those who don't approve of me, they are welcome to walk around with a stick up their asses. 

Nothing But Cute and Happy

When browsing Online I can talk with the best of them and probably do it better than most. But my balloon pops when it comes to showing my picture. I'm not the sexiest or the hottest guy you'll ever meet. As I have said in the blog before, the word 'cute' is generally used to describe me. And I don't mind it much.

What can I do?

I was born this way, baby!

One of my earliest memories is from 1st Grade when my Urdu language teacher pinched my cheek and told me how cute I am. Later it was my 3rd and 4th Grade teacher. I think my 5th Grade teacher said something as well, but I don't quite remember it. I was her prize pupil, which I remember clearly. Then I changed schools and my new school gave me the same treatment. For some reason, people loved pulling my cheek. Josh commented on it once as well that I have very 'pullable' cheeks and he's not the only one to say so. There have been others as well. So I had this fact down long before I even stepped into the Online world of cruising.

But now that I came here, the rules of the game drastically changed my perception. I contacted guys and some of them responded back. Sometimes I would get a message out of the blue from some guy who seemed genuinely interested. Everything went smooth and fine up till the time came to show my pictures. Except for the few that I have went out with, the rest either always stopped talking to me or changed in how the would respond to my messages. They didn't need to say it, I knew it already.

It used to bother me so much that I can't put it to words. I could have objected to their dark skin tone, acne, unkempt hair, slight belly or the double chin under development. But I didn't. As much as sometimes I feel repulsed by how someone looks, I do give them a chance to prove themselves as something more. Personality is far more important. What's the use of having a model material boyfriend if he doesn't give you respect?!

I have never asked for model looks but somehow have been blessed with such given my previous boyfriends, Bruce and Nathan. I realized that my problem really has no solution since nearly every guy out there has a six-pack check box on their check list. I resigned to being friends with what I could get and that worked for me. But just for a while!

"Why don't you put up your face picture?", Ryan suggested one day when I told him about my dilemma. "Sometimes guys you never thought would be interested in you, actually do stop for a second look at your profile and things can go somewhere."

"I know, but I can't take that risk. At least not while I am in Pakistan!", I told Ryan. I didn't tell Ryan that my rejection could possibly be due to the junk in my trunk - not that kind!

Then one day while randomly browsing, I was hit with a brilliant but a tad bit desperate idea. I wanted to check that if there was actually something wrong with me so I made a completely new profile. Every single detail on the profile was the same as my original profile. I didn't even change a single word in my 'About Me' section. The only difference between these two profiles was that the new profile held several of my face pictures - the same that I used on my other profiles except that they were hidden and could be only viewed if I allowed  the other person to see them. The other difference was the location. This profile didn't state my true location Pakistan. I put down United Kingdom.

Later when I logged on at night, I was actually surprised to see quite a few responses. They were the usual but still a response is a response. These people were fine with how I looked, and some even took the time to read my profile and respond keenly. I added them on messengers and chatted with some of them. These guys liked me. They really did like me!

I changed my profile location to 'Egypt' and got similar result. I didn't exactly get Harem quality but I am not looking for that either. These guys were decent, educated, looking for commitment and good looking enough to turn me on. Why should I care if none of them have the potential to grace Men's Health covers?!

All this was good, but why do I keep striking out in my homeland?!

Could it be because I look Indian and that's something of a rarity in United Kingdom and Egypt?

Certainly not!

So as a last try, I changed my location to 'Bangladesh' and from the meager population that resided there, I got a few responses. One guy really stood above the rest and I really could not believe that he was interested in me. He kept asking for my phone number which I obviously couldn't give him, but I later got an opportunity to talk to him on phone which I will post about later sometime.

But all this proved to me that I look okay if not good. I don't need to worry about how I look, the problem doesn't lie in me. God blessed me with a fully functioning body and I should be happy about it. I should not let my opinion on myself be changed by some guys. It lies in the minds of these guys, and if this is their criteria of judgment then it's a good thing that they kicked me to the curb.

I am not hesitant in sharing my picture anymore. If anybody likes me they have excellent taste and those who don't approve of me, they are welcome to walk around with a stick up their asses. 

Do'in It Like Rihanna

This incident is a few weeks old, but it got lost in the draft posts. Recently somebody left a request to post on a similar topic so I decided it was time to put this one up for everyone to see.

I had been speaking to a guy who contacted me Online since a few weeks. We could not meet because I have been extremely busy in my schedule. There is literally not much room to do anything else besides studying and wanking. Kidd'in!

He seemed very decent from his conversation and spoke very eloquently. I remember that when he contacted me for the very first time, he actually had typed this extremely articulated message. Most people from the dating site can't spell correctly much less craft exquisitely. I responded to the message and we hit it off on a good note.

One of the first things I check before responding or contacting any profile is if the person is 'Single' or 'Married'. His profile mentioned him to be single, so I thought it was all cool. He did not consider mentioning this fact to me till a significant time had passed. Before knowing this we had talked alot, even on relationships. He appreciated the fact that I am looking for a monogamous relation as it is something that most people never bother with. I asked his stance on the issue.

"I'm also looking for a monogamous relationship!", he told me in his follow up message.

No!, I didn't immediately start considering him as a potential boyfriend. I don't get into a relationship simply because the other happens to be single and is looking for a relationship. I prefer letting nature run it's course and only acting upon my feelings once I know that I actually like this guy. But still it felt nice to talk to somebody who shared a similar opinion. Upon that note, he asked me if we could exchange numbers. I sent him my number in response.

A few days later, he text messaged me if I would like to be in a relationship with him. He mentioned that he likes me but isn't exactly sure about it yet. He would prefer that we meet up sometime soon and see how things proceed. I had started to talk to Josh at that point so while I was up for a meeting, I was not entirely sure about being in a relationship with him. However I told him we can meet up sometime soon.

While exchanging messages he mentioned that he needs to go to some place with his parents. Later the next day, I asked him where did he go yesterday to get the conversation ball rolling.

"Dinner at my in-laws", he text messaged me back.

Upon reading his message I went into shock. "You are married?", I asked him. I was more angry that he was married and looking for guys to be in a relationship with than the fact that he lied to me.

"No! Just engaged!", read his reply.

"How come you didn't mention that?", I asked him.

"Does it make a difference?", he asked me.

"Hell yeah! I don't date married guys!", I replied. "And how you could be think of being in a relationship with a guy when you are going to be married to a girl? You are not even married and you are preparing to cheat on her!"

"It's not cheating if it's a relationship!", he replied.

I was way too angry to talk via text messaging so I called him up. "So you plan to be in a relationship with a girl and a guy at the same time?", I asked him.

"Yeah!", he replied.

"And how is that a monogamous relationship?", I asked him.

"One of each!", he replied.

Oh My God. He's one seriously effed up individual. Not only are his notions completely messed up but his English needs some tuning as well. My mind exploded from rage and I cut the call as I let my blood cool down. A few minutes later I shot him a text, "Dude, forget it! I'm not interested in being in contact with you anymore. Goodbye!"

He text messaged me "Okay" a few seconds later but a few days later he wanted to talk and kept on text messaging me. I never bothered to reply to him. I can't risk talking to him again because either I'd kill him or die from high blood pressure. Never in my entire life have I come across someone so seriously messed up. Never ever!

Anymore talk and I would have gone all Rihanna on his ass!

Another part on the same issue will be coming up soon later this week. 

Do'in It Like Rihanna

This incident is a few weeks old, but it got lost in the draft posts. Recently somebody left a request to post on a similar topic so I decided it was time to put this one up for everyone to see.

I had been speaking to a guy who contacted me Online since a few weeks. We could not meet because I have been extremely busy in my schedule. There is literally not much room to do anything else besides studying and wanking. Kidd'in!

He seemed very decent from his conversation and spoke very eloquently. I remember that when he contacted me for the very first time, he actually had typed this extremely articulated message. Most people from the dating site can't spell correctly much less craft exquisitely. I responded to the message and we hit it off on a good note.

One of the first things I check before responding or contacting any profile is if the person is 'Single' or 'Married'. His profile mentioned him to be single, so I thought it was all cool. He did not consider mentioning this fact to me till a significant time had passed. Before knowing this we had talked alot, even on relationships. He appreciated the fact that I am looking for a monogamous relation as it is something that most people never bother with. I asked his stance on the issue.

"I'm also looking for a monogamous relationship!", he told me in his follow up message.

No!, I didn't immediately start considering him as a potential boyfriend. I don't get into a relationship simply because the other happens to be single and is looking for a relationship. I prefer letting nature run it's course and only acting upon my feelings once I know that I actually like this guy. But still it felt nice to talk to somebody who shared a similar opinion. Upon that note, he asked me if we could exchange numbers. I sent him my number in response.

A few days later, he text messaged me if I would like to be in a relationship with him. He mentioned that he likes me but isn't exactly sure about it yet. He would prefer that we meet up sometime soon and see how things proceed. I had started to talk to Josh at that point so while I was up for a meeting, I was not entirely sure about being in a relationship with him. However I told him we can meet up sometime soon.

While exchanging messages he mentioned that he needs to go to some place with his parents. Later the next day, I asked him where did he go yesterday to get the conversation ball rolling.

"Dinner at my in-laws", he text messaged me back.

Upon reading his message I went into shock. "You are married?", I asked him. I was more angry that he was married and looking for guys to be in a relationship with than the fact that he lied to me.

"No! Just engaged!", read his reply.

"How come you didn't mention that?", I asked him.

"Does it make a difference?", he asked me.

"Hell yeah! I don't date married guys!", I replied. "And how you could be think of being in a relationship with a guy when you are going to be married to a girl? You are not even married and you are preparing to cheat on her!"

"It's not cheating if it's a relationship!", he replied.

I was way too angry to talk via text messaging so I called him up. "So you plan to be in a relationship with a girl and a guy at the same time?", I asked him.

"Yeah!", he replied.

"And how is that a monogamous relationship?", I asked him.

"One of each!", he replied.

Oh My God. He's one seriously effed up individual. Not only are his notions completely messed up but his English needs some tuning as well. My mind exploded from rage and I cut the call as I let my blood cool down. A few minutes later I shot him a text, "Dude, forget it! I'm not interested in being in contact with you anymore. Goodbye!"

He text messaged me "Okay" a few seconds later but a few days later he wanted to talk and kept on text messaging me. I never bothered to reply to him. I can't risk talking to him again because either I'd kill him or die from high blood pressure. Never in my entire life have I come across someone so seriously messed up. Never ever!

Anymore talk and I would have gone all Rihanna on his ass!

Another part on the same issue will be coming up soon later this week. 

Did I Tell You About The Time I Almost Got Someone Fired?

Sometime during 2003, my parents decided it was time to get a second car. With my dad away for work most of the time, the second car was supposed to stay at home for any errands that my grandparents would need to run. Since my mom used to work during the day, we hired a driver. He came through the reference of our maid at that time. In Pakistan, menial work comes cheap and just about everybody can find somebody to do it.

He was in his early thirties and married. At first, his duty was fixed from 9 AM to 5 PM. A few months later, we got our house renovated and my mother suggested that we should build a room for him. My father didn't like the idea of having a driver 24/7 but mom explained that in case of any emergency if my father is not here, somebody has to be here. I was sixteen at that time, well below the age to get the driving license. My father agreed and our driver got a nice salary bump with a place to stay.

I was in my final year of O Level at that time and had evening tuitions of some subject or another almost daily. I needed the car so it was left at my disposal every evening except for Sunday. Obviously I used to go and come back with the driver. It was during this time I got to know him really well. As time passed, my ease with him grew. He was the one person who told me whatever I asked.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?", he asked me one day.

Now obviously I didn't expect him to understand that I was gay nor did I want him to know. "I don't want one!", I told him.

"So what? If you don't want one now, you would want one later!" he told me. "Start working on it from now so that in due time you'll be able get from her what you seek!"

"Seek? What would I seek from her?", I asked in amazement. Don't be surprised! I was quite probably the first-quality mix of stupidity, curiosity and innocence that you would find in a 16 year old.

"Sex, man! What else?!", he told me point blank.

Oh My God! He said it! He said the 'S' word!, my mind started screaming. I guess he picked my thoughts from the look on my face.

"Don't you know about sex?", he asked me.

I turned the deepest shade of red from embarrassment. At that time all I knew about sex was it involved something called a vagina and a penis. I had no idea what was an orgasm or the related complicated things about sex. I would admit that I was curious. I had friends who talked about it but I didn't dare to ask anything in fear of being ridiculed. Asking my father was completely out of question.

"What the f*ck do they teach you in school?! I f*cked a woman for the first time when I was sixteen. She was an older woman in our village. My older brother took me to her and she taught me everything I needed to know. She had fun teaching too, you know. She taught alot of my friends and cousins as well!" he told me with great pride.

I covered my groin with my bag hoping that he would not guess about my erection. I was embarrassed and excited all at the same time. "Don't worry. I shall teach you all about sex. I'll make a player out of you!", he said with a smile.

From that day on, every evening en route to my tuition center my Sexology 101 class took place in my car. I credit him to all the knowledge I have on every thing from masturbation, lubrication, straight sex, deflowering and just about every other topic you could think of. I never dared to ask him anything along the themes of homosexuality. But I guess with time he felt comfortable telling me just about anything and with time, he told me just about everything he possibly knew.

"How come you don't have a girlfriend?" he asked me one day again.

"I told you already, Uncle. I don't need one!"

"You are stupid. Have you ever noticed how many girls notice you?!", he asked me. I was too embarrassed to answer that question. "If you stop hanging out with your friends, you would notice how many girls take notice of you and would be with you if you make a play for them!"

At this point, I was far too embarrassed to even look at him. I was looking out of the window. There was silence in the car for a while. "I don't want to talk about this!", I told him sternly. This was the first time ever I talked to him strictly. After that, the same topic was never brought up for discussion.

A while later, his wife became pregnant and she forbid him to touch her. He told me very openly that he's feeling very horny these days. I didn't bother to ask for details. He mentioned the same thing a few more times and I didn't respond to it at that point either. I could offer no suggestion, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Phunk, can I ask you something?", he asked me one day when we were going to tuition.

"Hmm!", I said in response.

"Don't mind but I want to have sex with you!", he told me placing a hand on my thigh.

I was shocked beyond words to even reply to it. I seriously had no idea he would spring this on me. I was already familiar with the concept that older men liked to prey on teenage boys to fulfill their sexual needs. And above all, I thought he was straight. "Are you interested in guys?", I asked him in surprise.

"No but I need release. I have told you all I could about sex, now it's time to show you!", he told me with a smile. The same smile that seemed warm at so many incidents before this suddenly seemed evil. "This way we both can have what we want!", he added.

"What made you think I want sex?", I asked him.

"Darling, every teenage boys wants sex even if he doesn't know it yet!", he told me with the same smile. I think it was at that point I developed a cringing attitude towards the word 'Darling'.

I couldn't stand to be in the same space alone with him. Fortunately for me, we reached our destination and I had to go. His words kept bouncing around in my head the entire night. I will not lie and say that I didn't consider it. But the thought of him already being married, with 2 children and another one the way and most importantly it would be just sex. Something I didn't want! It would be over in a moment and would never be how I wanted it to be.

I denied upon his offer the next day, telling him that his wife would deliver in a few months and then she will be available once again to him. Somehow he got the idea and backed off. A few months later his wife gave birth to a wonderful baby girl. She was christened with the name I had suggested to our driver. I was very proud and I had very much forgotten about his offer a few months ago.

A few months later, he asked me the same question. "Why? Is your wife pregnant again?", I asked him in shock.

"No, she's not. But I want to try something different!" he told me. He placed his hand on my thigh once again and took it all the way up to my crotch.

I screamed louder than I could ever imagine. I pushed his hand off myself and told him to keep it to himself. I was supposed to go to my tuitions but I was in no mood. I told him to take me back home. All the way back, he was pleading me not to say anything to my mom. The maid who worked at our place happened to be the mother-in-law of one of his sisters. If news would spread his family would be disgraced and he would never be able to find employment ever again, and that he has little kids to take care of. His wife is not liked by his sisters, and if he goes to jail then there would be no one to take care of his family.

I didn't say anything to his pleading. As soon as I got home I went to talk to my mom so that I could tell her everything about it. But she was busy talking to some guests. I retreated to my room and stayed there till I could talk to her. When she came up, she was in a very bad mood. I was in no mood to tell her about my day, "What's wrong?", I asked her.

"Our driver just quit!", she told me. "He's leaving tomorrow for his village. Where do I get another driver on such a short notice?"

"Calm down. We will get one in due time. We can last a few days without a driver. I will take the bus and the groceries!", I told her. I didn't tell her about what happened earlier with me and to date she still doesn't know. He left the next day before I could get back from school and I didn't care.

I developed such a hate for such people from that very day that I can't describe. The next driver that we hired, I planned to keep a strict eye on him. However he has proved himself to be an excellent human being. Very reserved, respectful, obedient and gentle - he really doesn't bother on talking about anything other than politics and cars.

This post was something I planned on doing since sometime but I think it's the right time now. I have done a post earlier on Child Pornography, now it's time to talk about the Child Abuse that doesn't make it to our monitor screens. And this starts now!

It's my little bit to start something I have wanted to do since quite some time and this is the perfect place to start!

Did I Tell You About The Time I Almost Got Someone Fired?

Sometime during 2003, my parents decided it was time to get a second car. With my dad away for work most of the time, the second car was supposed to stay at home for any errands that my grandparents would need to run. Since my mom used to work during the day, we hired a driver. He came through the reference of our maid at that time. In Pakistan, menial work comes cheap and just about everybody can find somebody to do it.

He was in his early thirties and married. At first, his duty was fixed from 9 AM to 5 PM. A few months later, we got our house renovated and my mother suggested that we should build a room for him. My father didn't like the idea of having a driver 24/7 but mom explained that in case of any emergency if my father is not here, somebody has to be here. I was sixteen at that time, well below the age to get the driving license. My father agreed and our driver got a nice salary bump with a place to stay.

I was in my final year of O Level at that time and had evening tuitions of some subject or another almost daily. I needed the car so it was left at my disposal every evening except for Sunday. Obviously I used to go and come back with the driver. It was during this time I got to know him really well. As time passed, my ease with him grew. He was the one person who told me whatever I asked.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?", he asked me one day.

Now obviously I didn't expect him to understand that I was gay nor did I want him to know. "I don't want one!", I told him.

"So what? If you don't want one now, you would want one later!" he told me. "Start working on it from now so that in due time you'll be able get from her what you seek!"

"Seek? What would I seek from her?", I asked in amazement. Don't be surprised! I was quite probably the first-quality mix of stupidity, curiosity and innocence that you would find in a 16 year old.

"Sex, man! What else?!", he told me point blank.

Oh My God! He said it! He said the 'S' word!, my mind started screaming. I guess he picked my thoughts from the look on my face.

"Don't you know about sex?", he asked me.

I turned the deepest shade of red from embarrassment. At that time all I knew about sex was it involved something called a vagina and a penis. I had no idea what was an orgasm or the related complicated things about sex. I would admit that I was curious. I had friends who talked about it but I didn't dare to ask anything in fear of being ridiculed. Asking my father was completely out of question.

"What the f*ck do they teach you in school?! I f*cked a woman for the first time when I was sixteen. She was an older woman in our village. My older brother took me to her and she taught me everything I needed to know. She had fun teaching too, you know. She taught alot of my friends and cousins as well!" he told me with great pride.

I covered my groin with my bag hoping that he would not guess about my erection. I was embarrassed and excited all at the same time. "Don't worry. I shall teach you all about sex. I'll make a player out of you!", he said with a smile.

From that day on, every evening en route to my tuition center my Sexology 101 class took place in my car. I credit him to all the knowledge I have on every thing from masturbation, lubrication, straight sex, deflowering and just about every other topic you could think of. I never dared to ask him anything along the themes of homosexuality. But I guess with time he felt comfortable telling me just about anything and with time, he told me just about everything he possibly knew.

"How come you don't have a girlfriend?" he asked me one day again.

"I told you already, Uncle. I don't need one!"

"You are stupid. Have you ever noticed how many girls notice you?!", he asked me. I was too embarrassed to answer that question. "If you stop hanging out with your friends, you would notice how many girls take notice of you and would be with you if you make a play for them!"

At this point, I was far too embarrassed to even look at him. I was looking out of the window. There was silence in the car for a while. "I don't want to talk about this!", I told him sternly. This was the first time ever I talked to him strictly. After that, the same topic was never brought up for discussion.

A while later, his wife became pregnant and she forbid him to touch her. He told me very openly that he's feeling very horny these days. I didn't bother to ask for details. He mentioned the same thing a few more times and I didn't respond to it at that point either. I could offer no suggestion, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Phunk, can I ask you something?", he asked me one day when we were going to tuition.

"Hmm!", I said in response.

"Don't mind but I want to have sex with you!", he told me placing a hand on my thigh.

I was shocked beyond words to even reply to it. I seriously had no idea he would spring this on me. I was already familiar with the concept that older men liked to prey on teenage boys to fulfill their sexual needs. And above all, I thought he was straight. "Are you interested in guys?", I asked him in surprise.

"No but I need release. I have told you all I could about sex, now it's time to show you!", he told me with a smile. The same smile that seemed warm at so many incidents before this suddenly seemed evil. "This way we both can have what we want!", he added.

"What made you think I want sex?", I asked him.

"Darling, every teenage boys wants sex even if he doesn't know it yet!", he told me with the same smile. I think it was at that point I developed a cringing attitude towards the word 'Darling'.

I couldn't stand to be in the same space alone with him. Fortunately for me, we reached our destination and I had to go. His words kept bouncing around in my head the entire night. I will not lie and say that I didn't consider it. But the thought of him already being married, with 2 children and another one the way and most importantly it would be just sex. Something I didn't want! It would be over in a moment and would never be how I wanted it to be.

I denied upon his offer the next day, telling him that his wife would deliver in a few months and then she will be available once again to him. Somehow he got the idea and backed off. A few months later his wife gave birth to a wonderful baby girl. She was christened with the name I had suggested to our driver. I was very proud and I had very much forgotten about his offer a few months ago.

A few months later, he asked me the same question. "Why? Is your wife pregnant again?", I asked him in shock.

"No, she's not. But I want to try something different!" he told me. He placed his hand on my thigh once again and took it all the way up to my crotch.

I screamed louder than I could ever imagine. I pushed his hand off myself and told him to keep it to himself. I was supposed to go to my tuitions but I was in no mood. I told him to take me back home. All the way back, he was pleading me not to say anything to my mom. The maid who worked at our place happened to be the mother-in-law of one of his sisters. If news would spread his family would be disgraced and he would never be able to find employment ever again, and that he has little kids to take care of. His wife is not liked by his sisters, and if he goes to jail then there would be no one to take care of his family.

I didn't say anything to his pleading. As soon as I got home I went to talk to my mom so that I could tell her everything about it. But she was busy talking to some guests. I retreated to my room and stayed there till I could talk to her. When she came up, she was in a very bad mood. I was in no mood to tell her about my day, "What's wrong?", I asked her.

"Our driver just quit!", she told me. "He's leaving tomorrow for his village. Where do I get another driver on such a short notice?"

"Calm down. We will get one in due time. We can last a few days without a driver. I will take the bus and the groceries!", I told her. I didn't tell her about what happened earlier with me and to date she still doesn't know. He left the next day before I could get back from school and I didn't care.

I developed such a hate for such people from that very day that I can't describe. The next driver that we hired, I planned to keep a strict eye on him. However he has proved himself to be an excellent human being. Very reserved, respectful, obedient and gentle - he really doesn't bother on talking about anything other than politics and cars.

This post was something I planned on doing since sometime but I think it's the right time now. I have done a post earlier on Child Pornography, now it's time to talk about the Child Abuse that doesn't make it to our monitor screens. And this starts now!

It's my little bit to start something I have wanted to do since quite some time and this is the perfect place to start!

Grow A Pair

While talking to Ted a few weeks back our topic suddenly shifted to the losers one often tends to run into the Online world. "I know exactly what you mean, dude! I absolutely hate their broken English messages asking for ASL, TBV and stuff like that! They really don't care enough to read the profile!"

"I'm not talking about them, Phunk!"

"Then?"

Turns out he was talking about the guys who are so closeted that they treat other guys like dirt but still would like to date them. They don't tell details or in some cases the right details even after having known you for quite some time. Some even don't care enough to give respect to other guys. Generally they describe themselves to be people in place of much power so they can't risk outing themselves to another gay man in fear of blackmail. They maybe around for a casual no-strings attached encounters. Some are here for more. Some just want the companionship of other gay guys so that they have someone to talk to. In either case, they really don't get anything out of it except blue balls, curses and a few exchange of messages.

Personally speaking, I had never come across such guys so I really didn't have anything to say about them. But then recently I managed to get in touch with two such people and I must say that a good deal of what Ted said was spot on. The first of the two was a married man who I initially came across a little while after my break up with Nathan. I never really got a chance to talk to him till quite recently. On the first talk, I remember he asked me if I was interested in kissing and cuddling. I denied his request as I do not prefer engaging in such activities with random strangers - especially married random strangers. However somehow friendship blossomed between the two of us. There were a few advances after that as well however everytime I would give him a cold shoulder or politely decline him. Another thing about him that didn't settle well with me was when he used to call me 'Darling', 'Sexy' or 'Cutie'. Now these terms could be entirely casual but he was married and it didn't settle right with me to be called the thing his wife should be complimented with. I'll admit his smooth talks made my heart flutter a few times but for once my brain did exactly what it was supposed to - keeping me grounded.

One of the most seductive element about him was his intelligence. Intelligence is a huge turn on for me. The talks I had with him, I had never had these talks with anybody before. We talked about religion, sexuality and the two in connection with each other. This brought another conflict to my mind about him that he doesn't entirely practice what he preaches. But it wasn't my place to say anything.

What really used to tick me off quite a few times was his possessiveness. He didn't like me meeting other guys. He cared about me but not in a way he should have. Somewhere along the lines we shared our pictures and contact details. The picture I sent was my usual one with my entire face visible but the one I got from him was of him wearing shades with his head bent down. I had very little idea how he looked like. The contact number I gave him was the one I usually give to guys I meet Online. The one I got was a brand new number which he didn't use often as I never got replies to my text when I sent them and many times during our conversation he would disappear completely. When I would hit dial, the recording would tell me that the desired number is switched off.

Once my college started, I really had no time to come on messengers where we would usually talk. Once in a while we would exchange messages through our cells but he would disappear just like that so eventually I stopped replying to his text completely. Around the same time, Ted started fixing me up with his best friend which eventually didn't happen. He reads my blog and after reading this post, he immediately contacted me telling me I should not meet any new guys. "You don't want me to meet any new guys! Fine! I won't meet them! But I want to meet you instead!", I told him. I wanted to sort it out and put him in his place once and for all.

He agreed. I told Ted to not fix me up yet as I have some things to sort out. I started to plan the meet and gave him several places to choose from. From what he told me he's some high profile guy so I put forward places that aren't much crowded and would provide seclusion if he's so frigg'in scared of meeting a gay guy in public. I got no response. I left a few more messages on his Yahoo! and cell phone. Still no response!

By now I really didn't care if he got down on one knee and asked me out. Then one Friday he caught me Online. I'll admit that I was disrespectful to him but I really didn't care anymore. He told me that he does want to meet me but before that he wanted to see me on camera to make sure that I am the same guy from the pic. At that point all my suppressed rage kicked into life. I told him he is the one who showed me a half-ass picture of himself. He was the one who bought a new SIM to contact me. He is the one who should be showing me his picture. Not me! I really didn't want to put up with his crap anymore. If he wants to meet me, he meets me like just any other regular gay guy. I really don't care for his status. At the end of the day, all gay guys like to suck dick!

And just like that it was over!

And I couldn't care less!

A few days later I got a friend request from some guy from Islamabad. His profile was blank but I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and messaged him. He checked out my blog and was interested in getting to know me. So like any other guy, he messaged me. And like any other jerk, he wrote nonsense. Terming me as 'posh',  wanting to know if my walk is 'straight' and if I would like to have a drink with him sometime. He wanted me to give him a reason to trust him because he has a life and a social reputation to maintain. Oh yeah, and he smelled good from what he told about himself!

Upon reading the message, I told him I can be friends but I would make no extra effort in gaining his trust. He would be treated just like my other contacts. He has a life and that's wonderful. But so do I!

I do know how important it is to maintain our identities a secret and I would never ever out anybody If it doesn't settle well with him, he can take me off his friend list. I really would not mind!

He has come Online a few times since I messaged him and has even posted on his wall. Today I finally deleted him.

To all jerks, if you want to associate with gays for whatever purpose you fancy, grow a pair and learn to respect others - especially those who already have one!

Grow A Pair

While talking to Ted a few weeks back our topic suddenly shifted to the losers one often tends to run into the Online world. "I know exactly what you mean, dude! I absolutely hate their broken English messages asking for ASL, TBV and stuff like that! They really don't care enough to read the profile!"

"I'm not talking about them, Phunk!"

"Then?"

Turns out he was talking about the guys who are so closeted that they treat other guys like dirt but still would like to date them. They don't tell details or in some cases the right details even after having known you for quite some time. Some even don't care enough to give respect to other guys. Generally they describe themselves to be people in place of much power so they can't risk outing themselves to another gay man in fear of blackmail. They maybe around for a casual no-strings attached encounters. Some are here for more. Some just want the companionship of other gay guys so that they have someone to talk to. In either case, they really don't get anything out of it except blue balls, curses and a few exchange of messages.

Personally speaking, I had never come across such guys so I really didn't have anything to say about them. But then recently I managed to get in touch with two such people and I must say that a good deal of what Ted said was spot on. The first of the two was a married man who I initially came across a little while after my break up with Nathan. I never really got a chance to talk to him till quite recently. On the first talk, I remember he asked me if I was interested in kissing and cuddling. I denied his request as I do not prefer engaging in such activities with random strangers - especially married random strangers. However somehow friendship blossomed between the two of us. There were a few advances after that as well however everytime I would give him a cold shoulder or politely decline him. Another thing about him that didn't settle well with me was when he used to call me 'Darling', 'Sexy' or 'Cutie'. Now these terms could be entirely casual but he was married and it didn't settle right with me to be called the thing his wife should be complimented with. I'll admit his smooth talks made my heart flutter a few times but for once my brain did exactly what it was supposed to - keeping me grounded.

One of the most seductive element about him was his intelligence. Intelligence is a huge turn on for me. The talks I had with him, I had never had these talks with anybody before. We talked about religion, sexuality and the two in connection with each other. This brought another conflict to my mind about him that he doesn't entirely practice what he preaches. But it wasn't my place to say anything.

What really used to tick me off quite a few times was his possessiveness. He didn't like me meeting other guys. He cared about me but not in a way he should have. Somewhere along the lines we shared our pictures and contact details. The picture I sent was my usual one with my entire face visible but the one I got from him was of him wearing shades with his head bent down. I had very little idea how he looked like. The contact number I gave him was the one I usually give to guys I meet Online. The one I got was a brand new number which he didn't use often as I never got replies to my text when I sent them and many times during our conversation he would disappear completely. When I would hit dial, the recording would tell me that the desired number is switched off.

Once my college started, I really had no time to come on messengers where we would usually talk. Once in a while we would exchange messages through our cells but he would disappear just like that so eventually I stopped replying to his text completely. Around the same time, Ted started fixing me up with his best friend which eventually didn't happen. He reads my blog and after reading this post, he immediately contacted me telling me I should not meet any new guys. "You don't want me to meet any new guys! Fine! I won't meet them! But I want to meet you instead!", I told him. I wanted to sort it out and put him in his place once and for all.

He agreed. I told Ted to not fix me up yet as I have some things to sort out. I started to plan the meet and gave him several places to choose from. From what he told me he's some high profile guy so I put forward places that aren't much crowded and would provide seclusion if he's so frigg'in scared of meeting a gay guy in public. I got no response. I left a few more messages on his Yahoo! and cell phone. Still no response!

By now I really didn't care if he got down on one knee and asked me out. Then one Friday he caught me Online. I'll admit that I was disrespectful to him but I really didn't care anymore. He told me that he does want to meet me but before that he wanted to see me on camera to make sure that I am the same guy from the pic. At that point all my suppressed rage kicked into life. I told him he is the one who showed me a half-ass picture of himself. He was the one who bought a new SIM to contact me. He is the one who should be showing me his picture. Not me! I really didn't want to put up with his crap anymore. If he wants to meet me, he meets me like just any other regular gay guy. I really don't care for his status. At the end of the day, all gay guys like to suck dick!

And just like that it was over!

And I couldn't care less!

A few days later I got a friend request from some guy from Islamabad. His profile was blank but I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and messaged him. He checked out my blog and was interested in getting to know me. So like any other guy, he messaged me. And like any other jerk, he wrote nonsense. Terming me as 'posh',  wanting to know if my walk is 'straight' and if I would like to have a drink with him sometime. He wanted me to give him a reason to trust him because he has a life and a social reputation to maintain. Oh yeah, and he smelled good from what he told about himself!

Upon reading the message, I told him I can be friends but I would make no extra effort in gaining his trust. He would be treated just like my other contacts. He has a life and that's wonderful. But so do I!

I do know how important it is to maintain our identities a secret and I would never ever out anybody If it doesn't settle well with him, he can take me off his friend list. I really would not mind!

He has come Online a few times since I messaged him and has even posted on his wall. Today I finally deleted him.

To all jerks, if you want to associate with gays for whatever purpose you fancy, grow a pair and learn to respect others - especially those who already have one!

Papa Dinosaur

Since the past few days I have been getting messages from a very strange profile. What makes this profile so frigg'in nauseating is the age of the owner of this profile. He's frigg'in 55!

Currently, I am 23. My dating age bracket isn't constricting. I am open to dating guys from 20 to 35 - and even as old as 40 providing I am genuinely interested in the person. However there is a limit to which I will stretch. This individual doesn't even fall anywhere near my limit. There is a difference of more than 30 years between our ages. My reaction to his messages has been extremely clear from day one - not interested in the least. He's a doctor and clearly his quite educated, however there is a fine difference between being educated and being literate. He just doesn't seem to understand that I am not interested!

When he first contacted me, I didn't really know if I should be disrespectful to him. He's probably four or five years younger than my very own father. How do you even reject him without telling him he clearly should not be wandering on a gay dating website!

Another thing quite discerning about the profile is that he is married and has kids. If I had all that, I would be on the top of this frigg'in world and really would not give a shit to some dating site occupied by brainless, hormone charged morons. Seriously how can he even consider getting humped by random strangers when he could be spending quality time with his children. Here I am yearning for cute little babies, which is something he is already blessed with and yet here he is!

If he can not handle the pressure of a married life, he should have not married in the first place.

This is my serious plea to anybody who's gay and is considering getting into the holy union of marriage with a girl. If you think you can not handle it and live through it, do not get into it. I agree it's not everybody's cup of tea. But dudes, gays are not even supposed to be at this frigg'in tea party. Go sip on some non alcoholic margaritas and appletinis - whatever tickles your pickle! But marriage is not child's play. I do not conform to any form of cheating. Toss cow dung on to those idiots who think that if they are sleeping with men outside their marriage they are not cheating. Cheating is cheating - gender, extent of intimacy, place or anything else doesn't make it right the least bit.

By the fifth message, I clearly was blowing steam from my ears. "Okay do not meet me. But at least show me your pictures!" - Argh! Stupid foolish arse hole of a butt plug for brains moron!

Quoting the rarely sane Ke$ha - You are a dinosaur!

But on a slightly better note another profile that has been contacting me alot recently is of a young buck. He clearly seems interested and is hinting towards a relationship however I am giving the guy Ted has been pushing a chance. At any rate, I am hoping to be friends with the young buck.

Papa Dinosaur

Since the past few days I have been getting messages from a very strange profile. What makes this profile so frigg'in nauseating is the age of the owner of this profile. He's frigg'in 55!

Currently, I am 23. My dating age bracket isn't constricting. I am open to dating guys from 20 to 35 - and even as old as 40 providing I am genuinely interested in the person. However there is a limit to which I will stretch. This individual doesn't even fall anywhere near my limit. There is a difference of more than 30 years between our ages. My reaction to his messages has been extremely clear from day one - not interested in the least. He's a doctor and clearly his quite educated, however there is a fine difference between being educated and being literate. He just doesn't seem to understand that I am not interested!

When he first contacted me, I didn't really know if I should be disrespectful to him. He's probably four or five years younger than my very own father. How do you even reject him without telling him he clearly should not be wandering on a gay dating website!

Another thing quite discerning about the profile is that he is married and has kids. If I had all that, I would be on the top of this frigg'in world and really would not give a shit to some dating site occupied by brainless, hormone charged morons. Seriously how can he even consider getting humped by random strangers when he could be spending quality time with his children. Here I am yearning for cute little babies, which is something he is already blessed with and yet here he is!

If he can not handle the pressure of a married life, he should have not married in the first place.

This is my serious plea to anybody who's gay and is considering getting into the holy union of marriage with a girl. If you think you can not handle it and live through it, do not get into it. I agree it's not everybody's cup of tea. But dudes, gays are not even supposed to be at this frigg'in tea party. Go sip on some non alcoholic margaritas and appletinis - whatever tickles your pickle! But marriage is not child's play. I do not conform to any form of cheating. Toss cow dung on to those idiots who think that if they are sleeping with men outside their marriage they are not cheating. Cheating is cheating - gender, extent of intimacy, place or anything else doesn't make it right the least bit.

By the fifth message, I clearly was blowing steam from my ears. "Okay do not meet me. But at least show me your pictures!" - Argh! Stupid foolish arse hole of a butt plug for brains moron!

Quoting the rarely sane Ke$ha - You are a dinosaur!

But on a slightly better note another profile that has been contacting me alot recently is of a young buck. He clearly seems interested and is hinting towards a relationship however I am giving the guy Ted has been pushing a chance. At any rate, I am hoping to be friends with the young buck.

Walk Fall Walk Run

There is a certain pattern to a certain kind of jerks you find Online. It is super hard to get to know them on a personal level because mostly they are on f*ck-and-run basis. They really don't want to know the other person besides the 'ASL - TBV' or rarely bother with it. If they do inquire then there is a pretty good chance that they are hoping for more than one time of humping. If you want to get to know them, you have to sleep with them. There is rarely an opportunity where you are able to catch one and keep him hooked without raising your legs in the air.

Maybe it's my experience but rarely do these fellows have taken any form of interests in me once I told them the shocking truth of my celibacy - yes, I am such a prude!

However there are always exceptions and I managed to snag not one but two bad boys and gotten them to confess what makes them how they are. Turns out that they both have been jilted pretty bad by their ex and they both have alot of things they want to say to their jerk of an ex. But they can't because either they have no idea as to how to say it without sounding hurt or their ex won't give them the time of the day because he has moved on to a new relationship or sleeping around with random guys - whatever tickles their pickle. Since they can't say anything to these guys - they take out their rage on one night stands where they don't let anything hold them back. Sad part is that they both want a relationship however are scared to attempt to do so again after how things ended for them last time. Is that how it plays out for every hook up artist out there?

Funny thing happened while I was talking to one of them - my iPod started playing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' and I got stuck on the line - Once upon a time falling in love now I'm only falling apart! Creepy, no?

It's not like guys haven't asked them for a relationship. One of them is very good looking and I believe it when he says that he has three guys after him for a relationship. But he says that they just want him for how he looks - just like his ex wanted him. Once they would have him, they will tire out eventually and move on to somebody else while he's left all alone.

It surprised me that somebody in the sublime universe of my sexuality is actually taking a serious approach towards a relationship and isn't just playing around on a trial basis like trying to find which condom size fits him best. He actually wants something that would make him feel.

I really am in no position to tell them what they need to do next. They are more than 18 years so they are pretty capable of understanding how things are supposed to play out. But since I can't tell them, I can very much do what I want here.

The fact that they are horsing around is completely stupid in my opinion. If you're in the game, you have to learn to roll with the punches. It's highly unlikely that the first time you land a guy, he would turn out to be the one. If he doesn't turn out to be, you cherish the experience and learn from it. You realize what you want and what you do not want. You realize what you can live with and what you can't live with. Once you have done that - you hit the tracks again. Retreating to the bushes for a quickie is really not going to lead to something worthwhile. If everything I just mentioned failed to register then just understand this one thing - Love hurts when you do it right. And boy, does it hurt bad!

As a child, when we started to walk we all must have taken a really bad fall every now and then. What did we do next? We cried our hearts out and then we made another attempt. Pretty soon we were walking and then on we are running. Everybody is making videos of us walking around the house in our diapers and is so frigg'in happy.

More or less the same principle applies here. You walk (Read; Fall in love)- you fall (Read; Break up)- you walk again (Read; Fall in love again)- you run (Read; Keep falling in love with the same person again and again)- people make videos (Read; Happy Ending).

Just don't give up! 

Walk Fall Walk Run

There is a certain pattern to a certain kind of jerks you find Online. It is super hard to get to know them on a personal level because mostly they are on f*ck-and-run basis. They really don't want to know the other person besides the 'ASL - TBV' or rarely bother with it. If they do inquire then there is a pretty good chance that they are hoping for more than one time of humping. If you want to get to know them, you have to sleep with them. There is rarely an opportunity where you are able to catch one and keep him hooked without raising your legs in the air.

Maybe it's my experience but rarely do these fellows have taken any form of interests in me once I told them the shocking truth of my celibacy - yes, I am such a prude!

However there are always exceptions and I managed to snag not one but two bad boys and gotten them to confess what makes them how they are. Turns out that they both have been jilted pretty bad by their ex and they both have alot of things they want to say to their jerk of an ex. But they can't because either they have no idea as to how to say it without sounding hurt or their ex won't give them the time of the day because he has moved on to a new relationship or sleeping around with random guys - whatever tickles their pickle. Since they can't say anything to these guys - they take out their rage on one night stands where they don't let anything hold them back. Sad part is that they both want a relationship however are scared to attempt to do so again after how things ended for them last time. Is that how it plays out for every hook up artist out there?

Funny thing happened while I was talking to one of them - my iPod started playing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' and I got stuck on the line - Once upon a time falling in love now I'm only falling apart! Creepy, no?

It's not like guys haven't asked them for a relationship. One of them is very good looking and I believe it when he says that he has three guys after him for a relationship. But he says that they just want him for how he looks - just like his ex wanted him. Once they would have him, they will tire out eventually and move on to somebody else while he's left all alone.

It surprised me that somebody in the sublime universe of my sexuality is actually taking a serious approach towards a relationship and isn't just playing around on a trial basis like trying to find which condom size fits him best. He actually wants something that would make him feel.

I really am in no position to tell them what they need to do next. They are more than 18 years so they are pretty capable of understanding how things are supposed to play out. But since I can't tell them, I can very much do what I want here.

The fact that they are horsing around is completely stupid in my opinion. If you're in the game, you have to learn to roll with the punches. It's highly unlikely that the first time you land a guy, he would turn out to be the one. If he doesn't turn out to be, you cherish the experience and learn from it. You realize what you want and what you do not want. You realize what you can live with and what you can't live with. Once you have done that - you hit the tracks again. Retreating to the bushes for a quickie is really not going to lead to something worthwhile. If everything I just mentioned failed to register then just understand this one thing - Love hurts when you do it right. And boy, does it hurt bad!

As a child, when we started to walk we all must have taken a really bad fall every now and then. What did we do next? We cried our hearts out and then we made another attempt. Pretty soon we were walking and then on we are running. Everybody is making videos of us walking around the house in our diapers and is so frigg'in happy.

More or less the same principle applies here. You walk (Read; Fall in love)- you fall (Read; Break up)- you walk again (Read; Fall in love again)- you run (Read; Keep falling in love with the same person again and again)- people make videos (Read; Happy Ending).

Just don't give up! 

Youarenotgettingany@yahoo.com

Last week I was being repeatedly messaged by a 51 year old guy on my Facebook profile. He had a gay profile on Facebook and was browsing the various group for a booty call. He had posted a few pictures of himself trying to seem seductive but in reality, he was taking the term Hot Mess to a whole new level. Besides the fact that he was browsing Online for sex, there were two things fundamentally wrong with his profile.

Firstly he was married, it was clearly displayed on his profile. Secondly he was looking for guys younger than 25, especially 'young' and 'yummy' teenagers. Yes!, those were his exact words, although the word 'young' was mis-spelled. One look at his profile and he was immediately cast into the deepest corners of my rejected pile.

He messaged me a few times asking stuff like what's my age, where do I live, what position do I prefer, what do I prefer more; long-term relations or one night stands and then some more. Was it annoying?

Hell Yes!

It was incredibly annoying. I kept on responding to him as nicely as I could manage, only answering the questions that I felt were appropriate. I told him clearly that I am only interested in meeting like minded guys and nothing else. When he didn't object to that, I proceeded to ask him a couple of questions. I wasn't really interested but was just trying to make a conversation. It turned out that he had his own business which was doing quite well, or so he told me. He had three children of which the eldest was about 5 younger than me. My mind clicked immediately and I realized that he's searching for guys that are roughly the age of his eldest child. I sort of lost it after that and wanted to lash out really bad at him. This was so bloody disgusting!

I guess he got busy after that or something, he did not message me again until much later in the night. Still not having picked up on my signs of dislike, he asked for my email address. Not wanting another freak on my hands, I planned to reject his offer. But then in another brilliant flash, I decided to play a little joke on him. I told him my email address is youarenotgettingany@yahoo.com.

Hoping to have finally gotten rid of him, I settled into watching Gossip Girl with a glass of milk. Five minutes I got a message from him saying so very innocently, "Dear, that address is not working".

I laughed so hard that I sprayed a good part of the keyboard and the monitor with milk. And I didn't stop laughing. Was he playing dumb?, I wondered. But I didn't care to find out if that was really the case. Also I had a milk droplet coated monitor and keyboard to clean.

Some people just don't get it! Heavens bless them! Whoever said that there is a sucker born every minute,  certainly knew what he or she was talking about. I know it was incredibly mean of me to pull that crazy stunt but some people just don't get it when I tell them to stay away. You literally need to beat them away with a stick!

I didn't respond to him after that but I am kind of curious as to if he is going to be messaging me again. Wonder what email address can I give him next time?.

Suggestions are welcome!

Youarenotgettingany@yahoo.com

Last week I was being repeatedly messaged by a 51 year old guy on my Facebook profile. He had a gay profile on Facebook and was browsing the various group for a booty call. He had posted a few pictures of himself trying to seem seductive but in reality, he was taking the term Hot Mess to a whole new level. Besides the fact that he was browsing Online for sex, there were two things fundamentally wrong with his profile.

Firstly he was married, it was clearly displayed on his profile. Secondly he was looking for guys younger than 25, especially 'young' and 'yummy' teenagers. Yes!, those were his exact words, although the word 'young' was mis-spelled. One look at his profile and he was immediately cast into the deepest corners of my rejected pile.

He messaged me a few times asking stuff like what's my age, where do I live, what position do I prefer, what do I prefer more; long-term relations or one night stands and then some more. Was it annoying?

Hell Yes!

It was incredibly annoying. I kept on responding to him as nicely as I could manage, only answering the questions that I felt were appropriate. I told him clearly that I am only interested in meeting like minded guys and nothing else. When he didn't object to that, I proceeded to ask him a couple of questions. I wasn't really interested but was just trying to make a conversation. It turned out that he had his own business which was doing quite well, or so he told me. He had three children of which the eldest was about 5 younger than me. My mind clicked immediately and I realized that he's searching for guys that are roughly the age of his eldest child. I sort of lost it after that and wanted to lash out really bad at him. This was so bloody disgusting!

I guess he got busy after that or something, he did not message me again until much later in the night. Still not having picked up on my signs of dislike, he asked for my email address. Not wanting another freak on my hands, I planned to reject his offer. But then in another brilliant flash, I decided to play a little joke on him. I told him my email address is youarenotgettingany@yahoo.com.

Hoping to have finally gotten rid of him, I settled into watching Gossip Girl with a glass of milk. Five minutes I got a message from him saying so very innocently, "Dear, that address is not working".

I laughed so hard that I sprayed a good part of the keyboard and the monitor with milk. And I didn't stop laughing. Was he playing dumb?, I wondered. But I didn't care to find out if that was really the case. Also I had a milk droplet coated monitor and keyboard to clean.

Some people just don't get it! Heavens bless them! Whoever said that there is a sucker born every minute,  certainly knew what he or she was talking about. I know it was incredibly mean of me to pull that crazy stunt but some people just don't get it when I tell them to stay away. You literally need to beat them away with a stick!

I didn't respond to him after that but I am kind of curious as to if he is going to be messaging me again. Wonder what email address can I give him next time?.

Suggestions are welcome!

I See Evil

In this never-ending drama we call life, everyone has a part to play. Some are cast as romantic leads. Others end up playing victim. And a few provide comic relief. But if the drama is to be really compelling, there must be a hero...and a villain.

- Mary Alice

I was sitting with Ryan in class yesterday morning waiting for the lecture to start. With exams approaching fast, not many students are coming regularly which leaves many places in the hall empty. You can sit wherever you desire even if you come half an hour late. Some of our professors are extremely narrow-minded, they immediately scowl if they see a boy and girl sitting together on the same bench. Some dislike it to such an extent that they call them out and order them to leave if they can not sit separate. I agree that sometimes the sitting together arrangement can get really noisy but not everybody is that way. You dare make any unnecessary talks with Gracie during class and you are inviting a stare that could freeze the Sahara sun. 

The group of students with whom I regularly hang out has in total 13 people. There are 5 guys and 8 girls. By the way, 80% of our class compromises of females. Straight male heaven! Although I'm on good terms with all of the girls, there are just 6 of them with whom I'm on really good terms. We eat together, talk together, study together and even play chasing games like little kids - although at times only. As much as we want to sit together, we don't during lectures. Plus this gives Ryan and me some time to talk about certain stuff we can't talk in front of others. Ryan and I are entirely synchronous. We time ourselves so that we get to the college at the same time and we enter the lecture halls at the same time. We're just really good friends! 

Yesterday morning as usual, Ryan and I were sitting diagonally across the girls of our group. The class is going on and this guy comes and sits in the same row as us. I look to see who it is. Turns out it's one of the class weirdos. Every class has a few of them, if you just look hard enough or sometimes you don't really need to look. They come right infront of you, out of no where. They think they're big with the ladies and want every possible chance they can get to be with them or next to them. Most girls usually give them a wide berth to walk by and never really want to engage in conversation. Exchanging phone numbers is a complete no-no as if mistakenly they feel welcome, they start sending annoying text messages and poetry which is not even original. Ugh!

I give him one look and immediately turn away. I don't want to engage myself into any sort of conversation with him - I know how much of a moocher they can be about class notes. Besides, I am in class so my entire attention should be focused in front at the professor. So as I am taking down notes and striking out various points in my book, I realize that my weird friend is not looking at the board. For a second I felt as if he's looking at me. I try to ignore the feeling of those piercing eyes and concentrate in front. He has got to stop looking at some point and move on. No luck! He's still looking. This is really pissing me off. I turn to face him and I find out that he's not looking at me. He's looking right across me to the other end of the room. He's looking at the girls of my group. Typical desperate straight male!

Normally I would ignore such sort of behavior, because he isn't the first and he won't be the last. I focus my attention back to the slides that are being displayed. I keep taking side way glances to see what he's up to. I know he's not looking at me but he's making me feel uncomfortable and slightly angry. Doesn't he know it's extremely rude to keep on staring?. Did his parents forget to explain him some important points of human etiquette?. 

"You see that guy sitting across us!", I whisper to Ryan. 

Ryan leans forward to take a look. "You mean Feroze?"

"Don't know his name. But yeah, I'm talking about him!", I reply.

"Yeah, what about him?", he asks.

"He keeps looking at the girls. Constantly! It's like he's not even blinking or looking anywhere else!", I complain.

"Does he have an erection?", Ryan questions.

"How would I know?!" I whisper in disbelief. "I didn't looking at his pants!"

Ryan leans forward to check him out. I immediately slam him back to his chair. "Don't!", I warn. "He'll notice you!"

"So what?", Ryan snaps. "I'm not scared of him! I've started going to the gym again. I bet I can take him down!"

I laugh at how brave, fearless and abit stupid Ryan can be. There really isn't a moment when he is not funny. Sometimes I think he doesn't even try. Being a comedian just comes naturally to him. "No, but yes. I don't like how he's looking at the girls!"

"Yeah!", Ryan answers taking another look. "I look at you like that sometimes!" he tells me.

I turn to him and give him the 'seriously?' look. I really didn't know if he was being funny or serious then.

"I'm kidding! Stop taking me so seriously, man!" Ryan lets out with an eye roll. "Just leave it be. He'll get tired eventually and move on to another clueless female." Unsatisfied I try to obey Ryan's advice but I can't get that look out of my head. How can straight guys objectify women so easily and have no thoughts of repentance? I'm abit of a brotherly figure towards the girls of my group, just like Ryan - although Ryan flirts with them to cover any possible indications of being gay. If someone is trying to mess with our girls, they are indirectly messing with us. We have been friends for like three and a half years, so we have sort of taken the responsibility of making things easier for them while in college. It's a shitty place for a girl to be and I seriously would not like any girl I know personally to go there. There have been reports of guys teasing girls and being nasty to them, so even the girls welcome the help we provide. And obviously they make us tasty treats. I'm abit more possessive towards Gracie for some personal reasons. Ryan knows and probably everyone else knows as well, but I don't care. It's Gracie! My sweetheart!

This guy is really getting on my nerves. I had turned my head casually a few times and still found him staring. Later the class got over and we had a 30 minute break. The girls got up to go to the ladies room. Also I don't understand why girls go together to these places together?. So the girls get up and I see him LICKING HIS FRIGG'IN LIPS!

The last move completely blew my top. I turn to him and tap my pen a few times on the desk to attract his attention. "What's wrong with you?", I ask.

He looks at me as if I just snapped him out of a trance. "Kyu hua? (Translation; What?)", he asked.

"You've been looking at those girls through the whole class. What's wrong with you?" I ask him.

"Tum ko koi khatak? (Translation; What's your problem?)", he responds.

I shift to my language gears to Urdu as this guy clearly isn't going to respond to me in English, even if he understands it. "Tum mustakhil un larkiyon ko ghooray ja rahay ho! Zaara tameez to karo! (Translation; You are constantly staring at those girls! Have some respect!)", I snap back.

"Chup kar! (Translation; Shut up!)", he spat back.

Now I'm really pissed. I'm not even wrong. He was constantly staring, I know. "Nahi hoon ga! Kya kar lo gay? (Translation; I won't shut up! What can you do?)"

"Abay chal! (Translation; Get lost!)", he barks.

Ryan has a habit of getting into the thick of things, especially when it involves me. He just has to come to my rescue. But then if he doesn't half of the time, I'm liable to make a fool of myself or wind up in a hospital. "Tum ko may nay bhee notice kiya tha! Tumari nazar zaara see bhee nahi hati thee (Translation; Even I noticed you. Your sight didn't shift for a second!), Ryan blasted at him.

"Teri behan hai kya? (Translation; Is she your sister?)", he asked extremely rudely.

"Tum ko kya matlab. Larki hai! Kuch to tameez rakho! (Translation; What's your business? She's a girl! Have some respect!)", I respond. I have turned to face him directly. His last statement had really pissed me off.

"Bahar millo mujh say. Phir batata hoon! (Translation; Meet me outside, then I'll tell you!)", he threatens.

Ryan gets really pissed now and there is some exchange of rather colorful foul words between him and the jerk. The girls have entered now and they are looking at us. I know how some of them get upset with fights so I tell Ryan to sit down. We would deal with him later.

All through the second lecture, we keep exchanging dirty looks with him. At least he's not looking at the girls now. So we accomplished that successfully. After the second lecture, we got out off the hall to go for our clinical rotation. As expected, he was really no where to be found. We met up with the girls in the hospital. Ryan and I had gone ahead of them.

"What was going on in class?", one of them asked.

"Our poodle was trying to be a bulldog!", Ryan explained. LOL! Everybody shot him a puzzled looks.

"Nothing!", I interjected. "Just some jerk trying to make my life miserable. Forget him! It's a beautiful day and I'm sure we have" Ryan later told Gracie on the sly, despite me telling him to keep it with him.

Later today, after the second lecture as we were waiting after the second lecture. The girls were busy in the girl's room. We saw the jerk. He tried to make some sort of threatening eye contact, but we really didn't pay any attention to him. We gave him a look and turned away. "He's all talk, no walk!", I told Ryan. He couldn't disagree with me. I'm awesome!