While talking on phone last Sunday, Josh was inquiring about Nathan. Talking about ex with potential boyfriends has always been something I still am not comfortable with and that's why I have never told any guy I went out with about Nathan or Bruce, unless I was interested in him and felt that he should know. The other case would be that we're pretty solid friends. I don't hide anything but people tend to get the wrong impression sometimes that I may still be harboring some feelings from the last guy. I explained clearly that it's over and it's been quite sometime since it got over.
"So when did the two of you first make out?", he asked.
"On our four month anniversary!", I told him.
"What?! You guys waited four months for the first kiss?!", he was in complete shock.
"Well, before that he was not in Pakistan so I really don't think we had any other option!", I told him. I was feeling so bloody awkward that I can't put it to words.
"So if he was in Pakistan, then when would it have happened?", he asked.
I already knew my version of the answer in my head, but I felt that I didn't need to tell everything yet. "It isn't completely upon me to decide when it would have happened. It would have been sooner definitely, but planned or spontaneous I don't know!"
I felt my answer was perfect. Quite obviously only complete fools would force themselves upon their partners. I would have taken up Nathan's opinion on the matter. Besides with Nathan there was a completely difference scenario as compared to what could possibly happen with Josh. Nathan was from a different country, so meeting was not an option. With Josh living in the same city as me, meeting is very easy if he ever agrees to it. There are so many restaurants and even a mall near to his place that it's unbelievable. Plus there is an amusement park which completely sucks but the only thing we plan to ride is each other. LOL!
For me, it depends upon my chemistry with the guy. I have to be at ease. I can't be a bundle of nerves when I'm making out. More importantly I need to know that the other guy is genuinely interested. I don't want to be taken along for a ride where things happen only to find out that they meant completely different than what I had experienced. Nobody touches my junk but my one and only!
It's not some silly trick to put the other guy under pressure, but it is to ensure my own personal emotional safety. Also with two of us being in the same city, I don't want to crash into a sexual frenzy with Josh where both of us are feeling frisky every time we meet. I've seen, heard and read this happen so many times to so many couples - both straight and gay. When everything starts it's all sparks and steamy kisses, it's perfectly natural to be passionate. The fire burns high and the fire burns deep. But a couple of months down the lane, things start to feel less special and more predictable. Eventually one or the other person gets bored and decides to break up. It's all good if that's what they both wanted - a mutual physical love for a time being. But it's not what I want. I want something that exists outside the premises of the bed and to go on. But in such cases, guys like me are left high and dry. Makes perfect sense to take every precaution possible!
I asked Josh when did he first kiss his first boyfriend. "The day we decided to be together!", he replied in a very casual tone.
His answer definitely raised my eye brows, but I decided to keep an open mind. It does sound perfectly okay. They both accepted mutual feelings of affection towards each other so why not seal the deal with a kiss. It could have happened in a moment of passion.
I think I haven't made it clear to Josh that he should not expect physical intimacy anytime soon. I'm fine with holding hands and a hug if I can get one, but anything else will have to wait. And absolutely nothing will happen on the first date if that ever comes into being. It's not that I need the other person to say 'I Love You', but his simple actions can make it click for me. Who doesn't like making out?! But making out with someone special is most definitely better than something only half passionate.
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A very dear friend of mine and a reader of my blog is lately facing some turmoil where he's torn halfway between hope and despair. I can't disclose details or his identity, but to anybody reading this I want to request that you wish him the best. May God have scripted his life to his best interests! May he always be not only satisfied but happy with what he is blessed with!
"So when did the two of you first make out?", he asked.
"On our four month anniversary!", I told him.
"What?! You guys waited four months for the first kiss?!", he was in complete shock.
"Well, before that he was not in Pakistan so I really don't think we had any other option!", I told him. I was feeling so bloody awkward that I can't put it to words.
"So if he was in Pakistan, then when would it have happened?", he asked.
I already knew my version of the answer in my head, but I felt that I didn't need to tell everything yet. "It isn't completely upon me to decide when it would have happened. It would have been sooner definitely, but planned or spontaneous I don't know!"
I felt my answer was perfect. Quite obviously only complete fools would force themselves upon their partners. I would have taken up Nathan's opinion on the matter. Besides with Nathan there was a completely difference scenario as compared to what could possibly happen with Josh. Nathan was from a different country, so meeting was not an option. With Josh living in the same city as me, meeting is very easy if he ever agrees to it. There are so many restaurants and even a mall near to his place that it's unbelievable. Plus there is an amusement park which completely sucks but the only thing we plan to ride is each other. LOL!
For me, it depends upon my chemistry with the guy. I have to be at ease. I can't be a bundle of nerves when I'm making out. More importantly I need to know that the other guy is genuinely interested. I don't want to be taken along for a ride where things happen only to find out that they meant completely different than what I had experienced. Nobody touches my junk but my one and only!
It's not some silly trick to put the other guy under pressure, but it is to ensure my own personal emotional safety. Also with two of us being in the same city, I don't want to crash into a sexual frenzy with Josh where both of us are feeling frisky every time we meet. I've seen, heard and read this happen so many times to so many couples - both straight and gay. When everything starts it's all sparks and steamy kisses, it's perfectly natural to be passionate. The fire burns high and the fire burns deep. But a couple of months down the lane, things start to feel less special and more predictable. Eventually one or the other person gets bored and decides to break up. It's all good if that's what they both wanted - a mutual physical love for a time being. But it's not what I want. I want something that exists outside the premises of the bed and to go on. But in such cases, guys like me are left high and dry. Makes perfect sense to take every precaution possible!
I asked Josh when did he first kiss his first boyfriend. "The day we decided to be together!", he replied in a very casual tone.
His answer definitely raised my eye brows, but I decided to keep an open mind. It does sound perfectly okay. They both accepted mutual feelings of affection towards each other so why not seal the deal with a kiss. It could have happened in a moment of passion.
I think I haven't made it clear to Josh that he should not expect physical intimacy anytime soon. I'm fine with holding hands and a hug if I can get one, but anything else will have to wait. And absolutely nothing will happen on the first date if that ever comes into being. It's not that I need the other person to say 'I Love You', but his simple actions can make it click for me. Who doesn't like making out?! But making out with someone special is most definitely better than something only half passionate.
-----------------------------------------------------
A very dear friend of mine and a reader of my blog is lately facing some turmoil where he's torn halfway between hope and despair. I can't disclose details or his identity, but to anybody reading this I want to request that you wish him the best. May God have scripted his life to his best interests! May he always be not only satisfied but happy with what he is blessed with!
- Amen
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