I have long since known that I am bisexual. However attracted I have been to guys, I haven't ever had any form of sexual contact with them. Since the past few months I have started seeing this girl and finally we are deciding to get into a relationship. I want to tell her about my bisexuality. If I hide it, I would feel extremely guilty. Should I?
I am all for being honest in relationship, but this is one exception to my principle. There are somethings you can not tell the one you love - and this is a prime example of one of them. I would advice you not to tell your girl that you are attracted to both genders. Most people, even in this time and age, are very closed minded when it comes to sexuality. Besides straight, there is really no other sexuality that would be accepted. Even those who are bisexual or homosexual, have an incredibly hard time processing the mechanism of their attraction.
I admire that you want to be honest - I really do. However even though you are attracted to guys, you haven't acted on that attraction of yours. Straight men are sometimes attracted to random women but never pursue them - and they never tell their wives/girlfriends about this attraction. Just like that if some random guy walking down the street catches your eye, you need not run to your girlfriend and tell her about it. Quoting the very awesome Holly Holiday - "It doesn't matter who you are attracted to but who do you fall in love with". Remember that!
You mentioned that keeping this secret would make you feel guilty. I really don't think it should. Like I said earlier, you haven't done anything wrong that you should be guilty about. However if you do feel that strongly about telling her, I would advice you to consider what is at stake here. You really do love her, right?
Before telling her, it's best to see how she feels about bisexuality. Try to bring it into some conversation with her to know how she feels about it. It would be better if you have someone else ask her so that she doesn't get suspicious if she's the type who starts suspecting at the drop of the hat. If her nostrils do not flare, she keeps her composure and doesn't reply with strong negative feelings, there is a chance that if you tell her it won't result into breaking up. However this is a last resort method, if hiding from her does not give you peace of mind.
Lastly, from the conversations we've had, you seem like a pretty smart, level-headed person so if you do decide to step on this path, take no detours. If you feel at some point later to be with guys, don't do so behind her back. That's just plain rude!
Best wishes!
I am all for being honest in relationship, but this is one exception to my principle. There are somethings you can not tell the one you love - and this is a prime example of one of them. I would advice you not to tell your girl that you are attracted to both genders. Most people, even in this time and age, are very closed minded when it comes to sexuality. Besides straight, there is really no other sexuality that would be accepted. Even those who are bisexual or homosexual, have an incredibly hard time processing the mechanism of their attraction.
I admire that you want to be honest - I really do. However even though you are attracted to guys, you haven't acted on that attraction of yours. Straight men are sometimes attracted to random women but never pursue them - and they never tell their wives/girlfriends about this attraction. Just like that if some random guy walking down the street catches your eye, you need not run to your girlfriend and tell her about it. Quoting the very awesome Holly Holiday - "It doesn't matter who you are attracted to but who do you fall in love with". Remember that!
You mentioned that keeping this secret would make you feel guilty. I really don't think it should. Like I said earlier, you haven't done anything wrong that you should be guilty about. However if you do feel that strongly about telling her, I would advice you to consider what is at stake here. You really do love her, right?
Before telling her, it's best to see how she feels about bisexuality. Try to bring it into some conversation with her to know how she feels about it. It would be better if you have someone else ask her so that she doesn't get suspicious if she's the type who starts suspecting at the drop of the hat. If her nostrils do not flare, she keeps her composure and doesn't reply with strong negative feelings, there is a chance that if you tell her it won't result into breaking up. However this is a last resort method, if hiding from her does not give you peace of mind.
Lastly, from the conversations we've had, you seem like a pretty smart, level-headed person so if you do decide to step on this path, take no detours. If you feel at some point later to be with guys, don't do so behind her back. That's just plain rude!
Best wishes!
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