I am a 39 year old Pakistani man living in a foreign land. I have been dating since the past 20 years, basically ever since I came here but have been unable to find anything substantial. My longest relationship has been of about a year and a half, and that was six years ago. I have done everything possible but have been met with failure every single time. Should I give up on dating altogether? Could my disastrous dating life have anything to do with me being Pakistani?
I love your blog. Please never stop writing!
No, I don't think you being Pakistani has anything to do with you still being single. You refused to disclose your location so I have no idea that where you are from and how do the people of that country perceive Pakistan to be. Even if I take into consideration the general negative stigma that surrounds Pakistan and being Pakistani, I doubt it's something so damn concrete that anybody won't be able to shake it off.
Do you get the cold shoulder treatment after you have told them about this piece on you?
If so, perhaps it is the reason. However I sincerely feel that this is no logical grounds of rejecting someone. If that was the case, I would turn down every Indian that came my way. There are numerous factors that come into consideration when people tend to think of someone as a potential boyfriend, and I doubt nationality is something people take into account. Ethnicity perhaps maybe a concern as many profiles sport the 'No Asians' tag quite often. Also let me add that being Pakistani is something you can't change about yourself, you have spent a good part of your life in Pakistan and to have to deny it to get somebody to love you is a grievous crime against your very identity. I'd dump somebody who has such a pin hole view, and he's welcome to his keep his views and the stick he has up his ass to himself.
About you giving up on dating, I am not quite sure how to respond. Don't be offended but some people tend to give off a 'desperate' vibe, and quite often this causes potential boyfriends to run in the opposite direction. Instead of dating, go out on casual meets. First meetings on a one on one basis can be very nerve wrecking, especially in the case of individuals who have been repeatedly rejected. Any gay meets happening in a place near you?
Hit these places with all the confidence you can pile on yourself. Chat up a few people and be sure to be as casual as possible. Nobody needs to know that you may have spotted a potential suitor in them. Once things have hit a comfortable stride, exchange numbers and invite him on a one on one meeting. Nothing should be considered boyfriend potential, until the third date at least.
My next suggestion will probably make you want to kill me, but instead of focusing on a boyfriend focus on friends. And if you still have not felt the need to kill me, have you considered being Single by choice?
I would admit that it may take sometime getting used to, but somebody I know found his love when he decided to be single by choice. He had it all programmed meticulously, and then this guy showed up and pursued him. Obviously my friend weighed his odds before getting into it, but he claims he has been a much happier man since then. I know it's understandable to keep on trying, but sometimes you have to drastically alter your strategy in order to achieve your personal Nirvana.
In any case and whatever may happen; I sincerely wish you the best, do not ever compromise on something that makes you who you are. As I'd read somewhere;
"I'd rather be a first rate version of myself, than a second rate version of someone else"
Lastly thanks for the compliment. It meant alot to me!
I love your blog. Please never stop writing!
No, I don't think you being Pakistani has anything to do with you still being single. You refused to disclose your location so I have no idea that where you are from and how do the people of that country perceive Pakistan to be. Even if I take into consideration the general negative stigma that surrounds Pakistan and being Pakistani, I doubt it's something so damn concrete that anybody won't be able to shake it off.
Do you get the cold shoulder treatment after you have told them about this piece on you?
If so, perhaps it is the reason. However I sincerely feel that this is no logical grounds of rejecting someone. If that was the case, I would turn down every Indian that came my way. There are numerous factors that come into consideration when people tend to think of someone as a potential boyfriend, and I doubt nationality is something people take into account. Ethnicity perhaps maybe a concern as many profiles sport the 'No Asians' tag quite often. Also let me add that being Pakistani is something you can't change about yourself, you have spent a good part of your life in Pakistan and to have to deny it to get somebody to love you is a grievous crime against your very identity. I'd dump somebody who has such a pin hole view, and he's welcome to his keep his views and the stick he has up his ass to himself.
About you giving up on dating, I am not quite sure how to respond. Don't be offended but some people tend to give off a 'desperate' vibe, and quite often this causes potential boyfriends to run in the opposite direction. Instead of dating, go out on casual meets. First meetings on a one on one basis can be very nerve wrecking, especially in the case of individuals who have been repeatedly rejected. Any gay meets happening in a place near you?
Hit these places with all the confidence you can pile on yourself. Chat up a few people and be sure to be as casual as possible. Nobody needs to know that you may have spotted a potential suitor in them. Once things have hit a comfortable stride, exchange numbers and invite him on a one on one meeting. Nothing should be considered boyfriend potential, until the third date at least.
My next suggestion will probably make you want to kill me, but instead of focusing on a boyfriend focus on friends. And if you still have not felt the need to kill me, have you considered being Single by choice?
I would admit that it may take sometime getting used to, but somebody I know found his love when he decided to be single by choice. He had it all programmed meticulously, and then this guy showed up and pursued him. Obviously my friend weighed his odds before getting into it, but he claims he has been a much happier man since then. I know it's understandable to keep on trying, but sometimes you have to drastically alter your strategy in order to achieve your personal Nirvana.
In any case and whatever may happen; I sincerely wish you the best, do not ever compromise on something that makes you who you are. As I'd read somewhere;
"I'd rather be a first rate version of myself, than a second rate version of someone else"
Lastly thanks for the compliment. It meant alot to me!
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