New Directions

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional!

Now I have no idea whose brilliant mind came up with this most amazing piece of truth, and I believe most of you would agree with me on it. Those of you who happen to disagree, you still have some growing up to do! :p

Maturity is no doubt a must have. A necessity for everyone who wants to do something, go somewhere, become someone. It gives a person's life direction, his actions a motive, his thoughts reason, his mind stability, his body the strength and lastly his soul patience. In short, maturity gives life meaning!

I feel a large part of my setbacks in life are due to me not acting my age. I was perfectly aware of what I should have done but I didn't which is unbelievably stupid on my part. Lately I have been asking myself alot of 'If' questions, and the more I ask myself these questions I realize that I had the right answers to them all along but I didn't do what I was supposed to do. As a result of my stupidity, I parted ways with someone truly spectacular and lost a truly fantastic opportunity. If I had been a little wiser with my actions, I feel I could have been in a much happier place right now. I may have grown up in the context of accepting my sexuality but elsewhere I feel there is alot of growing for me to do in several other departments of my personality.

A few days back I was discussing with Ryan about these thoughts. His reply was completely generic and made me want to push him off the bench. But I realized that if I asked the same thing from ten different people, nine of them would tell me the exact same thing. I remember walking down the stairs of one of my college corridors and there's this poster that says 'Every time you fall, pick something up!'.

Thinking upon it, being mature does mean having to learn from your mistakes and making sure that they do not happen in the future. I am completely sure as to what I have to work on and I have already intended to bring this change in my life with a conscious effort. I do realize that this would be a drastic break through from how I usually process, which is quite a surprise to me since people refer to me as being mature. I feel myself as the complete opposite. Perhaps I'm being hyper critical about myself?!

There have been quite a few developments in my life lately, most notably being this guy with whom there is a chance of something happening. I'm not entirely sure about it yet myself but he's someone I am genuinely interested in. As usual there isn't just one voice to this new uprising. I am split between several different opinions. I'm weighing my options right now as to how to proceed into these restless water which flung me out so violently last September. More importantly, should I even go ahead with it?!

The best option right now seems to be to listen to my inner voice which is telling me to grow up. Be someone who's capable of handling the low points of a relationship, after all love isn't all fluffy pillows and heart shaped candies. Perhaps it's just an infatuation that I am feeling, and it would go away if I don't pay attention to it however impossible that seems to be right now.

Now if you will please excuse me, Phunk has some growing up to do!