Whenever a child is born, there are certain traditions that the lucky family carries out so as to ensure the child physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being as he proceeds through life. Some people have the baby suckle on honey before the first time he or she drinks the mother's milk, which is actually pretty dangerous. There is another tradition of not allowing the mother to leave the baby's side for a period of forty days no matter whatever is going on around her so as to allow the necessary bond to form between the two. A very common tradition that no matter what religion a person belongs to is of offering a special prayer just for the child. This tradition is generally performed by the entire family and anybody who wishes to imparts their blessing as well can join. I make sure I always join if I can and if I can't in cases where the new born is not in Pakistan I make sure to offer a special prayer for him or her.
Just yesterday I was blessed with a nephew. I have previously mentioned his sister and my niece in my blog during the time I was committed to Nathan. After our break-up, she was one of the few things that brought a smile to my face. While the baby was born in America, as they have immigrated - the new born's paternal grandmother is still living in Pakistan with her other son. She organized the prayer as per our tradition and I just had to take part in it.
Now I really haven't asked my cousins or my parents that exactly what do you ask in the mentioned prayers. It seems obvious what you need to ask for - the over all well being of the new born. My take on the said tradition has been slightly different since the past five years or so. Yeah, I do pray and I do wish the little one the best with all my heart. But when praying I am very specific about my prayer.
"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!", one of the many things my awesome mom keeps driving into my thick skull. So while everybody is saying their prayers I add this little part to mine.
"Please do not have this child face the same hardships and issues that I have faced through my life. I want her/him to grow in peace and never feel that he/she is an abomination that is to be ridiculed and hated by the society. Don't ever have him/her stand at the edge of the roof thinking to just end it for once and all. Don't ever do this to her/him. I can forgive You for everything that I have endured but I will not forgive You if this child has to endure what I have."
I know my prayer sounds cold. Probably alot of you will feel that my prayer is highly inappropriate, especially those who support my confidence for my sexuality. However I have to make it clear that getting to this place where I am now, was no easy task. There have been alot of hard decisions that I have made which people close to me would also have to endure eventually because of me. I may even get disowned if my dad ever comes to know about it. It's not something people would like to know about their child. It's hard enough for us to conquer the feelings of guilt, shame and anger in the first place, then to help our parents and other loved ones get over them. It takes more than just blood, sweat and tears!
Nobody really understands it. We are brought up in a society that not only accepts and promotes heterosexuality but also insists on coupling. Being homosexual is wrong. Being single is not acceptable. We are wrapped in several layers of mentality that tells us that we need to find a mate of the opposite gender and then under the blessings of our parents we are to enter the matrimonial bliss with the said person. Nothing wrong in that if you're straight. But for those who are not attracted to be opposite gender, there starts a whole new process in which we strip ourselves off these expectations and demands if we want to live in peace. It's like having a very painful tattoo removed that you didn't even want in the first place. It hurts as we strip it off ourselves piece by piece, but if we are to live in peace then we have to. We come out to a few close contacts - most probably family and have some people walk out on us. It hurts more than anything in the world from those who have been shunned by their own kin for not being normal. Many who are considering it fear of rejection from their families. Who would really want that?
Most people I know would say 'No!' in a second if it was up to them. However it's not our choice and as aptly put by Lady Gaga - Baby, I was born this way!
I have yet to see any signs of homosexuality in any of my nieces or nephews except for one, but I'm not entirely sure about him yet. I think he would be 8 years old right now and I met him two years ago on my summer trip to America. He clearly had alot of toys, however his favorite toy was his elder sister's doll pram which he was constantly pushing all around his neighborhood in the evening when we were all outside. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I had a slight inclination that he just might be gay. That night when I went to sleep, he kept flashing across my mind again and again. I felt like crying my heart out and screaming at God, however I didn't. Not only because it would have woken up everybody in the house but also I really would not be able to explain to anybody the cause of my extremely strange behavior.
The next day, his father who is my cousin wanted to take some pictures but in every picture he wanted to pose with the pram. When his father grabbed the pram to pull it away from the child, he would not let go and raised a huge tantrum. The father won in the end but from the help of his wife who placated the child by explaining to him that if he wants to hold a toy he can hold his Batman action figure and only girls look good pushing doll prams. He agreed to let go of the pram but he didn't smile in any of the pictures we took. Says alot don't you think?
He still has a long way to go before he reaches his teens and probably realizes about himself. I don't even know if at that point I should help him or not. At one side, I do want to help him so that he doesn't want to go through it alone. But if my fears are indeed true and if he at any point mentions about me to his parents it would definitely create a rift between their family and mine. The said kid's grandfather and my own father are blood brother, infact his other son happens to be the grandfather of my very awesome nephew Bilal.
Why does life have to be so darn freak'in difficult? Why do I have to make some complicated choices? I wish I could turn a blind eye to all this but I can't. I just can't!
FML!
My prayers go out to all my nephews and nieces. May you all be born straight and live happy lives!
Just yesterday I was blessed with a nephew. I have previously mentioned his sister and my niece in my blog during the time I was committed to Nathan. After our break-up, she was one of the few things that brought a smile to my face. While the baby was born in America, as they have immigrated - the new born's paternal grandmother is still living in Pakistan with her other son. She organized the prayer as per our tradition and I just had to take part in it.
Now I really haven't asked my cousins or my parents that exactly what do you ask in the mentioned prayers. It seems obvious what you need to ask for - the over all well being of the new born. My take on the said tradition has been slightly different since the past five years or so. Yeah, I do pray and I do wish the little one the best with all my heart. But when praying I am very specific about my prayer.
"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!", one of the many things my awesome mom keeps driving into my thick skull. So while everybody is saying their prayers I add this little part to mine.
"Please do not have this child face the same hardships and issues that I have faced through my life. I want her/him to grow in peace and never feel that he/she is an abomination that is to be ridiculed and hated by the society. Don't ever have him/her stand at the edge of the roof thinking to just end it for once and all. Don't ever do this to her/him. I can forgive You for everything that I have endured but I will not forgive You if this child has to endure what I have."
I know my prayer sounds cold. Probably alot of you will feel that my prayer is highly inappropriate, especially those who support my confidence for my sexuality. However I have to make it clear that getting to this place where I am now, was no easy task. There have been alot of hard decisions that I have made which people close to me would also have to endure eventually because of me. I may even get disowned if my dad ever comes to know about it. It's not something people would like to know about their child. It's hard enough for us to conquer the feelings of guilt, shame and anger in the first place, then to help our parents and other loved ones get over them. It takes more than just blood, sweat and tears!
Nobody really understands it. We are brought up in a society that not only accepts and promotes heterosexuality but also insists on coupling. Being homosexual is wrong. Being single is not acceptable. We are wrapped in several layers of mentality that tells us that we need to find a mate of the opposite gender and then under the blessings of our parents we are to enter the matrimonial bliss with the said person. Nothing wrong in that if you're straight. But for those who are not attracted to be opposite gender, there starts a whole new process in which we strip ourselves off these expectations and demands if we want to live in peace. It's like having a very painful tattoo removed that you didn't even want in the first place. It hurts as we strip it off ourselves piece by piece, but if we are to live in peace then we have to. We come out to a few close contacts - most probably family and have some people walk out on us. It hurts more than anything in the world from those who have been shunned by their own kin for not being normal. Many who are considering it fear of rejection from their families. Who would really want that?
Most people I know would say 'No!' in a second if it was up to them. However it's not our choice and as aptly put by Lady Gaga - Baby, I was born this way!
I have yet to see any signs of homosexuality in any of my nieces or nephews except for one, but I'm not entirely sure about him yet. I think he would be 8 years old right now and I met him two years ago on my summer trip to America. He clearly had alot of toys, however his favorite toy was his elder sister's doll pram which he was constantly pushing all around his neighborhood in the evening when we were all outside. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I had a slight inclination that he just might be gay. That night when I went to sleep, he kept flashing across my mind again and again. I felt like crying my heart out and screaming at God, however I didn't. Not only because it would have woken up everybody in the house but also I really would not be able to explain to anybody the cause of my extremely strange behavior.
The next day, his father who is my cousin wanted to take some pictures but in every picture he wanted to pose with the pram. When his father grabbed the pram to pull it away from the child, he would not let go and raised a huge tantrum. The father won in the end but from the help of his wife who placated the child by explaining to him that if he wants to hold a toy he can hold his Batman action figure and only girls look good pushing doll prams. He agreed to let go of the pram but he didn't smile in any of the pictures we took. Says alot don't you think?
He still has a long way to go before he reaches his teens and probably realizes about himself. I don't even know if at that point I should help him or not. At one side, I do want to help him so that he doesn't want to go through it alone. But if my fears are indeed true and if he at any point mentions about me to his parents it would definitely create a rift between their family and mine. The said kid's grandfather and my own father are blood brother, infact his other son happens to be the grandfather of my very awesome nephew Bilal.
Why does life have to be so darn freak'in difficult? Why do I have to make some complicated choices? I wish I could turn a blind eye to all this but I can't. I just can't!
FML!
My prayers go out to all my nephews and nieces. May you all be born straight and live happy lives!
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