A friend of mine just broke up with his 2 year long boyfriend a few days ago. They had been having a little trouble lately as his boyfriend was loosing interest in my friend. Before breaking up, he confessed to my friend about his fading attraction and promised that while he was attracted to other guys - he had not slept with any. Not wanting to cheat on my friend, he broke it off before the temptations could take their toll. My friend had also been feeling a tad bit awkward with all the make-overs he was being put through as his boyfriend tried to find something to ignite the fire inside himself once again for my friend.
Their story started sometimes towards the end of 2008 through Orkut. After a few meets, they decided to try for something more and it proved to be a great decision. It was a first for both of them. They are the only gay couple I've been out with in my life. My friend's boyfriend never took liking to me but that's okay. As long as he liked my friend, I really didn't care!
When I got my friend's call, I immediately guessed what had happened. To be completely honest, their love story was like my ideal story. Who has ever heard of a two year long relation? And that too in such a conservative society like Pakistan!
At that point I really didn't know what to do or say. My mind was completely muzzled but my heart had alot of things to say about his ex and none were too pleasant. I told him point blank that his ex is an idiot for leaving him but a nice idiot for not cheating on him. My friend is quite definitely not the best looking guy in town but he is not something you would slam the door on. Plus after being with someone for two years, it seems stupid to walk away on the account of fading attraction.
"You'll find someone suitable in due time!", I told him.
"Perhaps! But I will not love him the same way I loved D! I can never love the same way!"
"You will! Stop being so stupid! Why do you feel that way?", I asked.
"Because I'm damaged now!", he tells me. "If I ever love again, the part of me that loves D will still exist. It may have become lesser, but it will always be there. The new person will never really have the 'whole' of me. That's the problem with love!"
I didn't quite understand his point, so I asked for an explanation. "You never really stop loving them - you may hate them at some point. But in both cases, you care. You will never be completely oblivious of them. Next time round, you are more cautious! More careful! More mechanical! You don't let yourself love easily - and if by chance you see any signs of things going how they went the last time you run for the hills. It just doesn't happen like it happened the first time round!" And that part of the conversation has been stuck in my head ever since!
There is a little piece inside of me that tells me that I will be the biggest fool on Earth if I fall for someone as hard as I did for Nathan. No need to make him feel special! No need to make him realize that I'll be here always. No need to do any of those things I love doing for that other person. There is no point of being in love when it all can go up in flames any second now!
But then another part of me says that I'm stronger now. If I am more cautious or even mechanical - it's because I want to get it right. I know better now of what I want and I'm not afraid to go after it. If I want to love someone, I would have to listen to the latter. But I don't know! I would definitely not like to be in a relationship where I would have to restrict my feelings in fear of being hurt.
I feel sad for my friend. He is a great guy - and if it's indeed true that he will never be able to love someone the same way again then somebody out there may just have lost the most compliant boyfriend ever!
Their story started sometimes towards the end of 2008 through Orkut. After a few meets, they decided to try for something more and it proved to be a great decision. It was a first for both of them. They are the only gay couple I've been out with in my life. My friend's boyfriend never took liking to me but that's okay. As long as he liked my friend, I really didn't care!
When I got my friend's call, I immediately guessed what had happened. To be completely honest, their love story was like my ideal story. Who has ever heard of a two year long relation? And that too in such a conservative society like Pakistan!
At that point I really didn't know what to do or say. My mind was completely muzzled but my heart had alot of things to say about his ex and none were too pleasant. I told him point blank that his ex is an idiot for leaving him but a nice idiot for not cheating on him. My friend is quite definitely not the best looking guy in town but he is not something you would slam the door on. Plus after being with someone for two years, it seems stupid to walk away on the account of fading attraction.
"You'll find someone suitable in due time!", I told him.
"Perhaps! But I will not love him the same way I loved D! I can never love the same way!"
"You will! Stop being so stupid! Why do you feel that way?", I asked.
"Because I'm damaged now!", he tells me. "If I ever love again, the part of me that loves D will still exist. It may have become lesser, but it will always be there. The new person will never really have the 'whole' of me. That's the problem with love!"
I didn't quite understand his point, so I asked for an explanation. "You never really stop loving them - you may hate them at some point. But in both cases, you care. You will never be completely oblivious of them. Next time round, you are more cautious! More careful! More mechanical! You don't let yourself love easily - and if by chance you see any signs of things going how they went the last time you run for the hills. It just doesn't happen like it happened the first time round!" And that part of the conversation has been stuck in my head ever since!
There is a little piece inside of me that tells me that I will be the biggest fool on Earth if I fall for someone as hard as I did for Nathan. No need to make him feel special! No need to make him realize that I'll be here always. No need to do any of those things I love doing for that other person. There is no point of being in love when it all can go up in flames any second now!
But then another part of me says that I'm stronger now. If I am more cautious or even mechanical - it's because I want to get it right. I know better now of what I want and I'm not afraid to go after it. If I want to love someone, I would have to listen to the latter. But I don't know! I would definitely not like to be in a relationship where I would have to restrict my feelings in fear of being hurt.
I feel sad for my friend. He is a great guy - and if it's indeed true that he will never be able to love someone the same way again then somebody out there may just have lost the most compliant boyfriend ever!
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