I didn't expect it to happen to soon from the way I was sulking the past few months. But slowly and gradually it did get better. And then one morning, I suddenly stopped missing his 'Good Morning' text messages. After that the itch to talk to him and listen to his voice disappeared. The terrible terrible feeling of being hollow on the inside filled itself up. No more Alicia Keys! Bring on Lady GaGa!
We had a great time together. Quite possibly I can say that it was truly the time of my life. But like they say, all good things must come to an end.
Am I mad that our relationship ended?
I was, but not anymore. I can see the flaws in the set up now. Flaws that could not by any means be fixed easily. Holes that required extreme sacrifices that we both were not ready to make. It's not that we didn't want to. It's that we couldn't. We both are the eldest sons of our respective families. Being the eldest son means we have a great responsibility that we have to take on our shoulders in a few years. To be together, our responsibilities may have taken the back seat of our lives. We both were not ready for that ultimate sacrifice. We simply can not let our families down. Also romance in the shadows gets tiring after a while.
Nathan's a great guy. I know I have said it like a gazillion times before but he truly is. Smart, hard working, caring, God-fearing, decent, sharp dresser, fantastic kisser and a brilliant boyfriend. I lucked out big time with him. I won't be changing be my views on him anytime soon. Last night I was talking to this guy who had just gone through a break up. He needed someone to vent out to about his ex. He reads my blog and is aware of Nathan. "Don't you have any complaints about Nathan?", he asked.
"I don't!", I told him.
With Nathan I feel it's impossible. Nathan had expressed very clearly whatever short comings (He calls them 'Short Comings', I don't! ), he felt he had and how they may possibly effect the relationship. In turn, I didn't expect any from him. We rocked our Love Boat!
Yeah, I know he's my Ex for a reason. But that doesn't mean I should have an unhealthy attitude towards him. Plus he taught me alot of things that have helped me grow. Most important of which is to be careful of people who jump to 'I Love You' on the first go.
The growing that I have gone through in the past few months, has evolved my perception on Love. It's not that I'm cynical or deceptive about it. It's that I'm more sure of what to expect from myself and what I can handle. Yeah, I'm still the hot mess I was before. But the mess is now somewhat more refined. If I had to describe my present state in a single word, I'd say 'Stronger'.
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