Ryan never struck to me as gay before he came out to me. Frankly speaking, I never expected running into a gay person in my college. I just didn't. I knew there were more like me but I doubted that fate would cross my paths with another one of us. Boy!, How much fate loves to play with me!
But on a side note, I'm glad that fate is such a playful puppy. I can't begin to count how many moments would have gone devoid of laughter or contemplating in confusion had Ryan not existed into my life like he does. The worst part of all this is probably that I'm not grateful about it, and perhaps even slightly negligent and careless about it. It's not that I haven't pushed him away but I can't really remember a moment when I told him how thankful I am of him. Perhaps that's because I know he would bounce of my genuine compliment with some sexual innuendo. But hey, that's Ryan!
We've got that stereotypical friendship where one of the two is insanely good-looking, popular and extremely likable while the other one is shy, average looking, brainy and somewhat of a social miscast that's trying to fit in and just be one of the crowd. No need telling who's who! When we were in our second year of college and we had to make our clinical groups. Ryan had multiple offers but he choose to stick around with me and the group of friends I had made during my first two years. I got to know through another friend how some of the girls bashed about me to Ryan but he didn't give two hoots to them. As expected, I haven't thanked him for that. I have so much to thank him for, it's unbelievable. Where should I start from?
Even though we both drive on the same road, Ryan and I have completely different ideologies when it comes to being with men. Ryan is very composed and definite about what he wants, he has been in just one relation so far and that was before we got close. Around the time he came out to me, he was fresh off the love boat. Ryan cares alot about how I handle my gay social life. He doesn't believe in making friends Online because he thinks that's for people who are not confident about themselves. He thinks it's easy sitting behind a computer screen and being whatever you wants. If you are good in language skills, you can make others believe just about anything. How does he know this? He's paraded around as a damsel in his early teens preying on horny unsuspecting boys and men to show him their parts. Although I must also commend that he eventually sent an email to all of them explaining how he was really a boy and they all got punk'd. Roflmao!
It's not just the laughter he provides, but the numerous moments he has been the shoulder to cry on. Many of my gay friends ask me about why I haven't ever considered taking it to the next level with Ryan. To be honest, I just can't. We're the best of friends and we are in a great place. Given how my romantic history is, I'm also slightly afraid of taking our bond into a different direction. After breaking up with Nathan, I am even more scared to loose Ryan. I can't risk it!
I'll admit that I don't know where Ryan stands on this issue and as selfish this sounds, I do not want to know his view on it. But I'm not entirely cruel and heartless, I have never really gotten any signals from Ryan. Yes, we flirt. We flirt alot! We have even kissed once. Infact Ryan was the first person who has graced my lips, but even then it was a sudden moment. He had dared me that I'm scared to get intimate because I consider myself unattractive and fear rejection even if it's just for a one night stand. I argued firmly that I don't do one night stands so the prospect of rejection from one has never really haunted me. And in that moment, he leaned in and planted himself. My reaction to it was exactly like how the guy in the pink shirt reacted in this scene from the movie Dostana.
I'll definitely never ever forget this moment. Not in the sense that it was incredibly romantic, but because it was incredibly funny. Sometimes when Ryan would wink at me in a completely innocent or entirely playful manner and that whole scene would flash in my mind. But it's a moment and it'll always be a moment in my life!
The scene just mentioned and then some more have earned Ryan a permanent spot on my roster of "Essential People" of my life. I can bet that there will be more because with Ryan around you can definitely expect something to happen. And for all that, I gotta have Ryan in my life!
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